Sometimes I just want to cry

[butterflyeffect]

Sometimes I just want to cry. I will look around at my life and think this isn't what its supposed to be like. Then I just cry. If I accept things for what they are I find its often painful and I cry but then afterwards things become ok. I then have the power of choice.

I have stopped telling myself stories about how everything has to be a certain perfect way. I have started to accept myself instead and now im a bit all over the place. I'm trying really hard to reach my goals and im just not there yet. i know what I want, I just worry I can't get it and then I cry.

Overall, I think crying is helpful. Lately I haven't been doing enough crying.. I find when I cry and let everything thats upsetting me out I feel so much better. I don't need someone to hold my hand and make it stop hurting, I don't need anyone. I just need to let it out and then I feel okay again. I have got to the point where if Im sad, I can voice what I want, ie. space, a hug or a punching bag.

Im not looking for advice here. I just like to let my feelings out. haha feel normal.

[James81]

If you accept things for what they are and cry about it, you've found that that gives you the power of choice. You've started to accept yourself, but you're still struggling to reach your goals. But crying is triggered by not getting the things you think you want. But you don't want anyone to feel sorry for you when you cry. You just wanna let your feelings out and sort of be done with it.

It's funny, though, cause just last night I was watching Everybody Loves Raymond (not something I typically watch, but eh) and the subject was that Ray's wife wanted some alone time in the house to do "girl things." While Ray is over at his parents, they start making him doubt why she wanted that time alone so he spied on her and found that she was crying. Long story short, at the end of the episode it finally came out that he was spying and she said that she likes to make herself cry because it makes her feel better. Ray couldn't wrap his mind around that concept, though, and he laughed at her. It was kind of a funny episode, and I thought it was interesting that that was sort of what this thread is about. Kind of an intersting synchronicity there.

[ssandra]

I do that as well sometimes, although I've noticed that I want to cry a lot less lately, now that I am truly happy

But sometimes it is just a matter of emotions overwhelm and crying brings a release from those

Crying is good


Oh and "everybody loves Raymond" for me is the perfect show on how a marriage/relationship should NOT be... I hate that show... she is hateful and spiteful to him and he is condescending and rude to her, and the entire theme of the show is how to play games so you'll have the upper hand in the relationship... brrrrrr. Horrible show!

[James81]

Originally Posted by ssandra

Oh and "everybody loves Raymond" for me is the perfect show on how a marriage/relationship should NOT be... I hate that show... she is hateful and spiteful to him and he is condescending and rude to her, and the entire theme of the show is how to play games so you'll have the upper hand in the relationship... brrrrrr. Horrible show!

Oh, yeah, I definately agree with this. Actually, MOST sitcoms have a very distorted and skewed idea of relationships.

[ssandra]

Originally Posted by James81

Oh, yeah, I definately agree with this. Actually, MOST sitcoms have a very distorted and skewed idea of relationships.

Absolutely!

But I like "According to Jim" because it is really a lot more realistic and more about accepting each other as you are, instead of trying to change each other. Although they still try (especially her), but it always ends wrong. So that is a good / better role model.

Edit: some of the newer sitcoms are a bit better at it as well. Comes to mind "Accidentally on purpose" and "Cougar town".

[Happiness]

well...I am having a horrible week and I feel like screaming and crying....but I cannot! I try and it makes me feel "powerless" and my brain is telling me that I "should know better" than crying and that crying won't "fix" anything..., I cannot talk to anyone because most of my friends/family rely on my "positive attitude" and "logical ways" to fix things so when I am feeling down and talk to them about it, they go into panic mode because they look up to me....so, I quickly say that I am fine...and switch the conversation to them...and because I don't cry and hold it all in....I tend to do all of the "screaming" in my head...then I shake it off and move forward....until I find balance again.

[James81]

Originally Posted by Happiness

well...I am having a horrible week and I feel like screaming and crying....but I cannot! I try and it makes me feel "powerless" and my brain is telling me that I "should know better" than crying and that crying won't "fix" anything...,

Those are interesting responses to feeling like you want to cry. You know what they sound like? It sounds kind of like what a parent might say to a child when that child does something and cries. Especially if the parent is overly critical or afraid of crying themselves.

