Irrational Guilt?

[conroy]

Hi guys,

I am trying to deal with certain feeling of anxiety at the moment, It may sound irrational but is constantly on my mind.

When I was a lot younger, say 14/15 I was very sexually confused and I understand most boys go through it. I used to sometimes read incest stories on the internet and had some sort of fascination or interest in it, I don't know why.

I have no such thoughts these days thank god and have a happy healthy sexual relationship. I'm wondering was this a normal part of growing up? Should I let it go? I also remember in college, probably once or twice I read those stories again, but it never developed into a regular thing, what would explain this?

Thanks.

Conroy

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by conroy

Hi guys,

I am trying to deal with certain feeling of anxiety at the moment, It may sound irrational but is constantly on my mind.

When I was a lot younger, say 14/15 I was very sexually confused and I understand most boys go through it. I used to sometimes read incest stories on the internet and had some sort of fascination or interest in it, I don't know why.

I have no such thoughts these days thank god and have a happy healthy sexual relationship. I'm wondering was this a normal part of growing up? Should I let it go? I also remember in college, probably once or twice I read those stories again, but it never developed into a regular thing, what would explain this?

Thanks.

Conroy

Where to begin with this?

Yes, let it go. It's the past. Every moment dies to the past.

Where are the questions "am I normal" and "what would explain this" coming from? They come from the mind and you should never believe anything it says. Yes, I said that. Mind is for entertainment and figuring out Sudoku puzzles. As you see this clearer you'll see that the mind is always searching for and latching onto a problem which (it thinks) needs to be solved.

I'd recommend reading Eckhart Tolle, Alice Gardner, and Adyashanti in that order if you are interested in getting away from your mind and living more from being.

[conroy]

I understand, it has just come out of nowhere these feelings of sexual guilt as a young boy, I didn't do anything wrong I was just growing up still, maybe revisiting it will help me deal with it.

I remember on occasion in my early teens dressing my my moms lingerie purely for a kick or because I got extremely horny. I looked it up on the net there and found that this is not uncommon, and never have I wanted to do anything like that again.

Are there any techniques for dealing with this anxiety, let it pass or talk to someone?

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by conroy

Are there any techniques for dealing with this anxiety, let it pass or talk to someone?

When the feeling of anxiety comes up. Make some space, connect to the feeling and keep the mind quiet.

Pay particular attention to the belly area of the body and go into any feeling you feel there. To work with a feeling just 'soften' into it. The mind doesn't know what that means exactly, but trust the rest of you knows what to do.

From there the feeling will probably turn into something else, another feeling, a knowing, or just joy if you've reached the end.

[rei]

Originally Posted by conroy

I understand, it has just come out of nowhere these feelings of sexual guilt as a young boy, I didn't do anything wrong I was just growing up still, maybe revisiting it will help me deal with it.

I remember on occasion in my early teens dressing my my moms lingerie purely for a kick or because I got extremely horny. I looked it up on the net there and found that this is not uncommon, and never have I wanted to do anything like that again.

Are there any techniques for dealing with this anxiety, let it pass or talk to someone?

what you describe is much more common than most cultures will admit.

lots of heterosexual men wear women's clothing sometimes, because it's fun for them.

however, it sounds like you were wanting to, shall we say, be different? you said when you found out wearing women's clothing was not uncommon, you never wanted to do it again. so, could it be you were wanting to be different and unique, perhaps?

i agree with Dharma, the past is the past. if you didn't act on these urges with anyone else, i'm not sure why there is guilt?

sexuality is complex, lots of people don't fit what society says you're supposed to enjoy. that doesn't make them wrong or bad.

[conroy]

Originally Posted by rei

what you describe is much more common than most cultures will admit.

lots of heterosexual men wear women's clothing sometimes, because it's fun for them.

however, it sounds like you were wanting to, shall we say, be different? you said when you found out wearing women's clothing was not uncommon, you never wanted to do it again. so, could it be you were wanting to be different and unique, perhaps?

i agree with Dharma, the past is the past. if you didn't act on these urges with anyone else, i'm not sure why there is guilt?

sexuality is complex, lots of people don't fit what society says you're supposed to enjoy. that doesn't make them wrong or bad.

Thank you so much for your insightful reply, however you seemed to have misunderstood one part. I said that just today I looked up on the net about teen boys cross-dressing and found out that it was not uncommon as boys that age are curious and hormones get the better of them. I didn't mean I never wanted to do it again because of finding that out, I actually never felt an urge to do it again after that phase of my early teens, that was it.

Of course I didn't act on these urges with anyone else, I'm just feeling this anxiety and it seems I'm creating reasons to be anxious.

[rei]

Originally Posted by conroy

Thank you so much for your insightful reply, however you seemed to have misunderstood one part. I said that just today I looked up on the net about teen boys cross-dressing and found out that it was not uncommon as boys that age are curious and hormones get the better of them. I didn't mean I never wanted to do it again because of finding that out, I actually never felt an urge to do it again after that phase of my early teens, that was it.

Of course I didn't act on these urges with anyone else, I'm just feeling this anxiety and it seems I'm creating reasons to be anxious.

ah, okay. i was going by sentence structure, but i see you meant it differently.

hmm... could it be you are feeling anxiety about something else, but transfering it to be about this instead? perhaps, in a way, being anxious about this feels easier than what you're really anxious about? just a theory, thought i'd throw it out there.

[Marc D]

Originally Posted by Dharma

When the feeling of anxiety comes up. Make some space, connect to the feeling and keep the mind quiet.

Pay particular attention to the belly area of the body and go into any feeling you feel there. To work with a feeling just 'soften' into it. The mind doesn't know what that means exactly, but trust the rest of you knows what to do.

From there the feeling will probably turn into something else, another feeling, a knowing, or just joy if you've reached the end.

This is good advice.

[conroy]

I have thought about that and perhaps you could be right, I am considering changing career at the moment and going back to college and this would affect all aspects of my life including my relationship with my girlfriend which I cherish, that uncertainly could be part of my anxiety.

[Canadian]

A guy having only "normal" fantasies his whole life would be very abnormal, I would think.

[conroy]

Thank you canadia, all these responses are really helping me relax and I'm hoping the anxiety will fade.

I think because I have been feeling this for a week, I am fearing anxiety itself and worrying it will never go away, a vicious circle if you like.

[Vibration]

Originally Posted by conroy

I have thought about that and perhaps you could be right, I am considering changing career at the moment and going back to college and this would affect all aspects of my life including my relationship with my girlfriend which I cherish, that uncertainly could be part of my anxiety.

Have you talked with your girlfriend about it?

I think you should talk to her about it if your relationship with her is such that she won't be freaked out by it.

She may have something to do with your anxiety, and could possibly help put you at ease about it.