Rage when strangers rub me the wrong way!

[ellie]

Aggh I've got a bit of a problem, usually I don't get angry, but lately when people rub me the wrong way I really get aggressive and just get nasty.

Today I bumped into a women in the supermarket, and before I had a chance to say "sorry" the lady gave me this dirty look. So I retaliated, with "excuse me don't you dare give me a dirty look", she ignored me and did not look up. So then I walked past her and gave her the dirty stare, and then when I found her in another isle, just blocking the isle, I again raised my voice, and said in an annoyed raised tone "excuse me please move out of the way so I can get through". Seriously even after that I wanted to ram, her trolley.

In the following isle and sat back and tried to understand why my overreaction and my livid nature. I took a deep breath and said "stop this nonsense let it go".

I also did this the otherday when an old lady accused me of not picking up my dogs doo, which was not the case, it was already there, and I moved over the road because her little yappy dog had no lead on, which had annoyed me to know end, before she opened her big mouth. So I let it rip and told her "to get her dog on a lead, as it is illegal and she can get a fine". She carried on with some excuse to why her dog didn't need a leash. I just kept on yelling, "put your dog on a lead, and stop being so selfish".

When these incidents happen I really get worked up, and really stew on it and I really don't understand why I do this. Maybe because I don't stand-up for myself in everyday life?

Any suggestions to why I am doing this and how to act more calm and rational?

[elucidate]

How does it feel when you lash out like this?

Btw, I've done this myself a few times in the past, and it kinda felt natural at the time...though it went against how I would ideally like to behave. Usually I am calm as well.

I think the world is just kinda crazy mad at the moment, and lots of people are losing it, for no particular reason, other than perhaps it is stuff that has been supressed surfacing...like the volcano eruption in Iceland

[ellie]

It feels uncontrollable, like something overtakes me. But I don't enjoy the way I handle it, i think there would be a more effective way to deal with it, but I don't know what or how could deal with it differently the next time. It's like I get all this nervous energy that just spills out.

Yep I am like a volcano erupting.

[elucidate]

Maybe try counting to ten the next time you are tempted to spill it on a stranger...no matter how much they may deserve it
If you can be mindful enough to take deep breaths and count in your mind to ten, or even more if you need to...how does this sound?

Originally Posted by ellie

It feels uncontrollable, like something overtakes me. But I don't enjoy the way I handle it, i think there would be a more effective way to deal with it, but I don't know what or how could deal with it differently the next time. It's like I get all this nervous energy that just spills out.

Yep I am like a volcano erupting.

[NeedMyCoffee]

Try thinking about it from the other person's perspective before erupting (if you can, emotions can spill quickly). Maybe the lady in the supermarket had an awful day and you bumping her just added to her frustration. A quick "I'm so sorry ma'am" would have made you feel better and could have possibly made her feel better. If she snapped at you, well that's her anger that she has to deal with. It can be hard just to brush off others nastiness, but really try. Count to 10, leave the area, whatever it takes.

Even if you do blow your top, it's never to late to tell someone you are sorry. If you saw the lady in isle 10 (after you calmed down), walk up to her and apologize. Tell her you have some anger issues and you didn't mean to yell at her. If she "goes off" on you, let it go as she may have some of the same issues.

Peace to you!

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by ellie

Today I bumped into a women in the supermarket, and before I had a chance to say "sorry" the lady gave me this dirty look. So I retaliated, with "excuse me don't you dare give me a dirty look", she ignored me and did not look up. So then I walked past her and gave her the dirty stare,

How come you don't want people to give you dirty looks, but you have no problem giving them a dirty look?

Apart from that, is the anger thing recent or a longer term problem? If the first, what happened to change your behaviour?

