i am gay

[Cochonette]

Your family is against that? They may change. A false, but common, assumption people make is that when the world is unaccepting, that is just the essential and unchangeable way of things. If my family could not accept me for doing nothing to them, I would not consider them my family. Family is always there for you. That is something I have realized. If there is anyone who would deny you a place in their home or physically harm you, they are not your family. They have removed you from their family by doing so. But, that's the scary version. Coming out doesn't have to be so scary. They may be accepting, and then you can get over all your fears. If not, then have a back up plan - find a new family or go out on your own. Either way, you should be able to be who you are.

What country do you live in, by the way? That makes a difference.

Coming out for me was not nearly as scary as I expected. In fact, it was quite liberating! Also, you may be able to adopt children, so don't worry about that. Stand up for gay rights. Find someone who will listen to you. Overcome your fears and take control of your life.

More people are gay than you know. More and more people are out these days. I found out this year that my brother is bisexual and our childhood friend is gay. People are talking about gay marriage/rights wherever I walk these days - although, admittedly, I'm a college student, so I'm in a relatively open-minded, or at least thoughtful, place.

[Acting Like Godot]

Originally Posted by whattodo

I am gay.

Sorry that doesn't make you very special at all.

Lots of people in the world are gay, and have all kinds of backgrounds.

Why, when I was dabbling in amateur theatre, I felt like a distinct minority. Hardly anyone else was heterosexual.

[whattodo]

Originally Posted by Cochonette

Your family is against that? They may change. A false, but common, assumption people make is that when the world is unaccepting, that is just the essential and unchangeable way of things. If my family could not accept me for doing nothing to them, I would not consider them my family. Family is always there for you. That is something I have realized. If there is anyone who would deny you a place in their home or physically harm you, they are not your family. They have removed you from their family by doing so. But, that's the scary version. Coming out doesn't have to be so scary. They may be accepting, and then you can get over all your fears. If not, then have a back up plan - find a new family or go out on your own. Either way, you should be able to be who you are.

What country do you live in, by the way? That makes a difference.

Coming out for me was not nearly as scary as I expected. In fact, it was quite liberating! Also, you may be able to adopt children, so don't worry about that. Stand up for gay rights. Find someone who will listen to you. Overcome your fears and take control of your life.

More people are gay than you know. More and more people are out these days. I found out this year that my brother is bisexual and our childhood friend is gay. People are talking about gay marriage/rights wherever I walk these days - although, admittedly, I'm a college student, so I'm in a relatively open-minded, or at least thoughtful, place.

I live in the USA.

[completelylost]

I can understand perfectly how you feel. I don't know your age but you seem to be quite young, and that's great, you're struggling with the VERY same issues I'm struggling now in my life, and it turns out I'm on my early thirties. I'm sorry I can't really help you with this, because as I said, I'm in the EXACT same position you are right now. But it's been good to find this site and this thread. Hang in there, whattodo, I'm sure the sun will finally melt all the snow for us, it always does.

My case may be somewhat different, because I've really no urge or desire to have a so called 'normal' life, you know, marriage, children and the like. Being the way I am has made me see clearly what a lie all this is. What a fake we are. Human beings, society, human roles, everything. And I'm not talking from the bitterness or resentment position. Not anymore. You know, what I mean is that it's ok, I mean, everything is exactly as it should be, the universe perfectly unfolds. But the thing is I'm starting to see my condition as a blessing, an important key that is leading me in a very specific direction.

I have always asked myself the question. Why do I have these sexual preferences? Is it something in my brain that makes it different from a straight person's? I mean, is it something physical in it? Or does it have to do with early childhood experiences which may have left or burned a fixed stamp in my behaviour? And I'm not talking about traumatic experiences, as my childhood was really nice (apart from the times I was kind of bullied by other children due to my likes and dislikes -I've never played or liked football for instance).
Anyway, this questioning put me in a 'research mode' and I started to become interested in spirituality, awareness, ego and whatnot. And here I am, still trying to sort it all out, still struggling but kind of happy. Trying to peel layer after layer off my personality, trying to deconstruct myself, trying to see what will be left when I'm done. Will I be gay then? Will I be straight? I really don't know but by then I guess I won't give a damn about what I am or am not because there will be no 'I' in the first place.

