Question about anxiety

[rawxstasy]

I am having a problem that I can't seem to resolve on my own, so I'm hoping someone has some experience with this and can offer some suggestions.

I noticed that there are times when I am feeling anxiety and at some point, my mind seems to "blank out". I feel that I don't have any control over this. I have been trying to pay attention to when this happens and what exactly happens. I just know that I am feeling anxious, and there seems to be no trigger or anything that tells me I am going to blank out. It's kind of like when you are daydreaming and then you come back and pick up on the conversation or whatever was going on. Except I am not thinking about anything. I just seem to lose time. (It seems that it's for 5 - 15 seconds)

I have wondered if my mind sometimes can't handle feeling anxious and this is how some part of me is dealing with it. ( I suffered alot of abuse when I was a child)

I don't like this. It happened again today and I was in a group of people and when I "came to" everyone was staring at me. In the past I worried if I was saying something or acting strange, but friends and family have assured me that this is not the case. But then I am usually not anxious around people I know.

Any ideas?

[rei]

could you be dissociating a little when this happens?

sounds like that could be what is going on. common potential result of trauma, nothing to be ashamed of. i used to dissociate a lot myself.

present awareness is a simple, effective way to address this. when you feel anxiety, you can try to move your attention to your breathing and keep your focus on your breathing until it subsides. you could try this any time and it may help, but i am mainly talking about when it gets so intense that you feel like you might go away for a moment. just start paying attention to your breathing and it will keep you here-now.

eventually, unraveling the anxiety response would help with this - but it sounds like you're primarily interested in a way to stay in the room for now.

[Angela]

You're just really, really good at putting yourself into trance. That's a good thing; it has the positive purpose of helping you to cope with the anxiety.

Now that you know how good you are at it, how about using it deliberately? If you know you're going to be expected to be alert, use hakalau, and if you're feeling anxious, use an inward trance instead.

Lean into it instead of resisting it. Use your skill!

[rei]

Angela,

what do you understand to be the difference between getting one's self into a trance and mild dissociation? seems like different ways of describing the same thing, with different connotations, but i was wondering if there's some significant difference aside from connotation.

(and connotation isn't fixed or objective )

[rawxstasy]

could you be dissociating a little when this happens?

I think that is what is happening. Glad to know that''s what it is.

I've been working on being more aware of any thoughts or feelings that I may have been trying to avoid. I will try the present moment awareness. Hopefully that works.

What else did you do to recover from disassociation?

[rei]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

could you be dissociating a little when this happens?

I think that is what is happening. Glad to know that''s what it is.

I've been working on being more aware of any thoughts or feelings that I may have been trying to avoid. I will try the present moment awareness. Hopefully that works.

What else did you do to recover from disassociation?

sounds to me like this happens as a protective response - whether or not the situation is literally leading to reminders of the trauma, you may tell yourself it is so you can zone out before it gets to that point. the mind can do some amazing things to get out of re-traumatizing experiences.

facing it, owning it with majorly baby steps will help. don't judge yourself for any part of this process, setting your own pace is important because a sense of safety is important. setting your own pace will also help with trusting yourself.

i said i used to do this a lot, not that i'm recovered. only now, it's less trauma stuff and more about being 'called' to handle spiritual business. just wanted to clarify, there are still times where i suddenly realize i wasn't fully here, but it's less a method of coping now.

for me, the psychological (non-spiritual) dissociation boiled down to abandonment issues (unresolved grief) getting triggered. so i got to work on unraveling those as much as possible, with a comfortable pace. probably still some residue there but it's much better than it used to be. also tangled up in there was the self-esteem/self-worth stuff, so i worked on that also.

for me, i didn't really approach it as 'how can i stop doing this?' i approached it as, 'i recognize i do this because of what i've experienced before, and i've been letting it influence my current experience. i choose to face and process those things with love for myself so they are no longer influencing the Now to such an extent that i end up protecting myself in this way.' (i didn't really say that to myself, or even dedicate my time in that way. i dedicated my time to working through the issues, but one side effect of this was a decrease in this response. this was still the approach i used though, even if i didn't frame it quite this way.)

sounds like you are already focused on working through the stuff, and it may help to know, at least for me, these protective responses became more infrequent. it may also help to remind yourself that the folks in front of you right now are not the same people who were involved in the trauma (and if they are? i recommend creating some emotional and physical distance if they aren't willing to accept their role). if you consciously remind yourself these are entirely different people, it may help with any transference that has been going on.

can i just say, i think you are awesome, amazing, bold, worthy and beautiful!

