Too serious?

[dulaney0330]

I have been told all my life that I am "too serious" and I have been picked on for this. People like to tease me and it annoys me. While I know they are playing and it does not last, I still feel shamed and then I say to myself, "you should lighten up. Be more goofy and jokey."


In reality, I never liked poking fun at people..it seems mean and yet I feel like a lot of humor is just that.

Any advice? I have a great sense of humor but I am not always cracking jokes but my coworkers love to do this.

Additionally, I do feel weird and silly for making stupid faces or being too goofy. Perhaps I need to nurture my inner child?

Could use some insight...

[blossom]

Hi Dulaney,

I have experienced exactly the same thing for most of my life...and it's not fun, that's for sure!

I don't know you well enough but it could be that you are more introverted and more of a deep thinker? We can appear to be really serious to more extroverted people, who prefer to relate at a more superficial and shallow level! I'm not saying that it's a bad thing that they do, it's just not on the wavelength that we prefer to be at!
For me, it always irked me when people said that I had no sense of humour as I know I do, I have a really dry, and, at times, pretty warped sense of humour. It's just that different people have different senses of humour...but when a person cracks a joke and you don't laugh they feel uncomfortable and instead of facing the possibility that their joke wasn't that funny, or that maybe you have a different sense of humour to them, it's just easier for them to turn it around and blame you, and cause you to feel uncomfortable. It stinks, but that's the way people are at times!
If you aren't behaving like them they will persecute you for it because they don't want to have to be faced with the possibility that the way they are behaving is mean and childish, they want people to be like them...if you're not, you're not! You shouldn't have to change the way you are to conform to their childishness!
Just be yourself, and you may even at some point feel strong enough to say to them next time they have a dig at you, "Hey, did you ever consider the possibility that poking fun at people isn't funny, it's mean!" This may make them think about it...or it may make them escalate their teasing of you? Either way, it might make YOU feel better for standing up to them and not just going along with it if you don't find it amusing? Good luck...it's not easy I know!

Is the solution to be always alert to make sure you laugh whenever someone says a joke, even if you don't find it funny? I don't think so...but that's just me...I will laugh if something is said that I find funny, if it isn't funny to me, I won't laugh and will move somewhere else so as not to stick around for their inevitable teasing! It's a shame people have to react this way, but it's their defense mechanisms at work...if only they knew the way it can affect the people they aim it at!

Watching funny movies can also encourage you to laugh more in general and smile, and it's good for you. This can help to overcome seriousness, but, as for the way other people behave, you can't really do much to change them I'm afraid! Hope this helps...

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by blossom

Hi Dulaney,

I have experienced exactly the same thing for most of my life...and it's not fun, that's for sure!

I don't know you well enough but it could be that you are more introverted and more of a deep thinker? We can appear to be really serious to more extroverted people, who prefer to relate at a more superficial and shallow level! I'm not saying that it's a bad thing that they do, it's just not on the wavelength that we prefer to be at!
For me, it always irked me when people said that I had no sense of humour as I know I do, I have a really dry, and, at times, pretty warped sense of humour. It's just that different people have different senses of humour...but when a person cracks a joke and you don't laugh they feel uncomfortable and instead of facing the possibility that their joke wasn't that funny, or that maybe you have a different sense of humour to them, it's just easier for them to turn it around and blame you, and cause you to feel uncomfortable. It stinks, but that's the way people are at times!
If you aren't behaving like them they will persecute you for it because they don't want to have to be faced with the possibility that the way they are behaving is mean and childish, they want people to be like them...if you're not, you're not! You shouldn't have to change the way you are to conform to their childishness!
Just be yourself, and you may even at some point feel strong enough to say to them next time they have a dig at you, "Hey, did you ever consider the possibility that poking fun at people isn't funny, it's mean!" This may make them think about it...or it may make them escalate their teasing of you? Either way, it might make YOU feel better for standing up to them and not just going along with it if you don't find it amusing? Good luck...it's not easy I know!

Is the solution to be always alert to make sure you laugh whenever someone says a joke, even if you don't find it funny? I don't think so...but that's just me...I will laugh if something is said that I find funny, if it isn't funny to me, I won't laugh and will move somewhere else so as not to stick around for their inevitable teasing! It's a shame people have to react this way, but it's their defense mechanisms at work...if only they knew the way it can affect the people they aim it at!

Watching funny movies can also encourage you to laugh more in general and smile, and it's good for you. This can help to overcome seriousness, but, as for the way other people behave, you can't really do much to change them I'm afraid! Hope this helps...

thanks for your caring and thoughtful post.

