Why people gets offended so quickly?

[songwriter]

This might be a silly question but it happens more than ever.
Many people gets offended by whatever... even in web forums when they don't know each other... No matter what you say, you're probably offending someone...

Even if someone started to throw money through a window to people on the streets... maybe some would get offended too. You hardly can say nothing without hipocrisy without offending. Can we speak clearly? or we must surrender to meaningless words? "political correctness" and all that childish stuff...

"Everybody's talking and no-one saying a world", Nobody Told Me (The Pity Life Is), Lennon.

[bellbird]

That is a non offensive point to me
Some people are quite over sensitive I guess. I have been less fussed about what people say when I feel happy about myself and how my life is going. I only have prickly moments when I'm tired or feel frustrated or impatient about something. But that says something about me, not about others who rattle my cage a bit. So to speak. The level of maturity on this site is very high. I think I just assume that all the persons on this forum are linked through their joint objective: to self develop. They aspire to grow... Therefor I take it they all tend to mean well in their counsel and expressions to others. Generally. Besides, everyone has their own thruths because they have their own view of the world. We cannot expect others to behave or think as we do. Therefor it might happen that we inadvertedly step on someone's toes or they step on ours. I aspire to be more patient with myself and others and to stop speaking lots and contemplate the silence more. And all that

[Jill]

songwriter, I couldn't agree more. I don't understand why people get so offended. But they do.

The avg. person can't seem to take honesty for some reason. They're used to most people sugar coating everything and they think you're being rude if you just tell the truth.

[Erki]

Looks like you're talking about me here. I don't have much idea of why I sometimes get upset on some forum post or what someone has said. I guess it's that I'm not the happiest bunny around and then there comes someone and says that I'm wrong in one more thing and that makes me think that the whole way of my thinking and feeling is wrong.

Funny thing is that I don't really like the term "over sensitive" either. It's as if I'm somehow disabled or something is wrong with me. (I guess there is then if it's over-sensitive)

Anyway, this forum post didn't make me upset - you can sleep in peace which I see you're currently doing.

[Cassie]

I'm someone I'd consider as being 'extremely sensitive'. I don't view it as a negative though. It just means I have a heightened sensitive awareness to others around me. I see it more as a gift than a hinderance. I'm a quiet passive observer type, so I really don't miss much.

People have different trigger points. The problem is, you never know when you'll accidentally step on one. Perhaps it's because we each hold scars and pain from past experiences?

[andrew]

I really despise being pc. That's what's wrong with the world, people can't just tell it like it is. Now you don't have to be rash or un-classy about it, but trying to please everyone will please no one.

Now I don't want to upset anyone, I'm not trying to, but if it happens it happens. And unless I over stepped my bounds or know I said something out of line, I'm not going to feel sorry about it as much as I feel sorry that they took offence to something like that.

I don't think we mean being sensitive to other like that, but rather somebody who can't take a joke or takes everything you say at face value or thinks everyone's always offending them. Those people aren't very fun to be around.

But hey, we could just be waaay too laid back. Life's too short for that. I'm actually a little too carefree I suppose.

[JHL]

I'm another one of those 'over-sensitive' types. But I agree with Cassie - it has wonderful upsides too.

I get irritated by other people's posts all the time. And initially I would respond to them from that place of irritation and invariably regret responding like that later.

Now every time someones post presses a button in me, I try to view it as an opportunity to learn something about myself. I try to consider what their post means for me - what I am projecting into it. What does it mean for ME. And so those people change from being opponents, to teachers, whom I feel grateful for and therefore can respond in a more constructive way (if I feel the need to respond at all, and most often I dont).

"That which irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves." - Carl Jung

[jacmac1]

I think when you hold up a mirror to someone, that is what causes the "sensitivity" - something strikes a cord, hits a nerve, a truth they cannot admit or are reluctant to, rather than self-reflect they lash out. That has always been my experience both when I'm on the receiving end or when I'm the one being sensitive.

[Dani]

2 main reasons people take offence.

1. When we express an opinion on a subject, even if we are only expressing it internally, most of us put our self worth and identity in with the opinion. We identify with our opinions and consider them to be part of who we are, we are right and thus so are our opinions!

