When literally every area of your life sucks, where do you start!?

[Rockchick26]

The last few days I've been totally depressed about my life, because everything about it is getting worse and it's about to get much worse in a few months (most likely) and I hate the feeling that I'm aware of all this but I feel powerless to stop it from happening. I feel like I'm slowly losing everything in my life that means something to me and now almost nothing holds joy to me anymore. Actually I should rephrase this, it isn't so much that everything in my life is getting WORSE, some parts of it are, but it's mostly that I've just had enough and i'm sick and tired of being miserable and I have to change something, and I just feel overwhelmed.

How do you fix your entire life when every part of it is going to hell? Ok so I'm alive and I have food to eat (somehow) and a roof over my head (for now), I know I should be grateful for the things that are going right, but it's much easier said than done when the vast majority of your life is falling apart. I literally feel like I'm falling down a really steep hill and I keep grabbing onto rocks on the way down but they crumble apart in my hands and I fall further down.

Meditation hasn't worked for me. Eating right and sleeping good hasn't worked. Exercise hasn't worked. Doing things I used to enjoy doesn't even work anymore because I feel like they are just temporary distractions and they make me avoid my problems so they only get worse. Being around my friends and family makes me feel worse because those are 2 areas of my life that suck and they are just reminders of what I don't like about it.

I really need a therapist but can't afford one, so this is my only option. I can't even find free therapy online or in my area. I'm not suicidal so I don't need to call the suicide hotline or anything, I am not going to kill myself but I am starting to notice the warning signs of depression and I just don't want myself to get any worse.

[Angela]

So what are you going to do about it?

[Rockchick26]

I don't know, that's why I'm asking for advice. Nothing I've tried has worked, I need more insight to this problem maybe from people who have been there before. My friends can't relate to any of my problems because they have jobs, money, good family relationships, and health.

[dulaney0330]

When I was 17, every area of my life sucked. No friends, no job, depression, bad grades in school, and really nothing to offer to the world. Fearing for my life, my mother and I agreed that it was best that I lived with my aunt and uncle. They lived in a different state, they were middle class, and they had a stable, healthy marriage.

I had consistent authority, discipline, stability, reliability, and a clean house for the first time in my life. While a year into it, I still battled with severe depression and low self-esteem, it began to turn, slowly. I felt more confident, secure, not prone to anxiety, and safe.

These cornerstones were implanted in my home life and felt in my emotional and mental states. While there are other factors that encouraged my success (ability to reach out to friends, exercise, medication), change of enviornment worked for me.

So, I know how you feel and I have been there many times since moving to Delaware. Along the way, I found out that not giving up is the best chance you got to make it right.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

When I was 17, every area of my life sucked. No friends, no job, depression, bad grades in school, and really nothing to offer to the world. Fearing for my life, my mother and I agreed that it was best that I lived with my aunt and uncle. They lived in a different state, they were middle class, and they had a stable, healthy marriage.

I had consistent authority, discipline, stability, reliability, and a clean house for the first time in my life. While a year into it, I still battled with severe depression and low self-esteem, it began to turn, slowly. I felt more confident, secure, not prone to anxiety, and safe.

These cornerstones were implanted in my home life and felt in my emotional and mental states. While there are other factors that encouraged my success (ability to reach out to friends, exercise, medication), change of enviornment worked for me.

So, I know how you feel and I have been there many times since moving to Delaware. Along the way, I found out that not giving up is the best chance you got to make it right.

I think being depressed as a teenager is totally different than being depressed as a 30-something. Almost every teenager gets depressed on a regular basis. I do want a change of environment but I have no money, no reliable transportation, and a family burden that is falling on me so I can't leave. I've been dreaming about moving for a year at least, and if I could, I would. But then I also think, even if I move, I'm still the same person inside, and I know moving in the past didn't change me so it wouldn't work this time either. I would be happier in some ways, but, that's part of my entire problem is I CAN'T move.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I think being depressed as a teenager is totally different than being depressed as a 30-something. Almost every teenager gets depressed on a regular basis. I do want a change of environment but I have no money, no reliable transportation, and a family burden that is falling on me so I can't leave. I've been dreaming about moving for a year at least, and if I could, I would. But then I also think, even if I move, I'm still the same person inside, and I know moving in the past didn't change me so it wouldn't work this time either. I would be happier in some ways, but, that's part of my entire problem is I CAN'T move.

