i am gay

[whattodo]

I am gay. When i was young, and before i hit puberty, i had not worried about it one bit. but, when puberty struck, i started noticing my attraction for boys. the main reason i wrote this thread is to ask you all, is my life worth living? I look at all the guys out there and i feel like i am missing many things. i feel like i dont have what they have, their looks, their love lives, their social lives. i feel sad. sometimes i wonder, will i ever get children, will i ever get a family, because i dont feel attraction for women,and it is impossible to marry another man i love, because my family is defintely against that. not to mention society looking down on it. I am still in the closet and have told no one except you all. is my life realy worth living, you tell me. should i life live like every other human being, or is my life wasted because i turned out to be gay.
please think this carefully. i rely on you to save me.

[Alex Wu]

the main reason i wrote this thread is to ask you all, is my life worth living?

The short answer is a definite yes. You're going to feel a lot of emotions, so be patient with yourself. First, there's no need to tell anyone in your life anything... only do that when you're ready and only when it serves your best interests.

Second, connect with some resources related to being gay... what do I mean? Read more about being gay on the internet. Read a gay fiction book or two. Depending on your age, you may be able to join a gay-related email list. Or come out to a friend who is likely to be supportive of you. At some point, go out to activities for gay and lesbians. There are gay potlucks and gay hiking events in the city where I live.

Take it slow, and give yourself lots of time to process everything you're feeling. Don't take any sudden actions. You didn't live all the years of your life in order to get to this point and throw yourself over a bridge, right?

Realizing I was gay was a very emotional period for me personally. That was 8 years ago. It took nearly 5 years for me to become comfortable being open about it (and I live in Canada), though I could have sped up the process by working on it consciously.

Being gay almost forces you to liberate yourself from the sort of conditioned thinking we're all brought up with. Now life isn't quite so straightforward... so go and explore and chart your own path.

[whattodo]

Originally Posted by Alex Wu

The short answer is a definite yes. You're going to feel a lot of emotions, so be patient with yourself. First, there's no need to tell anyone in your life anything... only do that when you're ready and only when it serves your best interests.

Second, connect with some resources related to being gay... what do I mean? Read more about being gay on the internet. Read a gay fiction book or two. Depending on your age, you may be able to join a gay-related email list. Or come out to a friend who is likely to be supportive of you. At some point, go out to activities for gay and lesbians. There are gay potlucks and gay hiking events in the city where I live.

Take it slow, and give yourself lots of time to process everything you're feeling. Don't take any sudden actions. You didn't live all the years of your life in order to get to this point and throw yourself over a bridge, right?

Realizing I was gay was a very emotional period for me personally. That was 8 years ago. It took nearly 5 years for me to become comfortable being open about it (and I live in Canada), though I could have sped up the process by working on it consciously.

Being gay almost forces you to liberate yourself from the sort of conditioned thinking we're all brought up with. Now life isn't quite so straightforward... so go and explore and chart your own path.

i'm just not ready to do that.. i have no friend i think i trust enough to come out to. also i am very embarassed about coming out.

[Alex Wu]

Then for now stick to online resources, maybe you could even make new friends online. Of course, you'll eventually grow to the point where you're comfortable being out to a few people in person, maybe you'll make some local gay friends online, then you meet them in person. You're not obligated to tell anyone right now... you can still "pretend" to be straight until you're ready. But at some point, you'll want to leave the closet a bit ;-)

[Chris_1977]

Originally Posted by whattodo

i'm just not ready to do that.. i have no friend i think i trust enough to come out to. also i am very embarassed about coming out.

What about searching out some online gay forums and start participating there?

If you think there is nobody in real life yet that you can come out to, you should probably wait a bit. If you manage to go to college that is one of the most safest times in life to come out to some friends. In general start planning your future life now in such a way that it will enable you to share your sexual nature at some point in the future. And also include activities for gays and/or lesbians in that planning like Alex Wu already mentioned.

A feeling of embarassment is okay. Lots of people feel very uncomfortable/nervous/embarassed about coming out. That is all okay. Some of those feelings have a basis in reality and make sure that you don't come out to people who really cannot handle it. A lot of it is irrational though and the only way past that is to just act despite the fear at some point in your life.

I am gay too, by the way.

[iDreamCatcher]

This might be useful.

[Plays With Life]

Move to San Francisco, and marry a gay man?