[aggie]

i am not so sure a stranger would appreciate explanation about anger issues...but i could be wrong...

i curse like a truck driver in traffic to blow off stem and then i laugh at myself for doing so...unless someone has really put me in a dangerous situation.

in supermarkets and such...i just am one of those people that say excuse me, pardon me, so sorry, please and thank you....when appropriate.

but i get tired of dirty looks and rudeness and remarks from the people that are truly at fault...but i just chalk it up to everyone's stress of today's world or that some people are just a******* and go my merry way. sometimes i will actually turn and go all the way around than wait for some obviously inconsiderate people. it just isn't worth the negative energy...

most of the time a lot of those people never see themselves for what they are no matter how many times you point it out to them

[Angela]

Originally Posted by ellie

It feels uncontrollable, like something overtakes me. But I don't enjoy the way I handle it, i think there would be a more effective way to deal with it, but I don't know what or how could deal with it differently the next time. It's like I get all this nervous energy that just spills out.

Yep I am like a volcano erupting.

It sounds like you've got a lot of stored up negative emotion, and when you've got a lot of it, it does seem to overtake you and make your decisions for you, against what you consciously want, like to be calm and rational.

It's exactly like road rage. The first time someone cuts you off, you're kind of irritated, and the second time it happens, you've got the emotion from the first time PLUS this one, and so on, it piles up inside your unconscious mind until years later you are just FURIOUS! when someone cuts you off.

You can use Time Techniques, an easy and pleasant process that takes less than two hours in a nice relaxed state, to pull the thread out that keeps all the emotion from those incidents together, so that it just falls away, easily and effortlessly. Not just anger, but also fear, hurt, sadness, guilt, and any other negative emotions that you've hoarded in your unconscious mind, back since when you were a baby, and even before you were born.

It's pretty nice -- most people laugh when they release that old gunk they've been carrying around for so long. And they usually look years younger!

[inri]

Originally Posted by ellie

Aggh I've got a bit of a problem, usually I don't get angry, but lately when people rub me the wrong way I really get aggressive and just get nasty.

Today I bumped into a women in the supermarket, and before I had a chance to say "sorry" the lady gave me this dirty look. So I retaliated, with "excuse me don't you dare give me a dirty look", she ignored me and did not look up. So then I walked past her and gave her the dirty stare, and then when I found her in another isle, just blocking the isle, I again raised my voice, and said in an annoyed raised tone "excuse me please move out of the way so I can get through". Seriously even after that I wanted to ram, her trolley.

In the following isle and sat back and tried to understand why my overreaction and my livid nature. I took a deep breath and said "stop this nonsense let it go".

I also did this the otherday when an old lady accused me of not picking up my dogs doo, which was not the case, it was already there, and I moved over the road because her little yappy dog had no lead on, which had annoyed me to know end, before she opened her big mouth. So I let it rip and told her "to get her dog on a lead, as it is illegal and she can get a fine". She carried on with some excuse to why her dog didn't need a leash. I just kept on yelling, "put your dog on a lead, and stop being so selfish".

When these incidents happen I really get worked up, and really stew on it and I really don't understand why I do this. Maybe because I don't stand-up for myself in everyday life?

Any suggestions to why I am doing this and how to act more calm and rational?

I think it's a really positive sign that you are actually AWARE enough about this issue, First to recognize it as it's happening and to ask yourself what's going on, and secondly to post it here as question.

When we develop an ability (as you have demonstrated) to activate the observer within and stand back to watch and evaluate our behavior, we are undoubtedly operating from a place of higher consciousness.

Clearly, you have reached this level of growth which is confirmed by your very posting here.

I'm betting that with this level of awareness, you will actually be able to go within to decipher what is causing this and arrive at an answer pretty easily.

I get the sense that this is actually not such a bad thing. You've had issues in the past of NOT standing up for yourself and recently you've entered a phase of higher self love and respect. Sometimes we go through phases where we must act out our newly held beliefs and values to an extreme as they become part of our newly formed reality.

Once again, the fact that you have such a high level of awareness regarding this says alot.

I suspect that once you 'get this out of your system' you'll be able to laugh at it all a bit and it will then serve as an experience that helps you grow further in your expansion of consciousness.

With the level of expanded consciousness you're exhibiting here regarding your reaction and subsequent behavior, it won't be long at all til this awareness begins to kick in at the very moment you are about to lash out in anger....the moment where the power to 'choose' exists.

If all were as conscious about their behaviors as you are, most problems would get resolved pretty easily!

