Processing negative emotions

[zackster]

Any tips for processing negative emotions? I'm working with a therapist now to help me overcome a lot of pent-up anguish->anger/sadness/pain.

One thing I'm doing is writing angry letters to a bunch of people who have wronged me, and then not sending them. First step on the road to forgiveness.

Any other suggestions?
I feel like going more "raw" may help some.

[Cochonette]

Have you tried daily meditation? Helped me let go of a lot of anger.

[zackster]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

Have you tried daily meditation? Helped me let go of a lot of anger.

I was doing 20 minutes a day and posting a journal on this forum, but then someone told me to stop posting in public and I stopped meditating entirely. Blah.

[Cochonette]

What the heck? Who told you to stop?

[themaster]

Originally Posted by zackster

Any other suggestions?
I feel like going more "raw" may help some.

If you want to skip to the head of the class.. try these methods.. and see if they help

Essential Energy Tools

[zackster]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

What the heck? Who told you to stop?

It wasn't this forum, it was another forum, and it was in a public thread on meditation so I guess he had a point. I wasn't trying to make him sound like a bad guy... I just... stopped, after losing the momentum of daily posting.

[Cochonette]

Well, start posting again here. Or try to do it without posting. Did it help you dealing with negative emotions before?

[zackster]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

Well, start posting again here. Or try to do it without posting. Did it help you dealing with negative emotions before?

Not really, but I've never given it a 30-day challenge..

[Cochonette]

What kind of meditation did you do? In my experience, it only takes one or two days to show a difference and 3-4 days to really calm down.

[zackster]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

What kind of meditation did you do? In my experience, it only takes one or two days to show a difference and 3-4 days to really calm down.

Breathing meditation. Calming down is not my issue. I'm lugging around a ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ of sadness that's hovering in the background all-the-time. I think Eckhart Tolle calls it the pain-body.

[Cochonette]

That's what I meant by calming down - letting go of those emotions. Sadness is a kind of tension so you need to relax.

There are many kinds of breathing meditation. Counting breaths is one of them. I don't find that very helpful. I do freestyle!

[munluv8]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

What kind of meditation did you do? In my experience, it only takes one or two days to show a difference and 3-4 days to really calm down.

what kind of meditation do you do? Ive been trying to keep a healthy partnership with meditating, but i had to stop due to my angry thoughts taking over. Just like zackster- i too suffer from deep rooted anger, sadness, unworthiness issues.
Ive been going to therapy, Ive had numerous healings, hypnosis, have done so many holistic natural supplements- still do, i walk, i exercise and the list goes on...
I was even chanting nam myoho renge kyo for months and months and months, going to a church and praying weekly to the saints, and trying to use affirmations and positive thoughts every day, BUT the black cloud just wouldnt lift.

the black cloud has hovered me for years now and ive been in a distraught frame of mind. I lost many important people out of my life and have jeopardized too many relationships. I sit home alone most nights and have no passion for life. I have tried to take classes, go on hikes, take up a new hobby, but my lack of motivation prevents me to continue.
I have so many modalities ive used to try and help me, but it just doesnt seem to help.

im in my late 30's now, and mothers day is creeping up, my son who is 17 hasnt talked to me in a year. He hates me because i was so miserable and depressed that he wanted nothing to do with me. It doesnt help that his father is a bad influence on his thoughts.
regardless, I NEED A SHIFT- i NEED good news, i need positive things to happen for me, and if its a new meditation that will help make a shift, im willing to try it.
im at the end of the rope here and sometimes life just doesnt have enough meaning to continue.

[zackster]

Originally Posted by munluv8

what kind of meditation do you do? Ive been trying to keep a healthy partnership with meditating, but i had to stop due to my angry thoughts taking over. Just like zackster- i too suffer from deep rooted anger, sadness, unworthiness issues.
Ive been going to therapy, Ive had numerous healings, hypnosis, have done so many holistic natural supplements- still do, i walk, i exercise and the list goes on...
I was even chanting nam myoho renge kyo for months and months and months, going to a church and praying weekly to the saints, and trying to use affirmations and positive thoughts every day, BUT the black cloud just wouldnt lift.

the black cloud has hovered me for years now and ive been in a distraught frame of mind. I lost many important people out of my life and have jeopardized too many relationships. I sit home alone most nights and have no passion for life. I have tried to take classes, go on hikes, take up a new hobby, but my lack of motivation prevents me to continue.
I have so many modalities ive used to try and help me, but it just doesnt seem to help.

im in my late 30's now, and mothers day is creeping up, my son who is 17 hasnt talked to me in a year. He hates me because i was so miserable and depressed that he wanted nothing to do with me. It doesnt help that his father is a bad influence on his thoughts.
regardless, I NEED A SHIFT- i NEED good news, i need positive things to happen for me, and if its a new meditation that will help make a shift, im willing to try it.
im at the end of the rope here and sometimes life just doesnt have enough meaning to continue.

speaking as a son, you should write him honest apologies as much as you can, blame only yourself and never HINT at blaming anyone else.

btw, it sounds like your depression is more serious than mine, though mine is bad, real bad, yours sounds disabling.. i would see a PSYCHIATRIST and try to get on drugs.

