Identifying with Emotions

[dulaney0330]

I have often read that most people identify with their negative emotions or an inner child.

Evidently, this can be a self-defeating/limiting behavior but I am not certain what "identification" even means.

I have struggles with anxiety and low self-esteem. I feel both of these are me and they are worn like a winter coat. Does this explain identifying with anxiety?

If I engage my inner child, through self help therapy, is that identification?

Thanks, in advance.

[ar81]

The best medicine for anxiety: Laughter.

Popular old saying says "people come from the place they are summoned from".

If I say you are a very kind person, unconsciously I am not giving you a choice, so if you reply, I may see your good side. I summoned you from the "good person" place, and then you came from there.

If I become negative I'd be summoning people from a negative place, and will get negativity.

[Angela]

It's hard when you think of negative emotions as being who you are. Like, "I feel kind of melancholy all the time, but that's just who I am." Or: "I can't help being so angry all the time; I'm just a total ♥♥♥♥♥!" It's like the color is molded in instead of painted on. When you scratch it, you just keep getting more of the same thing.

But was there ever a time when you weren't that negative emotion? Was there a time, for instance, when you were maybe two years old, happy and alert, fresh and alive to the moment, the sun warm on your face, the grass cool under your bare toes, and the breeze blowing your baby hair, tickling your neck? In that moment, did you believe you weren't good enough?

Probably not, huh? At some point, you decided you weren't good enough, and that there were things that were scary. Phew! That's good news, isn't it, because things that you decided can be examined for truth. Some old decisions just become outdated, as you grow older and learn more and have the resources to deal with stuff in a more effective grown-up way. Just the act of examining it begins to take away its power over you. Just seeing it for what it is -- a thought in a little tiny girl's head, a baby's means of coping -- starts to open up the opportunity to see new choices, and new ways of being, doesn't it? It's not who you are, it is only something you thought a long time ago.

Have you done the Morty Lefkoe limiting decision exercise? You might want to try it on a a limiting decision that you have already identified, so that you can get an idea of this ... how much freedom and opportunity you can create for yourself simply by skillfully shifting your perspective. If Morty's approach is too left-brained for you, you might enjoy seeing a timeline therapist -- someone who will guide you to new learnings and a new perspective that feels great. Byron Katie's The Work is really great, too, if you've identified your specific limiting beliefs -- and if you haven't, you can get help here in the forums getting to those specific limiting beliefs.

I think getting consciously engaged with your unconscious mind (what some people call their inner child) is a wonderful, playful, fun, and very productive thing to do.

[dulaney0330]

Thanks for both of your responses. I will look into the Morty Lefkoe exercise.

However, I don't feel my inital question was answered:

What does it mean to identify with the negative emotions?

[Angela]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

Thanks for both of your responses. I will look into the Morty Lefkoe exercise.

However, I don't feel my inital question was answered:

What does it mean to identify with the negative emotions?

Sorry, I thought I had answered that:

Originally Posted by Angela

It's hard when you think of negative emotions as being who you are. Like, "I feel kind of melancholy all the time, but that's just who I am." Or: "I can't help being so angry all the time; I'm just a total ♥♥♥♥♥!" It's like the color is molded in instead of painted on. When you scratch it, you just keep getting more of the same thing.

When you believe that you are a sad human being, or a worthless person, or an angry or anxious woman, you are identifying yourself, slapping a label on yourself, and limiting yourself to that identification. But is it true that who you are is any of those things? Of course not! We act as if it were true, though, as long as that thought is unconsciously running us.

[ar81]

Identity is a mask we wear.
We are not a mask.

Who am I?
I am something that is aware of its existence.
Yes, it's that generic.

What happens when we think we are our mask?
I wear the mask of emotions and the mask is me.
Emotions come and go, appear and disappear.
I am my emotions, so I come and go, appear and disappear.

My emotions are negative, so I am negative.

I am my ideas.
Ideas have no substance, so I have no substance.
Ideas can morph, be created and be discarded.
So I can morph, be created and be discarded.

I am my mask.
Is it that there is nothing behind my mask?
Am I afraid of being just an essence that observes the universe with no masks?

In spanish the verb "to be" uses 2 verbs: "ser" and "estar".
Ser gives you an idea of essence, being. Estar gives you an idea of state, condition, circumstance, place.

Uses of "ser" verb:
"Yo soy alto" (I am tall).
"Yo soy viejo" (I am old).

Uses of "estar" verb:
"Yo estoy triste" (I am sad).
"Yo estoy enojado" (I am upset).
"Yo estoy aquí" (I am here).

Despite of the correct assignment of such words, later psychology altered it, used "ser".
"Yo soy maniaco depresivo" (I am maniac-depressive)
"Yo soy esquizofrénico" (I am schizophrenic)

Astrology uses "ser":
"Usted es Aries" (You are Aries) instead of "su sol está en Aries" (your sun is in Aries)
"Usted es impulsivo" (you are impulsive) instead of "su signo involucra impulsividad" (your sign involves impulses)

How is it that emotions are a state, but psychology tells you your condition belongs to your true being?

Also there is a difference between having and being. Your essence is not a disease.

"Yo estoy enfermo" (I am sick)
"Yo tengo gripe" (I "have" flu)

Emotions are a state of mind, and negative emotions are like a disease.
Still, psychologists say "usted es maniaco depresivo" (you are maniac depressive).
Are you the disease? Or not?

Wording here is very important to understand what is essence and what is just a temporary state.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Angela

Sorry, I thought I had answered that:



When you believe that you are a sad human being, or a worthless person, or an angry or anxious woman, you are identifying yourself, slapping a label on yourself, and limiting yourself to that identification. But is it true that who you are is any of those things? Of course not! We act as if it were true, though, as long as that thought is unconsciously running us.

