Happier without a job!

[dulaney0330]

Because of all the snow here in Maryland, I only had to work one day all week. Sure, income is low this month but my mood is so much better. I joke around more, my anxiety has decreased by 90%, I look forward to life, and there is a renewed energy and attitude each day I awake.

When I work, my anxiety skyrockets. Tired from the work week, I am jaded and annoyed. Humor does not come easily and my overall attitude is pessimistic and cynical. I dread the work week and interaction with my boss and co-workers.

When I am at work, I do struggle with social anxiety.

But, when I don't work I hardly suffer from anxiety and I enjoy life.

Anyone else experience the jaded feeling from work? How can I enjoy life with a job?

[Liz Caitlin]

I have a feeling Steve would not be surprised to hear this. I feel the same way...

[Captain Drywall]

fist thing i do is check the personal profile. It never shows anything. Now i have to wonder do you have kids? live at home? married? responsibilities??

If you have kids to feed, and get a week off work you'll know what anxiety is.

Have fun,

[Elrond]

^ Are you trying to be a buzzkill sir?

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Liz Caitlin

I have a feeling Steve would not be surprised to hear this. I feel the same way...

I bet!

I have realized that one of the reasons why so many adults suffer is because there is a lack of fun that is noticeable in childhood.

So many bills to pay, endless responsibilities, and stressors can make any healthy adult jaded and weary.

Its like this: if one wants to be financially stable and secure, you have to work hard and give up a lot.

If it were up to me, I would volunteer during the week and then go out and have fun.

Maybe my inner child wants to take over? Maybe I am not cut out for a stressful job/lots of responsibility? Or maybe Im just human and I dont like to work

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Captain Drywall

fist thing i do is check the personal profile. It never shows anything. Now i have to wonder do you have kids? live at home? married? responsibilities??

If you have kids to feed, and get a week off work you'll know what anxiety is.

Have fun,

haha, I bet having children is much more stressful!

Just got married, moved to a different state and a stressful job (dog walker...much more stress than any job I have had).

But, I hope my anxiety and experiences are not brushed aside because I don't have children

[Mounds]

I love work! I enjoy the challenge of getting to the top at my job. Then I enjoy the challenge of delegating tasks to other employees.
Your better off finding a job you love that pays less than a job you hate that pays more.

-Tim

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Mounds

I love work! I enjoy the challenge of getting to the top at my job. Then I enjoy the challenge of delegating tasks to other employees.
Your better off finding a job you love that pays less than a job you hate that pays more.

-Tim

I agree. For me, its finding that job that gives me joy and a healthy challenge.

Perhaps, it depends on the people you work for and with.

I am still uncertain about what will make me happy. I think counseling others will do that but I haven't done it, so I am not sure.

[PhoenixFlames]

Ha Ha I hear that!

I've been unemployed since early December 2009 when I lost a job I hated Cold Calling Death Insurance within a Call Centre Environment.

Luckily I had saved up my money (I'm good with money, never take loans or Credit Cards either) and I was paid 3 weeks wages AND Holiday Pay I was owed.

So I used the time to do Soul Searching, hired a NLP Therapist/Business Coach/Psychologist/Life Coach/Business Relations expert to help me in all areas of my life- Relationships, Family Matters, Helping me find a purposeful career and owning up to my shortcomings etc.
And also how to find a job that suited me and encouraged creatrivity instead of destroying it via a thankless task and unrealistic sales targets in the middle of the recession.

I used my Job Seekers allowance from the Government to re-take up Martial Arts, which in turn mean I have cut out Alcohol, Take-aways and lost an incredible amount of Weight.


I'm now happy to take on the world again but by doing things differently this time.

[rei]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

Because of all the snow here in Maryland, I only had to work one day all week. Sure, income is low this month but my mood is so much better. I joke around more, my anxiety has decreased by 90%, I look forward to life, and there is a renewed energy and attitude each day I awake.

When I work, my anxiety skyrockets. Tired from the work week, I am jaded and annoyed. Humor does not come easily and my overall attitude is pessimistic and cynical. I dread the work week and interaction with my boss and co-workers.

When I am at work, I do struggle with social anxiety.

