Harm to others

[StarMerkaba]

I'm not sure if I'm in the right category for my thread, but I have a question about harm to others and coming clean:

If you did something harmful to someone else before you've woken up as a spiritual person, and the harm has long past, but your guilt remains, is it necessary to speak to that person on this issue if you know that's not exactly possible? Is there any healing on you end if you cannot speak to that person face to face about the harm you may have caused? You are not especially afraid to speak to that person, just weary about the harm talking to them may open. We were both kids, I was just the much older, meaner, less guided of the two, and I know I took advantage of his weaknesses, and after years of contemplation I seriously think talking about our dreadful past may not solve the issue, mostly because we are on different walks of life now. I know he has a lot of issues right now because of his dad leaving, and his family and maybe even because of me, but I also hear he's doing good in a lot of other areas. I know he might feel terrible about a lot of mistakes he made too, so even though I want to take responsibility face to face, I seriously question if I should. I feel like not talking to him would be like a bridge never closed on my part, and maybe even cowardly, but I'm also not sure if talking to him is even possible. Like, I would be disturbing anything he has done for himself this far, and may not appreciate me barging into his life right now. Is there healing without direct communication, and if so where should I begin, because my open doors to self responsibility have now made me aware of my choices as a young person and I feel beyond bad. Not only was I a kid, but I was a totally different person then than I am now. I just don't want him to think I don't know or don't care, and know that my guilt is over whelming.

[The Cloud]

Why make your new life about harm and pain? You're a new person. You didn't do those things, somebody else did; the very fact that you wouldn't do them now is proof of that. Why do you need to pretend to be who you were? Be who you are now instead. It doesn't matter whether you tell him or don't tell him. What matters is that you are free of who you were.

[rei]

as The Cloud said, who you were then is not who you are now.
this person you feel you harmed may not even care, or it may not have the depth of impact you are concerned it had.

also, we are all connected and all part of a single collective. the separation is an illusion. so what you did, you didn't do 'to someone else' - you did it to self. i don't know if that helps or not, but may invite you to look at this differently.

forgive yourself. the guilt is coming from you, not him. and there is a chance your actions served to resolve some karma between the two of you - perhaps that person 'victimized' you in another expression, and the two of you decided to meet up in this lifetime to balance the ledger. so in a way it could be beneficial that it happened.

this experience and the consequences don't have to burden you. i suppose it can be a sign that you are aligned with your conscience if you feel you were 'wrong' in the action. but there are many ways to view a situation, it doesn't have to be that you were acting in a wrong way. it can be the karma balancing i mentioned. and technically, even if you were both young, he allowed you to do whatever you did. he may have attracted it to him to learn some specific lessons. you may have triggered a growth experience for him, and at some level he may even be grateful for that.

if you want to ask for forgiveness (even though you obviously need forgiveness from yourself more than from him) without direct communication, you could do like a meditation to connect with the higher self of this person. once you are connected with the higher self you can explain that you're wanting forgiveness and ask if it is granted. most likely it will be granted, or you will get a message that there is nothing to forgive because the person asked to have the experience before he incarnated. and you can say thank you for the answer you get (regardless of the content of the answer, thanks is welcome since the higher self has a choice about connecting with you) and then break the connection. PM me if you want me to go into more detail about this method since it may technically stray a bit from the topic of this thread.

[YourHumbleNarrator]

Let it go. It's over with. If everything seems to be okay now, you've got nothing to worry about.

You'll experience as much healing as you're willing to allow. You're the one flagellating yourself. Let it go and you'll be amazed how quickly the hurt goes away.

[Manomanman]

You need to understand why you're still experiencing guilt. You may just need recognition to reinforce the fact that you've changed. It sounds like you don't believe 100% that you've made the change to who you want to be.

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by StarMerkaba

Is there any healing on you end if you cannot speak to that person face to face about the harm you may have caused? I feel like not talking to him would be like a bridge never closed on my part, and maybe even cowardly, but I'm also not sure if talking to him is even possible. I just don't want him to think I don't know or don't care, and know that my guilt is over whelming.

