Perfectionism and self judgement

[Starby]

I'm aware that one of my own issues is perfectionism, which links to anxiety. I never feel that I'm good enough and I constantly worry that I'm doing my life "wrong" and that current choices reflect "wrong" thinking. Instead of using this to make life better it actually makes me panic and I keep worrying that I'm not understanding what I should be doing in life. Does anyone else relate to this? I'm quite self aware and enjoy reflecting on experiences and my feelings but this is the one issue that I can't get away from. I can't seem to accept myself for who I am as I'm always striving for a better way. I know that's part and parcel of personal development, but is it possible to do this without tearing myself apart with anxiety? I'd be grateful for any thoughts/experiences.

[rei]

i can relate to this, i would even bet a lot of people who are into PD are also perfectionists or recovering perfectionists.

i have found focusing on self-acceptance to be very useful. looking at why i seek improvement, and taking a moment to value and accept myself completely, just as i am, before i start pushing myself to be something else.

you might also get something out of this free resource: Centre for Clinical Interventions (CCI) - Psychotherapy, Research, Training

[JasonC]

If anxiety is still an issue, you could try this video: YouTube - 69. Faster EFT Goes Deeper — Robert Smith Master Trainer NLP

Do it and notice how your anxiety feels after you go through the process

[Starby]

Many thanks for replies and links. It helps to know people understand where I'm coming from and that it isn't just me! I find it frustrating when people I speak to don't really understand the extent of my anxiety and how I fear doing my life "wrong." It isn't the same as the fear of making the wrong choices, it goes deeper than that. It's an all encompassing fear that I should/ought to be progressing in a different way, that I'm not creating the life I should, or letting go of certain things, and that my thoughts have created the wrong events/situations. It is hard having so much awareness sometimes.

I'll take a look at the links. Thanks for the help.

[JasonC]

If fear is an issue, try this video too! LOL

YouTube - Understanding and Overcoming FEAR...

There is a lot of good stuff on youtube

[bluedragon]

Originally Posted by JasonC

If anxiety is still an issue, you could try this video: YouTube - 69. Faster EFT Goes Deeper — Robert Smith Master Trainer NLP

Do it and notice how your anxiety feels after you go through the process

Great video! It actually works! I never liked the idea of tapping a lot of points, but this guy keeps it simple. You could do this every time a big anxiety grabs hold of you.

[Karanime]

I'm still a perfectionist, but I learned something that changed everything.

I'm already perfect. Everything I do is perfect. If I make a mistake, it was a mistake I should have made.

If people have another opinion, it's not me. And it's not my fault they're not perfect.



/<3

[Alison Jenkins]

I really relate to the perfectionism as I used to be Queen of Perfectionism!!! The trouble was I constantly raised my goals until it was no longer possible to actually achieve. Then I made a decision to let go of perfectionism. It wasn't easy but now I know that there isn't one perfect person in the world, so when I don't do life perfectly I remind myself that I am just like every human being on the planet.

I realise now how many hours are lost to perfectionism!

Alison

[Karanime]

Originally Posted by Alison Jenkins

I really relate to the perfectionism as I used to be Queen of Perfectionism!!! The trouble was I constantly raised my goals until it was no longer possible to actually achieve. Then I made a decision to let go of perfectionism. It wasn't easy but now I know that there isn't one perfect person in the world, so when I don't do life perfectly I remind myself that I am just like every human being on the planet.

I realise now how many hours are lost to perfectionism!

Alison

-raises hand-

I'm perfect. Why do people always forget about me?

/<3

[ar81]

Originally Posted by Starby

I'm aware that one of my own issues is perfectionism, which links to anxiety. I never feel that I'm good enough and I constantly worry that I'm doing my life "wrong" and that current choices reflect "wrong" thinking. Instead of using this to make life better it actually makes me panic and I keep worrying that I'm not understanding what I should be doing in life. Does anyone else relate to this? I'm quite self aware and enjoy reflecting on experiences and my feelings but this is the one issue that I can't get away from. I can't seem to accept myself for who I am as I'm always striving for a better way. I know that's part and parcel of personal development, but is it possible to do this without tearing myself apart with anxiety? I'd be grateful for any thoughts/experiences.

There is a point where things are fine, and from that point taste comes to play.

For example, you can make a car, and it works fine. That's perfect.
But then taste comes to play: "I want to paint it green with purple spots. It will not be perfect until I see those colors on it". Someone else may think it is not perfect with such colors...

Where is the boundary where personal taste comes to play?

Eliminate the component of personal taste, and you will do just fine without being annoyingly perfectionist towards yourself or others.

Originally Posted by Alison Jenkins

I really relate to the perfectionism as I used to be Queen of Perfectionism!!! The trouble was I constantly raised my goals until it was no longer possible to actually achieve. Then I made a decision to let go of perfectionism. It wasn't easy but now I know that there isn't one perfect person in the world, so when I don't do life perfectly I remind myself that I am just like every human being on the planet.

I realise now how many hours are lost to perfectionism!

Alison

I used to be too perfectionist. Later I discovered that not making mistakes is what relates to perfection. For example, if I make a drawing it is perfect if it has no mistakes on it. It also works at work. Personal taste could make a perfect thing imperfect for someone else.

Perfect = No mistakes + No personal taste

[Mike75]

I think perfectonist is related to the fear of being wrong or proven wrong. The anxiety stems from this fear too. You must make yourself understand that its normal to make mistakes and if you are proven wrong in a particular situation, the world won't come to an end.

[Rebecca800]

Originally Posted by Starby

I'm aware that one of my own issues is perfectionism, which links to anxiety. I never feel that I'm good enough and I constantly worry that I'm doing my life "wrong" and that current choices reflect "wrong" thinking. Instead of using this to make life better it actually makes me panic and I keep worrying that I'm not understanding what I should be doing in life. Does anyone else relate to this? I'm quite self aware and enjoy reflecting on experiences and my feelings but this is the one issue that I can't get away from. I can't seem to accept myself for who I am as I'm always striving for a better way. I know that's part and parcel of personal development, but is it possible to do this without tearing myself apart with anxiety? I'd be grateful for any thoughts/experiences.

Hey Starby. You have a faulty belief deep down that you must be perfect, or people won't like you. We all have gazillions of these faulty beliefs usually taken on during childhood, and this is a very common one: "I'm not good enough". I know the feeling well.

Once you change your underlying belief, you'll be able to see and experience things very differently. You might still strive for perfection (in your work perhaps, where something can be technically perfect.) But as a creative human you'll see there's no such thing as perfection (everything exists within a frame of imperfection; when is a painting perfect? When is a person perfect? Who says so?)

I recommend finding an emotional release method that works for you. I just tested that Robert Smith video and it worked pretty well for me. Just make sure you are truly going deep enough to release the belief for good. I've done a lot of releases with Greene's Release and that is the most powerful way for me.