[Angela]

rei -- it's the connotation that makes all the difference. "Dissociating" can sound pretty scary, like a disorder, or something one has no control over; "trance" is fun one can be in total control.

Same thing, though -- it's that daydreamy state in which you're not necessarily thinking, and time distorts -- you "come to" and find people looking at you, waiting for a response, or you realize you passed your freeway exit, or you get totally wrapped up in Clive Owen's lips. Many people habitually go inward when they feel anxious, bored, or reminded of old trauma; it doesn't mean that you can't break that habit, or use it for deliberately feeling good.

[rei]

Originally Posted by Angela

rei -- it's the connotation that makes all the difference. "Dissociating" can sound pretty scary, like a disorder, or something one has no control over; "trance" is fun one can be in total control.

Same thing, though -- it's that daydreamy state in which you're not necessarily thinking, and time distorts -- you "come to" and find people looking at you, waiting for a response, or you realize you passed your freeway exit, or you get totally wrapped up in Clive Owen's lips. Many people habitually go inward when they feel anxious, bored, or reminded of old trauma; it doesn't mean that you can't break that habit, or use it for deliberately feeling good.

okay, yeah i kinda figured that's what you were getting at.

i don't mean to use that word in a way that triggers anxiety though. it is a label for the experience of your awareness traveling. trance does have a different connotation; i suppose i'm less familiar with the idea of going into a spontaneous trance without being involved in some type of ritual. autopilot is another word for this experience but that also sounds a little neg-judgy.

just for the record, i wasn't intending to use the word "dissociate" in a neg-judgy way. i wasn't intending to give that word any limiting power. just using it as a label to signify an experience. that's one reason i clarified there is nothing to be ashamed of.

rawxstasy, i hope you did not feel more limitation or restraint because of the terminology i was using. what's funny is that tendency to feel limited is one reason i am glad i ended up moving away from psychology. sometimes a label brings more clarity and understanding though, which is why i may use them. it seems like that is the way things progressed for you in my use of the term, i hope that is an accurate understanding.

[rawxstasy]

Originally Posted by rei

rawxstasy, i hope you did not feel more limitation or restraint because of the terminology i was using. what's funny is that tendency to feel limited is one reason i am glad i ended up moving away from psychology. sometimes a label brings more clarity and understanding though, which is why i may use them. it seems like that is the way things progressed for you in my use of the term, i hope that is an accurate understanding.

Not at all. It was actually a relief to know what "it" might be.

[rawxstasy]

Originally Posted by rei

can i just say, i think you are awesome, amazing, bold, worthy and beautiful!

Thank you! I needed to hear that!

[rei]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

Not at all. It was actually a relief to know what "it" might be.

okay, lovely. i hope you will keep me posted to let me know how it works to use the present awareness in the future.

also, remember (if i am accurately understanding the situation) this is a way you learned to deal with situations so your resources aren't overwhelmed. there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself if that is what you are needing in a given moment. i guess i am trying to say i hope you won't get into judging yourself or being harsh with yourself in these situations. if it becomes bothersome, i have confidence in your skills to work through it. but do try to keep in mind this may be a way of addressing that potential for overwhelm, and loving/nurturing/honoring yourself is also something i would recommend. loving/nurturing/honoring yourself is the opposite of silently criticizing yourself if this happens again

[rei]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

Thank you! I needed to hear that!

you're welcome!

i meant every word

[OlderWiser]

I would guess that you learned how to "blank out" as a response to trauma. As a child, this was part of what kept you sane and alive. Now, though, it's now an ingrained habit, and maybe not so useful. I had a lot of those (some quite persistent).

My first recommendation would be to take up meditation if you don't already do it, and if you do meditate, increase your meditation time as much as you can. There are many studies that have shown meditation to have a lot of benefits when it comes to trauma and stress, including actually increasing the grey matter in some areas important to managing your emotions. In the short term, meditation can serve as a "de-stressing" outlet in general. In the long term, it can change your brain so much that stress isn't an issue (or is rarely an issue, anyway).