I am introverted and deep thinker..

I have learned to embrace both but sometimes I do get hard on myself for it.

I have found that I am so perfectionist that I tell myself that I HAVE to have witty, funny remarks after other's jokes. And when I don't, I am disappointed in myself.

I did say that I don't like being teased and my boss was like, "oh ok...I need to stop" and hes been better. He gives everyone a hard time and i know its not me. I just feel like I should be funnier, wittier, better...that sort of thing.

I just want to be goofy naturally and not feel like I have to try to be that way.

[blossom]

I hear ya...I have wanted the same things for years! What's strange about it is that when I stop trying to be funny, I get feedback from friends that I am really funny!

Good for you for standing up to your boss. Sometimes people just want to see what they can get away with...and they will, if you let them!

Anyway, if you want to connect with more introverted people there is a website of Marti Laney's (who wrote a book called the Introvert Advantage) It's been really helpful to all who are members there...and it's like an innie family! If you go there...I'm called Flame! So, it's [url=http://www.martilaney.com

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I have been told all my life that I am "too serious" and I have been picked on for this. People like to tease me and it annoys me. While I know they are playing and it does not last, I still feel shamed and then I say to myself, "you should lighten up. Be more goofy and jokey."


In reality, I never liked poking fun at people..it seems mean and yet I feel like a lot of humor is just that.

Any advice? I have a great sense of humor but I am not always cracking jokes but my coworkers love to do this.

Additionally, I do feel weird and silly for making stupid faces or being too goofy. Perhaps I need to nurture my inner child?

Could use some insight...

You don't need to poke fun at other people, and make stupid faces or be too goofy to be funny. As well, you don't need to be funny to be fun.

Don't worry too much about what other people think. I tend to find that people who are trying to be funny 100% of the time are usually annoying show-off kinds.. Some people are really good at being witty, but not everyone is and not everyone needs to be..

Try not to worry too much about seeking the approval of others, I think. What do you like to do for fun? Would you like to have more fun? Why not just have fun for yourself, don't worry too much about others..

Maybe a good exercise would be to list 5 things to do to have fun.. and then go and do them..

As well, when they say you need to lighten up, they probably don't mean to offend you, they just don't understand why you're different to them.. Let them sort that puzzle out themselves.

Good idea to nurture your inner child, but don't do it to fit in with others, do it if you think it's good for yourself.

I'm an introvert, and I find I'm too much of a clown, and need to learn to calm down

[Brutha]

Any advice? I have a great sense of humor but I am not always cracking jokes but my coworkers love to do this.

Everybody believes that they have a great sense of humor

In reality, I never liked poking fun at people..it seems mean and yet I feel like a lot of humor is just that.

It simple the way a lot of people interact with their friends.
It's about playing little games.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by brendannz

You don't need to poke fun at other people, and make stupid faces or be too goofy to be funny. As well, you don't need to be funny to be fun.

Don't worry too much about what other people think. I tend to find that people who are trying to be funny 100% of the time are usually annoying show-off kinds.. Some people are really good at being witty, but not everyone is and not everyone needs to be..

Try not to worry too much about seeking the approval of others, I think. What do you like to do for fun? Would you like to have more fun? Why not just have fun for yourself, don't worry too much about others..

Maybe a good exercise would be to list 5 things to do to have fun.. and then go and do them..

As well, when they say you need to lighten up, they probably don't mean to offend you, they just don't understand why you're different to them.. Let them sort that puzzle out themselves.

Good idea to nurture your inner child, but don't do it to fit in with others, do it if you think it's good for yourself.

I'm an introvert, and I find I'm too much of a clown, and need to learn to calm down

Thanks for the post and the helpful advice.

Some of the problem is my upbringing: I did not have a whole lot of fun. I struggled with depression/anxiety all my life and I grew up in a single parent home in poverty. As a child, I had fun with the neighborhood kids but as I got older and more insecure, I stopped having fun and enjoying life.

Its like I have to find my inner child again. Its actually hard for me to find what I do for fun. A lot of my activities are solitary and while they are enjoyable, they aren't fun.

I find fun in giggling with my friends or cracking jokes with my husband. I enjoy pranks too.

I figure if my boss wants to dish it out, I may have to return the favor.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Brutha

Everybody believes that they have a great sense of humor
It simple the way a lot of people interact with their friends.
It's about playing little games.

Perhaps its a way to social bond with my coworkers.

I find it easy to be goofy with friends/family but not people I am that comfortable with.

