feeling really angry

[sarahsarahsarah11]

God, I haven't felt this angry in a while. So, I asked my sister to edit some paper for me, and when she read it, she calls me and says "What is this?" in a mean way... and then later on she says that the paper is actually better than she thought.... it really makes me angry. I mean... that is so not constructive criticism!!! It's just being MEAN.

When you criticize somebody's stuff, you should never say, "What is this???" or "I really don't like this" I mean... seriously, should you?????? If you think something is incoherent, then you say it in a nice way, you say "I think maybe I'm not understanding what you're trying to say, can you clarify it" or if you don't like something, then you say "I think maybe you should change your narrative structure" or something specific instead of just "I don't like it"

And then she says it's okay. after all that, she says it's a lot better than she realized.

I'm really angry right now... I mean... how do you deal with someone who doesn't know how to criticize nicely??? Especially someone you go for for advice??? I really need to go someone else for things... I really need to ask someone else to help me edit my papers and stuff... I mean... if it's someone else, fine... but your sister? Especially when you love your sister? She's so mean sometimes... I just don't know what to do...

[Erin Pavlina]

You cannot control her behavior or her actions. You can decide not to have her read your papers anymore because she doesn't give you the feedback you desire. You can decide to ask her to tell you what's good about your paper and also what she thinks could be improved, and then it's her choice to decide if she's willing to do that.

But you cannot prevent her from being "mean" and you cannot prevent her from being critical. So don't expect to. Instead, figure out what you really want from someone you give your paper to and make sure your sister is someone you think can provide it. If she is not, find someone else.

[MoneyAddyct]

Get used to it. As 'mean' as you think your sister was, you're bound to get a professor who wants nothing more than to tear your paper apart bit by bit.

[sarahsarahsarah11]

My head's a little clearer now.

I don't care if a professor tears my paper apart, it's really not about the paper, it really has to do more with somebody who I love and loves me being constantly cynical and irritating...

[Lychee]

Maybe she could have been more understanding and compassionate when revising your paper, but some people just aren't like that. Maybe you can sit her down and explain yourself and how you feel about her reaction to your paper. You can try to express your hurt because of this to help her understand how you feel. If she doesn't want to soften her behavior, ask someone else to edit your work.