[Gene]

The answer is your life is definitely worth living! I hope you realize you can create the life you want.

From a male who is not gay who believes your life as mine is worth living. I hope you find joy and bliss in your life, you deserve it!

[Anagogy]

Originally Posted by whattodo

I am gay. When i was young, and before i hit puberty, i had not worried about it one bit. but, when puberty struck, i started noticing my attraction for boys. the main reason i wrote this thread is to ask you all, is my life worth living? I look at all the guys out there and i feel like i am missing many things. i feel like i dont have what they have, their looks, their love lives, their social lives. i feel sad. sometimes i wonder, will i ever get children, will i ever get a family, because i dont feel attraction for women,and it is impossible to marry another man i love, because my family is defintely against that. not to mention society looking down on it. I am still in the closet and have told no one except you all. is my life realy worth living, you tell me. should i life live like every other human being, or is my life wasted because i turned out to be gay.
please think this carefully. i rely on you to save me.

Of course your life is worth living.

And it's no wonder you're sad -- you believe you can't have the things you desire. That would make anyone unhappy.

The fact is, you can have everything you ever wanted, and even more wonderful things that you can't even imagine, provided that your happiness is NOT contingent upon other people's opinion of you. There will ALWAYS be someone out there who does not jive with who and what you are, no matter WHO you are -- gay, straight, whatever. Now, get over this little fact, and you can begin to create the life you desire. THEY don't have to be in your life. When you make YOUR happiness dependent on OTHER people, you are setting yourself up for misery. Learn to love yourself. If you don't love yourself, you have nothing to offer anyone anyhow.

See the beauty in yourself, and others will see it too. I'm serious. Learn to love who and what you are, and you will become RADIANT.

Lot's of people are gay and have wonderful lives. Have faith that things are exactly how they should be. It is not wrong to be gay. Stop seeing problems and start seeing opportunities. If your family can't accept you the way you are, then they aren't your family. And if that is the case, you WILL find your family of friends, and they WILL care about you.

Just because you are attracted to men, doesn't mean you can't have children. There is adoption of course, and who knows, perhaps you have a female friend who would be willing to be an artificially inseminated surrogate for you.

And why worry yourself over marriage? Do you really need a certificate to tell you that you love your significant other? Marriage is overrated. Start making your OWN rules. You are an incredibly powerful being, you just need to realize this fact.

Best of luck and love to you.

[Jthorn]

I was hesitant to post here, for this may stir some strong emotions. I decided to say this, for what is worth it: not everyone believes that sexual preferences can't be changed.
This should make sense in a forum that discusses subjective reality, intention-manifestation and nlp.

[MidasGirl]

Originally Posted by whattodo

I am gay. should i life live like every other human being, or is my life wasted because i turned out to be gay.
please think this carefully. i rely on you to save me.

You sound really young. Of course life is worth living, unless you believe life is supposed to have no hurdles. There will always be things in life that will cause you to question your purpose here. But I feel like that itself is part of the purpose of being here. Why don't you find gay support groups -- either online or offline-- and find out how they navigate their way around?

[Andrew Brunelle]

There is nothing wrong with being gay. Your life is still worth living. If you want a family, you could adopt children. You could even use a surrogate mother. There are options today for gay people that weren't here 50 years ago and people are much more accepting today than ever before. Sure, it's still somewhat of a burden, but being open and honest about it will help quite a bit. This is a good start. Don't rush into it, but start embracing who you are. You should not be ashamed of who you are. Become the person you are meant to be. Then your life will be definitely worth living.

[Curtis2011]

Originally Posted by whattodo

I am gay. When i was young, and before i hit puberty, i had not worried about it one bit. but, when puberty struck, i started noticing my attraction for boys. the main reason i wrote this thread is to ask you all, is my life worth living? I look at all the guys out there and i feel like i am missing many things. i feel like i dont have what they have, their looks, their love lives, their social lives. i feel sad. sometimes i wonder, will i ever get children, will i ever get a family, because i dont feel attraction for women,and it is impossible to marry another man i love, because my family is defintely against that. not to mention society looking down on it. I am still in the closet and have told no one except you all. is my life realy worth living, you tell me. should i life live like every other human being, or is my life wasted because i turned out to be gay.
please think this carefully. i rely on you to save me.

This is your karma. Deal with it.