[The Cloud]

What do you feel is wrong with you that you have to defend yourself? You're not defending yourself because you feel strong, but because you feel weak. What part of you feels weak, and what will be lost or destroyed if you don't defend yourself from attack?

[sam260689]

I think you've got some built-up anger.

In my experience, the thing to do is discover which part of your life is frustrating you. Get yourself on the path to fixing that, and you'll find that you don't react to people in the way you described. Why not?

Because nothing will be creating anger in you. The situations you talked about are just triggering the anger.

If anger's not there, it can't be triggered; so take a good look at the life you live, decide which parts of it are frustrating you and put together a plan of action to fix those parts.

Then these outbursts will stop.

Cheers

Sam

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by NeedMyCoffee

Try thinking about it from the other person's perspective before erupting (if you can, emotions can spill quickly). Maybe the lady in the supermarket had an awful day and you bumping her just added to her frustration. A quick "I'm so sorry ma'am" would have made you feel better and could have possibly made her feel better. If she snapped at you, well that's her anger that she has to deal with. It can be hard just to brush off others nastiness, but really try. Count to 10, leave the area, whatever it takes.

I agree with this.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by inri

I think it's a really positive sign that you are actually AWARE enough about this issue, First to recognize it as it's happening and to ask yourself what's going on, and secondly to post it here as question.

When we develop an ability (as you have demonstrated) to activate the observer within and stand back to watch and evaluate our behavior, we are undoubtedly operating from a place of higher consciousness.

Clearly, you have reached this level of growth which is confirmed by your very posting here.

I'm betting that with this level of awareness, you will actually be able to go within to decipher what is causing this and arrive at an answer pretty easily.

I get the sense that this is actually not such a bad thing. You've had issues in the past of NOT standing up for yourself and recently you've entered a phase of higher self love and respect. Sometimes we go through phases where we must act out our newly held beliefs and values to an extreme as they become part of our newly formed reality.

Once again, the fact that you have such a high level of awareness regarding this says alot.

I suspect that once you 'get this out of your system' you'll be able to laugh at it all a bit and it will then serve as an experience that helps you grow further in your expansion of consciousness.

With the level of expanded consciousness you're exhibiting here regarding your reaction and subsequent behavior, it won't be long at all til this awareness begins to kick in at the very moment you are about to lash out in anger....the moment where the power to 'choose' exists.

If all were as conscious about their behaviors as you are, most problems would get resolved pretty easily!

This response connected with me most You have the same sort of thinking as me. Very wise words here

I don't think I have this underlying bitter built up anger to be honest. I think this is more about being trodden in the past and no longer accepting that kind of behaviour, so I just go to the extremes and over compensate.

Now I need to learn how to harness my inner strength a little better in a more effective way. I need to be a bit like an effective sales assistant, that turns an angry customer into a happy one Maybe I can do it with my special Austin Power's look

Originally Posted by NeedMyCoffee

Try thinking about it from the other person's perspective before erupting (if you can, emotions can spill quickly). Maybe the lady in the supermarket had an awful day and you bumping her just added to her frustration. A quick "I'm so sorry ma'am" would have made you feel better and could have possibly made her feel better. If she snapped at you, well that's her anger that she has to deal with. It can be hard just to brush off others nastiness, but really try. Count to 10, leave the area, whatever it takes.

Even if you do blow your top, it's never to late to tell someone you are sorry. If you saw the lady in isle 10 (after you calmed down), walk up to her and apologize. Tell her you have some anger issues and you didn't mean to yell at her. If she "goes off" on you, let it go as she may have some of the same issues.

Peace to you!

Personally I don't agree with this. I have to try and change my energy based on imagining what this person is going through? I don't buy it.

In fact I thinking I did say "sorry", but she gave me the dirty look after it. But I have a feeling she really regretted it afterwards, as she didn't think I would let off bad energy as I did. Hence why she didn't look up me, when I told her off.

[Angela]

Originally Posted by ellie

I don't think I have this underlying bitter built up anger to be honest. I think this is more about being trodden in the past and no longer accepting that kind of behaviour, so I just go to the extremes and over compensate.

Being given a dirty look is being trodden upon; it's behavior you will no longer accept?