Well, I have given you one of my life experiences from someone who has been there.

A person changes when they give themselves permission to. Environment can definitely be the catalyst for change. But, I knew I had to look deep down and challenge myself to the process of change: reaching out into the unknown, uncomfortable, taking many risks, trial and error, and believing in yourself spite doubt and pain.

Every accomplishment and success story begins with a belief.

What has kept you down for so long?

[Analytheque]

The hardest thing to get over when i started reworking my life was that
MY life at the time; good and the bad; was a direct result of my actions or inactions.
Thats it.
You are your own master and slave.
S

[theuprising]

Originally Posted by Analytheque

The hardest thing to get over when i started reworking my life was that
MY life at the time; good and the bad; was a direct result of my actions or inactions.
Thats it.
You are your own master and slave.
S

bah I wouldn't tell myself this since it doesn't make sense, there are so many occasions where you were not in control of what happened, simple luck decided the outcome.

Though yeah, you shouldn't underwrite your own power, but you should have the ability to see what is and what is not in your power.

[sheffy4]

It sounds like you have tried to work on other areas of your life (exercise, eat healthy, socialize, trying to have fun...) and hope that the bad areas get better as a side effect. So this hasn't worked.
From my very limited point of view, it looks like you just need to tackle your worst problem areas HEAD ON. Quit dancing around your problems and just dig in. And as for the question of what to start with, I would start with the ones that most threaten your basic needs, like food and shelter. It sounds like you might be unemployed, or about to be, or about to lose your place of residence, so I would suggest securing some income and a place to live first. Perhaps watch Steve's video on Abundance in order to start getting away from your scarcity mindset.
It also sounds like you are feeling trapped by your family situation. Remind yourself that you are indeed choosing to stay with your family, they are not forcing you to do so. The consequences for leaving are, for you, undesirable (Maybe you depend on them, or they depend on you, so you feel guilty for leaving), so you decide to stay. Don't give your power to other people. That is part of the cause of your depression.

[dulaney0330]

"to move a mountain,you must remove it stone by stone." Chinese proverb

I saw this quote on the Olympics and I thought of you. I wanted to pass it along.

[Analytheque]

Originally Posted by theuprising

bah I wouldn't tell myself this since it doesn't make sense, there are so many occasions where you were not in control of what happened, simple luck decided the outcome.

Though yeah, you shouldn't underwrite your own power, but you should have the ability to see what is and what is not in your power.

of course you have the right what and what not to affirm or believe in, but there's more merit to this than you might think.

I have a hard time imagining a circumstance or "problem" that you dont have direct control over.

There are some: eg, a random guy pushes you in front of a bus, or you get mugged in central park. Of course these type of events limit your control to almost none. But in the case of the mugging, you have control over how you live your life afterward. After this mugging, do you go and cry for the next ten years; or do you move on and try to forget the experience (or better yet chalk it up to experience and avoid walking in that park. In the case of the bus, well, that sucks. Not the best examples but you get the meaning.

Even with the deaths of family members, dealing with aging parents (or with dying parents, as some have had to.) How you walk away from the experience is a large part of what you take from it.

And as far as luck deciding your outcome? In terms of what, a job? Shouldn't of had the job that wasn't secure. In terms of money? There are billions of ways to make money, if you dont have enough chances are the failing was in a choice you made previously. And even if you are broke, losing the house, the electricity is turned off, and you can barely feed yourself, the situation is as bad as you think it is. So if you think it's a wonderful life just because you have one, then that is whats true. Regardless of bank statements.

sorry if i sound rude, but i was thankful when someone did this for me.

Some people aren't ready to hear it yet though.