[whattodo]

Originally Posted by Curtis2011

This is your karma. Deal with it.

are you trying to insult me? I find this offensive.

[iDreamCatcher]

I don't find him offensive but sincerely I didn't expect such a lame and pathetic post from an otherwise active participant of this board.

Gleb

[vartann]

gay or not everything boils down to ATTRACTION
i am hot on feminine physical bodies
you are hot on masculine physical bodies
so what, bro ??.

if you find your vibrational match, then the physical body is only the (mostly tasty, granted) tip of the iceberg - an epiphenomenon

guess it s hard to cope with it in early years but just phase out of your reality those who don't accept it - none of their business

[Gazzali]

Originally Posted by whattodo

I am gay. When i was young, and before i hit puberty, i had not worried about it one bit. but, when puberty struck, i started noticing my attraction for boys. the main reason i wrote this thread is to ask you all, is my life worth living? I look at all the guys out there and i feel like i am missing many things. i feel like i dont have what they have, their looks, their love lives, their social lives. i feel sad. sometimes i wonder, will i ever get children, will i ever get a family, because i dont feel attraction for women,and it is impossible to marry another man i love, because my family is defintely against that. not to mention society looking down on it. I am still in the closet and have told no one except you all. is my life realy worth living, you tell me. should i life live like every other human being, or is my life wasted because i turned out to be gay.
please think this carefully. i rely on you to save me.

seek help from medical experts.. I think it can be caused by hormonal changes.

[Chris_1977]

Originally Posted by Gazzali

seek help from medical experts.. I think it can be caused by hormonal changes.

Starting to feel sexually attracted to other people at the onset of puberty certainly is caused by hormonal changes, but there really is no need to seek help of any medical expert. It is the most normal thing in the world. If the only abnormal part of it is that the attraction is to people of the same sex no "medical expert" can do anything about it anyway but there are charlatans who claim to be able to do something about it. You want to stay away from their fangs. Especially the religiously motivated ones.

If the feelings of life being not worth it get too strong to handle, you might want to see a psychologist about it, but a degree of difficulty adjusting yourself to all the changes that happen in puberty is really just normal. And it is also rather normal that gay people have more difficulty than straight people, although the problem is with the straight people in that case, it can be a good reason for the gay person to seek help if it really gets too hard to handle. But in whattodos post I do not see anything more than the normal gay adolescents doubts that will resolve themselves over time. Besides, he already found a personal development website at this age, so he really is very fortunate and will outgrow us all in a few years if we don't step up our own game.....

[rei]

i agree with Chris. you don't need to seek medical assistance for being attracted to either gender. i think there is a touch of ignorance in any ideas that suggest you should seek medical help for being gay. as Chris said, those therapies to 'turn' a person straight are not ethical and should be avoided since they don't even seem to work (some people break down - after being shocked with electricity!!! - and say they aren't gay anymore, but most people would say whatever it took to stop being jolted with massive doses of electricity. yes, we could rightly compare those methods with torture.) but if you begin to be overwhelmed with these ideas of being worthy of life, definitely see a professional or call a hotline.

your life is not wasted! there is actually no shame in being gay, but the culture at large has issues with it. that is THEIR problem, not yours. you are just being true to who you are - there is NO shame in that!

in a way you might even find a reason to see this as a blessing. many people don't realize they are gay until later in life because they are so plugged into what the people around them believe is 'right' - and you have picked up on it early!

adolescence is a rough time anyway, and being gay is not universally accepted so i admit it can be a challenge. i think the first thing you need to do is realize you are worthy of your life. you have shown great strength and courage by coming out here, and i think the majority of the posts have been encouraging of your choices.

there are gay men who have families... they adopt or they speak with a friend to carry a child for them; there are probably other options as well. it can definitely be done. i hope you will see yourself as worthy, as courageous for being true to who you are, and i hope you come to a place of greater acceptance of yourself.

[Plays With Life]

It's funny, but most people I've met have no problem with gay men or gay women. It seems like in my life, people who have a problem with it have been more the exception, than the rule. Maybe it just depends on who you have in your life?

I knew a guy in Mexico who came out as gay, during the few months I knew him. He lost a few good friends, but most people who knew him had no problem with it.