[lifetimelearner]

YouTube - why so serious...lets put a smile on that face

[lifetimelearner]

my father was a great man and after he passed away the one thing that people always talked about was his sense of humor
I always believed that his humor was very silly
but dam if that is not the thing that I miss the most about him !!

I know what your saying about your working environment but just let go and be yourself

[The Cloud]

There's probably a good reason if you feel you don't want to participate in the humor that your coworkers use. A lot of attempts at humor are attempts to get attention. It's not a bad thing for you not to be attention-seeking. Maybe you do need to lighten up a bit, but that doesn't mean you have to participate in humor that you don't care for.

Do you ever feel like you're laughing just because something is supposed to be funny or because everyone else around you is laughing? I used to try to participate in the goofy humor of my peers, but I felt like I was just playing the fool so that I could get attention. The things they and I were doing weren't really funny, they were just stupid, but everyone would laugh anyways.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I have been told all my life that I am "too serious" and I have been picked on for this. People like to tease me and it annoys me. While I know they are playing and it does not last, I still feel shamed and then I say to myself, "you should lighten up. Be more goofy and jokey."


In reality, I never liked poking fun at people..it seems mean and yet I feel like a lot of humor is just that.

Any advice? I have a great sense of humor but I am not always cracking jokes but my coworkers love to do this.

Additionally, I do feel weird and silly for making stupid faces or being too goofy. Perhaps I need to nurture my inner child?

Could use some insight...

Some people also tell me I am too serious.
It is because their sense of humor is different than mine.
Their concept of respect is different also.

It is not that I am bitter.
I just see them having a high school sense of humor.

In the past when I was sad, I used to be too serious.
Check for any sign of depression.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by ar81

Some people also tell me I am too serious.
It is because their sense of humor is different than mine.
Their concept of respect is different also.

It is not that I am bitter.
I just see them having a high school sense of humor.

In the past when I was sad, I used to be too serious.
Check for any sign of depression.

I believe my seriousness is related to the social anxiety than anything else. I am so worried about saying the wrong thing or offending someone that I have lost my sense of humor around some people.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by lifetimelearner

YouTube - why so serious...lets put a smile on that face

Thanks...I knew that would come up sometime in the thread

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

Thanks for the post and the helpful advice.

Some of the problem is my upbringing: I did not have a whole lot of fun. I struggled with depression/anxiety all my life and I grew up in a single parent home in poverty. As a child, I had fun with the neighborhood kids but as I got older and more insecure, I stopped having fun and enjoying life.

Its like I have to find my inner child again. Its actually hard for me to find what I do for fun. A lot of my activities are solitary and while they are enjoyable, they aren't fun.

I find fun in giggling with my friends or cracking jokes with my husband. I enjoy pranks too.

I figure if my boss wants to dish it out, I may have to return the favor.

Good luck in finding your inner child and fun..
I'm a 27 year old child trying to find my inner-adult..

[ar81]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I believe my seriousness is related to the social anxiety than anything else. I am so worried about saying the wrong thing or offending someone that I have lost my sense of humor around some people.

I do not see you feeling anxiety here.
It means your anxiety is not really "social".
It means that you can be (and indeed you are) different than the person that suffers anxiety.

Anxiety before others makes people to react defensively.
Such thing is seen by others as rejection.
And as they react, you feel rejected too.

But the real cause of the anxiety is not the presence of other people.
I presume it comes from the past. A divorce perhaps?
You bring up memories of a situation that is no longer real.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by ar81

I do not see you feeling anxiety here.
It means your anxiety is not really "social".
It means that you can be (and indeed you are) different than the person that suffers anxiety.

Anxiety before others makes people to react defensively.
Such thing is seen by others as rejection.
And as they react, you feel rejected too.

But the real cause of the anxiety is not the presence of other people.
I presume it comes from the past. A divorce perhaps?
You bring up memories of a situation that is no longer real.

I definitely have anxiety and it stems from years of teasing in school and abuse/neglect from family. My brain tells me that people are out to hurt you, so watch out or you will get burned. A past full of hurt certainly has its consequences. I must push through it or I will not overcome the conditioned responses I have acquired through pain and abuse.

My parents did divorce when I was 6 years old.

The problem goes back to not knowing who or when to trust people. My parents were erratic and inconsistent with their love; I was kept on edge and in a constant state of anxiety and insecurity. Teasing only exasperated my insecurities and anxieties.

Hope that makes sense

Thanks for taking the time to post.

[ar81]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I definitely have anxiety and it stems from years of teasing in school and abuse/neglect from family. My brain tells me that people are out to hurt you, so watch out or you will get burned. A past full of hurt certainly has its consequences. I must push through it or I will not overcome the conditioned responses I have acquired through pain and abuse.