Originally Posted by Happiness

I cannot talk to anyone because most of my friends/family rely on my "positive attitude" and "logical ways" to fix things so when I am feeling down and talk to them about it, they go into panic mode because they look up to me....so, I quickly say that I am fine...and switch the conversation to them...and because I don't cry and hold it all in....I tend to do all of the "screaming" in my head...then I shake it off and move forward....until I find balance again.

You feel like you have to "be there" for your friends, but when it's your turn to need them...to lean on them for some emotional support...you feel like you can't because you might let them down?

[Happiness]

Originally Posted by James81

Those are interesting responses to feeling like you want to cry. You know what they sound like? It sounds kind of like what a parent might say to a child when that child does something and cries. Especially if the parent is overly critical or afraid of crying themselves.



You feel like you have to "be there" for your friends, but when it's your turn to need them...to lean on them for some emotional support...you feel like you can't because you might let them down?

I know that I am "very strict" with myself maybe because my mom was strict with me when growing up...but I like it this way because I feel like it makes me strong enough to face any challenges...therefore, crying automatically makes me feel weak...I have a strong personality and I believe that does not help as well...but deep down I do know that "crying" sometimes help....and u know what? I do tell my daughter (4years-old) not to "cry" and that she should look for a "logical way" out of a bad situation (and I show her how to by showing her a logical way out of it)...am I wrong?? Wow…James, I think u just made me realize that now....hmmm! back to "drawing board" maybe...
Yes to your second question....and that scares me when I analyze it because I feel like I am alone...and when I feel this way, I quickly change my thoughts and focus on something else....

[James81]

Originally Posted by Happiness

I know that I am "very strict" with myself maybe because my mom was strict with me when growing up...but I like it this way because I feel like it makes me strong enough to face any challenges...therefore, crying automatically makes me feel weak...I have a strong personality and I believe that does not help as well...but deep down I do know that "crying" sometimes help....and u know what? I do tell my daughter (4years-old) not to "cry" and that she should look for a "logical way" out of a bad situation (and I show her how to by showing her a logical way out of it)...am I wrong?? Wow…James, I think u just made me realize that now....hmmm! back to "drawing board" maybe...
Yes to your second question....and that scares me when I analyze it because I feel like I am alone...and when I feel this way, I quickly change my thoughts and focus on something else....

You feel you have to be strict with your self because your mom was strict with you growing up. And in that strictness, it seems to me like you've made decisions about what crying means to you...that it's a sign of weakness. Allowing yourself to cry, then, sort of negates your belief that you are a strong person. So, to deal with things it seems you want to use logic because logic is "strong" and emotion is "weak."

I noticed a couple of things leap out of your post though. First one was the part about feeling "weak" (do you think you might believe you are weak underneath and that you are trying to prove to yourself that you aren't weak by being strong, strict, and logical?).

The other part that leapt out was "I am alone." Why do you feel like you are alone when you start analyzing it?

[mindset]

I do cry too, most of the time when I get frustrated and angry at things, someone or myself...I guess this started when I when I got pregnant, that was two years ago, and yet I find myself get teary-eyed so easily...even for watching a heartwarming movie! But surprisingly, I find it real therapeutic when I cry after being mad or deeply disappointed. I believe that's how, we, woman are gifted of.

[Happiness]

Originally Posted by James81

So, to deal with things it seems you want to use logic because logic is "strong" and emotion is "weak."

I noticed a couple of things leap out of your post though. First one was the part about feeling "weak" (do you think you might believe you are weak underneath and that you are trying to prove to yourself that you aren't weak by being strong, strict, and logical?).

The other part that leapt out was "I am alone." Why do you feel like you are alone when you start analyzing it?

Am I not right to believe that "emotion" is in fact "weak"? I see a lot of my friends/people who got into some bad relationships because they were "in love" or make wrong decisions because of "emotions". Whereas being "logical has proven to me lots of times to be "more efficient”....but I want to point out that it is good to have a good balance of both (logic & emotions).
Again, perhaps you might be right about me feeling "weak" underneath...but I feel like it is ok if I want to prove to myself that I am indeed a strong person. Doesn’t it make me become a strong person at the end of the day??? Crying in the past have not helped me solve any issues...seriously...then I discovered "logical reasoning" and since then, I became addicted to "it"
I feel like I am alone because I do not have anyone to "run to" when I am feeling down...so I can only count on myself...and sometimes, it does not really help...because I am "screaming help" in my head...and I end up "fixing" everything myself...
BTW: thanks for responding...it's good to have someone else than myself pointing out some stuff to me...

