How to get past 'I wish I had known that before'

[Athena]

When we come upon a new piece of information, or a new way of thinking, there is often great joy in the new insight, an euphoric moment, Eureka, or aha.


Just recently, in a period of great growth, I've had a tiny little thought of regret coming into my mind of 'I wish I had known that before'. How can I frame things and put them into context or proper perspective to know that the piece of information has come to me at the perfect time?

[Akashic_Librarian]

Your soul is eternal. You will exist for as long as you need to. So even if you learn the lesson at age 90, never fear, you will carry that lesson with you to to your next life and so on....

However if your not a great believe in the soul then think of it this way.

Would you have understood it X number of years ago? Do you think you would understand Calculus before Algebra? Antigone before Shakespeare? Etc...etc...we learn everything as we are supposed to. the only one who determines WHEN we learn something is YOU. You are the deciding factor in your life. No one else. Never forget that. I couldn't have learn about the LoA without first learning a bit of PD. I would have laughed at the LoA before I learned more about myself...

[John Hill]

Good question. I wrote an article this week on my site called "a crisis may be a blessing in disguise" it might help put things in persective. There are also a number of other articles that address your question directly and indirectly on the site. The link is below.

John

[indestructible]

The way that I get past that is thinking that in the past I was making decisions based on the information that I had at the time. For example, I used to ruminate about the past a lot, second-guessing everything that I did and wishing I had done something differently. This kind of thinking really upset me and kept me in the past instead of propelling me forward.

Now that I have moved beyond my ruminating ways, I wake up more clear-headed, I am more present in my every-day life and I am in general happier. Sometimes I wonder... why didn't I figure this out 10 years ago - imagine the hours, days, months or even (god help me!) years I could have used being more productive and more present!

But... that way of thinking will... again keep me in the past and not allow me to move forward. I want to move forward so badly, that it gives me the strength to ignore those thoughts.

To counteract further worries, I think "I was just doing my best at the time, with the information that I had." Life is a journey, so everyone is at their own stage of development. Good luck!

[Andy]

Ah, regrets, I've looked at a few ways of dealing with them.

The way I recently like to think of it is, is that whenever I have in my mind some variation of "I wish I'd/I should've/ thought/done/said that before", it's really just trying to put demands on the past. In effect you're demanding the past to change, and then becoming upset when it doesn't. And the past you is still part of the past, that's the only place the past you can ever be. When I thought of it like this, I realized that it made no sense whatsoever to make demands on the past, it's like trying to demand an orange to be an apple, really an exercise in futility. Wanting to change the past can be tempting since that always invites thoughts of "wow it would be great if so and so happened" or "things would be so much better if I did x," but really it's a waste of energy trying to change the past since it's not going to.

Another way to look at it is you're trying to apply what you know now in the present into the past, but that's not the reality of the past event. The past event is gone and done with, it's not going to change. You can reframe it, but what actually happened is more or less set in stone.

Also, regrets do have a useful purpose that can be sustaining them. Regret surfaces when remembering an event in the past that you now want to have done better. What's the underlying usefulness there? It helps keep in memory that event with the hope that you have a better grasp of what to do better in a similar future situation. It's quite an inefficient way to make sure one learns from their experiences, but it works. To short-circuit the utility of regret, make a mental note of what you can learn from that previous situation. Think out explicitly what you'd like to consider for a future similar situation given what happened in the past event. This is sometimes enough to stop regrets from appearing if you make it a habit to mentally note what can be learnt from past experiences.

[Dienekes]

I used to live a life full of regrets of all sorts until I realized a simple truth - there is no way to know that the "other" choice would really have brought better results.
I used to regret failing to do something for almost ten years, only to realize that not doing it brought me the greatest blessing I ever had in my life.
We people are inherently very short-sighted.

[Matthew Shea]

I'm going to suggest something a bit different. Think about this regret and ask yourself this question: "Did acting the way I did, given my ignorance at the time, cause any person harm?" I would define harm as anything, real or perceived, that would cause a negative reaction in the affected person. If the answer is yes, clear your conscience by going back, if possible, and correcting the problem. Perhaps a simple apology will suffice. If that's not possible or if no harm was done, simply resolve to not repeat your mistake, then move on.

[Athena]

Thank you all for the great suggestions!

I 'wish' that we all came with manuals for life, and learned them during our school years. I feel now like I'm coming upon some very obvious life lessons, the one that's sticking out now is gratitude. My main wish was that I had been more regularly grateful, as a daily practice, rather than constantly looking forward, to appreciate also what I have.

Though if I put it into perspective, I realize that I was busy moving forward at that time, and NOW is the perfect time to be reminded to be grateful, and can put that into daily practice now that I have some quiet time.

