on being tall - seeking help

[Conan Stevens]

I am going to be very blunt-

"OMG I am 5'10" boo hoo hoo, wo is me" - this is just an excuse, find a better one or don't use one at all.

Yeah that's rough but being 7 feet tall I think I can say you are average height and need to concentrate on other things.

I have made my height my biggest physical advantage in my life and my career.

[newmark]

Originally Posted by inner haven

I'd like to go through life not sticking out (literally and figuratively).

Why? I'd not like to go through life not sticking out. Many people here stick out. At least I would think so from reading their posts. And I consider this good.

And I have met many short people who have similar worries to you. And fat people. And thin people. And ....... people. If your friends want to shrink that's up to them. Tell them to do yoga too.

Anyway, you are shorter than me, and I don't feel so tall.

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by Curtis2011

The average woman in America is about 5'5" - 5'6", so yes 5'10" is quite tall.

But there are plenty of guys out there like me, who think tall girls are sexy!

Actually, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, the average U.S. woman is 5' 3.7" (162 centimeters) tall. I'm 5'8" and when I wear very tall shoes I can eyeball or better a lot of guys. But I quite like that. Well, most of the time. If I'm with one of my shorter friends, I can sometimes feel like a bit of a giant. For a woman, that can sometimes feel less feminine. So I get where the original poster is coming from.

But I think the others are right. If you focus on something that you are unable to change, you're going to be in a state of permanent dissatisfaction. There is nothing wrong with your height, many women (particularly short ones) would admire it. If you find it acceptable in others, but not yourself, it indicates your real problem is elsewhere, so work on changing those things you can make a difference to instead.

[inner haven]

Originally Posted by Indiana

For a woman, that can sometimes feel less feminine.

Yes, that is how I often feel. Sometimes my height just doesn't seem like me, whereas most other things about me, whether I like them or not, feel like me. I would simply like to be more average in the height department. The words "not stick out" keep popping up.

This isn't an issue that paralysing my life; it's just something I've been giving some thought to because I can see it affecting me.

When I was 16 or so, a guy called me a name that referred to my height and the word made me feel like a freak. The word stung and I have never forgotten it. But, looking back, he was short - maybe 5 feet even, so it's not like he was any closer to average height than me so maybe his hurtful words came from his own issues with his height. I know we all have problems and hurtful things are said, but I *should* have been able to let this go and never have.

[Mynder]

I'd like to interject a thought here. Angela already asked a question about it, but I think we can take this a little bit further.

"Yeah, she's tall, but she's otherwise flawless, so it's okay."
"Yeah, she's tall, but she loves attention, so it's okay."
"Yeah, she's tall, but her boyfriend is two feet taller, so she's actually kinda short, so it's okay."
"Yeah, she's tall, but she has a sweet close-knit family, so it's okay."
"Yeah, she's tall, but she doesn't look like she cares, so it's okay."

Are all these statements really referring to the other woman? Or are you, whenever you're saying "so it's okay" for the other woman, simply convincing yourself, over and over again, that for some reason, this is different for you, and hence that for you, it is "not okay"?

Would you like to hide and not get noticed anymore? Why? What don't you want other people to see? What if they DID see into ALL of these "dark spots" you are desperatly trying to hide from them? How would that make you feel, and how would the others just HAVE to feel about you, in your opinion?

[votoshka]

I just found this thread, and it's interesting to me because I have the opposite problem! I'm about 150cm (I like to say I'm 5' tall, but in truth I'm a bit smaller!)

I was thinking about the height thing the other day, because for some reason when people meet me they feel the need to comment on my height: "Oh, you're so short!" or whatever. I usually think "Well, yeah, duh... I figured that out but thanks for telling me!"

I came to the conclusion that people really just want to be accepted for who they are in their entirety, and not just be singled out from one obvious feature (like height). Although, I'm sure that when people meet someone who's morbidly obese they don't usually feel the need to say: "Gee you're so fat!" And yet, oddly, it's okay to comment on height!

I honestly can't give much advice for someone who feels they're too tall. I usually feel like a freak when standing with a group of other people, generally because they're so much taller than me! And honestly, for a woman I don't think 5'10" is too tall. I think it's a fine height, as so many men are taller (although, yes there are shorter ones), and it's not freakish. I've known women over 6' tall, who definitely stand out! Also realise, when people say unkind things (like that boy in your school) it's usually because they are jealous. Personally, I'd love to have your problem

I think, ultimately, it's important to accept yourself for who you are. I am getting better at it, but even I'm not perfect, and I do have the occasional pang of resentment (like in the hardware store today, when I had to climb up on my trolley to reach something on a high shelf!!) but mostly, I just don't focus on it anymore. I try to see all my positive qualities, and work on improving my inner self.

[inner haven]

Thank you everyone for all the helpful and thoughtful responses. I haven't replied individually to all of them, but I've read them carefully and appreciate your feedback. (My life has been quite busy lately.)