The power of NO

[smallstar]

Cheers,

An hour ago, I got a strange phone call. I had rented out an apartment for three months the previous day, and now the mother of the 18-year-old rentee called me and asked me if I could cancel the contract. I got angry and outraged - the daughter had been very sane to me when we signed the contract, and now the mother has the nerve to call me, without even a direct permission. Bla bla bla, I finally agreed to let her go if she paid just one month's rent, of course the cheapskate even refused that. Grr. Such many emotions and arguing where a single unemotional word would have sufficed.

NO.

[shesaboutspirit]

and just for thought?

The equal power of Yes...

[smallstar]

Originally Posted by shesaboutspirit

and just for thought?

The equal power of Yes...

<left out unnecessary rant as unnecessary>

NO.

[smallstar]

Hmm, seems that I fell to a trick question.

Yes, I do expect people to honor the agreements they have made.

Yes, I do hold people responsible for their own actions.

Yes, I do expect to be paid for my inconveniences and expenses.

Yes, I do stand up for myself.

Yes, I do understand that as a leader, I sometimes need to make tough decisions, even if they hurt someone.

[Elenny]

Why get so outraged? Isn't that what a lease is for? A legal contract to protect both sides and avoid these type of confrontations.

[shesaboutspirit]

Hi Smallstar,

I promise I wasn't trying to trick you, though I can see how that appears. While I was reading your first note though, I felt all tense and uptight while empathizing with both sides. Then suddenly the "yes" came into my thoughts...and my whole being just eased and relaxed. Then I thought "hmm, yes, why not yes?" So I just put that out to you for thought.

I also understand how it feels to be "right". And how much more power I actually feel when I can just let that go. My personal feeling is that perhaps this was not the Tennant who you're meant to have, and that with a little grace on your part, you can open the way for the one who is waiting to come into your world.

I do understand the power of no and agree that it has its moments. However, I've also found that yes is often a much healthier and wiser choice. Going with the flow of the Universe perhaps.

And I appreciate that you spared me a rant, because I didn't mean you any harm, only offering love here. Gently.

Peace,

Pam

[smallstar]

Hi,

Thanks to you, actually it seems that I failed to describe my problem accurately enough.

Of course, "Yes" was not a viable alternative at any point because of my current situation (very little time and energy, and unnecessary monetary costs that the caller promptly refused to cover). The bad thing was that I didn't make that fact clear enough early enough. The caller was left to the impression that I might be persuaded, and she started using emotional arguments and even called me unethical at one point. That made me feel bad and I also got angry because I realized I was being manipulated.

This is the moral of the story. If you already know you are going to say No, especially against outrageous demands, don't be afraid to state it right on. If you don't do that, you will give false hope, risk being exposed to abusive argumentation that makes you feel bad, and risk having to be rude to assert your No.

So, cut the c**p short and say NO.

[JoeBlogs]

Talking about the power of saying no (or yes) have you ever read 'Yes Man' by Danny Wallace?

For those that don't know it is the true story of what happened when he decided to say yes to absolutely everything, it's a really funny book and also gets you thinking about what would happen if you said yes more, it did for me anyway!

[smallstar]

Originally Posted by JoeBlogs

Talking about the power of saying no (or yes) have you ever read 'Yes Man' by Danny Wallace?

For those that don't know it is the true story of what happened when he decided to say yes to absolutely everything, it's a really funny book and also gets you thinking about what would happen if you said yes more, it did for me anyway!

Sounds cool, I'd definitely have to read that. However, a 'Yes Woman' would be even more interesting...

[Liara Covert]

Hi smallstar.

The previous posts offer food for thought. Only you can decide whether you will be flexible with anyone who signs a lease on your property. You have rights as a property owner that are in place to protect you. At the same time, it's in your interest to learn to recognize extenuating circumstances which would lead someone to desire to get out of a lease. A better tenant may be just around the corner for you. You would benefit from letting go of any guilt or negative feelings you may feel about saying no to a request. Once you make a decision, it's good to stand by it. You can learn from every choice.

[smallstar]

Heh...

Actually, I happened to recognize that 'yes woman' in my social circles. She is very happy, extremely social, good at raising positive emotions... always saying yes to everyone, accepting all invitations... and then failing to show up without giving a notice. "Sorry, my friends decided to come over", she says.

Saying Yes implies commitment. Saying Yes to everyone shows that you are incapable of making commitment and untrustworthy, and diminishes the value of the Yes. I would rather take a honest NO.

[Angela]

Smallstar, why didn't you collect a deposit when the daughter signed the contract? The contract should have specified how much was refundable in the case of cancellation and how long the recision period is.

[Dietrie]

Out of curiousity, have you tried contacting the actual renters? I know I am having my own "issues" with our current landlord but as we are buying our own house finally, I chose to not let the moral dilemmas be an issue, decided that my family and more importantly myself comes first, and therefore my landlord has become a non-issue. I've put up with too much crap and abuse from them as a tenant who has been MORE than a good tenant and gone above and beyond, and finally I realized the importance of taking care of number one!

If saying NO was what it takes for you take care of your priorities, then by all means exercise that. But if it doesn't make you feel good then maybe, at the end of the day it needs some re-evaluation?

How are things anyways?

[smallstar]

Cheers,

Actually, the rent thing ended up as expected - the daughter still wanted to rent the apartment and the mother could not do anything about it. It looks like that if I had said Yes, she would have forced her to withdraw from the contract.

So, in the end, I feel having done the right thing from both the 'dark' and the 'light' perspectives. My problem was not taking a clear choice at the start.

-SS