Are on-line forums breeding grounds for conflict & misunderstanding

[jacmac1]

It seems to happen enough that I think it's a relevant question.

Someone asks a question or proposes and idea. Some other's chime in. Some people get offended. Still other's sense offense.
The ability to read a person's face or tone or demeanor is unavailable. The ease of a "quick reply" has people responding quickly, rather than asking for clarification.
Still other's jump in the middle of the conversation w/o reading all the threads. Misunderstandings start to pop up. People trip over each other to explain themselves over and over again.
There are still others who don't want to really understand another's point of view but simply who just want to be heard -- to just have the say.

Conversations can become polarized, as some people chime in to take sides.

Sometimes it seems the whole meaning of the thread is lost. People become frustrated.

When conversations deteriate to this I just don't want to participate anymore because it seems pointless.

Now, in a small way this is a part of life, but it seems that in on-line forums this can happen in a nano-second.

I've certainly participated in conversations where there are heated exchanges and emotions run high and this DOES NOT HAPPEN- that is due, in large part, I believe to the willingness of the participants to try and understand where another person is coming from, their open-mindedness and how big their egos are (and probably some other things I'm not thinking of here). Being non-judgmental is key.

I love a good debate, but sometimes the back and forth in on-line forums is just bickering.

Any thoughts?

[RT Wolf]

Welcome to online forums.

The other thing is that the more you defend your position, the more you pound it into your own head. Deliberation and debate cause you to reinforce your own opinions. So people who were/used to be moderates become extremists when faced with a different opinion.

You can definitely see the level of maturity of many members who don't engage in that kind of bickering, by their silence. The bark of a single dog makes more sound than a hundred silent ones. So I wouldn't worry too much. If/when there is an original or important question then the people who'll reply will be there.

[bellbird]

Haha RTWolf excellent point. Thanks for that.

[jacmac1]

Welcome to online forums.

The other thing is that the more you defend your position, the more you pound it into your own head. Deliberation and debate cause you to reinforce your own opinions. So people who were/used to be moderates become extremists when faced with a different opinion.

You can definitely see the level of maturity of many members who don't engage in that kind of bickering, by their silence. The bark of a single dog makes more sound than a hundred silent ones. So I wouldn't worry too much. If/when there is an original or important question then the people who'll reply will be there.

__________________

Thanks for the welcome. I second the amen. You do make a great point .

[Logicseeker]

Yes, you are quite right. There is a lot of bad argumentation online and some of it gives ut nothing...

Pavlina wrote about this earlier. His solution was to have dissidents banned, and obiously it has done wonders. A few months ago there where a lot of people here skeptical of the LoA, and argumenting in a harsh manner. They are all gone now...

[Steve Pavlina]

Disagreeing with the LoA or any other topic here is perfectly fine. Trolling and making personal attacks are what get people banned.

[Logicseeker]

Hello Pavlina! It is quite obvious that this site is not meant for unfaithful disbelievers. But I think this is great though! If we were to keep all the dangerous people on this forum they might infect others with bad ideas and thus preventing the growth of the intention manifestation model amongst other things!

[Steve Pavlina]

I don't care what people believe or don't believe as long as they can handle that the purpose of these forums is for us to help each other grow. That's broad enough to encompass anyone with an ounce of maturity... but alas, not those who possess only a gram.

[WanderingOak]

I heard somewhere that only 20% of all communication is done with words and language. The rest is done with tone, infliction, facial expressions, body language, and a host of other subtle and not-so subtle cues. Unless you want to interdisperse every sentance with dozens of emoticons for every single subtle nuance that a person may wish to impart, then all you will get in a text-based forum is that pared-down, bare minimum for only the most general comprehension, twenty percent. Don't get me wrong, online forums do have their place. They are great for sharing information, and getting the word out about various ideas. However, they are lousy as far as communication tools go.

I have seen far too many 'virtual' communities self-destruct due to the fact that they were 'virtual' rather than real. These were good men whom I used to respect, yet they can barely even talk to one another in a civilized tone because of some little cyber-scuffle which would have probably been avoided had they been meeting in person. For instance, I have been in this forum for months. I have been reading and posting fairly regularly, yet I can honestly say that I don't really know anybody else here, not even our virtual host, Steve. I'm not sure if I ever will either, unless I happen to meet some of 'yall somewhere in the real world. I hope you are able to get the gist of what I am trying to say here, and if we ever do meet, I hope to be able to offer you a drink, either of Guiness, or a nice hot cup of Herbal Chai .

[Hilary]

You're absolutely right. Online forums (I've hosted one on my site for five years now) are superb breeding grounds for misunderstanding because there's no tone of voice. One person's joke is another person's venomous attack, and people find it really hard to believe that things weren't meant the way they heard them. Add in the disinhibiting effect of a screen name, and down the chute we go. I think it's inevitable, from time to time. We dust ourselves off afterwards and get back to something more interesting.

This doesn't mean that a virtual community can't become a real one, though, or that people can't get to know each other in a forum. It's certainly happened with mine - maybe it's easier with a smaller group.

[Mark Lapierre]

About 7 years ago I helped moderate a drug education/harm minimisation forum which generated about as many posts, and as varied opinions as we see here. The age distribution was similar too. For the entire time I was moderating (about 3 years), there was a lot of bickering, a few people banned, and a lot of arguments which skirted the edge of flame wars.

But amongst all the crap was a lot of very worthwhile content. And that's why I stuck around; to help make sure that content was noticed. And to try to ensure that people would try to contribute in a similarly worthwhile way, and not scare off those who really needed the information we all provided.

To that end we wrote posting guidelines, articles about internet etiquette, and maintained constant vigilance. But the most effective method was leading by example. It was clear that the most mature posters were respected by all but the dedicated trolls, and those trolls were not around for long.

The online community also formed close-knit offline social groups, all over the world. As this one no doubt will (and is starting to successfully do over here in Melbourne).

btw Logicseeker, I'm an unfaithful disbeliever, so screw you (please note the indicating a playful and not-at-all insulting tone)

[jacmac1]

I wish people who post to forums would remember that there are living, breathing human beings on the other side of the computer moniter w/ genuine feelings that can be hurt.

And words can hurt a lot. I believe people will type things onto a forum that they would never dare say to someone's face, things that are incredibly insensitive.

Is this a reflection of who they truly are inside or just lack of impulse control, I sometimes wonder.

[JHL]

Originally Posted by WanderingOak

I'm not sure if I ever will either, unless I happen to meet some of 'yall somewhere in the real world. I hope you are able to get the gist of what I am trying to say here, and if we ever do meet, I hope to be able to offer you a drink, either of Guiness, or a nice hot cup of Herbal Chai .

Sir, it would be an honour and a priviledge to share a hot cup of Herbal Chai with you!

I think a virtual persona is simply an extension of a persons actual persona, but given the safety associated with an absence of physical consequence - i.e. one can safely and confidently express one's less popular opinions without the threat of meeting a fleshy five knuckled object going the other way.

More Chai, anyone?

[Mark Lapierre]

Originally Posted by jacmac1

I wish people who post to forums would remember that there are living, breathing human beings on the other side of the computer moniter w/ genuine feelings that can be hurt.

And words can hurt a lot. I believe people will type things onto a forum that they would never dare say to someone's face, things that are incredibly insensitive.

On the flip side, what someone else says about you is only words; it doesn't hurt unless you let it hurt. This may seem insensitive to someone who has been hurt, but you do have a say in how you react, you are responsible for your own feelings.