Worry about disease

[Stevejabba]

Hello

This is my first post here, however I have read the forum posting rules and so will try not to contravene any of the rules.

I am currently on holiday in Thailand and have been to bed with numerous Thai girls. These were normal local girls, not prostitutes, however I am realistic and know that they have foreign "customers" who they take money off for sex. So I am sure they have had lots of partners.

On 4 occasions the condom split with different girls. I withdrew straight away but I cannot stop thinking and worrying about contracting HIV.

It is doubly stupid because I went through this worry before (in the UK, as I live in England). I am really quite promiscous and have had lots of sexual partners, so I had myself tested for HIV and was found to be negative, however I know it is much more prevalent here in Thailand.

I have emailed my girlfriend and told her about the situation, as I care about her very much and have told her that if she doesn't want to see me again I will understand. On this point however I did tell her that I find it hard to be faithful and have urges, however I do not think she fully understood until now.

It seems like I destroy myself, and I feel stupid and neanderthal, as if my sole existence is defined by gaining pleasure through either my mouth or my penis.

The thoughts keep running through my head - what if I have it, what if I have it...Until it goes out of control. Yesterday I spent all day in my room crying, except to email my friends..Today I just feel empty and with no more room for anything.

I feel it's worse because I DID take precautions, just the condom split! And I withdrew straight away..It makes me angry in some way, as well as deathly afraid.

I know if i've got it, then my life will be fundamentally different. I just cannot face that thought at this moment, I think I would want to commit suicide, but then I think well I could still have life and try and make the best of it.

But I wonder if anyone has any techniques that can help me try to keep positive and not think / worry over the next 3 months until I know for sure. I will have a stressful time when I return as I will have to find a job and a house and I cannot afford to go to pieces.

I feel I should add that I used to be prone to depression, until the age of about 28 I had depressive interludes but I was sure I had conquered that. SO I don;t want to slip into that again, though I am managing it now I think.

[ticktockclok]

A condom helps stop you from getting someone pregnant; it doesn't protect you from any STDs. Get tested now; hopefully this will be enough mental pain that you'll remember it if you ever have a similar urge again.

[RT Wolf]

^ Uhhh, you sure about that?

Condom - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Get tested like ticktock said. Also, I hope you get yourself tested for other STDs and STIs than just HIV/AIDS.

In terms of keeping positive, you can try changing your attitude, contracting HIV isn't the end of the world, you can find examples of people living with it.

Try to immerse yourself in positive stuff, funny movies, motivational tapes, funny stories/books, that sorta thing. I'm sure other people can offer you more advice.

[ticktockclok]

Ok, it reduces the chances of getting an STD but you can still get one even if you're wearing a condom.

[Shaden]

Ok, I have never been in THAT situation before.

But check out this post, it might help...

http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/200...y-big-problem/

[Matthew Shea]

Whenever I have a big issue that I'm very worried about, it always helps me mentally to come up with a plan to solve the problem, then to start acting on that plan. In other words, action takes away worry. Perhaps you should detail what you're going to do about this, e.g. get tested, look into some counseling, have a heart-to-heart with your girlfriend, etc., then start doing it right away.

Take comfort in the fact that you've acted honorably given the present situation, but use this experience as a way to mature so that you don't put yourself in such a bad position again.