When you get the learning from your old negative emotion, you can use the learning to protect yourself going forward, and you won't need the anger to protect you from inauthentic threat -- and there will be nothing to overcompensate for.

[ellie]

Originally Posted by Angela

Being given a dirty look is being trodden upon; it's behavior you will no longer accept?
.

I'm not quite sure what your saying Angela? Can you explain it a bit more to me?

I think someone giving me a dirty look means they think they can treat me in a certain way, and think that's ok and I will accept it. In the past I have.

[MidasGirl]

You have un-balanced energy. Like maybe you're a naturally assertive person that has been pretending to be passive and "sweet". But assertive doesn't mean you go about being mean to people, in fact, quite the opposite.

Your rage is no different than a Mike Tyson type rage. You will soon bite off someone's ear. And go to jail for it.

Your unbalanced energy can be healed by finding constructive ways to to let it out. Perhaps you do have natural aggression -- so you could take up an aggressive sport, such as JiuJitsu. Meditation will also help. Or some of Angela's "feel good on purpose" stuff.

Here's something I've noticed. I recently decided to go back to my old career --Sales. Now, I was a bit embarrassed because you know, the sales profession is kinda looked down upon. But it's turned out to be the best thing I've done for myself. I feel really balanced. I get to express all my assertive (maybe even aggressive) over the phone. But I am less likely to blow up over small stuff now. Like for example, if that were me, I probably wouldn't even have noticed the woman gave me a dirty look. Or if I did I'd have blown it off as yet another loon waiting for the economy to get better so they can be happy.

Look, when you're constantly and consciously generating good feelings, these external little annoyances do not make their way into your consciousness.

[elucidate]

Actually, this has helped me understand why I have been having aggressive outbursts here on the forum MG.

I have been training in a martial art for the last year and a half, specifically with the intention to deal with pent up aggression and anger from the past, and I think it has been helping me to bring this stuff to the surface...but I am having trouble controlling it and expressing it in assertive ways.

Hmmm...yes martial arts training definately helps with this in the way you said...though it is a challenge to know what to do with it when it does start coming up, and to recognise when it is spilling over.

Originally Posted by MidasGirl

You have un-balanced energy. Like maybe you're a naturally assertive person that has been pretending to be passive and "sweet". But assertive doesn't mean you go about being mean to people, in fact, quite the opposite.

Your rage is no different than a Mike Tyson type rage. You will soon bite off someone's ear. And go to jail for it.

Your unbalanced energy can be healed by finding constructive ways to to let it out. Perhaps you do have natural aggression -- so you could take up an aggressive sport, such as JiuJitsu. Meditation will also help. Or some of Angela's "feel good on purpose" stuff.

Here's something I've noticed. I recently decided to go back to my old career --Sales. Now, I was a bit embarrassed because you know, the sales profession is kinda looked down upon. But it's turned out to be the best thing I've done for myself. I feel really balanced. I get to express all my assertive (maybe even aggressive) over the phone. But I am less likely to blow up over small stuff now. Like for example, if that were me, I probably wouldn't even have noticed the woman gave me a dirty look. Or if I did I'd have blown it off as yet another loon waiting for the economy to get better so they can be happy.

Look, when you're constantly and consciously generating good feelings, these external little annoyances do not make their way into your consciousness.

[ellie]

Thanks everyone lots to think about. Another thing that could be underlying from a few moments earlier, was during that day I went out clothes shopping and I really didn't want to bump into one of my friends. So I just kept on saying "please don't make me bump into so and so"...which I didn't, but as I entered the supermarket , I bumped into my friends, other friend....and I was like "damn!". So I probably had that whole thing in the back of my mind.

[elucidate]

Yep. The funny thing about the universe is that it works both ways. So you get what you ask for and you also get what you don't want if you think about that too much! Good incentive to focus only on what you want

Originally Posted by ellie

Thanks everyone lots to think about. Another thing that could be underlying from a few moments earlier, was during that day I went out clothes shopping and I really didn't want to bump into one of my friends. So I just kept on saying "please don't make me bump into so and so"...which I didn't, but as I entered the supermarket , I bumped into my friends, other friend....and I was like "damn!". So I probably had that whole thing in the back of my mind.

