Victim Mentality and Wanting to Be Rescued

[Minimabs]

I could really do with some advice on a victim mentality and the belief that I "need" to be rescued.

I don't want to to go into too much detail but I have been doing a lot of soul searching and practical searching around some self sabotaging behaviours I have that seem to stop me reaching my goals.

On the surface I seem to the antithesis of "Victim Mentality and Wanting to be rescued" - I am single, reasonable job, manage financially, buying and furnishing own home, reasonable social life etc. I have also overcome cancer, depression and relationship breakdown and have my feet firmly on the path of self awareness and personal development.

So far so good. But I really wanted to start to explore some self sabotaging behaviours and I did some work on uncovering deeply held values and beliefs. What I discovered blew me away.

I have part of me that is and seeks out ways to be independent then another part of me that wants be "rescued" from all the hard work of being independent - kind of scoop me up and deal with all my stuff please (I'm a female in case you are wondering!!)

I have had relationships in the past where the man has been the rescuer - initially wonderful then after a while I felt I was living in a prison.

Also with the victim mentality - I usually downplay my personal stuff - I dealt with it and I moved on etc - but sometimes my subconscious throws out stuff that contradicts that - I can't do that thing because something minor in my life (that I am more than capable of overcoming) is standing in my way.

.................

So even though on the surface I am living in a way that I think I want to be living - I reach a block in my subconsciousness where my true beliefs really lie and it is here that is the root of my self sabotaging behaviours is - the area that stops me from being the person I really feel I am capable of being.

I can see that just by uncovering this deep rooted beliefs I have made great progress - but how do I replace them with ones that would serve me a lot better?

Mabs

[JeremyNoelJohnson]

It sounds like you've made very good progress. And it sounds like your biggest concern is creating new and empowering beliefs and then manifesting them.

Honestly, I'd get specific about what you want your life to be like, top to bottom. Do you really want an independent life, or do you really want a man in your life that takes care of you.

I don't think you can seesaw on this one though. You either want a man who will take care of you, or you want a man that doesn't have to take care of you. If you want the personal freedom and power in life, then you should want to be with someone that holds that same belief.

Another thing I am in the process of doing is creating a vision board - that is taking pictures and creating what I want on a board in my office. This website was helpful in me seeing this: 10 Tips to Setting Powerful Intentions ? Abundance Tapestry

It comes down to choosing to create the vision of what you really want, making it real and tangible, and then going after it relentlessly.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by Minimabs

I have part of me that is and seeks out ways to be independent then another part of me that wants be "rescued" from all the hard work of being independent - kind of scoop me up and deal with all my stuff please (I'm a female in case you are wondering!!)

This is actually pretty common - and totally fine. You can have both. You can be independent in your life, and release to a person (man?) who will be a provider and protector for you, for a period. Or, you can be independent on your own, in your daily life - and when you come home to your partner, release to them in that way every night.

Lots of women have a desire for this - including high-powered, independent women. There are men (women too, I'm guessing) who will love to have a person who is independent and powerful in their own life, who releases to them and allows them to be a provider and take care of them for periods, in private. It makes it a special, intimate experience.

You can be independent in some areas of your life, and taken care of by another person in other areas.

So that's an option, if you'd like to explore it.

[rabbitfur]

Originally Posted by Minimabs

I could really do with some advice on a victim mentality and the belief that I "need" to be rescued.

I don't want to to go into too much detail but I have been doing a lot of soul searching and practical searching around some self sabotaging behaviours I have that seem to stop me reaching my goals.

On the surface I seem to the antithesis of "Victim Mentality and Wanting to be rescued" - I am single, reasonable job, manage financially, buying and furnishing own home, reasonable social life etc. I have also overcome cancer, depression and relationship breakdown and have my feet firmly on the path of self awareness and personal development.

So far so good. But I really wanted to start to explore some self sabotaging behaviours and I did some work on uncovering deeply held values and beliefs. What I discovered blew me away.

I have part of me that is and seeks out ways to be independent then another part of me that wants be "rescued" from all the hard work of being independent - kind of scoop me up and deal with all my stuff please (I'm a female in case you are wondering!!)

I have had relationships in the past where the man has been the rescuer - initially wonderful then after a while I felt I was living in a prison.

