Burning out and coming back

[chopsaw]

After a very tough year emotionally, nearly got divorced, I neglected to take proper care of my emotional self. I ran a small business, and because of other distractions, I recognized a little too late that the business was on its way out. And this winter, desperately trying to keep the business, and everything else together I had a good old fashioned break down. It's amazing how quickly neglect and distraction allow things spiral out of control. As Yeats said, "the center cannot hold, the falcon doesn't hear the falconer, and things fall apart."

It's taken a while for me to begin to recover, but as I needed time, the bills have still been piling up. I know I can't go back to the work I was doing. I tried and it was disasterous. I do know, work wise, that I was on the wrong path. I know what it is I should be doing. I've known since I was a kid. As I have embarked on my true path, while very happy, I haven't been turning a buck. I know it will come, but things are pretty tight and I'm nervous.

I've learned a lot about myself and have connected on a deeper level with my wife, children, and have learned to be honest with myself. I've found out what is truely valuable, and am very grateful for this experience. I am a firm believer in what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

What I'm asking from those who are reading this post, a very generous group I believe, is to keep my family in your good thoughts as we make our way back.

Peace to all.

[Wit and Itch]

After reading your post I will say: You are already rich.
Keep believing and money will come to.
All the luck to you

[chopsaw]

Wit and Itch,

Thank you.

I'll keep you in my good thoughts as well.

Best,

Chopsaw

[shesaboutspirit]

Sending prayers your way, for whatever your highest self needs.


Blessings,

Pam

[chopsaw]

Pam,

Thank you. As I said to Wit and Itch, I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you well.

Best,

Chopsaw

[Love]

Good luck pursuing your dreams! I wish you well.

[chopsaw]

Love,

A perfect name. Thank you. And may you find an abundance of joy, too.

[Sacred-Dances]

I had a breakdown not so long ago,did'nt believe I could recover.To my surprise slowly and gradually I see progress.I now believe things will naturally piece together when you walk down the right road for yourself.You're in my thoughts for good things to come your way.All the best. Thank you for reminding me what's truly important!Don't stop believing!!!

[Alvin]

Good luck, my friend.

We all need support once in a while, and while an internet forum won't take the place of real-life friends, post here if you ever need a listening or helpful ear.

[chopsaw]

To all who have read, and to all who have replied. I thank you. Your kind words and good thoughts have bouyed my spirits ten fold. I certainly feel blessed.

[C33]

Good thoughts to you and all the best for the future, for you and your loved ones.

Breakdowns are tough rites of passage to the true self, society wants to label them as unproductive time, give them the name of depression, it has medication for it with pretty pills and exotic names. Yet a break down, can be a breakthrough to something better...

I wish you to prosper and thrive.

[bellbird]

Dear chopsaw, I praise you for your strength, courage and insights. Breakdowns often turn out to be blessings in disguise. (God knows we don't think of them as such when we're in the middle of turbulent times) Luckily you have your family who can help you as well. Don't carry any 'burden' by yourself... you don't need to. Let your family be there for you too. It sounds like you are on to the path of new beginnings. I wish you and your family all the best. You will find your way again and possibly another one as you intended before...

[Simmiah]

I wish you the very best!

[chopsaw]

I want to thank everyone for their well wishes. And with that, a bit of an update.

For financial reasons I've had to jump back into my old occupation. I am a finish carpenter, thus my username. I have a project to complete next week. I'm building a federal style mantle for a client. There was a time when I would have loved to do it, but now I can barely bring myself to start. I still get short of breath just thinking about this type of work.

I know I'll get it done, and it will exceed my client's expectations. It will have the look and feel of an authentic antique. But my heart's just not in it.

Along the way I have finally embraced my "purpose". I've known all along that I should be a writer. I've known this since I was four years old. But, because I doubted my abilities, I didn't acknowledge my calling.

I have now embraced my calling and am thrilled. When I'm writing, and I write at least one thousand words per day, I am very much at peace. Time doesn't exist, and it's something I look forward to doing each day. But I temper myself, so as not to burn out.