So if anyone challenges our opinion then they are challenging our self worth and our identity. We feel like they are saying they are better than us because they are right and we are wrong. So we don't want them to be right, because that means we are less of a person than before and closer to death (emotionally and ego) as a result.

If you can remove your ego from what you say you can get rid of this one.

2. Because we have painful emotional wounds that we are attached to. Things from our past that we haven't dealt with are usually the cause of these. When someone says the right things it causes the emotional equivalent of sticking your finger in a physical wound. It hurts! But instead of realising that the wounds are our own and cause by our own inability to deal with certain topics or issues, we blame the other person for hurting us.

Imagine for a moment you have a deep wound or sensitive bruise on your shoulder, and someone comes up adn gives you a hug, or pats your back, or just puts a hand on your shoulder. They don't mean to hurt to you. But they do. It hurts so much and we don't realise it's our injury hurting we think it's them touching us that is hurting us so we lash out at them.

If you can heal your emotional wounds so that are no longer sensitive, then you heal this one.

Though is undoubtably going to offend those people: If you are over sensitive, I am not sure you should call it an attribute. It means that you are very suseptible to outside influences controlling your emotions. Either because your ego is very fragile, or because you have lots of emotional wounds. Neither is a healthy state to be in.

I can't see how giving control of your emotions, and therefore your life, to other people can be an attribute in any way.

Not only does it make you an easily manipulated person, but it also makes many people nto want to be with you because they have to stricly regulate their words and behavior to not offend you all the time.

[jacmac1]

I'm a sensitive person, probably in large part due to unresolved emotional trauma, but also on the other hand because I am very intuned to my emotions and that of others. I can FEEL when other people are upset, and sometimes when I try to bring it up, it rubs up against another person's emotional wound and they lash out. As this is exactly what was done in my family of origin to wound me in the first place, (I bring up the abuse and get attacked for it) there's this riccochet effect, where now I am hurt as well.

The hardest lesson I've had to learn is how to then heal myself and not lash out at the other person. I've got a belly full of humble pie.

[Dani]

Being sensitive to other peoples feelings is different to being a 'sensitive' person. A person who is quick to react emotionally to almost any situation.

Lets keep the two seperate. You being offended easily has very little to do with sensing others feelings. But to do with your own.

If you react quickly with negative emotions, such as fear, anger or sadness is that really 'in tune' with your emotions? or ruled by them?

There is no need to feel these negative emotions.

[jacmac1]

Now I know it's not just my imagination, your approach is abrasive!

Tone is down a bit. By "You" do you mean me, personally? I don't get offended easilly at all.

How about trying to get to know me before thinking you know me!

What I described is being hurt/offended, when people lash out at me.

I don't like arguing semantics. Perhaps you would have preferred another word - perhaps another word would have been best. Okay.

It's nicer (and more productive) to just ask if you got my meaning, which you didn't - get my meaning that is.

I can feel other peoples emotions but I do not offend easily. I was just trying to relate to the person who started the thread by giving my own perspective.

Namaste.

[Antiventurecapital]

Originally Posted by Dani

Being sensitive to other peoples feelings is different to being a 'sensitive' person. A person who is quick to react emotionally to almost any situation.

Lets keep the two seperate. You being offended easily has very little to do with sensing others feelings. But to do with your own.

If you react quickly with negative emotions, such as fear, anger or sadness is that really 'in tune' with your emotions? or ruled by them?

There is no need to feel these negative emotions.

Ding-ding-ding!

Absolutely correct.

[andrew]

Things brings up another interesting topic: Mac vs Pc, iPod vs Zune, PS vs Xbox, etc.

You always see huge flame wars going on about people who have each product and take everything so personal, as if they are the one's who developed the product. It happens to me to, a lot of us get sucked in unwillingly. I don't think this has to do with being sesitive, but rather with Dani's post. It kind of was along the lines of what I was thinking.

[renie408]

Originally Posted by jacmac1

Now I know it's not just my imagination, your approach is abrasive!

Tone is down a bit. By "You" do you mean me, personally? I don't get offended easilly at all.

How about trying to get to know me before thinking you know me!

What I described is being hurt/offended, when people lash out at me.

I don't like arguing semantics. Perhaps you would have preferred another word - perhaps another word would have been best. Okay.