Is it only a matter of speaking to him and letting him know how you feel now about what you did in the past?
Or you expect his 'forgiveness' first in order to forgive yourself?
What if he doesn't care about what you have to say to him? Would you be able to heal without that?

[ar81]

I have made mistakes too. I blame past immaturity. However, harm is real. If I was you I'd try to repair it as much as you can. Notice that repairing is not reopening old wounds of people to make yourself feel better. Repairing means fixing things as much so other people's lives are easier.

You can change the way of doing things, and it is a moral duty to repair harm. But even if you change, you can't avoid the consequences of what you did. At most you may repair or mitigate.

Regretting our past will not exclude us from the consequences of our actions.

[dream]

zi agree with ar81. There are some people you have lost touch with and may never see again. This is when it is out of your control and the fact that you are remorseful and a different person is all that's needed. but when you are able to reach out or have the opportunity of meeting them, the power of taking responsibility heals them. Even when people look as though they have it all together, we know that may not necessarily be true. They need to hear I am sorry. We all do.

If your worst fears is that he will never speak to you again or never accept your forgiveness then this is his right. The scriptures say you have done a noble thing and you will be blessed (credited, kissed by God,remembered by God) as well as refreshed (transcended to a new level spiritually). The best part is moving forward.

[amj]

Originally Posted by StarMerkaba

I'm not sure if I'm in the right category for my thread, but I have a question about harm to others and coming clean:

If you did something harmful to someone else before you've woken up as a spiritual person, and the harm has long past, but your guilt remains, is it necessary to speak to that person on this issue if you know that's not exactly possible? Is there any healing on you end if you cannot speak to that person face to face about the harm you may have caused? You are not especially afraid to speak to that person, just weary about the harm talking to them may open. We were both kids, I was just the much older, meaner, less guided of the two, and I know I took advantage of his weaknesses, and after years of contemplation I seriously think talking about our dreadful past may not solve the issue, mostly because we are on different walks of life now. I know he has a lot of issues right now because of his dad leaving, and his family and maybe even because of me, but I also hear he's doing good in a lot of other areas. I know he might feel terrible about a lot of mistakes he made too, so even though I want to take responsibility face to face, I seriously question if I should. I feel like not talking to him would be like a bridge never closed on my part, and maybe even cowardly, but I'm also not sure if talking to him is even possible. Like, I would be disturbing anything he has done for himself this far, and may not appreciate me barging into his life right now. Is there healing without direct communication, and if so where should I begin, because my open doors to self responsibility have now made me aware of my choices as a young person and I feel beyond bad. Not only was I a kid, but I was a totally different person then than I am now. I just don't want him to think I don't know or don't care, and know that my guilt is over whelming.

I say you should get it off your chest. Express exactly how you feel. Then you can move on with your life.

[Gene]

Originally Posted by amj

I say you should get it off your chest. Express exactly how you feel. Then you can move on with your life.

I agree with the above post but note that it is not always necessary to make the statement to the person(s) you believe you have injured especially if the relationship is still toxic and would cause you more intense drama.

There are a number of methods you can use if you can not safely talk to the people involved.

[ar81]

Also if you harmed someone, you may like to apologize.
It may not solve the problem, but it may bring certain relief to the harmed person, even if that person still rejects you after that.

[vartann]

first acknowledge - then forgive yourself
then go straight to him
you ll be done with YOUR part of the job, the rest is not yours

[themaster]

My newest teacher teaches creating a "point of delineation" between you and the world incidentally he calls that point "the rose"

He says that as we have had these negative things in our pack that we have given people our energy and we should take it back release it.. (incidentally he teaches the merkaba too )

Anyway.. according to him and his method.. he said get in the center of your head and imagine a tv put a rose on it... then place the subject you want to release energy too and "explode the rose" that his simple method.. he suggest doing it a few times too if you have lots of issues.. He also notes that you will know when the rose is ready to explode.. I can point you to this information if you prefer not to have it in written form (it's on the website)