Also with the victim mentality - I usually downplay my personal stuff - I dealt with it and I moved on etc - but sometimes my subconscious throws out stuff that contradicts that - I can't do that thing because something minor in my life (that I am more than capable of overcoming) is standing in my way.

.................

So even though on the surface I am living in a way that I think I want to be living - I reach a block in my subconsciousness where my true beliefs really lie and it is here that is the root of my self sabotaging behaviours is - the area that stops me from being the person I really feel I am capable of being.

I can see that just by uncovering this deep rooted beliefs I have made great progress - but how do I replace them with ones that would serve me a lot better?

Mabs

to be human, is to be running some kind of victim game IMO

[votoshka]

Well, it seems as though you have some sort of internal conflict of dependence vs independence, but I don't think this is uncommon at all. I think it's part of the "grass is greener" syndrome, which so many people suffer from.

A dependent person wishes they were independent, while an independent person wishes there was someone there to "rescue them". However, what happens when you're rescued? For awhile, it's great... and then after awhile... not so great.

Whenever you feel yourself wishing there was someone to take care of you, try remembering the relationships you were in where you did feel imprisoned. Do you want to be back in that situation? Of course not! BUT if you keep feeling the way you do, when you attract another relationship into your life, you'll probably end up in a similar relationship again and won't be happy.

I do think there's a happy medium that allows for you to be independent while still being able to lean on someone occasionally for help and support. This is okay, and it's normal and healthy. Nobody wants to carry the burden 100% of the time, as it's quite exhausting.

[Minimabs]

Thanks for the responses - some very enlightening stuff!

Does anyone have any ideas on how to change limiting beliefs?

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by Minimabs

Does anyone have any ideas on how to change limiting beliefs?

Sure.

- Get a good coach; (s)he is trained to support you with this
- Study NLP (and practice!)
- Attend seminars like CGW or Landmark. The group energy will support you to change faster.

In my experience you need to do something with limiting beliefs. Action works very well. Only thinking about your beliefs doesn't work.

[Minimabs]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

In my experience you need to do something with limiting beliefs. Action works very well. Only thinking about your beliefs doesn't work.

Can you be a bit more specific when you say "Action works very well" - in what context?

Thanks
Mabs

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by Minimabs

Can you be a bit more specific when you say "Action works very well" - in what context?

Thanks
Mabs

It's very tempting for some personality types (mine too... ) to think about whatever but never taking action to change.

So being in action works there. Not unfocused action, but action that takes you in the direction of your goal(s).

Moreover, being in action gives you new experiences.

To test this for yourself: what's your next action to do something with your limiting beliefs? Now?

[Minimabs]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

It's very tempting for some personality types (mine too... ) to think about whatever but never taking action to change.

So being in action works there. Not unfocused action, but action that takes you in the direction of your goal(s).

Moreover, being in action gives you new experiences.

To test this for yourself: what's your next action to do something with your limiting beliefs? Now?

I think I am understanding this...........but my questions is - I seem to get so far with my goals then have this subconscious urge to self sabbotage when I get really close to them because they aren't aligned with certain beliefs. I think I now understand what those limiting beliefs are ........... how would I "push through" them - if they are so deeply ingrained and held for so long?

Thanks
Mabs

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by Minimabs

I think I now understand what those limiting beliefs are ........... how would I "push through" them - if they are so deeply ingrained and held for so long?

Thanks
Mabs

What could be an action you can take to push through? Do that. If it doesn't work, do something else. Be in action. Don't think about the best action, just do something that you think may work.

So what are you going to do now?

[Minimabs]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

So what are you going to do now?

I get ya!!

Thanks for your input - really appreciated!

Mabs

[ProjectX]

I also have a victim mentality I think. Mine is slighly different though. I don't yearn for a rescuer, I just keep saying "why do bad things happen to me?" a lot of times.

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by ProjectX

...
I just keep saying "why do bad things happen to me?" a lot of times.

I'd say that that is a victim mentality only if you don't do something about it.

One thing you can do is answer that question.

One possible answer: because you attract it!

If you ask: why do I attract it? the answer that helps me most is: because there is something I need to learn from this happening to me. And work from that. And take action.