Existential Depression......................

[Penelopi]

I just want to know when someone experience this, is it also like having an ego death??

[Holistic Star]

I'm not sure there is such thing as ego death you know. We have an ego as part of our energetic makeup and have to learn how to work with it. We can learn to quiet it and not be ruled by it and this according to Tolle will bring us inner peace.

I think existential depression is a far cry from inner peace (no pun intended but I guess it kinda works in context)

I've had depression before. I'm not sure if it was 'existential depression' is that a real condition. In all depression you question the validity of your existence and feel that there is no point to existence and that there is no hope for the future.

There is hope, of course there is, but from the confines of depression you can't imagine feeling any other way than depressed. With time and the right help you can learn to live and laugh again. There is always hope.

[ar81]

What caused this depression of yours?
What is making you to feel powerless before life and the universe?
Try to do very small things that allow you to feel that you control your life.

[The Cloud]

Originally Posted by Penelopi

I just want to know when someone experience this, is it also like having an ego death??

What if it is? You won't be any better off as a dead ego than as a live one. I don't think you're looking for a yes or no answer here, anyways. Why do you feel as if you have to ask this question? Whose sanction are you looking for to feel as you do? Who will be able to justify you to yourself?

[rei]

what do you mean by "existential depression"? is it a spiritual way of saying clinical depression or do you mean something else?

[MichaelMaxwell]

I had to do some research to be sure of what existential depression means. Basically you feel like you don't know your place in existence and its depressing? I could see that being similar with ego death, in that, the role a person played before an existencial crisis would have to have lost its efficacy somehow for the existencial crisis to have occured in the first place. In a severe existential crisis I can imagine that role being thrown out entirely as it is found to be insufficiant in handling the crisis. (Unless I'm wrong that loss of individual role is what ego death is). Conversely I can imagine an unexpected ego death leading to depression especially if a person was fond of that particular role.

Is this sounding right? If so my personal experience is that the ego will keep coming back, pretty much indefinately, its an insidious bugger. I don't know maybe its possible to live life with out a subjective role seperating you from the rest of existence? If so I havent done it.

[Penelopi]

Originally Posted by MichaelMaxwell

In a severe existential crisis I can imagine that role being thrown out entirely as it is found to be insufficient in handling the crisis. (Unless I'm wrong that loss of individual role is what ego death is). Conversely I can imagine an unexpected ego death leading to depression especially if a person was fond of that particular role.

That is what im talking about mahn! you smart. "During" that role im playing(unconsciously) unexpected things happen that made me "conscious" about this ego bull. gahd it sucks. its so hard! Until i've proven that im not the wrong one in those particular situations(w/c caused me this) then i can let go of the things that's making me guilty and go back to that ego again til I'm ready to give it up and go back to who i really am. But i can't let go yet because if i do and i'm wrong and still continued to put a stand on that ego it will make me even more worst. even more far from who i am and My REAL CORE, and it will be gone and will be replaced with another persona w/c is completely not me. and poof i will be gone forever. hah did you even get that?


I know I can't identify with that false ego anymore since I'm aware now but I'm not yet ready at all to give it up. Its not that I can't, I know I will sound crazy but there's a pattern I need to follow. And also the only reason why I'm aware because of things that's making me guilty so I need to clarify myself. So if i've proven that im not guilty then i can at least pretend to be that ego again until im ready to give it up.



right now i feel like im different from everyone and no one will be able to relate to me. i feel like im in a diff place from everyone else. its even hard because i am aware of this thing you know so i can't really go back to that false ego anymore so somehow at least i want to prove that I'm not wrong with during those ego moments that's making me guilty now!! wahh im so crazy!

did you even get that?

[The Cloud]

Who are you if you're not you? If you become someone else, then isn't that person you too? Maybe you're someone else.

[MichaelMaxwell]

I'm not a professional but I'll give you my advice anyway.

If I'm following you correctly, you are saying that want to find the 'real' you after coming out of a situation where you believe you were playing a role, and you are worried that now you might just take on a new role and still not be the 'real' you? Also you are worried that you might lose the real you?

I think this is great to think about but please, whatever you do, don't panic about it. I mean the real you is sitting right there right now reading on the internet. In the future your ego will probably create new roles for you to play that you might not feel reflect the 'true you' but that happens to everyone and its no big deal.

How about this: isn't the part of your mind that is looking for the 'real' you, in fact your ego? Your ego wants to find 'the real you', because its an achievement which would allow you to take on the role of some who has found 'the real them'. A great role sure, but a role none the less and not the real you. I think the real you exists in the moment, and the very act of searching for it keeps you from being in the moment. So looking for the real you is actually hurting your chances of finding the real you.

That's not to say you shouldn't keep examining your life and trying to figure out ways to live in the moment more, as your true self. I'd just recommend not feeling like its a life or death situation.

Like I said I'm not a professional and am weary of giving advice as such, but I hope this helps a little.

[joelr]

Originally Posted by Penelopi

I just want to know when someone experience this, is it also like having an ego death??