But, when I don't work I hardly suffer from anxiety and I enjoy life.

Anyone else experience the jaded feeling from work? How can I enjoy life with a job?

i can understand the sentiment here. i think the key is to have a job that involves your passion - to the extent that you can still feel that passion even when you do the grind part of it (example: last week i had to call about one hundred properties to ask if they had any one-bedroom units for individuals on a fixed income... i heard so many no's, and so many had icky attitudes... it was very trying. but i got up and came to work the next day because this is my passion. well, not even work, an internship for one of my classes which means i am paying THEM through tuition to let me work there! call me crazy if you like).

i am wondering if the attitude really makes the biggest difference. i am wondering if you enjoy home much more because you are dreading your work, and what would happen if you did a 7-day or 30-day trial of jumping out of bed eager to see those dogs and their owners and maintaining a positive or positive/neutral attitude through the entire work day. i wonder if that would have an effect on things.

but yeah, most people, given the choice, would rather relax and only do those things that bring them joy. that's another reason, if you choose to be an employee, it helps to pick an area where you enjoy the work.

[Andrew Brunelle]

I really can't say I feel the same way, but as of September, I've been working the night shift. When I worked on the day shift, with the managers always there, always watching me, yes I did feel anxiety. It is much less anxious to work at a time when you have free range of what you do, and as long as you get the work done you are asked to do, there is no problem.

I think people get anxious at work simply because they are at the mercy of their bosses. If their boss asks you to do this and that, you have to do it or risk being fired/written up. The whole idea of having a boss implies by its very nature that you don't have complete control of your life. Someone is dictating what it is you need to do with your time. I believe it is that loss of control that may be causing your anxiety, but you know more than me about your own emotional status.

If you can find a way to either start your own business or find a less anxiety-causing job, I would do it. Stress and anxiety are killers. They wreak havoc on your health. Try meditation or other calming techniques as well.

[votoshka]

I am currently unemployed, and I really don't want to have to get a JOB again either. When I have worked, I've felt very stressed, anxious, and basically everything at home starts falling apart around me because I don't have the will or energy to get all the chores done 100% (I get what I need to get done, make sure the kids are fed, have clean clothes etc.)

So, at the moment I'm working at getting freelance jobs. Contact with clients is generally online (so no face to face with anyone), and although it can be difficult getting work, and sometimes people aren't happy etc. it's not nearly as stressful for me as day to day job type work! It also gives me a certain amount of people-free time! (I know some people thrive when they're constantly around others, but I start going mad...) The biggest issue for me is self discipline!

I think there's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. It's probably time to reasses your life and what you want to be doing. It's no way to live being constantly stressed and anxious because of your job! If you can follow your passion and find something that you really love, I think most of that stress/anxiety fades away on its own!

I think what Captain Drywall was referring to was the anxiety and stress generated by not getting paid and having kids to feed and care for! For parents, being out of work can be particularly stressful because they fear losing their homes, being unable to provide for their kids etc. etc. it's a different anxiety, true! But it also means many parents are stuck in jobs they hate because they know they can provide for their families.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by rei

i can understand the sentiment here. i think the key is to have a job that involves your passion - to the extent that you can still feel that passion even when you do the grind part of it (example: last week i had to call about one hundred properties to ask if they had any one-bedroom units for individuals on a fixed income... i heard so many no's, and so many had icky attitudes... it was very trying. but i got up and came to work the next day because this is my passion. well, not even work, an internship for one of my classes which means i am paying THEM through tuition to let me work there! call me crazy if you like).

i am wondering if the attitude really makes the biggest difference. i am wondering if you enjoy home much more because you are dreading your work, and what would happen if you did a 7-day or 30-day trial of jumping out of bed eager to see those dogs and their owners and maintaining a positive or positive/neutral attitude through the entire work day. i wonder if that would have an effect on things.

but yeah, most people, given the choice, would rather relax and only do those things that bring them joy. that's another reason, if you choose to be an employee, it helps to pick an area where you enjoy the work.