Thanks, angela!

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by ar81

Identity is a mask we wear.
We are not a mask.

Who am I?
I am something that is aware of its existence.
Yes, it's that generic.

What happens when we think we are our mask?
I wear the mask of emotions and the mask is me.
Emotions come and go, appear and disappear.
I am my emotions, so I come and go, appear and disappear.

I am my ideas.
Ideas have no substance, so I have no substance.
Ideas can morph, be created and be discarded.
So I can morph, be created and be discarded.

I am my mask.
Is it that there is nothing behind my mask?
Am I afraid of being just an essence that observes the universe?

thanks for the deep thoughts. I know I feel my negative emotions are me but my positive come and go. the negative feels so much more ingrained and deep.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

thanks for the deep thoughts. I know I feel my negative emotions are me but my positive come and go. the negative feels so much more ingrained and deep.

Emotions are byproducts of brain software biochemistry.
Are you the software? Or the hardware (your body)?
If you are software, does it mean that you are just a piece of biochemical code? Or are you something else, like a user of hardware and software?

Be aware that when we feel negative, our thoughts, emotions and perception become unreliable and altered. The only true is that the happy real world is outside waiting for you to get out of negativity, but you need to see it and feel it.

[Mike75]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I have often read that most people identify with their negative emotions or an inner child.

Evidently, this can be a self-defeating/limiting behavior but I am not certain what "identification" even means.

I have struggles with anxiety and low self-esteem. I feel both of these are me and they are worn like a winter coat. Does this explain identifying with anxiety?

If I engage my inner child, through self help therapy, is that identification?

Thanks, in advance.

You must first find out the reason behind your anxiety and low self-esteem. Such behaviour almost always stems from an incident from the past or a current situation. So, make sure that your resolve these issues and get right help.

[Mynder]

Replace:

"I am angry" => "I feel anger"
"I am sad" => "I feel sadness"
"I am unhappy" => "I feel unhappy about ..."

That way, you can detach from the emotion and observe it, and determine where it comes from. The detachment from the emotions is the key part here. If you can observe it, then it isn't really YOU, is it? Just something that wells up in your thoughts and that you can use to learn more about the beliefs you hold and how they were established.

I agree that the Lefkoe method may help you in identifying why you may feel some of the things you feel, and find a different perspective that can allow you to get rid of them.

[Marc D]

Originally Posted by ar81

What happens when we think we are our mask?
I wear the mask of emotions and the mask is me.
Emotions come and go, appear and disappear.
I am my emotions, so I come and go, appear and disappear.

My emotions are negative, so I am negative.

I am my ideas.
Ideas have no substance, so I have no substance.
Ideas can morph, be created and be discarded.
So I can morph, be created and be discarded.

I am my mask.
Is it that there is nothing behind my mask?
Am I afraid of being just an essence that observes the universe with no masks?

very powerful, thanks!

~~~

"we as humans are not defined by our emotions or feelings"
Such a simple statement of fact that is very logical to read but can be insanely difficult to practice.

I have taken many steps to identify with my inner child insomuch that I soothe and gently care take that part of me whenever he feels anguish and gently scold him when he is acting selfishly or cruel. I used to (and still am to a smaller degree) be embarrassed by him because he feels weak and easily vulnerable at times. I think the feeling of embarrassment and shame that I associated him with led me to shame my outer consciousness and promote my negative self-esteem issues. Here's to hoping I'm on the right path; I believe in my heart that you'll get far along that path too dulaney, you're already on it,.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Mynder

Replace:

"I am angry" => "I feel anger"
"I am sad" => "I feel sadness"
"I am unhappy" => "I feel unhappy about ..."

That way, you can detach from the emotion and observe it, and determine where it comes from. The detachment from the emotions is the key part here. If you can observe it, then it isn't really YOU, is it? Just something that wells up in your thoughts and that you can use to learn more about the beliefs you hold and how they were established.

I agree that the Lefkoe method may help you in identifying why you may feel some of the things you feel, and find a different perspective that can allow you to get rid of them.

Thanks. I have been trying to use "feel" more but I have noticed that I still focus on I am anxious. Gotta work on that.

[Mynder]

You are not anxious(ness). You feel anxious. You feel restless. You experience anxiety. But that anxiety has a cause, and that cause is something else that you can observe. The cause is not you.

The cause is something that you used to understand a situation, or many situations, in your past. Something happened, and you interpreted the event in a way that led to you forming a negative/limiting belief about it that makes you feel inadequate to handle the situation in the now. Hence, anxiety wells up.

Realize where it comes from, try to map it to the events that "formed" your beliefs in such a way, and you will be able to see that there are other ways of interpreting the same events in ways that wouldn't have these negative beliefs attached.

Try the Morty Lefkoe method on for size. He's got a few free samples about common beliefs, and while it doesn't work for everybody, it does for some (and one of them did for me):

ReCreate Your Life

[supertom]

Be aware of where the emotion is coming from, usually it comes from the pain-body, slowly over time you should move towards having the emotion come from your values, so when you not living to your values you will feel bad and when you live from your values you feel really good. Emotions aren't candy, although feeling good and having clarity is the first step. but it isn't enough you have to move on.

[ar81]

Anxiety comes either from a stress agent or a flashback.
If you remove the stress agent, stres should be gone.
If not gone, it is a flashback from a stressful experience form the past, which is probably not real now.

Use laughter and humor to fight anxiety.