No. It's like your ego realizing the world is pointless and absurd. Your ego must make a meaning for itself regardless of the absurdity.

Try some Eastern schools of thought out. It can be a cure for western Philosophy blues.

[Penelopi]

Originally Posted by joelr

No. It's like your ego realizing the world is pointless and absurd. Your ego must make a meaning for itself regardless of the absurdity.

Try some Eastern schools of thought out. It can be a cure for western Philosophy blues.

yeah something like that. i feel like im not part of the society anymore. i feel like i was out of the box/norm i don't know its hard to explain.. it just feels so lonely and scary that i feel like i was the only one and people are trap in society and no one will ever understand or get this type of thinking.


i just wasn't ready for this so i keep holding on to my ego.

[cacheborn]

Okay, I have been through similar situation though not exactly the same. I will answer in a general way, not the specifics.

I was deep into existentialism once, even did an audio course to learn about it. It was very revealing and insightful. However, I found that most of the time I was taking the course, I was terribly depressed. Reading Sartre, Camus or Nietzshe constantly, one's views about life become darker and sombre. Finally, I came to the conclusion that it is not my cup of tea. For one thing, existentialiam rarely offers anything close to cheerful or positive. Secondly, you get caught up too much into semantics and even when you understand the philosophy, it does nothing to help you in your day-to-day problems.

As joelr suggested, try to have a taste of some other philosophy, somthing more positive. Zen/Buddhism is a good alternative.

[crazydeeps8144]

