thinking people are talking about you

[Love]

How do you get over this? A few years ago, I found I often used to think that people were talking about me (negatively). It made me worried and upset. Fortunately, that kind of diminshed though I'm not exactly sure why. But now I've found within the past month or two, that I'm having the same sort of thoughts--that people are talking about me and that what they are saying is bad. I know it's irrational, and I know I shouldn't care a fart even if they were talking about me, but I don't know how to get passed this. Any tips would be appreciated.

Thanks.

[Shaden]

I talk about my experiences with this problem in this article

Focus Your Confidence Internally

The process of thinking described in there really helped me to overcome irrational preoccupation with my perceptions of peoples thoughts.

[Love]

Thanks, Shaden. Reading your article was helpful!

[Colm OReilly]

Love,

You accept that these thoughts are yours, yes? You think that people are saying X about you.

I had similar thoughts when I was younger. When someone pointed out to me that I was creating these thoughts it occured that since I'd never know exactly what people were thinking/saying about me I just made the assumption that they were praising me.

It might be too much of a jump to think that people are praising you right now but I get to hear a lot of people's thoughts given my profession and the way I am with my friends.

It's remarkable that the people who add the most to the world imo are the ones that people are always praising to me and also are the ones that worry about whether they're helping enough. I guess it's a sign you care about those around you.

Colm

[gberardi]

Originally Posted by Love

How do you get over this? A few years ago, I found I often used to think that people were talking about me (negatively). It made me worried and upset. Fortunately, that kind of diminshed though I'm not exactly sure why. But now I've found within the past month or two, that I'm having the same sort of thoughts--that people are talking about me and that what they are saying is bad. I know it's irrational, and I know I shouldn't care a fart even if they were talking about me, but I don't know how to get passed this. Any tips would be appreciated.

Thanks.

I actually such thoughts this past year. At my day job, I felt like people were thinking that I was doing a terrible job. It was crunch mode and emotions were running high.

At one point, I realized that the only reason why I would be so worried about what they thought is because I somehow put value in someone else's opinion about me. Either they thought something that I didn't think they should think, or they thought something that I didn't want them to know. I knew that it wasn't the latter, and I didn't have much control of the former.

Once I realized that I had no real control over what someone else thinks, and once I realized that what someone else thinks shouldn't affect how I feel, I calmed down a bit.

I also realized that I don't know what someone else is thinking, so I might have been getting upset about nothing.

I don't know if this is the case with you, but you might have social anxiety disorder. People with this disorder tend to feel that other people are looking down on them and judging them. They get nervous around other people precisely because they don't want to make a mistake or say something to give the other people around them any justification for what they supposedly already think.

That said, I don't know very much about things like depression or disorders or if they even really exist. Still, if it is something you haven't thought of before, maybe it might give you some idea as to where to search for answers.

[Love]

Thank you gberardi and colm. I do think that what you've been saying is right; turn the attention back on yourself. What do I think, etc? Yet, I think it's kind of funny, considering that in most other situations you're supposed to turn your attention to someone else to feel less self-concious.
But I'm getting better.

Thanks for the help, everyone!