As for the 'try to enter and feel comfortable with the gay world' recommentdations, you know, they may work for you, actually I'm sure they work for a high number of people, but personally I think for me, entering that new 'game' would be throwing a fake costume away just to wear a new but equally false one. Another human role, and sometimes even more difficult to scape from when it comes to find out who you really are (or are not), I mean, in terms of trying to stop identifying with what we think we are...

I'm sorry for such a long post. And maybe it's kind of weirdly expressed, but bare with me, I'm Spanish

Hope to read more on the subject
bye!

[Abdelrahman]

Originally Posted by Alex Wu

The short answer is a definite yes. You're going to feel a lot of emotions, so be patient with yourself. First, there's no need to tell anyone in your life anything... only do that when you're ready and only when it serves your best interests.

Second, connect with some resources related to being gay... what do I mean? Read more about being gay on the internet. Read a gay fiction book or two. Depending on your age, you may be able to join a gay-related email list. Or come out to a friend who is likely to be supportive of you. At some point, go out to activities for gay and lesbians. There are gay potlucks and gay hiking events in the city where I live.

Take it slow, and give yourself lots of time to process everything you're feeling. Don't take any sudden actions. You didn't live all the years of your life in order to get to this point and throw yourself over a bridge, right?

Realizing I was gay was a very emotional period for me personally. That was 8 years ago. It took nearly 5 years for me to become comfortable being open about it (and I live in Canada), though I could have sped up the process by working on it consciously.

Being gay almost forces you to liberate yourself from the sort of conditioned thinking we're all brought up with. Now life isn't quite so straightforward... so go and explore and chart your own path.

I Like This reply

[The Unconquered]

Hey, whattodo. If you have problems finding your identity, you can borrow one of mine. I think I have, like, 5! And I'm consciously aware of all of them, so I don't have MPD. :P Although I only have actual experience with those of the male gender, I find myself attracted to many people along the gender spectrum. Oddly enough, this has had the paradoxical effect of reducing the number of potential partners. Since I'm no longer afraid of acknowledging my attraction to a person, whether the attraction is "conventional" or not, I am more honest about why I'm attracted to the person. Then I ask myself, is it wise and realistic to be in a relationship with the person if the feeling is mutual? Lately, the answer has usually been no, and that has been a very good thing.

[whattodo]

I dont have any friends to come out to either. I don't have friends because I can't be myself because I'm in closet and if I was acting how I wanted to, I'm scared they might notice.

[KaleidoskopicVision]

Originally Posted by whattodo

I dont have any friends to come out to either. I don't have friends because I can't be myself because I'm in closet and if I was acting how I wanted to, I'm scared they might notice.

Who they? Your parents? How does a gay person act anyway? I've met many very 'masculine' or 'neutral' acting gay guys. There's really no rule that says you have to act effeminate to be gay. That's just one way of sexual expression. Your true essence is beyond gender duality and sees sexual expression not in terms of male/female interactions but in terms of love. In meditative contemplation, I often see a random passerby's form shifting from masculine to feminine, revealing that our true selves are both masculine and feminine psychically. Readily identifying with any sexual term so quickly and at such a young age is going to box you in. I don't have a sexual orientation. I am attracted to individuals and beauty. Also remember that sexual expression is not just physical relationship between people. Sexual energy is in many ways the root of our being. Heck, painting is sexual for me. So is eating. You can discover a very sacred place when you hold a state of awareness without letting yourself slide into role identification. We all play roles, but this is not who we are. All the world's a stage, as Shakespeare so eloquently put it.

Don't let the label gay define who you are. Play the role as much as you like while knowing it is just a role that your essence happens to express itself through well. This perspective, when understood and used, will make being nervous about this situation seem silly. You'll still be yourself. Don't worry, relax! The show must go on and you're up next. Don't get stage fright, this is your big part

[Weena]

Are you sure your family will be un-supportive? My sister is gay and i was the first to know. She was afraid of rejection yet nobody in our family or any of her friends judged her for it. If that is who she is, then she has the right to happiness. My parents reacted exactly like that "That's okay if that's who you are". Who cares? In this time and age, truly, it's so very common...

I understood the expression "that is your karma" in a not offensive way. My sister told me she feels she had too many lives as a man to feel attracted by them in this one. Maybe that's what he meant, maybe it wasn't an insult.

[Piercetheveil]

i rely on you to save me.

Then you are screwed. Cut that out.