[James81]

Originally Posted by Happiness

Am I not right to believe that "emotion" is in fact "weak"? I see a lot of my friends/people who got into some bad relationships because they were "in love" or make wrong decisions because of "emotions". Whereas being "logical has proven to me lots of times to be "more efficient”....but I want to point out that it is good to have a good balance of both (logic & emotions).
Again, perhaps you might be right about me feeling "weak" underneath...but I feel like it is ok if I want to prove to myself that I am indeed a strong person. Doesn’t it make me become a strong person at the end of the day??? Crying in the past have not helped me solve any issues...seriously...then I discovered "logical reasoning" and since then, I became addicted to "it"
I feel like I am alone because I do not have anyone to "run to" when I am feeling down...so I can only count on myself...and sometimes, it does not really help...because I am "screaming help" in my head...and I end up "fixing" everything myself...
BTW: thanks for responding...it's good to have someone else than myself pointing out some stuff to me...

Being logical is more efficient for what?

Also, you asked if what you were feeling was right or not...do you feel wrong for believing emotion is weak? (Note, i'm not asking if you logically think it's wrong for believing emotion is weak....I'm asking if you FEEL wrong for believing that?)

The tone of your post changed with this reply a bit. Seems like there's a bit of turmoil surrounding the "rightness" or "wrongness" of whether it's ok to prove yourself to be a strong person.

You're screaming "help" in your head...you want someone to help you or to listen to you, but you also believe that you can only count on yourself. Is it possible that you can only count on yourself because you might be afraid to count on someone else?

[Happiness]

Originally Posted by James81

Being logical is more efficient for what?

Also, you asked if what you were feeling was right or not...do you feel wrong for believing emotion is weak? (Note, i'm not asking if you logically think it's wrong for believing emotion is weak....I'm asking if you FEEL wrong for believing that?)

The tone of your post changed with this reply a bit. Seems like there's a bit of turmoil surrounding the "rightness" or "wrongness" of whether it's ok to prove yourself to be a strong person.

You're screaming "help" in your head...you want someone to help you or to listen to you, but you also believe that you can only count on yourself. Is it possible that you can only count on yourself because you might be afraid to count on someone else?

It is efficient when making a decision or resolving challenges and moving forward etc. Being "emotional" has not proven to be able to work for me that way.
I don't feel "wrong" per say...but perhaps it is not the "conventional" way to go about it...and I do feel "safe" feeling that way. And reason why I was asking is to know where YOU stand?? I was wondering about your "thoughts" on that matter.
well, not really "turmoil"...just wanting to know (again) your take on it. And see if it made sense to me.
yes to your last question....and because I do not want to open up to someone who might end up disappointing me in the future...

[butterflyeffect]

Hey Happiness,

Biologically we have seven basic emotions and sadness is one of them. In my experience, trying to avoid uncomfortable emotions like sadness causes more problems than it solves. The common theme amongs all addicts is they use crutches to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings.

I have learnt to sit with feelings as they come. If im sad, I let myself be sad, I don't dramatise it or try to solve it. I just go, "Okay, Im sad, I want to cry or scream" and proceed to do so. I don't explain to myself why I want to or shouldn't, i just do and then let it go and solve the issue at hand.

I developed an eating disorder avoiding my emotions and have rebuilt my life feeling them. I would advocate teaching your 4 year old how to get upset, let the emotions out and then calm down and move forward. Its a skill, being able to feel the emotion and not play into it and make it "poor me, everythings terrible" or "this isn't happening. Lalala Logical reasons. I refuse to be sad." It is exhausting, it is alot easier to just feel the temporary sadness and then move on than spend a week being angry and frustrated and trying to avoid it and can't. It goes in circles... in my expeince anyway.

[ascetic]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

Sometimes I just want to cry. I will look around at my life and think this isn't what its supposed to be like. Then I just cry. If I accept things for what they are I find its often painful and I cry but then afterwards things become ok. I then have the power of choice.

