Closet drama queen?

[eastcoastgirl]

I want people to show interest in me. I want attention. I’m fairly quiet, but I can hold my own in a conversation. I have plenty of friends who love me and pay attention to me. And I get a lot of positive attention at work. But there are people in my life who I feel don’t show “enough” interest in me. They seem to like me and to be genuinely glad to see me, but when we start talking, they don’t seem that interested in me or my life. They are interested in everything but me. I should also say that I’m a good listener, I’m a sympathetic, and I’m interested in other people, so people tend to want to tell me about themselves.

I feel that I want these people to care about me as much as I care about them, and for me, an indication of caring is showing interest in me and asking me questions about myself (just like I do for them). When people don’t do that, I feel let down, disappointed, and sometimes angry. I worry that I’m boring. I assume that they are pretending to like me and that they really don’t care about me at all.

The interesting thing is that the people who I’ve experienced these feelings about are somewhat dramatic and often the center of attention. I’m sure that they are a reflection of me, but I can’t quite wrap my mind around it and it doesn’t really make me feel better. Am I a closet drama queen?

I just wish I didn’t care so much. I wish I felt unconditional love all the time, but I’m a novice at it and I can’t do it all the time. I remember reading something by Erin where she said she liked to keep silent and listen to and observe people. She is obviously very secure in herself, and I am obviously not.

I feel like I have made progress in the last couple of months, but I sure have a long way to go. I’m sure I’ll feel better by tomorrow, but right now, I’m bummed.

[Lychee]

Maybe you want attention so that act can somehow validate your self-worth. You want your level of caring not to be in vain so you are seeking some sort of reciprocation from other people in the form of attention and concern.

When someone cares about other people so much, trying to turn that off (by not caring so much) is very difficult. The fact that people don't respond to you the way that you expect is causing you to think negatively about yourself. But caring so much may just be a part of who you are.

I think that you just want someone to show that they care and appreciate you through the way of attention since you are not so secure with yourself. But security takes time to build. You've said yourself that you feel that you are a good listener and very sympathetic. Build on these positives about yourself and lessen the negative by trying to correct the ways in which you feel you are short. You've made progress, so you are doing something right...just keep doing it and have faith in yourself.