Hello Sir,my name is Deepak,i am from a very small place a non urban city,were the resources are very little,i am a very hardworking guy,with a lot of big dreams to achiece(seriously),but in my childhood years,i was a bit like a moody and a tremendous shy guy,my father was a doctor,precisely a anaesthesist,a great sports man,has achieved a lot and lot of his dreams through shear discipline,(which he teaches to everyone a lot),where as his father was a policeman,a cop,of great great discilpined, and a highly non-corrupt professional,he was a bit hard guy,and all that political drama,so my father is good for me,was always following the footsteps of his words,never crossed the line,now i am 22 yrs, 174 days student my engineering degree, i was not a guy of much enthusiastic and not pretty much optimistic,my father would used to beat me up alot for so called mistakes,which i think i have learnt some lessons(please forgive me for mix up of emotions),as i said that i was a man of also discilpline, doing of things which were to be done by any guy on the planet, i used to just follow all the rules ,i was not so interested in learning in my childhood days,i was like a fluctuating type of guy,firstly used to score alot,sometimes i used to score less,when i started to grow up,i became more mature but that sense of childishness was still lobbying my head,my father used to warn me a lot,they called me very very much stubborn,all thru out my life i heard that word a lot,so i think u understood me i think ,so one thing i noticed from him was his attraction to ENGLISH CULTURE,means he was a die hard fan of newspapers,novels,articles,philosophical things,which i think everyone has this qualities,but he use to stress a lot about sincerity,discipline,TIME SENSE,,he was a machine,a military guy,but we were a quite middle class family sufficient salary to lead a good life,but i used to imitate my father a lot,in school,his attitude,his way of talking to his friends,the one thing i observed in my life was my friendship to business peoples, i was a very dumbo,still i think i have a same attitude,so i grew up watching all the english movies,thou never understood them,so i kept on listening to him a lot,all his ideas were never ignored, then i realized now that i was very lethargic,easy going,i never did what others did,like talking to girls,since we dont have any sisters,i am the eldest,i have two small brothers,so when i came to tenth standard,pressure went up high,i had to perform extremely hard and make sure that i was studying,i had lot of comparitive attitude,and also one thing my school was the best in the city means,academically and curriculary very good,but one thing they did was once we entered our tenth standard they used to shuffle us based on the percentage we scored,which i think they used to achieve new heights,and to become richer,but i passed my tenth with 68 percenitle,so i came to college studying my preuniversity subjects,nut i started to feel little abiut his negative attitude,and his growing possessiveness regarding me,and then donno what happened he thought that i was declining regarding my studies,i am in danger phase of my life,he started to control me alot,he was keeping a close watch on me especially,compared to my other two brtohers,the next to one me was left free like anything,when iwas concerned he was seriously,so even i understood him a lot,keeping his dreams not my dreams into serious,we were not provided any ,materialistic things,not even a computer,kust raed and learn,so i thimk we not allowed to think,so coming to my problem nowadays i am facing,i was told that i used to become an engineer when i grew up,i said okay,why not do that,but after graduating from my +2,i gained a seat through my hardwork(which i have done it in theory,but not in my entrance exams).So we went to capital and through CET counselling i earned a seat in the good and old college of my city,in computer science,but the difficulty i was facing was still a mystery to me,idid knew untill recently i came to know about the mystery and the sorrows ans the pains,the reason was very simple,i tell you about that latter,when i came to engineering we had recently shifted to our new house very far from my college,on the outskirts fro the city.So what every other people did was they had a bike to carry even the brightest and the poorest guy had either a new or used of families vehicle,but as my house was nearer i did not get that dream,so the same partition of shuffling based on percentage continued,our college working days were from morning 7 to even 5,so we hardly read ,but struggled to read a little,much little from eagerly and intrested students about thier life,so the thing i could catch was the way the exams should have to be written,i mean it was rediculous, i used to sit and learn , by heart itmand even used to understand,by the gracious help from my dad,so when i came to college, i did not releasie that i was in a very dangerous situation,the attitude in whicha exam was written was to understand the reproduce it in your own words,but is taught by my father i was very stubborn, and a very far type relation with him,i did not shared ma feeling with him,i did not make him my friend,in sense i was bit disciplined,but very arrogant,i did tslk to him once in d ay, only shared the requirements, i was actually not very demansing,keeping in my mind the condition of my family,the thing which i disliked wa sthe kinf if shuffling we used to have in our college,i did not try to understand the power of hardwork and discilpine,i forhet the way the exms should have been writteni use dto imagine myself in the shoes of great scrorers and achievers which they did it thier own style,n the fame and recognition they would be getting, i was a very emotional guy, but did not understnad what i wanted to achieve in my life,the thing which bothered me a lot was to score atleast once was good and highest marks,but i failed failed,and the one thing i did not understood that the major problem was still coming,when i reached the first semester i failed in all subjects just getting through tha lab exams, i still did not understand what that thing meant,i knew the only thing was to keep no backlogs so that a big company would appoint me, the next semester i failed in all subjects, which i did not tell it my dad,he started to smoke a lot,the thing made the mistake was my friendship with the business friends, all them were least concerned about their studies,my actual problem was the bike which the did not get me,i was travelling in my old scooter,with least mileage and alternative days of fueling,i di not at al take seriously ,my exams, so i sat i my home for a year just playing games and games, and still not realizing what had happened,tha same tensions haunting all my routines i staeted hrowing fatter, sleeping ten hours daily, the even i could not take all my backlogs,then i thought of changing my stream to commerce an i told it my dad, he was petrified and crying,he could not understand what was wrong with me,even i was reluctantly to ask my doubts to my father,and my increasing computer addiction,i could resolv it smoothly,just trying to be disciplined, i was very shy to talk to my father,the i went onto take a readmission into again first semester ACTUALLY I WANTED TO BECOME THE CHIEF MINISTER OF MY STATE,that was haunting me like anything,i wanted to see developments around my area around me,my city was very backward i wanted to develop it i thought i would not complete my engineering,then after taking readmission i could not make it once again,i failed in my first semesters, and second semesters,just passed in some subjects,i was realy trying to achieve the impossible,this attitude made disciplinde like anything,i was very ferious,atlast i once again lost my one year,the i met my friend, who was my frinds cousin,so in these way we grew closer,i would use to say my previously mentioned problems, the i started once again to gev my last and best short,alrwady i was addicted to smoking,i continued,alsi i stood for elections in my calss ,got to see some votes,but eventually i failed,then istarted liking a girl,and i wanted to continue,but due to to my loss of one year,i could not make it,so ONE FINE DAY I REALIZED WHAT WAS WRONG WITH MY BEHAVIOUR,I DID THE KNOW THE WAY HOW WE MUST WRITE OUR PAPERS,WE MUST JUST FILL THE PAPERS AND THATS IT,WHAT I DID WAS I USED TO WRITE THE ANSWERS EXACTLY THE SAME WAY AS IT WAS GIVE IN MY TEXT BOOK,I DID NOT THINK PROPERLY,THATS THE REASON I WAS FAILING FAILING,THEN SOON I CLEARED ALL MY PAPERS,THANKS TO MY FRIEND PRASANNA,but now our frienship is broken,due to the reasons,that he his in affair with some girls,i dont like the girls,thats the way my story describes l my problems

[Desmond]

That sounds interesting. I bookmarked it so I can read it tomrorow.
A mod should split the topic into two topics at the prior post.

[Excellent Lodestar]

Originally Posted by Penelopi

yeah something like that. i feel like im not part of the society anymore. i feel like i was out of the box/norm i don't know its hard to explain.. it just feels so lonely and scary that i feel like i was the only one and people are trap in society and no one will ever understand or get this type of thinking.


i just wasn't ready for this so i keep holding on to my ego.

your post made me smile...
Advaita, my friend. Sounds like you might be ready; or not...
Excerpts from Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj's I AM THAT
either way, know this: all is well

[Penelopi]

Originally Posted by Excellent Lodestar

your post made me smile...
Advaita, my friend. Sounds like you might be ready; or not...
Excerpts from Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj's I AM THAT
either way, know this: all is well

ready for what?? but if im going to read between the lines, im not ready at all.



edit:


i am reading the website.. i don't know if i really understand it but i can relate. but i just want to ask, im am not ready for this at all will this make me a failure then? sorry im not really sure what im asking but anyway... that's all.