I have stopped telling myself stories about how everything has to be a certain perfect way. I have started to accept myself instead and now im a bit all over the place. I'm trying really hard to reach my goals and im just not there yet. i know what I want, I just worry I can't get it and then I cry.

What do you want your life to be? If you don't mind sharing, I was just curious.

[linviolin]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

Hey Happiness,

Biologically we have seven basic emotions and sadness is one of them. In my experience, trying to avoid uncomfortable emotions like sadness causes more problems than it solves. The common theme amongs all addicts is they use crutches to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings.

I have learnt to sit with feelings as they come. If im sad, I let myself be sad, I don't dramatise it or try to solve it. I just go, "Okay, Im sad, I want to cry or scream" and proceed to do so. I don't explain to myself why I want to or shouldn't, i just do and then let it go and solve the issue at hand.

I developed an eating disorder avoiding my emotions and have rebuilt my life feeling them. I would advocate teaching your 4 year old how to get upset, let the emotions out and then calm down and move forward. Its a skill, being able to feel the emotion and not play into it and make it "poor me, everythings terrible" or "this isn't happening. Lalala Logical reasons. I refuse to be sad." It is exhausting, it is alot easier to just feel the temporary sadness and then move on than spend a week being angry and frustrated and trying to avoid it and can't. It goes in circles... in my expeince anyway.

Hi,
Read this thread--what a coincidence, it discusses everything that I've always wanted to resolve with my 'crying issues'.

I quite understand Happiness' dilemma, I do feel a need to be 'logical' and 'emotionally strong' when it comes to problems, be it mine or other people's. I usually spurn negative emotions as unnecessary and I try to kill them when they pop up.

But I think my tear ducts took control and nowadays I usually cry any frustrations out. At first I thought that I was being ridiculous but now, it seems very therapeutic to me. I find that after a good cry, the worry disappears and it doesn't come back even though I keep wanting to think about it.

It's certainly a very odd way of making me realise it, but I do feel differently nowadays--more calm than ever. It's a little unsettling, a little surprising, but it's good.

[butterflyeffect]

@ Linviolin: I feel alot better when I feel my emotions and just cry. Things that were upsetting me will pass, I can deal with things, Im calm again and rational and everything becomes clear. The problems for me arise when i pretend everythings okay when its not.

@ascetic: Lol thats a loaded question.
- What I want most is to be healthy, to look and feel healthy.
No advice tho, plz... I have heard it all and now im doing it.
I talk about what I want in my thread intention manifestation, beating bulimia in detail.

[ascetic]

Hahaha, not loaded, I promise. I just wanted to know your goals to understand what you meant by worrying that you'd never reach them.

[Happiness]

Originally Posted by butterflyeffect

Hey Happiness,

Biologically we have seven basic emotions and sadness is one of them. In my experience, trying to avoid uncomfortable emotions like sadness causes more problems than it solves. The common theme amongs all addicts is they use crutches to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings.

I have learnt to sit with feelings as they come. If im sad, I let myself be sad, I don't dramatise it or try to solve it. I just go, "Okay, Im sad, I want to cry or scream" and proceed to do so. I don't explain to myself why I want to or shouldn't, i just do and then let it go and solve the issue at hand.

I developed an eating disorder avoiding my emotions and have rebuilt my life feeling them. I would advocate teaching your 4 year old how to get upset, let the emotions out and then calm down and move forward. Its a skill, being able to feel the emotion and not play into it and make it "poor me, everythings terrible" or "this isn't happening. Lalala Logical reasons. I refuse to be sad." It is exhausting, it is alot easier to just feel the temporary sadness and then move on than spend a week being angry and frustrated and trying to avoid it and can't. It goes in circles... in my expeince anyway.

Ah! I must admit that I do have a disorder and it is OCD and I had it for years now. My friends/family know about it and they deal pretty well with it. And you are right, it came up from suppressing certain emotions. However, I would like to point out that I do "let myself feel sad/happy/love" when it's time to feel so but crying (in the past) has never "solve" anything for me...actually, I panic more when I am faced with challenges if I cry! I will however, think about what you said and see if I need to "fix" anything.
I would like to point out that I actually "feel" better talking about it to you guys! Thanks for listening!