It's nicer (and more productive) to just ask if you got my meaning, which you didn't - get my meaning that is.

I can feel other peoples emotions but I do not offend easily. I was just trying to relate to the person who started the thread by giving my own perspective.

Namaste.

Is this like the DEFINITION of irony, or is that just me?

[Antiventurecapital]

I posted this earlier in the thread on money and happiness, but it's worth thinking about here with a slight modification:

Most of us have at times clicked into a trance like state wherein we stop thinking and start replaying a tape about something we need to believe. We have all done it as well as watched our friends do it.

When does it happen? When people are trying hard to convince themselves that something is true. You can almost hear the click and whirrr sounds as the canned lecture begins and the eye contact stops, for to maintain eye contact would break the trance.

The older you get the better you become at spotting this behavior in others and--more importantly--in yourself. I finally got to the point where I can catch myself within seconds of starting "Oh man, there I go again with my old story about X or Y." Then I stop and smile.

We can identify the myths about ourselves that we cling to by how much we explain them to others and how often we do so. "But I can't help it! I'm like this because of a, b, c, d, e, f, g, and h." The weaker the "fact" the more we need to repeat it to everyone, including ourselves.

I used to have many rationalizations for bad habits and traits, now I have far fewer. Do yourself and your friends a favor and start dropping the tired old stories and excuses about why you can't change for the better.

[jacmac1]

Originally Posted by renie408

Is this like the DEFINITION of irony, or is that just me?

If by that comment you're trying to say that I'm offended, I'm not at all.

Gosh, It's okay to disagree - sometimes people the feeling that you can sense tone on-line, it's not true.

I don't share the opinion that people get offended easily, I believe that people get upset when you show them their mirror, which I said before.

[Antiventurecapital]

Originally Posted by jacmac1

I don't share the opinion that people get offended easily, I believe that people get upset when you show them their mirror, which I said before.

I'd be careful about showing anyone "their mirror" if they didn't first ask to be shown it.

[jacmac1]

I'd be careful about showing anyone "their mirror" if they didn't first ask to be shown it.

I don't mean purposely. I mean simply that someone is reminded of something disowned or rejected in themselves in the behavior of another.

[RedneckGyrl]

Originally Posted by Dani

Being sensitive to other peoples feelings is different to being a 'sensitive' person. A person who is quick to react emotionally to almost any situation.

Hi, I am still new here. But, I would like to interject something. I am confused as to how songwriter's original post of people taking offense to things branched off to debate about one's level of sensitivity being good or bad or debating the definition of it.

Dani's post was on the right track....but, taking Dani's post a step further....being sensitive to others, being a sensitive person as well as having lack of sensitivity wasn't an issue with songwriter as I could see. I saw songwriter's issue was with how people who over react to things, when offended.

I see ultra sensitivity or zero sensitivity levels as just pure emotional state of mind. I will encounter all the above in myself or from others in this life, as long as I breathe on earth. But, it's how I either respond or react to these emotions that is of greater concern to me.

Of course, tho....having anyone of you push that button just to see what the heck I am made out of, really doesn't sound like too much fun to me. I would much rather play nice in the sandbox in a mutual manner, wouldn't you? I'll share my shovel if you share your bucket, pinky swear! LOL

[Antiventurecapital]

Originally Posted by RedneckGyrl

Hi, I am still new here. But, I would like to interject something. I am confused as to how songwriter's original post of people taking offense to things branched off to debate about one's level of sensitivity being good or bad or debating the definition of it.

Dani's post was on the right track....but, taking Dani's post a step further....being sensitive to others, being a sensitive person as well as having lack of sensitivity wasn't an issue with songwriter as I could see. I saw songwriter's issue was with how people who over react to things, when offended.

I see ultra sensitivity or zero sensitivity levels as just pure emotional state of mind. I will encounter all the above in myself or from others in this life, as long as I breathe on earth. But, it's how I either respond or react to these emotions that is of greater concern to me.

Of course, tho....having anyone of you push that button just to see what the heck I am made out of, really doesn't sound like too much fun to me. I would much rather play nice in the sandbox in a mutual manner, wouldn't you? I'll share my shovel if you share your bucket, pinky swear! LOL

I'm not really sure why but I took everything in your post as a personal insult.