If it were me, if there were people in my life who didn't like gay people for some reason, I wouldn't want them in my life anyways. I mean - do you really want to be hanging out with people who think that way? So coming out and the resulting removal of those people from your life could be viewed as a positive; even a blessing.

[rei]

PWL i agree that it can be a blessing. adolescents may be in a delicate situation though, families have disowned children over this... which is silly as well as potentially serious... so the OP may want to stay in the closet (at least with family) and come out in college. that is a pretty popular route to take.

you know, i live in the bible belt so you'd think i'd be surrounded by homophobia. and maybe i technically am, but in terms of the people i know personally, those i consider friends and not acquaintances, i can't think of anyone who has issues with GLBTQ.

[Plays With Life]

Originally Posted by rei

you know, i live in the bible belt so you'd think i'd be surrounded by homophobia. and maybe i technically am, but in terms of the people i know personally, those i consider friends and not acquaintances, i can't think of anyone who has issues with GLBTQ.

Yeah, isn't that funny? That's exactly what I was thinking. It seems like I hear about people having problems with it, more than I actually encounter people who have problems with it.

As for the families-disowning-kids part - let them. Maybe children should be disowning their families over this. What a ridiculous way to treat your own child, right? I wouldn't want or keep parents who had a problem with homosexuality.

[brendannz]

[QUOTE=whattodo;439434]

the main reason i wrote this thread is to ask you all, is my life worth living?

Definitely, you've got a lot of life to live

i feel like i dont have what they have, their looks, their love lives, their social lives. i feel sad.

Everybody struggles in life at some point, and has the anxiety of comparing themselves with others.. Not everybody experiences the challenges of being gay, but there are support groups, and the challenges will make you stronger..

sometimes i wonder, will i ever get children, will i ever get a family, because i dont feel attraction for women,

you may be able to adopt, but you might not have a family, this may be something you'll have to live with, you can still have pets.

I am still in the closet and have told no one except you all.

Stay in the closet if you need to, seek a support group, and come out when you're ready. It's up to you when and if you come out..

is my life realy worth living, you tell me.

Abso-****ing-lutely

should i life live like every other human being,

no

or is my life wasted because i turned out to be gay.

no

please think this carefully. i rely on you to save me.

All you need is yourself to be saved, and be happy.. but seek support because they exist

[minervana]

Originally Posted by whattodo

I look at all the guys out there and i feel like i am missing many things. i feel like i dont have what they have, their looks, their love lives, their social lives. i feel sad. sometimes i wonder, will i ever get children, will i ever get a family, because i dont feel attraction for women,and it is impossible to marry another man i love, because my family is defintely against that. not to mention society looking down on it.

First of all, being attracted to the same sex does not mean that you can't have a family, a love life, or a social life. What you don't see is that a lot of straight guys are actually miserable, maybe even more miserable than you, without families or girlfriends or social lives.

If you live in a conservative city or country, you might consider moving. I know that Sweden and Norway are very open, if you can stand the weather--so is Finland, but Finnish is quite hard to learn. If you're in the US, some good cities are San Francisco, Seattle, Portland, Madison (Wisconsin), Austin...the list is long.

I know that gay culture can sometimes be lookist and ageist. But not always! What I would recommend is you work on yourself. Even if you look like Steve Buscemi, if you're kind, energetic, active and vivacious, people will naturally be attracted to you. (Plus--I know several girls and one guy who totally have the hots for Buscemi. So don't worry!)

If you're worried about your family, try keeping some distance from them for a while. If you're very young or financially dependent on them, then try to become more independent. You might move away for a while before you tell them (you could tell them in a letter). Sometimes parents feed off the drama of their children, if you're far away they can't do that so much.

[Parthon]

Who you attracted to is just a very small part of who you are.

Imagine if you were disinterested in sex altogether, or perhaps incapable totally, would it make you less of a person. Would your life still be worth living?

Your sexual preference, along with where you live, who your parents are, and everything else is what I call the life situation. This isn't who you are, it's just where you've ended up, for now. Some of it's fixed, some of it can be changed straight away, but most of it can only be changed with effort and time.

The reason why I explain is because the worth of your life isn't where you are, but in what you do with it. The rich man that does nothing except keep his fortune isn't worthy, but the poor destitute that builds a small successful business from nothing, is definately worthy. The man that's born white, straight and in a middle class family won't have many challenges if he wants a family. If this isn't you, then you'll face challenges, and you'll be a worthier person for it.

