Blushing

[zjukl1]

Hi, after trying to find answers to this problem many places I thought I'd try in this mekka of personal development. There seems to be some wise heads around here, so I'll give it a shot.

I've had this problem of facial blushing (look it up at wikipedia) as long as I can remember and I consider this one of the biggest problems in my personal development, holding me back in sevral areas. It's bringing on a lot of social anxiety. Whenever I'm talking to a larger group, giving a presentation or talking to someone I like, my head gets tomato red and feels so warm that it feels like it's going to boil over and explode. Now, you may think "just get over it, It's not a big problem" or "just accept it" or "think of something else". I would love to do that, but just imagine giving an presentation feeling this way! That's pretty hard to just accept as a 20 year old man. And even though I would be able to accept it, it would still be there and it feels pretty unplesant. Also you may argue with this, I know some say it's attractive, but it IS a sign of weakness, and some people even think that it's a indication for dishonsty. It seems like this blushing is so deeply engrained in my subconcious mind that it can't be overridden by the conicous mind. Sometimes I even blush before I get aware that I feel anxiety!

I have looked into the various options for treating this, and they are NOT really good. I'm not going to be taking anti-depressants with 20 different side-effects for this forever. And there is a surgury for this, but I haven't found one person who gives advice to have it, unless as a last resort. It's actually considered very very risky and also is very expenisve. Additionally there are some fluffy bluffy scam herbs around claiming to partially heal it.

Hypnosis, relaxation, meditation, NLP and CBT (comprehenisve behavioural theraphy) has also been suggested and I've had litte success with it, and can't see them actually "cure" it. The "stop blushing" download from hypnosis-downloads.com is just ridiculuous. Maybe if I were hypnosed 3hours every day for 12 months, it would work. But I have little faith in using this kind of techniques, because it is actually a partly physical problem (altough social anxiey and shyness contributes) and also because it is a LOT of effort using them.

This problem brings much stress, anxiety and depression to my life. So please if you can enlighten me with something I haven't yet considered, It would be deeply appriciated. Thanks.

Edit: Just to clearify I'm not talking about rosacea, but regular blushing triggered by embarassment, shame etc

[dor]

skin problems are supposed to be one of the most resceptive health conditions to visualization - i would say if you have had little success with any of vairious forms of it you have suggested - then you're not doing them correctly - perhaps finding a professional would help -

also try a roseacea skin creme with licorice in it - its got a green tint (yes you feel funny putting it on) that helps deaden the red color.

also you might want to look into you diet, stress, and other factors as well.
Rosacea.org: The National Rosacea Society

[Dolazy]

I have the same problem but not as much as you have. I don't know how to stop it. But the thing is that blushing does not harm you or your relationships. Nobody will think of you less because you blush. You know some women even find it attractive..

Ok, maybe there are certain kinds of people who would think less of one who blushes. You know, the macho types. So unless you want that kind of friends, there are no real problems going on.

And while giving a presentation you shouldn't really care if you blush. People might never notice, but they are more likely to notice it if you yourself pay attention to it and feel uncomfortable about it.

Bottom line is that if you would be able to cultivate a I-don't-care attitude then you'd feel more at ease right away. And a nice side-effect would be a reduction in blushing, as I have experienced..

[Angela]

Originally Posted by Dolazy

You know some women even find it attractive...

It's true -- blushing is a sign of your wild vitality and sexuality rushing to the surface!

I've had that problem, too, where I'm blushing so hard that it's difficult to think. Try this (it helps me): With the tips of the second, middle, and fourth fingers of both hands, press down hard on the toppermost part of your head.

[zjukl1]

Thank you for replies!

Dolazy: Well, it's not so much about the relationships... it's meeting new people for instance and not beeing paralyzed about the fear of blushing, and the uncomfortable feeling that follows causing me to have irrational actions while blushing.

Angela: I'll try that

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Interesting that Angela should mention on of the most important EFT tapping points as a solution. Can I suggest EFT?

It goes beyond (with all due respect!) NLP, visualisation etc and can make great changes. When I started training Project management a couple of years ago, I was getting v nervous and would blush (not hugely, but it was a big part of my discomfort). I did EFT on how I felt about getting up to talk, along the lines of:

Even though I'm scared of getting up in front of these people cos they'll think I don't know anything..

Even though I'm scared I'm going to forget everything I know once I'm in front of them...

And I was fine! It took me about 15 minutes (but I already knew EFT). You could do EFT (check my homepage) on:

Even though my head gets tomato red and feels so warm that it feels like it's going to boil over and explode, I love and accept myself completely...

Reminder words: "head gets tomato red", alternated with "feels like it's going to boil over"

Do a few rounds and see what else you feel like tapping on. I could go through your post and give you maybe 10 lines to use. Basically everything you feel about it. About how you don't think hypnosis will work, about how you don't want to take medications etc etc.

Let me know how you go. I can help if you like! Email me!
Joy to you
hazel

[A.K.Light]

Oh man, I know the feeling. When you blush it almost makes you face hurt, and then you think about how rediculous you look, and that makes you feel even more rediculous. And you think about your redness and say "Go away! Go away! WHY??????!!!"

I don't think I have any solid advice, but this might help. For the most part, I got over it. It hardly ever happens to me anymore. I'd have to be in a very strange situation to blush now. If I feel like it might happen, I just say "You're the man!" Just act with confidence. Tell yourself that it's not going to stop you. If you can act cool with a red face, you're already doing great. If you act cool long enough you'll probably stop blushing.