[RedneckGyrl]

I'm not sure why you did either. I did say I was confused....because at times information takes time to register. So, I was sharing my confusion and I was reaching out for someone to jolt my brain into a faster gear is all. And, if you were serious about being offended, please don't be, just help me get unconfused faster. Please?

[songwriter]

I was not talking at all about people of this forum. I hope no-one has felt ofended...

If I say"The Earth is flat", that's my opinion... why people can get offended? it's an opinion, it's not someone trying to change your opinion...

Like I said... "There is no God..." or... "I don't like Star Wars..." or whatever...
what does is matter?.. you're free to think anything... so me, I think... so anyone.

It seems people gets angry easily than ever or so. I don't mean people here...

[Dani]

Originally Posted by jacmac1

Now I know it's not just my imagination, your approach is abrasive!

Tone is down a bit. By "You" do you mean me, personally? I don't get offended easilly at all.

How about trying to get to know me before thinking you know me!

What I described is being hurt/offended, when people lash out at me.

I don't like arguing semantics. Perhaps you would have preferred another word - perhaps another word would have been best. Okay.

It's nicer (and more productive) to just ask if you got my meaning, which you didn't - get my meaning that is.

I can feel other peoples emotions but I do not offend easily. I was just trying to relate to the person who started the thread by giving my own perspective.

Namaste.

Sorry, I can be a bit abrasive at times, because I write quickly and tend not bother to pad my sentences with 'in my opinion' and 'I could be wrong but' etc. that I know would soften it.

But the 'you' wasn't meant to be you personally, I was using it to differentiate between two people. The offender and the offended. Sorry for the confusion.

You = the person sensitive to others feelings.
As opposed to..
The sensitive person = the person easily offended.

Tone of voice and word emphasis doesn't carry well over written text as people tend to wrap yo.. *ahem* 'a persons' words in their own tone of voice, or the tone of voice they think you are using.

Tone makes a big difference. I love you said sincerely and sarcastically are totally different.

e.g. You (this one is personal) probably at least started to wrap this particular post in an abrasive tone of voice when you started reading it because you saw me as that way in the previous one.

We all do it btw. Showing someone their mirror works both ways.

I forgot the third thing that makes people angry.

When they do see their mirror. People often get upset when they see someone doing something they hate about themselves, or something they wish they could do but feel bound by 'morals' or the like so cannot do. They turn this internal resentment against the other person.

[jacmac1]

e.g. You (this one is personal) probably at least started to wrap this particular post in an abrasive tone of voice when you started reading it because you saw me as that way in the previous one.

Ahh, I must admit that's a possibility! I remember feeling quite flushed

We all do it btw. Showing someone their mirror works both ways.

Absolutely - we're still agreeing with each other.

I forgot the third thing that makes people angry.

When they do see their mirror. People often get upset when they someone doing something they hate about themselves, or something they wish they could do but feel bound by 'morals' or the like so cannot do. They turn this internal resentment against the other person.
__________________

Very true. Kudos.

I remember when I used to go to a gym, some people get personal trainers who were buffed, no body fat.

Other's went for the pleasantly plump person.

Others went for the girl with the naturally thin bod, never worked out a day in her life.

Still others preferred the woman on steroids!

I always wondered about that, on what did they base their decision.

My point is I only observed that your tone was abrasive, it's not a character assessment at all. but I did wonder if you were speaking to me personally and now that you've cleared that up it's all said and done.

[jacmac1]

Tone of voice and word emphasis doesn't carry well over written text as people tend to wrap yo.. *ahem* 'a persons' words in their own tone of voice, or the tone of voice they think you are using.

Tone makes a big difference. I love you said sincerely and sarcastically are totally different.

I find this can be a serious handicap when conversing on on-line forums.

[Antiventurecapital]

Wow, so you two are still going at it?

[Dani]

I think we kissed and made up somewhere along the line.

Misunderstandings on both sides.

Plus I need to use a finer grade of paper on my sander.

This one is too abrasive and leaving marks.

[jacmac1]

We have definitely kissed and made up. Dani cyber massage oil works wonders on computer bruises!

[Antiventurecapital]

I was about to suggest that you two get a room.