[brendannz]

Next time you receive a dirty look, you could say "are you alright?" and let them react, and not you..

Why give your power away to a dirty looker

[Razly]

You are taking a re-active approach to your life and circumstances.

Decide to be the gatekeeper of your state of mind and emotions, don't react negatively to circumstances, only act out of the peace and love that comes with the understanding that once you've stopped reacting negatively to life, then life will stop reacting negatively to you. The mirror will not smile at you until you smile at it first.

I assume you've not heard of the law of attraction?

Today I bumped into a women in the supermarket, and before I had a chance to say "sorry" the lady gave me this dirty look. So I retaliated, with "excuse me don't you dare give me a dirty look", she ignored me and did not look up. So then I walked past her and gave her the dirty stare, and then when I found her in another isle, just blocking the isle, I again raised my voice, and said in an annoyed raised tone "excuse me please move out of the way so I can get through". Seriously even after that I wanted to ram, her trolley.

I bet that if you had not reacted negatively to her in the first place, then you would have not been put in the situation where she was in your way in the isle. You literally told the universe that you wanted to experience more frustation with her, and you got exactly that .

You say "she gave me a dirty look", I say "so what?". Your attention is the seat of your creative power, use your will power to choose what you give your attention to. Don't even let the dirty look enter your mind.

[inri]

Originally Posted by ellie

This response connected with me most You have the same sort of thinking as me. Very wise words here

I don't think I have this underlying bitter built up anger to be honest. I think this is more about being trodden in the past and no longer accepting that kind of behaviour, so I just go to the extremes and over compensate.

Now I need to learn how to harness my inner strength a little better in a more effective way. I need to be a bit like an effective sales assistant, that turns an angry customer into a happy one Maybe I can do it with my special Austin Power's look

So Glad Ellie that this resonated. I was quite sure I was connecting with your energy intuitively.

I stand by my original assessment here; it's a rare person who exhibits such behavior who ALSO has the capability to recognize/identify the behavior, stand back and observe it and publicly share it (within a forum) in an effort to gain clarity!

LOl....you are actually at a higher evolution of consciousness than many here - YOU could be teaching others about the ability to activate the observer within! (again...this is all coming to me very strong through my intuition...it's neat when I get this strong of a connection!

Rest assured Ellie, that by your very act of observing and questioning this behavior, You've already sorted it ALL out! The underlying reason for this anger (we all experience this sometimes...it's part of being human) is not of any monumental consequence...your awareness of the anger however, IS.

NO doubt, if you ever find yourself in a similar situation again, your observer within will become conscious BEFORE you choose the behavior....this is what happens when our awareness becomes activated...acknowledgment of awareness leads to it's expansion.

The effective sales assistant is a great analogy! Yup...you get it!

[Angela]

Ellie, two of the clues to our deepest identity level limiting beliefs are the things that consistently bug us and the language we use repeatedly about it.

You've used the phrase "bump into" several times. I'm not asking you to answer this out loud, but you might want to consider: when was the earliest time you were bumped into and it didn't feel good? I suspect that moment was the initiating event in your anger (and a belief about yourself.)

[ellie]

Originally Posted by inri

LOl....you are actually at a higher evolution of consciousness than many here - YOU could be teaching others about the ability to activate the observer within! (again...this is all coming to me very strong through my intuition...it's neat when I get this strong of a connection!

That's really interesting I think that too, but I still feel I have a lot to learn...or more than that I know there's something that I could teach others, but it feels like it still hidden under the surface for me and I need to access it myself before I try helping others. If you know what I mean

Angela, I don't remember a time when I was bumped and felt anger, I didn't care that we bumped into each other, I was happy to apologise...it's happened many times before and I have no problem with it. Maybe the question should be when was the last time I given a dirty look and how did effect me? I have to think about that time. I know there were a few

[Angela]

Originally Posted by ellie

Maybe the question should be when was the last time I given a dirty look and how did effect me? I have to think about that time. I know there were a few

It sounds like it's worth looking at! By the way, I really admire the boldness with which you're examining this whole shebang.

[ellie]

Thanks Angela