My parents did divorce when I was 6 years old.

The problem goes back to not knowing who or when to trust people. My parents were erratic and inconsistent with their love; I was kept on edge and in a constant state of anxiety and insecurity. Teasing only exasperated my insecurities and anxieties.

Hope that makes sense

Thanks for taking the time to post.

During divorce, resentment makes parents not to behave consistently, as they are driven by emotional tides.

Resentment comes when people hurt each other and instead of venting or communicating displease, they hide sadness. Hidden sadness becomes resentment and then hate. Hate is a state of mind that demands to hurt someone (revenge) and there is a perceived sense that it would diminish the feeling of unease. But revenge only makes things worse. Hate is an emotion, something that triggers a certain biochemical response in their brains.

Inconsistency comes when the "good" parents turn "evil" due to their emotional behavior.

Be aware that any organ may malfunction in the body and it can be misused because of ignorance. For example, bad eating habits may hurt your stomach. Bad thinking habits may hurt the brain in the sense that it triggers biochemical reactions that distort thoughts and indeed as the person changes behavior and thinking patterns, you perceive this distortion as "evil" or as inconsistency.

Stomach problem may lead a person to puke. But puking is not the normal behavior, but an altered behavior. In the same sense, a person under the influence of heavy emotions is not the normal person you would know.

Just like having a stomach problem, hate is a problem that distorts the way brain works on a temporary fashion. So mental health is about having a brain that works fine, as it brings happiness to the person. The happy people are the real parents of yours. The "evil" (not mentally healthy) parents were not.

How do you get rid of hate? You must forgive. Forgive your parents for what they did, because they did not understand the biochemical malfunction in their brains and they thought that ugly reality was real. Forgive yourself, for even if you blamed yourself, you were not to be blamed, just like you did not cause Katrina hurricane.

What your parents did was up to them, and you were too young to provide any advise. Most of people do not understand that mental health is just health. Mental health is health for your brain, just like eating the right way brings health to your stomach. Even if World Health Organization redefined health away from the biologist definition of "lack of illness" and included mental health, many people still do not understand that malfunction of brain causes unintentional misbehavior, like a computer affected by a virus and the computer does not understand it is acting like this because of the virus.

Forgive yourself because changing their behavior was out of your reach. You could not possibly do anything. Real world is the happy one, and any person who might be willing to hurt may need a dose of happiness. Anxiety is fought with laughter, and hate is healed with forgiveness (not revenge).

When you forgive you feel better, because hate only makes you feel bad. the one who hates is the one who suffers.

When you feel world is not happy, your brain is cheating you. If you find a person who hurts, that person is being cheated by his/her brain. The biochemical veil of unhappiness creates illusions that distort reality and makes people think that reality is darker than it is.

There are only a few situations where defensive is a good attitude: If you are about to be eaten by a starved animal.

My advise, stay away from people who are an obstacle to your growth and get close to those who love you.

[dulaney0330]

More so than ever, I have realized that most people use humor (whether they are good at it or not) to initiate conversation or with each other. I find that funny people are generally well liked and approved of.

I feel this pressure on myself to be more funny and while this is not me, I feel like it should so I can be approved. I am more serious, a deep thinker, and more compassionate than funny or goofy. I have found in my life that a lot of people want humor more than my traits.

I understand that I cannot have everyone's approval and acceptance but I feel I cannot make an influence or impression on them with my current traits.

Anyone have some ideas on to challenge my current thinking?

I just feel stuck in this "I am not good enough" state.

[Footballman]

Ironically, maybe the best way to approach this is to not take it so seriously (that people think you are serious). This will mean you are being less serious. Maybe you need to give yourself a bit of a break and that might be the best approach. You might be over-analyzing yourself, which could also be considered taking things too seriously...and thus creating more of an issue than really exists.

Does this help at all?

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Footballman

Ironically, maybe the best way to approach this is to not take it so seriously (that people think you are serious). This will mean you are being less serious. Maybe you need to give yourself a bit of a break and that might be the best approach. You might be over-analyzing yourself, which could also be considered taking things too seriously...and thus creating more of an issue than really exists.

Does this help at all?

Thanks for your post.

Well, I still have this feeling that my traits are not as "cool," or as wanted as humor or someone who can be goofy/funny.

The reason why this is important to me is because I would like to have a positive impact on society; family members, friends, coworkers. My traits are more hidden on a daily basis and thus my impact is limited. Someone who is humorous and outgoing impacts more people and draws them into their world more effectively.