[Indiana]

I have noticed in lots of previous posts of yours that you have a real 'Yes, but' mentality. No matter what people suggest in regard to your various problems, you always have a reason it's not going to work for you. You have a lot of false blockages about why you can't do things 'because that's just the way it is', or because it seems like it would be too much effort, and you like the belief that if something is going to happen for you, it shouldn't require any real effort on your part.

That latter belief is a fine belief if it works for you, but clearly it doesn't. Why not?

Address overcoming your false beliefs about things 'having to be' a certain way, and about your actions not being right unless they take little or no effort, and you'll go a long way towards solving your problems.

[Analytheque]

Originally Posted by Indiana

I have noticed in lots of previous posts of yours that you have a real 'Yes, but' mentality. No matter what people suggest in regard to your various problems, you always have a reason it's not going to work for you. You have a lot of false blockages about why you can't do things 'because that's just the way it is', or because it seems like it would be too much effort, and you like the belief that if something is going to happen for you, it shouldn't require any real effort on your part.

That latter belief is a fine belief if it works for you, but clearly it doesn't. Why not?

Address overcoming your false beliefs about things 'having to be' a certain way, and about your actions not being right unless they take little or no effort, and you'll go a long way towards solving your problems.

Said it better than i could have.

[Analytheque]

Sorry for the multiple posts, i wanted to add one more thing.

If it truly is something that you cannot control, then I apologize for not taking it as seriously as i should have.

It might help if you would share some of the actual issues you are having a problem with.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

A person changes when they give themselves permission to. Environment can definitely be the catalyst for change. But, I knew I had to look deep down and challenge myself to the process of change: reaching out into the unknown, uncomfortable, taking many risks, trial and error, and believing in yourself spite doubt and pain.

I don't know how to "give myself permission" to do something other than to think about it and try to plan how I can do it, but then things happen to knock me down, almost as if the universe is saying "How dare you try to change anything". I really feel powerless and like I have no say in what happens because every thing that is wrong is wrong because other things have gone wrong first and I can't fix one thing without the other thing being fixed but I can't fix that thing because of this other thing that also went wrong, and on and on and on!

What has kept you down for so long?

You mean specifically what are the barriers in my way? Right now it's mostly the economy, being unable to get a job. But it's also the way I was raised and my strained relationship with my dad.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Analytheque

The hardest thing to get over when i started reworking my life was that
MY life at the time; good and the bad; was a direct result of my actions or inactions.
Thats it.
You are your own master and slave.
S

I understand this but somehow just knowing it doesn't help. I mean to me that's like taking your car in to the shop to get fixed and having them tell you why it broke and what is wrong with it but not fixing it. Yes you know how it happened and why but you can't help it because cars just break down and it's just the way it is. So that's about how helpless I feel.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by sheffy4

It sounds like you have tried to work on other areas of your life (exercise, eat healthy, socialize, trying to have fun...) and hope that the bad areas get better as a side effect. So this hasn't worked.

Yeah I have focused on the things that I can control (how much I exercise, what I eat, how much sleep I get, etc), because that's all I know to do, is control what I can.

From my very limited point of view, it looks like you just need to tackle your worst problem areas HEAD ON. Quit dancing around your problems and just dig in. And as for the question of what to start with, I would start with the ones that most threaten your basic needs, like food and shelter. It sounds like you might be unemployed, or about to be, or about to lose your place of residence, so I would suggest securing some income and a place to live first.

I have been unemployed for over a year now, and I'm going to be forced to move in a few months. To where, I don't know, I really only have one option and that's my mom's house but that's what I'm trying to avoid because I will be even more miserable there than here. Independence, privacy and freedom are the 3 most important things to me and all of those will be gone then.

Perhaps watch Steve's video on Abundance in order to start getting away from your scarcity mindset.

I've already watched that video, in fact I LOVED it and I watched it a few times. But the part where he says you have to watch for things to appear that take courage to take, nothing like that has happened. All I'm seeing are things getting worse, no new opportunities or new doors opening for me, nothing positive at all.