People won't think "haha, it's a guy who's blushing really bad!" unless you make it clear that that's what YOU are thinking.

[garg]

I had this problem. I noticed that the best thing to do is to be in more and more social situations that make you feel like blushing. After a while you just get used to those social situations and you don't blush out of embarrassment any more.

You know.. just laugh it off

I used to end up getting embarrassed over getting embarrassed :O Infinite blush loop.

It still happens sometimes but it has gotten MUCH less frequent.

[Victoria]

I only have a slight problem with blushing now. I commented about it to my teacher, who didn't notice anything. So it just goes to show that it's all in your mind. If I worry about blushing, then it's probable that I will. Just don't worry about it. My blushing stemmed from the fact that I was unsure of myself and always second-guessing how I was doing socially. Just don't do it. Value yourself enough not to worry or feel insecure when you're talking to people.

You can still be your same self, only be comfortable in your own skin! You can go from flushed and fustrated like this smilie to happy and secure like this smilie ! The only sign that blushing is giving you is that there could be certain thoughts, perceptions, or beliefs that might need to be changed.

Much love and I hope you suceed in overcoming it!

[chunter]

I used to have a horrible problem with blushing when I was in high school and in my early to mid 20's. I bought a book called "The Social Phobia Workbook" I believe it was called. It said this problem can be completely remedied by avoiding caffeine and I found tremendous help with that. Some say too much niacin can cause it as well.
This problem is - like every aspect of conscious reality - "association related." What I mean by that is that every feeling, thought, etc. is tied to another feeling, thought, etc. To end this, you must break the cycle of association. One way to do this is to confront your fear head on. LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE EYES OF THE PERSON YOU ARE TALKING TO. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF to LOOK AWAY. Always remain in control of the situation.
You say "I try but I just can't help it. The more I fear it or think about it the more it happens."
That's true. So you must adopt a sense of humor about it instead of a fear or fatalistic perspective. If you begin to feel the familiar sensations, don't react the way you might usually react; don't look away, don't become shy. If someone comments, say something like, "Yeah, sorry, too much caffeine (or niacin) in my diet. I've gotta give it up" and just carry on. Or, to be even more in control, say something BEFORE you begin to feel an all-out blush coming on, like "I think I've had too much caffeine, is my face all red?" or something like that. Remember to take steps to make yourself feel more confident and in control, such as maintaining dominant eye contact and making only confident/laid-back remarks about it - this will lesson the hold it has on you and put you back in control of your reactions. By altering your conscious reactions, you will also alter your subconscious/physiological responses.
Give up caffeine, break the cycle of associations and in time you will be rid of this problem.
P.S. By giving up caffeine you may actually break the physical response pattern and it may not be necessary to disassociate with anything else - that might be enough to do the trick! Also, don't get dehydrated - this is the cause of MANY problems both physical and mental. 8-11 glasses a day! If you have the patience, do a few "visualizations" and picture yourself, in advance, in any number of situations handling the blushing in a calm and confident manner. Once you're doing it in reality, imagine yourself not blushing at all in any situation and keep doing that until it takes hold. Try it every night before drifting off to sleep. Good luck!

[Holden McNeil]

I used to have a problem with blushing. Well, lemme start over - I thought the problem was that I blushed (when really it was other stuff). I used to fantasize about not being able to blush, and how awesome that would be. I'd think, yay, I'd be able to talk my ass off without worrying about anything!!

Anyway, I forgot about it for a long time. And to be honest, since becoming more social and making more friends, and becoming more confident (getting to know myself, loving myself, etc)... I found that blushing just stopped. To think about it now, I just don't blush socially at all. I didn't notice it stop. It's just that when it did, in fact, happen (it happened just last week for the first time in what feels like YEARS) I'd really, really notice it. And the times that it does happen, are purely due to a rare social anxiety (this time, I was talking to a girl I hadn't seen in a while, and there were awkward silences, etc).

You don't blush at home, by yourself do you? When you're reading a book, do you? Isolate the places where it does happen, and realise that it's all inside. The answers are within. If you're afraid of blushing, what does that tell you? You're afraid of how people will react? You're afraid of being out of control? You're afraid of not being perfect? You're afraid of saying the wrong thing? There are a lot of reasons why it might happen. It's all personal. From realising the root causes, and then tending to them (which usually, is about simply upp'ing your self-esteem and loving yourself, and focusing on other things)... it will simply dissapear automatically.

[Holistic Star]

I have a testimonial from someone on my site who used EFT with me over the phone for 2 sessions with about 10 minutes daily tapping each day inbetween and was able to substantially reduce the amount she blushed and became blotchy when under pressure. So I'm sure that EFT can work for blushing if you get to the route cause and make some time to do that.

Life coaching, Energy Healing, Emotional Freedom Technique

Yes it does mean some effort to do, it isn't just a magic wand that someone can wave and it is all fixed in a second although EFT can work quickly. I suppose it depends how much it is bothering you and affecting your life. If it is stopping you from getting on with your life then doing something about it will be worth it.

I'm curious about why the hypnosis download was ridiculous - what was ridiculous about it? Also why do you think you would need to be hypnotised for so long?
Is there any benefit in your life to you having this problem? If you didn't have this problem what would you have to face instead?