So far this year I've placed two articles in national magazines, and have gotten paid. I have four short stories circulating at different literary journals, and am well into a novel I've promised myself I'd "someday" write. That someday is now. I will send out chapters of my novel this summer with the goal of landing an agent.

Next month, to sharpen my "literary" skills, I'll attend a writer's conference and get the low-down on what I need to do to properly present my manuscript to literary agents, and learn more about the book business as a whole. I am also planning a book review blog that I will focus on launching this fall for no other reason than personal enjoyment. I'll probably get to learn about books and authors of value that I haven't encountered. It'll be like school without the pressure. And when I start gathering information about the blog, I will certainly ask those here for their good advice.

I've been told that being a successful author is a long shot. Others have done it, and so will I.

Peace and be well.

[bellbird]

Awesome!! That is so GREAT!! Thank you for sharing this wonderful news. Yes please let us know how you get on and where we can buy the book ?
All the best to you! (Doing a wee dance)

[shesaboutspirit]

Great update! I understand about the "job" and how that must be difficult especially now that you've answered your calling. It's funny, I was just discussing this with a friend of mine who is also a writer, who is new at exploring her gift as well. She has cleared her life to make room for writing, and has found that her inner drive to write has become more illusive, now that she can. We were noticing that when there is a little pressure, such as the other "job", the drive to write is even stronger and she's more inclined to do it regularly.

We humans are just quirky, aren't we?

Keep us posted on your journey. It's very inspiring.

And one final thought...have you considered changing your screen name to something that is more in line with the evolving you?

blessings all,

Pam

[chopsaw]

Pam, thanks for your thoughts. I have been self employed most of my adult life, and I treat writing with the same discipline. Today I am at a tough point in my novel. So I grabbed a bunch of books with similar themes and saw how "the masters" handled it. Now I've got an idea of how to move ahead. I'll take a short walk, let the idea germinate, and then relax and let it come forth.

John Irving said the two things needed to become a successful writer he learned from high school wrestling. Consistency and discipline.

I am not going to change my user name until the transformation is complete.

[chopsaw]

Late last night I finished the first draft to my novel. It's just under 100,000 words. I wrote every day for the last four months. I disciplined myself to write at least one thousand words a day, but had a few very good days where I went beyond that. I had a lengthy manuscript to pull from and some well developed characters and settings which certainly sped up the process. Next is the revising stage and then it goes out to a few select readers to get their impression. And if the majority of readers thinks something needs to be changed, etc. I'll give it my full attention.

I'm going to let the manuscript sit for a couple of weeks before I start the revision process. I want to edit with fresh eyes. While I'm no longer writing this book, I'll work on a couple of writing assignments I've gotten and work on a couple of short stories just to keep limber. I'm going to use this "down time" to research agents and perfect my query letter. I'm hoping to strike on the next novel idea, too.

I start a new job next week as well. I'm still working as a carpenter, but the person who hired me is a true artisan. I will learn a tremendous amount from him, and will wind up making more money than I was on my own. We click personally as well. What's nice about this arrangement is that the pressure is off for me to "dig up" the next job, deal with clients, suppliers, sub-contractors, inspectors, or worrying about tool maintenance, quarterlies and the rest of it. I get to make sawdust during the day and connect words at night. It's quite the life.

As the Beatles once said: "It's getting better all the time."

My best to all of you,

Chopsaw (Until my novel is published. Then I'll be Scribbler)

[shesaboutspirit]

"Scribbler" I love that.

I'm really happy for you.

Pam

[Liara Covert]

Dear chopsaw,
I can relate to your process of embracing your passion and all the sacrifices that has required. If you haven't heard of Rhonda Byrne's The Secret, I would highly recommend you go visit your local library. A film was released based on this book too. It reminds us that we attract people and events into our lives based on our deepset beliefs and self-awareness. Another related website you may appreciate is Using The Secret
Have faith along your winding journey. It sounds like you're well on your way .A sense of success begins inside yourself.