It also sounds like you are feeling trapped by your family situation. Remind yourself that you are indeed choosing to stay with your family, they are not forcing you to do so. The consequences for leaving are, for you, undesirable (Maybe you depend on them, or they depend on you, so you feel guilty for leaving), so you decide to stay. Don't give your power to other people. That is part of the cause of your depression.

Well my dad just had open heart surgery and now he needs someone there 24/7 for like 4-6 weeks. His girlfriend has a job and she has an elderly mother to take care of who lives 3 hours away, so she can't be there all the time. My brother has a job and a 4 year old so he's only been there for a few hours total. There is no one else who can do it but me. And he's depressed now because of everything that's happened and now he's clinging to me even more than he was, which I thought could not get worse!! To me if somebody walked away from this situation, they are just heartless. No matter what you want out of life, you can't just leave your helpless aging parent, that would be about as bad as leaving a toddler unattended in a house by itself.

[aelle]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I mean to me that's like taking your car in to the shop to get fixed and having them tell you why it broke and what is wrong with it but not fixing it. Yes you know how it happened and why but you can't help it because cars just break down and it's just the way it is. So that's about how helpless I feel.

That's exactly what Analytheque did not tell you. Metaphorical cars don't just break down. You broke your car, or let it decay. Once you know how that happened, you can change the way you use your car. If truly random unfortunate things happen, you are responsible for dealing with them and fixing them to get your car running again. It's not necessarily easy, it can take time... But no one else will do it for you.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

"to move a mountain,you must remove it stone by stone." Chinese proverb

I saw this quote on the Olympics and I thought of you. I wanted to pass it along.

I like that saying!

I'm not saying I don't appreciate it, but of course my mind is already thinking 'I can't move the bottom stone or the others will tumble down on top of me, and I can't reach the top stone".

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Analytheque

I have a hard time imagining a circumstance or "problem" that you dont have direct control over.

You don't have control over how your parents raise you. You don't have control if your job lays you off. You don't have control over if a job wants to give you an interview or not, based on your resume. You don't have control over bad things happening to your family and them needing you. You don't have control over your car breaking down. I won't go on, I'm sure you get my point!

Even with the deaths of family members, dealing with aging parents (or with dying parents, as some have had to.) How you walk away from the experience is a large part of what you take from it.

Assuming you can walk away from it. In my case it's only just begun and it's worse than ever now.

And as far as luck deciding your outcome? In terms of what, a job? Shouldn't of had the job that wasn't secure.

No job is secure anymore. Even nurses and doctors lose their jobs. I had the same job for 18 years! The economy affects everyone.

In terms of money? There are billions of ways to make money, if you dont have enough chances are the failing was in a choice you made previously.

Well yes if you wanna get technical, I could become a stripper and make TONS of money, but I am too modest to even have sex so that's a bit out of my league. I could sell my plasma but you only get like $70 a week for that I could work myself to death working 3 part time jobs to make ends meet, but then i'm endangering my health and I won't be able to take care of my dad anymore. It's like all the solutions are worse than the original problem.

[cacheborn]

Hey Rockchick

I completely understand that you are frustrated about your situation. Realize that the more you focus on your now, the more of it you will generate. First, accept your situation. Let go of resistance. Then try to find some positive aspect, however small in your situation and focus on that.

The reason you do not feel better is there is a big gap between how you feel now and a feeling of positivity. It is not possible to bridge this gap at once, you must do it by steps. Try to avoid words like I can't. Try saying "wouldn't it be nice .... your desire?"

Some links here might help you feel better.

Inspiring Media

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Indiana

I have noticed in lots of previous posts of yours that you have a real 'Yes, but' mentality. No matter what people suggest in regard to your various problems, you always have a reason it's not going to work for you. You have a lot of false blockages about why you can't do things 'because that's just the way it is', or because it seems like it would be too much effort, and you like the belief that if something is going to happen for you, it shouldn't require any real effort on your part.

That latter belief is a fine belief if it works for you, but clearly it doesn't. Why not?

Address overcoming your false beliefs about things 'having to be' a certain way, and about your actions not being right unless they take little or no effort, and you'll go a long way towards solving your problems.

