Handling Frustrating Situations

[dulaney0330]

How do you handle frustrating situations?

For example, today probably was one of the most frustrating days I have experienced.

I am a dog walker and I was just exiting out of the driveway from my last client when I misjudged the cement and landed in the small ditch beside it. My axle was grinding against the cement and and the tire had no friction.

So I was stuck. While I was stressed, I called my husband and explained the situation. I felt a bit frazzled and annoyed but not much.

Then, my husband got lost trying to find the location. He's on the phone trying to figure out where he is, yelling, and I am yelling back.

The car is halfway on the street so cars are passing by...some stopping and just staring.

It took 2 hours for the tow and standing out in the cold. About 20 cars past and each one took the time to stare and it upset me more and more. My mistake was there for everyone to see!

The owner came back and she while she was nice, I was embarrassed and ashamed I misjudged the turn.

Since then, I have self-hated so much that I have exhausted myself. I couldn't just accept that people make mistakes and accidents happen. I hated that people saw my mistake and that I looked incompetent.

I look back and I handled it well in the beginning and it just completely fell apart.

Its so easy for others to say "oh, well those things happen," and I admire those who can handle frustration calmly.

I tried deep breathing and cognitive but the more people saw my mistake, the more upset I became.

Perhaps it is a learning experience but I was wondering how you guys handle frustrating situations.

How can I have the inner strength and calm to handle frustration and stress? Religion? Meditation? Perhaps I need to rely on a higher source...I feel depleted.

I just hated how I handled it today and my boss saw me all choked up and that brings more shame.

[ssandra]

Days like that I just let go. I either cry for a while (amazing how much better you feel afterwards) or I scream (really like a good horror movie scream.. as if you just discovered that your husband was sleeping with your sister and now tells you that they gave you an STD... just a very angry scream).

My theory is that frustration is pent up energy that cannot go anywhere. So if you give it an outlet (sports might be good, but I hate sports) you let go of the frustration.

Just try it. Tell your husband not to be scared but that you are going to scream. If you have children you might want to go into the garden or somewhere they cannot hear. And just scream! Doesn´t that feel good?

[dulaney0330]

Thanks ssandra for the advice.

I am relieved to hear that others feel intense frustration.

I just envy people, specifically men, who handle stress and frustration with ease. They are bothered by it but not "I hate myself!" kinda mess.

I wish I didn't have to make things so difficult!

[Gene]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

Thanks ssandra for the advice.

I am relieved to hear that others feel intense frustration.

I just envy people, specifically men, who handle stress and frustration with ease. They are bothered by it but not "I hate myself!" kinda mess.

I wish I didn't have to make things so difficult!

I can't speak for all men but while I can handle a crisis while I'm experiencing it I later have the stress and frustration. I really would rather feel the uncertainty at the time of the event rather than reliving it over and over even for a very long time.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Gene

I can't speak for all men but while I can handle a crisis while I'm experiencing it I later have the stress and frustration. I really would rather feel the uncertainty at the time of the event rather than reliving it over and over even for a very long time.

Thanks, Gene.

I just feel so weak for being out of control (crying and yelling) and its hard not to when you feel so darn frustrated and tired after a long work week/day.

Ugh!

[rei]

how i handle frustrating situations depends on the circumstances. if i'm around professional colleagues, i try to stay calm and later i'll express it through words or through intense physical activity (exercise, cleaning, whatever). when possible, i try to express my emotions so they don't get bottled up or turn on my body.

another thing i do as much as possible is try to explore the reasons for the frustration. sometimes it's just a crappy situation or it's just someone being mean for no good reason (actually that's something i dealt with tonight, but anyway)... if i can get to a specific reason for the frustration, the source of the reaction, i use it as a focus for growth.

you might even do that with your own situation if you like. you emphasized the idea that people saw you as incompetent. maybe you put a lot of value on being competent, on seeming like you know your stuff. maybe it's even part of your identity, and so this felt like a blow to your notion of who you are. rather than continue to steam about it, you could explore this instead and learn more about yourself. you probably know what i mean already, and if not i'll be happy to clarify.

i think a combination of methods is often the best. ranting to an understanding loved one, jogging around the neighborhood, and once that layer of the urgent kind of frustration feels less intense, finding a place to reflect and even write about what was so triggering (in your case, it seems to be the perception of being incompetent - or it could be about embarrassment and realizing people look at the unusual situation just as you do when you happen upon one - so it might have been a 'hello mirror' moment). even though that layer of urgent frustration is gone, i find once i sit down to work through it i will have like a mini-trigger moment - which is a blessing since it shows me the core of the issue.

i hope this helps. days like that are no fun.