I agree with this post and I, for the most part, enjoy seeing the dogs. It's my boss, the constant fast pace and driving in the elements, and all the responsibility (for the pet, their money, and for their home safety) that I think brings me down.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Andrew Brunelle

I really can't say I feel the same way, but as of September, I've been working the night shift. When I worked on the day shift, with the managers always there, always watching me, yes I did feel anxiety. It is much less anxious to work at a time when you have free range of what you do, and as long as you get the work done you are asked to do, there is no problem.

I think people get anxious at work simply because they are at the mercy of their bosses. If their boss asks you to do this and that, you have to do it or risk being fired/written up. The whole idea of having a boss implies by its very nature that you don't have complete control of your life. Someone is dictating what it is you need to do with your time. I believe it is that loss of control that may be causing your anxiety, but you know more than me about your own emotional status.

If you can find a way to either start your own business or find a less anxiety-causing job, I would do it. Stress and anxiety are killers. They wreak havoc on your health. Try meditation or other calming techniques as well.

Your right about the boss situation and how it causes anxiety, no matter who you are. For me, I have a difficult boss who challenges my assertiveness training! And it is the control issue that I struggle with.

I am currently looking for another job and I have thought of medication, although right now I cannot afford that.

[rei]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I agree with this post and I, for the most part, enjoy seeing the dogs. It's my boss, the constant fast pace and driving in the elements, and all the responsibility (for the pet, their money, and for their home safety) that I think brings me down.

well, do you have to be in a rush?

can you decide you will get there safely, and be calm, and decide you will have time to take all the dogs anyway?

can you listen to your favorite music in the car? see, i LOVE to drive, so i have trouble understanding the idea of not enjoying it. it's my own space, i can listen to what i want as loud as i want, it's awesome

yeah, not fun to drive when it's raining or snowing but based on what you said i would think you wouldn't be expected to take the dogs out in bad weather.

don't know what to offer re: the boss. sometimes personalities clash, it helps to focus on the perks. in this case, if your boss is talking and you are getting anxious, you could think of a puppy and how warm and loving and cuddly they are! of course, i don't recommend doing that if you don't think you can focus on the puppy and continue responding to the boss.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by votoshka

I am currently unemployed, and I really don't want to have to get a JOB again either. When I have worked, I've felt very stressed, anxious, and basically everything at home starts falling apart around me because I don't have the will or energy to get all the chores done 100% (I get what I need to get done, make sure the kids are fed, have clean clothes etc.)

So, at the moment I'm working at getting freelance jobs. Contact with clients is generally online (so no face to face with anyone), and although it can be difficult getting work, and sometimes people aren't happy etc. it's not nearly as stressful for me as day to day job type work! It also gives me a certain amount of people-free time! (I know some people thrive when they're constantly around others, but I start going mad...) The biggest issue for me is self discipline!

I think there's nothing wrong with feeling the way you do. It's probably time to reasses your life and what you want to be doing. It's no way to live being constantly stressed and anxious because of your job! If you can follow your passion and find something that you really love, I think most of that stress/anxiety fades away on its own!

I think what Captain Drywall was referring to was the anxiety and stress generated by not getting paid and having kids to feed and care for! For parents, being out of work can be particularly stressful because they fear losing their homes, being unable to provide for their kids etc. etc. it's a different anxiety, true! But it also means many parents are stuck in jobs they hate because they know they can provide for their families.

Thanks for your heartfelt. It feels good when I know others know what I am feeling!

I definitely do want to do something different. I have been looking online for a couple weeks now and I have seen some potential jobs. I just want to know for certain what my passion is. I do like working with the elderly, kids, and teenagers but unsure what career path is best.

I really didn't expect this much anxiety with my current job. My boss' unpredictable comments do not help either! But, I am really hoping I lay my eyes on the right job. Its just a matter of time but I wish I could fast forward to it!

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by rei

well, do you have to be in a rush?

can you decide you will get there safely, and be calm, and decide you will have time to take all the dogs anyway?

can you listen to your favorite music in the car? see, i LOVE to drive, so i have trouble understanding the idea of not enjoying it. it's my own space, i can listen to what i want as loud as i want, it's awesome

yeah, not fun to drive when it's raining or snowing but based on what you said i would think you wouldn't be expected to take the dogs out in bad weather.

don't know what to offer re: the boss. sometimes personalities clash, it helps to focus on the perks. in this case, if your boss is talking and you are getting anxious, you could think of a puppy and how warm and loving and cuddly they are! of course, i don't recommend doing that if you don't think you can focus on the puppy and continue responding to the boss.