I've gone around and around with Angela about this many times. So I'll just tell you what I told her. It's easy for someone else to tell somebody what to do to fix their problems because they don't know the whole story, they don't know if the solution will be worse than the problem, they don't know the pros and cons. And if I could do those solutions, I would have. Trust me I have analyzed this and thought about this for years, and if I can't come up with the best answer then I am convinced there isn't one. I mean, if you have 3 choices and they all are equally bad, then you just don't do ANY of them because you don't want to willingly choose something that is bad. So, you just let whatever happens happen and then you can't blame yourself for choosing something so bad.

Also, my "obstacles" don't feel like they're coming from me, so when people tell me I'm creating them, I just don't get it. How did I create the fact that the economy is bad and I don't have as much experience as other people applying for the same jobs I am? I WANT a job. I would not willingly make it be that I can't get one. How did I create the way my dad raised me? When you're a kid you can't use intention manifestation, you have no control over your life until you are 18. And by then the damage has been done. Sure people can change, but obviously it takes therapy and many years and luck too.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by Analytheque

Sorry for the multiple posts, i wanted to add one more thing.

If it truly is something that you cannot control, then I apologize for not taking it as seriously as i should have.

It might help if you would share some of the actual issues you are having a problem with.

Ok I'll explain everything in detail, I just wanted to avoid each issue singly because there are so many of them and what it all boils down to is I feel depressed and hopeless and powerless and I just thought an answer to that would help with everything else. Ok...

-I have been unemployed for over a year and unable to get hired (except a temporary part time job that only lasted 2 months).
-I have two old piece of **** vehicles that aren't worth anything and both have more problems than I can afford to fix, and I certainly can't afford a newer one.
-I'll be out of unemployment money in a few months and if I can't get hired anywhere then i'll be forced to get rid of everything I own and sleep on my mom's couch. (That's the last place I want to live).
-I have some health problems that are getting worse and I have no health insurance and couldn't afford to pay out of pocket.
-The issues I've always had with my dad got worse, he just had open heart surgery and it's been nothing but drama but yet I'm one of the only 2 people that can take care of him (He needs 24/7 care for the next 4-6 weeks)
-I really want to go to school but I have no reliable transportation (nearest school is 25 minutes away) and going even more into debt doesn't sound like a good idea.
-I've felt this way for years but it's really bothering me now, I have very few friends and I don't have much in common with them and I feel empty around them and I need to belong to a big group of like minded people and I haven't been able to accomplish that.
-I have some types of anxiety (social, mental, emotional) that prevent me from...well, being normal, for lack of a better word. I have a hard time doing things correctly, I have a hard time making friends, and I can't attract men other than the ones who are just out for a quick screw. It also has affected my health, I have panic attacks and I have some type of heart problem that might be related to my anxiety.
-I've been single for 35 years of my 37, and it's just really getting to me now that I'm nearing my 40's. I'm so incredibly lonely but I don't want to be desperate enough to take just anyone. But I can't afford to go out and do things and meet new people, when I hang out with my friends all they wanna do is sit at their houses and I can't afford to do anything else anyway. I just feel dragged down by everything in my life, like it's all up against me. And I've felt this way for a few years but now everything is just finally hitting me and I can't take it anymore. I need a different life but in order to get that I have to turn my back on everyone and everything I have now. I have to hurt people in the process and I can't choose that willingly.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by aelle

That's exactly what Analytheque did not tell you. Metaphorical cars don't just break down. You broke your car, or let it decay. Once you know how that happened, you can change the way you use your car. If truly random unfortunate things happen, you are responsible for dealing with them and fixing them to get your car running again. It's not necessarily easy, it can take time... But no one else will do it for you.

Bad example then! But at least the issues with being unable to get a job and my anxiety/personality issues (how I was raised) I couldnt control those things.

[aelle]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

Bad example then! But at least the issues with being unable to get a job and my anxiety/personality issues (how I was raised) I couldnt control those things.

