The pains of success

[hawkal]

Okay so has anyone worked towards their goals, has been doing really well, feeling great, moving forward at a good pace.

Then that mixed emotion of fear / doubt / worry / disbelief seems to creep up out of no where. Then you sabotage your efforts to make that feeling go away, ending up right back at the beginnning again.

What's the best way to overcome this feeling?

[David Turnbull]

I face days like that, and I'm not sure if these feelings last longer than a day or two for you, but I simply stop doing anything work related. I still mull over the fear at the back of my mind unintentionally, but I continually remind myself the feeling will past and try to focus on a habit such as reading.

[Kindred]

On the one hand, that feeling sounds like burnout. You work so hard at something that your values gradually corrupt to further make this goal more successful (by neglecting other important areas of your life), and then you forget why you were doing it in the first place. As a result, in a moment of rationality, the reasons you have now for the goal just don't seem rational anymore, due to the corruption of your values to boost your effectiveness. Ultimately, you begin to feel irrational fear and doubtfulness towards your goal.

But on the other hand, if one is burned out I don't think they would sabotage their goal besides giving up. I don't think I've ever sabotaged a goal purposely before foregoing giving up, so I can't really sympathize there.

If it is burnout, you can make the feeling go away by putting on the brakes and getting back to the important things in life you've been neglecting.

[davidchung]

Would you say you have any kind of fear of success at all, if not consciously then on an unconscious level? Do you fear being in the limelight, or do you think your friends/family may treat you differently or distance themselves from you if you became successful? Are you scared of taking on the responsibilities that success might bring you?

If you feel at all afraid or wary about the next step you know you should take to reach your goal, you may find Erin's post today to be of help:
Take Your Best Shot

[ar81]

Originally Posted by hawkal

Okay so has anyone worked towards their goals, has been doing really well, feeling great, moving forward at a good pace.

Then that mixed emotion of fear / doubt / worry / disbelief seems to creep up out of no where. Then you sabotage your efforts to make that feeling go away, ending up right back at the beginnning again.

What's the best way to overcome this feeling?

I just move forward, and I do not worry about success.
At some point you may be first in the Formula 1 race, but later you could be last.

And if you lose therace there will always be another.

[hawkal]

It's not burn out I still have the energy and enthusiasm until the feeling takes over. See I try to cover all areas. I still make time for everything else.

The feeling is difficult to discribe. It's like my subconscious prefers ignorance to conscious action. A preference to sticking my head in the sand. This appears in feelings. Maybe I have a belief that is holding me back.

I don't think it has anything to do with fearing success. I want to succeed. Also I know my family would be proud of me.

When I say sabotage I mean things like convincing myself to stay up when I should be getting up early. Not exercising for some lame excuse. Not working on my goals for some reason. Eating foods that I shouldn't because they are not good for me e.g dairy products. It's like I've been programmed to not succeed.

[JasonC]

Originally Posted by hawkal

Okay so has anyone worked towards their goals, has been doing really well, feeling great, moving forward at a good pace.

Then that mixed emotion of fear / doubt / worry / disbelief seems to creep up out of no where. Then you sabotage your efforts to make that feeling go away, ending up right back at the beginnning again.

What's the best way to overcome this feeling?

It sounds like you have fear of success. First, find what emotions are attached to being successful. Think about any of these questions to get a better grasp of what's going on:

What are the disadvantages of you being successful?
How is being successful a problem for you?
What specific emotions does succeeding cause you to feel?

Then again, you did say 'fear, doubt, worry', so perhaps you don't have to answer them

Anyway, from there, you can use EFT (I recommend Robert Smith's Faster EFT videos) or other methods to clear your emotions. After your emotions are gone, you may notice that it's easier to get things done.

-Jason

[vartann]

Originally Posted by hawkal

Okay so has anyone worked towards their goals, has been doing really well, feeling great, moving forward at a good pace.

Then that mixed emotion of fear / doubt / worry / disbelief seems to creep up out of no where. Then you sabotage your efforts to make that feeling go away, ending up right back at the beginnning again.

What's the best way to overcome this feeling?

my take on it is that as Steve put it u r freaked out moving out of your comfort zone
it is ok to relapse to your lower previous state - anyway you WON T forget how good it feels at the superior level, for having tasted of it even briefly
in time, when you are ready, you ll let go of your lower stage and take the leap no worries

cheers

[hawkal]

Yes I think you have the right answer Vartann.

Thank you everyone.

[Minimabs]

Originally Posted by hawkal

Then you sabotage your efforts to make that feeling go away, ending up right back at the beginnning again.

Yes I did this over and over with a few goals until I got to the bottom of the cause.

The first pattern I identified when I self-sabottaged was that I had come way out of my comfort zone. I had no frame of reference to call upon as to what success in this particular area meant to me. I was feeling a strong feeling that was unfamiliar so I subconsciously chose to go back to a more familiar feeling - ie back to where I started.

The second pattern I identified was that I didn't feel like I "deserved" what I was reaching for. Inner voices were still telling me that I was lucky to have what I had got - don't push it lady - you don't deserve much more. Parents had told me I was "unworthy" and throw in a few partners and my own self talk and I was on a roll - I am unworthy and I don't deserve great stuff just for being me,

Then the third thing I noticed was I listening way too hard to those inner tapes. So I gave that inner voice a stupid voice and when it got really bad I would physically brush it off my shoulder. Making the whole process "conscious" and an "action" made me realise how ridiculous I was listeing to stuff that I had inherited and absorbed from people who had their own issues and had inherited and absorbed too.

A slow process but I am getting there. I also think the first step is in identifying what the issue is that is holding you back - for me - comfort zone, not worthy and inner tapes. I have identified the problems and am now working on solutions.

Mabs

[hawkal]

Thank you very much Mabs. I think you've hit the nail on the head and I can very much relate to your explanation.

[lespauldude]

Just a suggestion, are you sure you are going for what you really want? I am definitely feeling like I'm self-sabotaging myself with school but it's because it's not what I enjoy doing. I have big career goals and expectations in academia for myself but I simply do not enjoy studying that much. There's an internal conflict going on so no matter what successes I have, I constantly have a battle going on to get myself to study. On the other hand, I have other goals that are just as ambitious but I enjoy striving for as well! An example of this is basketball. I really want to become the best basketball player I can be. Despite a bit of a height disadvantage that makes me sad sometimes, I love playing the game everytime. Despite the challenges of height, of shin splints, of practicing by myself a lot, and finding time in my hectic schedule, I still make time for playing basketball because it's inherently fun!

My point is, it's a lot easier to strive for something that you are already enjoying doing.

Now if basketball could provide me with a good source of income, I would play full time. If only!

[lespauldude]

By the way, I would love to talk to you about your specific goal(s) through instant messaging. I think it would be much more efficient to communicate real time. Also, I'd love to be able to gain some insight into this issue as well as I'm constantly feeling out of my comfort zone with school and career aspirations. At any rate, best of luck!