Outgrown friends contacting you.

[cylon]

I wish you success with your situation as well.

[blossom]

That's a really good way to look at it ProbableReality. I am the same in this regard and choose to focus on attracting abundance and happy. sane people...whilst allowing others who do not vibrate at my frequency to find their own people who do...and make space in my life for those who are on my wavelength. It's more exciting when you put it that way

[aggie]

one thing i have come to believe, when meeting new people and letting them into my life as "friends" is that the more time that goes by and the older i get...i realize it is difficult to find many people that are on the same wave length...add coupledom to that on occasion, kids or no kids, age differences and it gets more complicated....

that said, i have come to the conclusion that if i don't feel really comfortable as myself with someone, if i feel that they are being passive agressive, if something just doesn't feel right.....then it is wrong...friendship should eventually fit like a glove....it should ebb and flow with trust and understanding thru the good and the bad. it needs to be honest. if it is none of those, if it is too much WORK....than it is not worth the investment.

i had a 'friend' who was a pathological liar and had me duped and used me and was resentful thru 7 years....it wore me out for a long time...trying to be a good and supportive and understanding friend....it had a nasty end as truths unfolded and were revealed...and it WAS almost more painful than a romantic relationship and the feeling of betrayal was just as bad.....instead of trying so hard...i should have realized it was toxic and ended it, but i did not have the guts, honestly.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by aggie

that said, i have come to the conclusion that if i don't feel really comfortable as myself with someone, if i feel that they are being passive agressive, if something just doesn't feel right.....then it is wrong...friendship should eventually fit like a glove....it should ebb and flow with trust and understanding thru the good and the bad. it needs to be honest. if it is none of those, if it is too much WORK....than it is not worth the investment.

Totally agree with you there.... friendship should feel good, not be awkward. I was kidding around with some friends at my last job, and I thought to myself "why is it that I can be natural and casual with these work friends, but with my supposed "best friend" I feel closed off and self-conscious?"

[Gene]

There have been many times in my life when some friend I was very close to became less close to me. Sometimes the relationship had an official ending with harsh words spoken and some times we just drifted apart as we pursued our own life path.

Sometimes I think about these people who I used to know and remember the friendships and closeness of times past. Mostly I do not keep thinking about them. Some of these people it would be interesting to visit with and share with each other where our journeys have taken us.

A smaller number of former friends I have no desire to see again. I think it is healthy to end a toxic relationship. I do not believe it always need occur with lots of drama. It is a choice and is mine/yours to make.

[aggie]

do you think we can become self conscious with good or best friends because we want them to think we are alike...that nothing should threaten the friendship...i know they say you can argue and have fights, but it should not matter in the end...real friends can work it out...but, yeah, it still feels funny...

[cylon]

There are friends I have drifted apart from simply due to our life circumstance changing, they move or get married or whatever and suddenly our lifestyles aren't as compatible but we are still "friends". If I saw them or they called or something, we'd still be friends. I think there's an understanding there that people aren't required to stay in contact forever to still be considered someone important to your life.

But, those are real genuine friendships where both sides at least respect and want the best for each other. But I don't have those same positive feelings for this particular "friend", just pity and guilt for allowing myself to be his friend. Some of the "real friends" I just mentioned, he tried to convince me were bad people over the years, until I was only hanging out with him, and not them. He could have me all to himself.

Makes me kind of sick to realize what I'm saying.

[cylon]

Originally Posted by aggie

do you think we can become self conscious with good or best friends because we want them to think we are alike...that nothing should threaten the friendship...i know they say you can argue and have fights, but it should not matter in the end...real friends can work it out...but, yeah, it still feels funny...

Well, for guys... if a guy and another guy really respect each other, we can call each other every name in the book and say you're a total jerk and be all pissed off, and the very next day we're having a beer and making stupid jokes like nothing ever happened. Because we both realize that the argument is not important and we realize that we are much closer than that.

Other times, you hold grudges, you resent... so those must be signs of unhealthy friendship.

Like I said with friends at work, I could get in fights and and insults, but next day, it's all forgiven. I never felt that way when I was hanging out with this guy.

[aggie]

i understand what you feel actually....i just happens that way sometimes....

my ex husband had a good point.....you are lucky i life if you can count on one hand true friends....i think he may have been right.

[cylon]

I agree. I actually can't do that at this point of my life, but I guess that's just because I had to clear out the dead weight and start over.

[Penelopi]

I can relate to this so much, because I am in the place where you friend is. The only diff is that I did not went after my bestfriend. She left me for the same reason as yours, negative, weird, etc. But I have issues that time, I am so confused with myself and everything I think she knows, its just that it doesn't help us individually so she decided to drift. I can understand why she did that Its just hard bec I feel like I was the wrong one? Maybe I am but I feel like I am defected as a person, ya know what I mean? Sorry I just want to let this out.. Now I'm even more confused. Maybe I just need to change my mindset about this. hehe.

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by Penelopi

Maybe I just need to change my mindset about this. hehe.

I'd look at it this way. All people come into your life for a reason, with some people, when the lessons are learned or at least hints are given (what do you think your friendship taught you, about yourself, how you perceive friendships etc), you drift apart. It's not about you or her being the wrong one, but a chance now for someone new to walk into your life to teach you and show you new things.
And it might be a good opportunity to turn inwards, as you said change your mindset.

[Donkey1]

So basically you are looking for comfort, for guilt of not calling him back?

I say, grow a pair. Tell him you only want to be around positive people who support your dreams and goals. He'll then be left with a choice. Support you or lose you as a friend.

Btw, I hate people who forget their real friends when something goes good for them, or they succeed at something. I never forget what brought me to where I am now. I consider those who do fake pieces of crap.