[Anagogy]

Originally Posted by whattodo

I dont have any friends to come out to either. I don't have friends because I can't be myself because I'm in closet and if I was acting how I wanted to, I'm scared they might notice.

Look, you can either be yourself and risk maybe experiencing something unpleasant

OR.......

You can stay in the closet forever and GUARANTEE yourself the unpleasant experience of not being yourself.

What's it gonna be?

Hate yourself or love yourself?

[noitcefrep]

whattodo, it sickens me that you would be so vulnerable to what others think of you. You do not need the approval of your parents, family, friends, or even society as a whole. The bigotry and and absolute ludicrous behavior of those who are apposed to homosexuality is not your problem, it is theirs. They are the uneducated, dimwitted, stuck-in-last-generation people that are too moronic to know it.

If you were to choose to end your life, you would succumb to these people. The people that are beneath you. You are better than them. Value your life more than all of these people combined.

They do not deserve respect.

You do.

[hal3000]

Originally Posted by Chris_1977

Starting to feel sexually attracted to other people at the onset of puberty certainly is caused by hormonal changes, but there really is no need to seek help of any medical expert. It is the most normal thing in the world. If the only abnormal part of it is that the attraction is to people of the same sex no "medical expert" can do anything about it anyway but there are charlatans who claim to be able to do something about it. You want to stay away from their fangs. Especially the religiously motivated ones.

If the feelings of life being not worth it get too strong to handle, you might want to see a psychologist about it, but a degree of difficulty adjusting yourself to all the changes that happen in puberty is really just normal. And it is also rather normal that gay people have more difficulty than straight people, although the problem is with the straight people in that case, it can be a good reason for the gay person to seek help if it really gets too hard to handle. But in whattodos post I do not see anything more than the normal gay adolescents doubts that will resolve themselves over time. Besides, he already found a personal development website at this age, so he really is very fortunate and will outgrow us all in a few years if we don't step up our own game.....

agree, but there can be non-religeous motivations for this too and those shouldn't be taboo'd.

[roxyruby]

Originally Posted by whattodo

I am gay. When i was young, and before i hit puberty, i had not worried about it one bit. but, when puberty struck, i started noticing my attraction for boys. the main reason i wrote this thread is to ask you all, is my life worth living? I look at all the guys out there and i feel like i am missing many things. i feel like i dont have what they have, their looks, their love lives, their social lives. i feel sad. sometimes i wonder, will i ever get children, will i ever get a family, because i dont feel attraction for women,and it is impossible to marry another man i love, because my family is defintely against that. not to mention society looking down on it. I am still in the closet and have told no one except you all. is my life realy worth living, you tell me. should i life live like every other human being, or is my life wasted because i turned out to be gay.
please think this carefully. i rely on you to save me.

Gay and homosexual people are wonderful, equal, worthy people. For some not good enough reasons, many people are emotionally abusive towards these people. Understand it is these people's problems. It has always been natural for some people to be homosexual. Do you want to be private about it? Or do you want to be open about it and not care what the people with problems think? Whatever you want, go for it

Your life is not wasted! I believe there are things in your life worth living for. Be proud of who you are, for you cannot help it and it is who you are, just like everyone else. You have the right to be yourself and no-one has the right to abuse someone for being who they are, that is only their problem.

[Steve Errey]

Being gay is just one tiny piece of who you are. I know that's not how it feels right now, it feels like it's consuming you whole and that without that thing you'd almost cease to exist, but I promise you it's just a tiny fraction of YOU.

I like girls and guys. I like sunshine, laughter, a cracking smile, listening to alt rock, watching 24 and I LOVE cooking. I know that shared joy, humour and adding value to people are SO important to me. There are a myriad other things that makes me who I am, my sexuality, fetishes and whatever else are all just part of that. Each part is valid in its own right.

I get the feeling that doing some personal digging into your own values would really help. These are the things that are most important to you, the cornerstones, building blocks and foundations for who you are. They're the things in yourself, in other people and out in the world that mean the most to you, and when you know them and bring them into your life questions like "identity" and "sexuality" kinda lose their overriding significance. Message me if you want an exercise to work through on this - I'm more than happy to send it through.

Steve

[Falco]

Christopher Hitchens said it nicely: 'being gay isn't just a form of sex, its a form of love and worthy of our respect'.

Your life is definately worth living my friend.