Thanks for your post!

I do not get paid by the hour but by the visit so a fast pace does entail a better day with income. I do listen to music but listening to the same songs for 5 months gets old.

Actually, that's the main reason why I am not happy with my job. I work in all elements. When we got 2 ft of snow, I had to walk 17 dogs! I walk them in the pouring rain, 2 ft of snow and driving in it makes me so incredibly irritated and anxious.

In good weather, the job isn't so bad. But the weather does undermine a lot of the emotions during the day.

Again, thanks for the responses. I receive comfort from the empathy you all have shown.

[blossom]

Originally Posted by Elrond

^ Are you trying to be a buzzkill sir?

He lives for it!

[ar81]

People will go to the place they are summoned from.

My bet is that at work you are playing triangle of drama
The Drama Triangle: Persecutor, Victim and and Rescuer

If you stop playing it, you may impose a new healthier game at work.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by ar81

People will go to the place they are summoned from.

My bet is that at work you are playing triangle of drama
The Drama Triangle: Persecutor, Victim and and Rescuer

If you stop playing it, you may impose a new healthier game at work.

Thanks for the link! Its a great reminder, not just with my job but also with relationships.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

Thanks for the link! Its a great reminder, not just with my job but also with relationships.

In my current job I had a relationship problem that almost got me fired.
I decided not to play the drama triangle, and it was all.
Intensity was lowered, until it became normal. It's been about 2 years of being at work in peace.

When you do not need the "mental disease" of drama triangle to learn something, life will not bring it to you anymore. I call it disease, because unhappiness spreads like a disease when we play drama triangle.

[OlderWiser]

My sister-in-law used to be prone to crippling migraines. Had them for years. When she quit the job she'd been working (as a personal assistant in the department of public prosecutions), the headaches miraculously stopped. She'd had CT scans, taken all kinds of medications, taken up meditation, increased her exercise, all manner of things to try to get the stress under control, but all it took was to quit that high-stress job (which came with a tremendous amount of politicking and government ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥).

She hasn't had problems with migraines for years now.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by OlderWiser

My sister-in-law used to be prone to crippling migraines. Had them for years. When she quit the job she'd been working (as a personal assistant in the department of public prosecutions), the headaches miraculously stopped. She'd had CT scans, taken all kinds of medications, taken up meditation, increased her exercise, all manner of things to try to get the stress under control, but all it took was to quit that high-stress job (which came with a tremendous amount of politicking and government ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥).

She hasn't had problems with migraines for years now.

Interesting.

I have been dealing with tension headaches since I started the job.

Part of me feels guilty for not liking my job and my inner critic says, "suck it up! Maybe you just are lazy and are covering it up with misery."

[blossom]

What's wrong with being lazy? It seems to me people are out there breaking their backs as workaholics and judging anyone who is not as being "lazy". Maybe laziness is good in that it means you are willing to stop and smell the roses instead of beating yourself into the ground just to appear acceptable to others, based on some warped distorted perception that everyone has to work 40+ hours a week just to be considered "good people"!

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by blossom

What's wrong with being lazy? It seems to me people are out there breaking their backs as workaholics and judging anyone who is not as being "lazy". Maybe laziness is good in that it means you are willing to stop and smell the roses instead of beating yourself into the ground just to appear acceptable to others, based on some warped distorted perception that everyone has to work 40+ hours a week just to be considered "good people"!

Amen! Part of me does agree.

Alittle background information: I was the only one from my family who didn't work since 14 years old. I have been called lazy many times by my workaholic family members and I have come to believe it.

its tough when so many people believe something and when you don't, you are made to feel you are the weird one!

[brendannz]

I agree jobs, really really suck. So often it's more about petty office politics, than the real issues that matter, and we're continuously watching the clock.. We put on this act to get the job, and then mask our content for the ******** around us as we go along. As well, they're the cause in society's addiction to caffeine and alcohol..

a good question to ask yourself, might be what do you want to be doing? and what are you passionate about?