My second recommendation is to tell you that while your response is automatic, it's not beyond your control. At first, you'll have a really hard time not "blanking out". When it happens, just let it go, and tell yourself (as it's happening) that you recognise the process, and that it's actually all okay and nothing to worry about, and immediate start to use deep breathing or other techniques to do "on the spot" stress management. After a while, you'll get to where you recognise the signs BEFORE the event happens, and then you'll get to where you can start to "nip it in the bud". Eventually, they'll stop happening, or happen so infrequently it's not an issue.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

I am having a problem that I can't seem to resolve on my own, so I'm hoping someone has some experience with this and can offer some suggestions.

I noticed that there are times when I am feeling anxiety and at some point, my mind seems to "blank out". I feel that I don't have any control over this. I have been trying to pay attention to when this happens and what exactly happens. I just know that I am feeling anxious, and there seems to be no trigger or anything that tells me I am going to blank out. It's kind of like when you are daydreaming and then you come back and pick up on the conversation or whatever was going on. Except I am not thinking about anything. I just seem to lose time. (It seems that it's for 5 - 15 seconds)

I have wondered if my mind sometimes can't handle feeling anxious and this is how some part of me is dealing with it. ( I suffered alot of abuse when I was a child)

I don't like this. It happened again today and I was in a group of people and when I "came to" everyone was staring at me. In the past I worried if I was saying something or acting strange, but friends and family have assured me that this is not the case. But then I am usually not anxious around people I know.

Any ideas?

When you feel anxiety, try some humor.
Rent and watch comedies, imagine satire tales and situations of current events in your life.
Find the funny side of everything.
Laugh is the best remedy against anxiety.

[lifetimelearner]

have you had therapy ?

[rawxstasy]

I did have therapy for seven years actually. I feel like the therapy has done about as much good as it is going to do. I believe that alternative therapies have helped me more than anything.

I am working on meditating more. I had another episode yesterday and was able to catch it in time before it happened and focused on my breathing (doing present moment awareness) which was able to prevent it from happening. So hopefully it will be happening less and less.

[OlderWiser]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

I had another episode yesterday and was able to catch it in time before it happened and focused on my breathing (doing present moment awareness) which was able to prevent it from happening.

Fantastic! That's a good step toward your goal.

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

So hopefully it will be happening less and less.

Yup. You can get a handle on it, and probably fairly quickly, given how well you've started to recognise the signs. Very happy for you.

[lifetimelearner]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

I did have therapy for seven years actually. I feel like the therapy has done about as much good as it is going to do. I believe that alternative therapies have helped me more than anything.

I am working on meditating more. I had another episode yesterday and was able to catch it in time before it happened and focused on my breathing (doing present moment awareness) which was able to prevent it from happening. So hopefully it will be happening less and less.

it's good that you were able to 'catch' it before it happened
you should be proud of yourself

[rei]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

I believe that alternative therapies have helped me more than anything.

may i ask what alternative therapies you're used, which seem(ed) effective?

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

I am working on meditating more. I had another episode yesterday and was able to catch it in time before it happened and focused on my breathing (doing present moment awareness) which was able to prevent it from happening. So hopefully it will be happening less and less.

awesome! it's wonderful to see that you were able to focus on your breathing and stay here by doing so. i hope the situation continues to improve!

[rawxstasy]

Originally Posted by rei

may i ask what alternative therapies you're used, which seem(ed) effective?

I did craniosacral therapy, raw foods, being present in the moment, past life regression therapy, time techniques and EFT. Those all helped me more than traditional therapy.

[rei]

Originally Posted by rawxstasy

I did craniosacral therapy, raw foods, being present in the moment, past life regression therapy, time techniques and EFT. Those all helped me more than traditional therapy.

cool beans, thanks for answering and i'm glad you have been able to find methods that are effective in meeting your goals

i like the idea of raw food, but i'm already barely here at times (for metaphysical reasons), so i would wonder if going raw would set me too far out in the ether. interesting idea to contemplate though, and i can see the benefits of going that route.