"Healthy" Male Masturbation= no Fantasy, no visuals stimulus & no Porn? Interesting!

[PhoenixFlames]

Hi guys

I've just read an interesting section in a book called "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert Glover called "Healthy Male Masturbation".

It talks about Erectile Dysfunction when a man is with a real woman. It talks about how Men can get erect and come when watching Porn or Fantasising about women but cannot do such feats when it comes to the "real thing"- why is this?

Well there are multiple reasons outside of the subject (read the book) but a key factor is that Men don't practice "Healthy Masturbation". To give you a clue it is NOT, how often you masturbate, it is not your exact turn ons and it has nothing to do with technique.


The three most common Male habits whilst Masturbating

There are essentially three types of common things that men "think" about. But these all lead to "unhealthy" Masturbation.

1) Fantasy. Men use their imaginations to stir up scenarios of sleeping with a "real" woman- be it a woman from work, a woman who sits on the Bus or from the Street, a girl dancing in a Nightclub etc.
This outlet is excepted by both Men and Women as it can be seen as Visualisation and that (depending on how plausible the basis of the fantasy is) could lead to the encounter being acted out in real life.
Men often find mental images of sex and watching their female companions orgasim; a huge turn on.

2) Visual Stimulus. FHM Magazines, sexy MTV Videos, celebrities, film stars etc. Men react very well to appealing images of women, and just that image is enough to have a fantasy.
This outlet is excepted as there is still an element of imagination being used and because women are wearing clothes it takes more imagination. Also a man again may find a particular image says something about his turn ons or scenarios he'd like to be in.

3) Porn. Both DVD, Internet Clips, Magazines. No imagination required, a sense of Heightened sexuality, can "enhance" masturbation experience.
Porn is mainstream, men are less apologetic about their sexuality.


Now lets look at the above and see why they are in fact bad for a Male.

1) Fantasy. Because a man is concentrating purely on his thoughts, he has "dis-connected" himself from his body. The more a Man fantasises the less "sensitive" his own about his own body sensations.
In fact this is why men complain about lack of "sensitivity".
Also from a Psychological viewpoint, because he is obsessed over pleasing a woman both during the Interaction (maybe he doesn;t want to "offend" her even though its fantasy) and the bedroom he is putting his own wants and needs on the backburner so therefoe he cannot relax.

2 & 3) Visual Stimulus and Porn. When watching a mainstream movie (for those who have studied NLP) we go into a "Trance" like state. Again this de-sensitises the body. Also there could be counter productive messages in that film (hot confident chick goes for unconfident, needy guy).
Porn requires nothing. But again the viewer is in a Trance like state they cannot get out of until he comes. But the guy does not ejaculate when he wants, he does so when a scene is over (or during a change of sexual act).
Therefore again he only ejaculates based on what "the woman wants"
Also with Porn the stimulating acts can make a guy not want a real relationship. But its not like I did a thread on that already

So now we know what "unhealthy masturbation" is what is "healthy"? And more to the point, what do I "think" about?

The truth is you don't. You simply Masturbate because you enjoy the feeling of your own solo pleasure.
The book states if you cannot do, enjoy or experience self pleasure alone, by yourself without any thought, without any stimulus- without guilt or shame, embaressment and enjoy it for what its, you can't fully enjoy a woman.

I thought this would be impossible, I'd never done it without any of the three types of "thought". But then I had a flashback.
The Bath, house to myself, warm water, not knowing why it "felt so good" and just went with it.

[PhoenixFlames]

It was very hard (no pun intended), keeping focused in the Now- but I felt some very unique sensations that I hadn't experienced in a long time.

I got an urge to use my imagination, switch on the Internet, grab a magazine. But instead I kept myself in the moment.

This form of Masturbation gets you back into contact with your Emotions and like I say the focus is YOU.
Not pleasing some woman, not imagining the Female form- it is purely about you.

Its a tricky exercise and like trying to re-connect with emotions- we feel exposed and try and avoid them with a wall of Humour, Shame, Embaressment etc.


OK LONG POST I WILL END THERE

Thoughts questions

[cylon]

NMMNG is a great book.

Unfortunately, masturbating tricks you into thinking you have a girlfriend. There are a lot of drawbacks to that. Glover has the right idea but he doesn't take it far enough.

You might get something out of this:

http://www.reuniting.info/download/pdf/Cupid-Ch6.pdf

[KaleidoskopicVision]

I've tried this out, but was led to this path by Taoism rather than that book. I find it's much more enjoyable than masturbating to porn. Porn seems to 'leech' energy from you.

[Captain Drywall]

This is very educational to me. I have spent most of my life feeling somewhat odd. Because the whole visual thing men are known for didn't really do it for me.... its textures, smooth skin, the texture of hair, a sensation from touching the female form. take your fingers and run them up the inside of your arm. not bad? well my fingers like it better than the arm did. I guess i am lucky i can do ground fighting without a reaction. Ive seen plenty of tuff looking men stand up with the evidence they liked that rolling around a little to much.

[jacksondoug3]

Sounds like it should work. Usually when I'm with a girl I end up fantasizing in my head about a different situation as I'm going at it.

[Jarreddo]

Ehhh... Personally, I'm a big fan of imagination and the idea of NOT imagining anything is hard for me to grasp. But I'll give it a shot, just because I've been having some problems with lack of sensitivity.

[Alison Jenkins]

Great insight. Thanks for sharing. The other thing is that REAL women will never live up to fantasy and can cause lots of relationship problems.

Alison