Obviously your current job isn't feeding this passion, but it's possible if you know what it is you could at least put 5 hours a week into it? Have more fun..

I work for a company on the other side of the world (because I lived there for a bit), it's a relaxed and cruisy job, and I work from home. The problem is I have no workmates so I spend too much time in my own head.. and also it's not paid well, and doesn't seem to be going anywhere, but whats great about it, is it's very compatible with my artwork on the side. So I'm hoping to build the sideline income, and also I studied a bit of web design, and hoping to get some freelance projects in that. So hopefully that will go somewhere, while my cruisy job supports me. I don't think I like the idea of having one job as my identity and career.

Hope this post was helpful

[OlderWiser]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

its tough when so many people believe something and when you don't, you are made to feel you are the weird one!

Well, my mother told me pretty much my entire life that I was useless, and for years I did everything I could to make myself as "useful" as possible, just in case what she said might be true.

Eventually, I realised that my mother is pretty much full of crap in all events, she's never done a damned thing with her life, anyway, and she wouldn't know "useless" if it bit her on the bottom. That's when I decided I didn't have to prove anything to anyone.

I am still pretty useful, though, at least with some things.

Point is, in her worldview, a five year old who can't find whatever object she was sent to find (just as an example) is "useless". In your family's worldview, anyone who doesn't suffer from work-related stress is "lazy".

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by OlderWiser

Well, my mother told me pretty much my entire life that I was useless, and for years I did everything I could to make myself as "useful" as possible, just in case what she said might be true.

Eventually, I realised that my mother is pretty much full of crap in all events, she's never done a damned thing with her life, anyway, and she wouldn't know "useless" if it bit her on the bottom. That's when I decided I didn't have to prove anything to anyone.

I am still pretty useful, though, at least with some things.

Point is, in her worldview, a five year old who can't find whatever object she was sent to find (just as an example) is "useless". In your family's worldview, anyone who doesn't suffer from work-related stress is "lazy".

I know what you mean !


I went to nursing school to please everyone but me

[ellie]

I work, but not too often. It is great and I am not hassled too much.

I managed to get my hours down to 19 hours a week on almost a full-time wage and the work is pretty stress free. I am very lucky, but I have to say I think I made my luck. Attitude and believing in yourself is a huge thing in my opinion...and yes I didn't always have this luck. I was always in terrible work situations, but I decided to make a change.

For me the changes have been gradual, the haven't happened overnight but slowly things have come into place.

I can't say sitting at home doing nothing, will help you get to your ultimate work situation, but maybe believing that if you take a chance and do things that you want to do...with a bit effort...you might just get there.

Since embracing this new lifestyle I have been able to nurture interests that have helped me develop knowing what my interests and passions are. I can honestly say, that yep we all have passions but reducing stress and bad environments is what ultimately helped me get to this point. When your mind is free from clutter from the outside world you can have time to find "the real you". With my passions and interest, what has helped me is actually just starting things. I was too much of a perfectionist before and so I started nothing, which ultimately meant I did nothing. When I began trying things with the approach of it doesn't matter if it's not perfect...I began to see an amazing shift. I have never been so creative in my life!

Incidentally, another reason why I decided I didn't want to work with other people too often is that I get migraines too. Since working from home and reducing hours migraines have reduced significantly.

[ValerieM]

I can totally relate to this feeling. My personality when I'm at work and when I'm not at work is like night and day. My job isn't particularly stressful (I realize a lot of people have it a lot worse than I do) but I'm definitely not happy having to show up there every day and the negativity often carries on throughout the day if I let it. I have a few side projects going on and they periodically get stalled simply because I'm in a not-so-great mood. I'm sure many of you can relate.

The only thing that eases the anxiety and frustration I feel is to see it as a challenge. In other words, I see it as an opportunity to watch my emotional state and to practice controlling my actions toward this job and in general. Sometimes I win, sometimes I don't... but I've been getting better at staying positive more often. If I can take anything away from this job, it's some sense of emotional mastery.