Is your life worth it? That's up to you. Will you get what you want? That's up to you too. Wherever you are in life, you are the one that in charge.

As for karma: that just means that you receive from the universe what you put into it. If you are feeling lost and confused, it's just a reflection of how you present yourself to the world. To deal with it is to take control, and take command. I doubt Curtis2011 meant it as an insult, but as an encouragement. Most people don't know what karma really is.

[JasonC]

Originally Posted by whattodo

the main reason i wrote this thread is to ask you all, is my life worth living?

Your life is worth living because you are a human, not because of one's sexual tendencies, so yes, your life is worth living.

I look at all the guys out there and i feel like i am missing many things. i feel like i dont have what they have, their looks, their love lives, their social lives. i feel sad. sometimes i wonder, will i ever get children, will i ever get a family,

Maybe it's just me, but it seems to me that your attraction towards men may have something to do with self-identity issues more than mere attraction towards men. Of course, I can't know for sure, but your words reveal you have identity issues, as if you want to identify yourself with a man.

because i dont feel attraction for women,and it is impossible to marry another man i love, because my family is defintely against that. not to mention society looking down on it. I am still in the closet and have told no one except you all. is my life realy worth living, you tell me. should i life live like every other human being, or is my life wasted because i turned out to be gay.
please think this carefully. i rely on you to save me.

Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe there is a way to be straight, despite what you may think? I certainly don't have all the answers, but if it's possible for legally blind people to see again (i.e. Meir Schneider) or to cure autism (Barry and Suzi Kaufman's child), I think there may be a way to become 'ungay' if you get what I mean.

If you are thinking in limitation, consider the life of Nic Vujicic (look him up on youtube). He was born without arms and legs yet he lives an extraordinary life.

[whattodo]

yes I think I have identity issues too..how can i heal that and not have identity issues?

[Parthon]

The best way is to give up the identity.

Give up attachment to the ego and all forms of identification. It's not as hard as it sounds, it's just a rephrasing of the mindset. Instead of saying "I am gay." you say "My sexual preference is gay."

Identity is the form of thoughts and beliefs we have about ourselves. The problem with it is simply that if we think something about ourselves is true, then either we are loath to change it because it changes who we are, or we get defensive about it because we think it's something we need to protect. If we don't have a solid belief about who we are, we are more flexible, and far more open to change and recreating ourselves. It's very hard to have an identity crisis when the identity doesn't really matter.

It's also about recognising that you are more than your identity. Your body is an intricate organism full of life and intelligent organs that keep you alive and allow you to be mobile. It's fantastic and amazing. Your brain, the most complex of them, keeps your entire body in rythym and allows your mind to live. It's the connection between what you experience as 'you' and the rest of the world, through your senses and feelings.

Strangely enough, as you lose your identity, your real self comes forth. Who you really are stops being limited by your own beliefs, and you are free to just exist powerfully and strongly in the face of any opposition. You don't doubt yourself, you don't worry about who you are, and you don't need to find answers in the world. You realise that who are, deep down inside, is the person you were all along. With it freedom, joy and peace.

If you are ready for this, A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle is one of the best books on the subject.

[Chris_1977]

Do you have "identity issues" because somebody just told you you might have "identity issues" or because you have a problem? What does an "identity issue" mean to you? How old are you? Under 18 about 99.99% of people have identity issues. It is almost in the definition of puberty that one needs to find out what kind of person one is. Also note that if you solve "identity issues" this may or may not affect your sexual nature. If you cure some random problem, and every person in the world has problems ("To be human is to face problems" --- Robin Sharma), how would you know in advance that it changes anything to your sexual nature? One solves problems in case one wants problems to be solved. One does not solve problems to change ones sexual nature. It just not works that way. That is an unskillful way of handling your sexuality. You are a guy and a fact of life for guys is that their sexuality hardly ever changes. It is different for women, though. But even in that case sexuality changes for no apparent reason, not because they decide they want to change it.

[JasonC]

Originally Posted by whattodo

yes I think I have identity issues too..how can i heal that and not have identity issues?

Take note of what emotions you feel that cause you to think you have identity issues. Emotions seem to be at the heart of all our issues.

So target the emotions and use EFT to clear them. I recommend watching Robert Smith's Faster EFT. You can watch his videos on youtube. They're quite good.