Additionally, my social anxiety heightens my seriousness level and it only compounds the problem. Because of teasing and abuse at home, my inner child seeks acceptance from everyone and since her traits were not appreciated in the past, what can she offer?

I am confident that I can overcome this hurdle but its a matter of that "ah-ha!" moment to get the ball rolling.

[dulaney0330]

Originally Posted by Footballman

Ironically, maybe the best way to approach this is to not take it so seriously (that people think you are serious). This will mean you are being less serious. Maybe you need to give yourself a bit of a break and that might be the best approach. You might be over-analyzing yourself, which could also be considered taking things too seriously...and thus creating more of an issue than really exists.

Does this help at all?

In a way, this is making sense.

In another thread, I believe it was seeker5 who suggested to another poster to watch comedy to improve one's humor. I have been watching funny youtube videos for the past hour and I feel a little "lighter," and less serious.


Then, I gathered that all I do everyday is come home from work and read self-help books. I only watch the news or a sports team. I have neglected watching any humor and perhaps that is why my life is just so serious. While what I was doing wasn't wrong, I simply need to let loose and enjoy comedy...not take myself so seriously, all the time (this comes easy to me).

No wonder why I am so serious...all I engage in is mostly heavy duty reading and deep thinking! This opened my eyes up today and I am pleasantly surprised how simple the solution is but how difficult coming to it was!

[blossom]

Right there with ya Dulaney

[celestialife]

I have a book suggestion for you: Comedy Writing Secrets. Since it sounds like you read a lot of personal growth books, this could be great right up your alley! The best thing about it is that it gives you suggested assignments (like watching comedy videos ) that help you hone in on and naturally develop you're own comedic skills. Some are born naturally, others have to teach themselves. The end-result can be the same!

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I have been picked on for this. People like to tease me and it annoys me.
In reality, I never liked poking fun at people..it seems mean and yet I feel like a lot of humor is just that.

At work I deal with a lot of people, many times one of my first goals is to put people at ease and I usually use humour to do it. You said you're afraid of saying the wrong thing or offending someone, in order to avoid that and if I don't know the people well, most of the time I make jokes at my own expense or take some current news and put a funny spin on it. With friends I have more latitude

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

silly for making stupid faces or being too goofy. Perhaps I need to nurture my inner child?

Making stupid faces and being too goofy (if we mean the same thing) is not my cup of tea either. I appreciate more those ''quick-witted' replies.

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I have found that I am so perfectionist that I tell myself that I HAVE to have witty, funny remarks after other's jokes. And when I don't, I am disappointed in myself.

Originally Posted by Footballman

Ironically, maybe the best way to approach this is to not take it so seriously (that people think you are serious). This will mean you are being less serious. Maybe you need to give yourself a bit of a break and that might be the best approach. You might be over-analyzing yourself, which could also be considered taking things too seriously...and thus creating more of an issue than really exists.

I agree with Footballman on this one. How about you just stop trying to be funny. Thinking you have to be funny just builds up more pressure and creates blocks. I never feel I have to be funny all the time, it depends on who I'm with and where I am. It's more of a spur-of-the moment thing now that I think of it, I've never really analyzed the whole process, I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful. As someone else mentioned, I, too, have often noticed that some people feel the need to be at the centre of attention all the time and one way for them to do it is to poke jokes at others all the time. It might be funny at first, but the effect wears off.
If I were you, I'd stop trying for a while and just give myself a break. When you are around people who you believe are funny (the way you'd like to be) just observe what, how and when they do it. Others recommended watching comedies and a book, I think that could help you too.
IF someone teases you for being too serious you could just tell them ''I'm so serious that it's funny'' or '' yes, tell me something I don't know''..etc. Use it to your advantage.

Originally Posted by dulaney0330

I figure if my boss wants to dish it out, I may have to return the favor.

I thought this was funny

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by brendannz

I'm a 27 year old child trying to find my inner-adult..

This was funny too.

[Bradshaw]

Being funny is usually about finding the fun in little things.

Life is a fun journey, so it's funny to make fun of all its aspects.

It's a game, really. And games are fun. That's why it's funny.

[Senin]

Also,
It's called social skills. Learn them.

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by Tanja

This was funny too.

Thanks, I got quoted for that one on Rose_of_Cairo's blog; Magical Chest

LOL, it's pretty funny getting quoted on that, because I wasn't really being serious..

[Tanja]

Originally Posted by brendannz

because I wasn't really being serious..

Well, isn't that the whole point of using humour?

I didn't think you were serious about that