[zackster]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

That's what I meant by calming down - letting go of those emotions. Sadness is a kind of tension so you need to relax.

do you have personal experience having healed chronic depression with meditation?

[Cochonette]

Originally Posted by zackster

do you have personal experience having healed chronic depression with meditation?

Hmm... not sure I could say that. Well, I was depressed for three years, and then I found Zen. I meditated a little, but didn't have much discipline in it. For the first year, Zen for me was mostly just making certain ideas a part of my thinking. Then I gained more experience meditating by staying at a Zen monastery for six days and going a couple of times a week to my university's interfaith meditation center.

Then I started meditating 20+ minutes per day, and it helped me with anger and existential fear. Being able to control my emotions was a huge relief. Fear I still deal with, but it really helps that I have anger in check because anger is just one form of fear. Fear -> anger -> hatred. Now I can focus on dealing with the more basic form of fear.

[Cochonette]

munluv:

anger, sadness, unworthiness issues.

Yeah... the only one of those I am dealing with much of right now is the last.

I recommend experimenting with meditation and try to find the style that suits you best. I found my own style naturally because I've never been one to follow the structure... I do freestyle with meditation the same way I do with poetry. But for me it basically consists of relaxing my mind (imagine it is a muscle I am relaxing), letting thoughts and emotions pass through me, aiming for the emptiest space I can reach... then thoughts will inevitably continue to arise, and if there is anger, I just notice that it is anger and let it pass... if there is tension, I let it go. It takes a little time, but it always works for me... if I start getting tense, a few days of daily meditation will chill me out.

Also, it sometimes helps to read something inspiring before doing freestyle meditation to give the mind something positive to focus on, like an excerpt from a book. The books I found most helpful for meditation were:

The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh
no death, no fear by Thich Nhat Hanh
Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki

After a few days of daily meditation, my mind becomes more meditative when I am not sitting still and I will become more aware of my emotions... I may get angry at something I read online, but the heightened awareness allows me to let it go within a few seconds or minutes at most.

[luckyJTF7s]

zackster,

I did read a book some years ago - 2006 maybe - it was aimed at scientists and was a transcript of a symposium between the Dalai Lama and a bunch of neuro scientists - depression dudes. It also covered the followup studies that came out of that symposium. The brain scans of all the 40-year meditator llamas were striking. They were very happy dudes, according to their brains' signatures... way-off outliers, like top 1% of the general population (just llamas hooked up to gizmos, cracking jokes with the scientists... not during their meditation, but just their normal everyday brain "photo", their happiness setpoint, if you will...).

THAT got a ton of studies going, because the results were SO nuts on seasoned meditators... it got studies done ON depressives (normal schmoes) that were taught meditation. There was quite convincing proof from those, that meditation helped alleviate depression. Also, that it was one of the best prophylactics around to prevent recurrances. Meditation shapes new neural pathways that help, somehow. Sort of like overwriting a hard drive, I believe...

I was part of a Mt. Sinai study H2/07 that is the first large-scale study (over 2000 people) of meditation's neural effects on neophytes. They gave us an fMRI b4, then we began the zen thing... daily 1/2 hr. meditation and weekly classes on meditating and discussing our progress and taking in our timesheets, then 8 weeks later they gave us a followup fMRI. The study's architects were quite sure it would validate the above. I have asked for a copy when it is completed... (it will take awhile as they are doing it 3X12 classes at a time (2000 div by 36 x 8 weeks...))

For chronic or deep depression, the big guns are essential, and the big guns are drugs. Meditation, exercise, cognitive behavioural therapy and so forth are very helpful, but 2nd line, post-drugs, except for mild or situational depression, where they will work fine. They (M,E,CBT) are EXCELLENT at preventing relapses/recurrances tho.

It is one of the most promising lines of inquiry out there these days, for depression. There is one study that shows very positive results for people, who meditated *only a 1/2 hour a week*!!! post-depression onset.

------- NB. the reason all this is new is, they didn't used to have the ability to really "see" or "measure" the brain the way they do now. In only the past ten years, the technology leaps have been amazing. Before the millenium, there was no way to do a brain scan that was at all indicative. Blurry telephoto snapshot then, vs. microscope-level video footage now, kind of thing. Neuroscience is in its very infancy. Lots of cool stuff to come there...

[elucidate]

Andrew Gubb started a 'release your emotions in a healthy way' thread a while back on this category. I go there sometimes and that helps. Also there is the Venting thread in the IM section...that's pretty good for releasing anger, I have to say. I also like to use a bat to hit my bed when I'm angry, which helps, as does screaming into a pillow.

You could get creative with it and stage a mock greek wedding with old plates that you smash...maybe writing on them in felt pen whatever you are angry about. Have fun with it.

Riding a bike is good, as is studying a martial art.

[munluv8]

Originally Posted by zackster

speaking as a son, you should write him honest apologies as much as you can, blame only yourself and never HINT at blaming anyone else.

btw, it sounds like your depression is more serious than mine, though mine is bad, real bad, yours sounds disabling.. i would see a PSYCHIATRIST and try to get on drugs.

i have written him and called him, he refuses to speak to you.

i do see a therapist. Drugs is something i wont do.