Akashic, I like that analogy of the order of lessons. I see the same now, that life, just like school, has chapters and phases that move along in perfect sequence, and to know that whatever knowledge I had at grade 3 level was perfect for that stage, and not to wish that I had known grade 5 material at that time, because it may not have been relevant or applicable at that time. All in perfect sequence!!


Thanks again

[Liara Covert]

Dear Athena,

I'm glad previous postings have inspired and helped you in different ways.

It's helpful to remember we give life to ideas in our minds. We have choices to give immortality to positive ideas, hope and dwell on the future which it is in our power to change. We also have the choice to give life to doubt and negative energy which can hold us back from moving forward.

When you find yourself falling into a state of regret, I would encourage you to reframe the situation. For example, consider what you would do next time in a similar situation. Choose to learn form what you didn't do before so that you can let go of the past and retain the wisdom for future reference. I discuss this topic in varied postings on my blog, including "Sudden flash of insight."

"I like what the future holds. I don't like thinking about the past." -John Cale

[Shaden]

Have you tried a different way of thinking?

'I'm glad I know that now, so I won't make the same mistake again'

[Cassie]

I find great comfort in believing there are no coincidences in life. I was brought to this plateau of understanding at this specific moment for a reason. This helps me humbly respect and appreciate my newfound wisdom by not looking back in regret.

[Athena]

aw Thanks Liara!
I hope I'm not making this sound worse than it is.. it was only tiny little flashes of thought over a few weeks, of whenever I come upon a bright new light or opened a new door, to think 'wouldn't that be great if I had known this earlier'...

It seems this thought is rooted in regret, which is an inaccurate interpretation..

Shaden, not so much mistakes, but rather, like when coming upon a new power or light source, to think 'wow this is so amazing, why didn't this come to me before?' but I see that I can put it into perspective by seeing it has come in it's own perfect time.

Very well put, Cassie!

[AndyMartin]

Athena--Another thought for you. Suffering comes from thinking that the present moment could be any different than it is. All of life is a constant unfolding into the present moment, and just as you can't smell a flower until the petals have opened, your understanding has to open for you to smell the sweetness of life. Would a flower smell sweeter if it opened sooner? So enjoy the sweetness, however much it is and whenever it comes.

[Lauxa]

When I was growing up, my dad always used to tell me "I wish I had known at your age what I know now." He was talking about the teachings of his fundamentalist Christian church. As a kid, I felt grateful that I already "knew" stuff that had taken him so long to figure out.

But guess what? I became a teenager and threw out his Christian theology and then had to struggle to find my own path. Now that I am starting to understand LoA and spiritualist teachings, I see a lot of convergence with Christian theology. In many ways, his theology may have served me just as well if I could have opened to it and understood it deeply, but I had to come to those lessons by myself in my own time to be able to benefit.

Some people "get it" early in life and some later but we all have to find our own paths to enlightenment and just having the information doesn't mean it seeps into your soul.

[Athena]

Originally Posted by Lauxa

Some people "get it" early in life and some later but we all have to find our own paths to enlightenment and just having the information doesn't mean it seeps into your soul.

That's very true! The factors in your development progress are both the time that you come upon the information, AND your degree of openess and readiness for the information at that time. Makes sense!

[Liara Covert]

Dear Athena,

Since we're different, each of us learns in our time and at our own pace. You can grow to accept and be happy with what you know now and what you can look forward to learning too. This includes learning the benefits of uplifting emotions and the potential power of feelings that drag you down.

Like Lauxa says, some people wish they had more knowledge earlier in their lives. We don't recognize, accept, digest or apply information when we aren't ready. Opportunities and information exist all around us all the time. What information we detect or desire is only recognized when we're mentally ready.

You ask, "How can I frame things and put them into context or proper perspective to know that the piece of information has come to me at the perfect time?"

I think the view you choose is appropriate when you choose it. You make the decisions you do because of your own reactions, curiousity and desires. When you're ready to learn things, you seek to understand. If you decide to get the most out of everythign that happens, then you will.

[Athena]

Wonderful words, Liara! Thank you!!

[AdamantineLady]

Originally Posted by Athena

When we come upon a new piece of information, or a new way of thinking, there is often great joy in the new insight, an euphoric moment, Eureka, or aha.


Just recently, in a period of great growth, I've had a tiny little thought of regret coming into my mind of 'I wish I had known that before'. How can I frame things and put them into context or proper perspective to know that the piece of information has come to me at the perfect time?

Only that from the past that you hold in high value remains in the present. You can let go of the ground you were on then to be where you are now. Forgive yourself for knowing only what you had known in your past at that time. You actually did your very best then. It was a necessary step of growth, and the not knowing gave you the perfect opportunity to become aware of what it is you now know. The you of your past deserves only your loving esteem and understanding acceptance. It has brought you to who you are today, and that is very, very good.