You can't change how you were raised, but you can change how you behave now. You can't change the economy, but you can change your skills.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by cacheborn

Hey Rockchick

I completely understand that you are frustrated about your situation. Realize that the more you focus on your now, the more of it you will generate. First, accept your situation. Let go of resistance. Then try to find some positive aspect, however small in your situation and focus on that.

I can find positive aspects, sure. I just feel like those are so small compared to everything that is bad, like the good things are only a temporary distraction to keep me from fixing everything else. I think that's why I've lost interest in things I used to enjoy, because it's the universe's way of forcing me to do what I NEED to do, not what I WANT to do. Therefore, there is no fun or enjoyment in my life right now.

Some links here might help you feel better.

Inspiring Media

Thanks, I'll check this out tomorrow, It's 6 am and I haven't been to bed yet, I'm so tired I could fall over but I want to get caught up here first!

[cacheborn]

Originally Posted by Rockchick26

I can find positive aspects, sure. I just feel like those are so small compared to everything that is bad, like the good things are only a temporary distraction to keep me from fixing everything else. I think that's why I've lost interest in things I used to enjoy, because it's the universe's way of forcing me to do what I NEED to do, not what I WANT to do. Therefore, there is no fun or enjoyment in my life right now.

It does not matter if they are small. Important thing is they should change the way how you feel. Once you feel one good thought and focus on it, another will join. I read the details of your situation. IMO, you need to concentrate on your feelings first, the action part will follow.

The things that you enjoy doing, don't treat them as distractions. They make you feel good so that when you come back to your situation, you can focus better on the positive aspects and the cycle goes on. Just like when depression starts and it feels like you are unable to stop it, same thing happens with positive feelings. Give it a try.

Thanks, I'll check this out tomorrow, It's 6 am and I haven't been to bed yet, I'm so tired I could fall over but I want to get caught up here first!

Especially, check the one where Tony Robbins tells the inspiring story of how Sly got to make Rocky1.

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by aelle

You can't change how you were raised, but you can change how you behave now.

MUCH easier said than done. I have so many problems with my personality that I don't even know where to begin. I could have made a list just as long as that other one with things just wrong with my mental/emotional/social anxiety/personality problems!

You can't change the economy, but you can change your skills.

Unfortunately, jobs want experience in order to hire you. Even to get a cashier job you need experience (usually 6 months). When there are 100 people applying for every job (on average), your skills only go so far. They want experience. I don't know what skills I can get anyway, without taking some classes (lack of money and reliable transportation get in the way there!)

[cacheborn]

I don't know if you follow LOA. If you do or if you want to give it a try, this may be interesting.

YouTube - Abraham Hicks - Conflicting Desires - Part 1

[Rockchick26]

Originally Posted by cacheborn

It does not matter if they are small. Important thing is they should change the way how you feel. Once you feel one good thought and focus on it, another will join. I read the details of your situation. IMO, you need to concentrate on your feelings first, the action part will follow.

The things that you enjoy doing, don't treat them as distractions. They make you feel good so that when you come back to your situation, you can focus better on the positive aspects and the cycle goes on. Just like when depression starts and it feels like you are unable to stop it, same thing happens with positive feelings. Give it a try.

Yeah I know what you mean. I can get that "feel good" feeling pretty easily, but it doesn't stay with me once I stop doing that. It doesn't help me think better, I still have the same problems. I even looked back on my old emails I've sent to people from a year or two ago, and even back then I was still thinking the same way and struggling with the same issues, it's like i'm stuck at square one. I have literally about 20 different documents saved on my computer from the last few years where I wrote out all the things I want in life, all the careers I want to get into, all the things that are important to me, my perfect day, my perfect life, my perfect this, my perfect that, solutions to my problems, roadblocks to my problems,and they're all scattered over the last few year! Every time, I feel like 'ok now I'm gonna think clearly and solve my problems' and basically all I do is rewrite the same stuff over and over again. I know what I need to do, I just can't do it!



Especially, check the one where Tony Robbins tells the inspiring story of how Sly got to make Rocky1.[/QUOTE]