First Death?

[The Seeker]

I realize that I should consider myself lucky to have gotten to 18 before I had to deal with this, and I believe I am. However, my Grandma just decided she wanted to go to hospus instead of continuing with her treatment for lung cancer, so when she moves she has anywhere from days to weeks to live before dieing comfortably.

This will be the first time anyone I've been close to or known personally will die. I was hoping that some of you could just share any advice or ways of looking at this to help me get through this. I know I will make it, I just hope there's something out there that may help me besides time.

Thank you

[ar81]

I have had to face lots of deaths in my life.
This makes you to understand that life is not to be taken for granted.
At least your grandma lived a long life.
It becomes a bit sad when people die young.
So try to wish the best to your departed grandma and be sure she will be right and happy out there.

[rei]

in my experience, all of the traditional comments about death (gone to a better place, it was just her time, etc.) aren't very helpful. even preparing for it doesn't take away the pain BUT most folks think it is still better to be able to prepare emotionally.

my father died unexpectedly when i was eight, and i was numb for about a year. i like to think it would be less painful if i could have braced myself, as you are able to, but the fact is it is still painful because we are emotionally attached to that person. and death is a sudden severing of that attachment, so yes it is painful if we feel close to that person.

some of the spiritual teachings about attachment might be helpful, but i'm not so sure they would be. they can even feel insulting, like disrespectful to the bond that is obviously there.

so, preparing emotionally is very helpful. seems you've made that decision by posting here. trying to face it as much as you can, takes a lot of courage and strength, but usually results in a healthier pattern of grieving.

be gentle with yourself. recognize it is normal to go through the gamut of emotions. it is even normal to have a paranormal experience (so, if it happens, it doesn't mean you're crazy). recognize there is no wrong way to grieve, so honor what works for you. it helps to eat healthy foods at regular times, and mild exercise helps as well. get plenty of sleep, sleep extra if you are able and feeling tired. be prepared for family members to act unlike themselves as it is a big adjustment for them as well. if you feel there is any unfinished business with her, try and resolve it.

i've had loss in my own life, and this past summer i took a graduate class on grief as part of my work toward a counseling degree. so if you want someone to talk to about any aspect of what you experience, please don't hesitate to get in touch with me.

i hope nothing i have said came across as harsh or in any way offensive. if you have any questions about things i have said please ask them. i want to commend you for reaching out to others, to help you through this.

[Cochonette]

There is a wonderful book by Zen monk Thich Nhat Hanh called "no death, no fear" which deals with this. It teaches that no one really dies. Just as "matter cannot be destroyed," "something cannot become nothing." I like this... I haven't dealt with deaths of anyone close to me since reading this book or becoming Buddhist, only my mom's partner who I had grown quite distant from in recent years. I wondered what to think of it, but then I remembered that I do believe in rebirth - the concept of continuation. We are all each other's continuation. So I believe that he lives on. My dad lives on. Everyone lives on in us. If they touched us, they live on. We should honor them with our lives. They have honored us with theirs. Even before they die, they are in us. We are in them. When I die, I will still be here. Forever with the whole universe. I am sure this is harder to realize when you feel very attached, but I believe in it nonetheless.

[Bud921]

The Seeker,

Death is a powerful thing. It really it is. But when viewed in the right perspective it can help you to grow as a human being. When dealing with death it is important to grieve and not hold your emotions in.

A few years ago I witnessed the death of my best friend in a jet ski accident and have been forever changed.

You can read more here:

Losing A Best Friend | A Boundless World

[Lucky11]

Death is terrible thing - but only for us left behind. My grandmother had a stroke shortly after I moved out of my hometown. I had told her before I left that she better not die suddenly to give me some time to get back to her. About 5 yrs after I moved, she had her second stroke and was in a coma this time. I flew out within 2 days and was the last family member to arrive. When I got to the hospital, I kissed her on her soft cheek and said "Thank you for waiting nana, I love you so much, you can go Home whenever you want to go now, we all know how tired you are". She died the next day.

Just keep in mind that although she won't be here, she will be close by you and everyone else she loves, until the time you all join her.

Also, remember that although it may be years before you get to hug her again, in God's time it will be but the blink of an eye.

God bless you and your family.

[norbert]

My grandma died of lung cancer just after my 18th birthday. I am 26 now. Since then, lost my best friend at age 21 in a car accident, and was diagnosed with some rare form of cancer at the beginning of this year. Thankfully I am cured now. Life's not easy for some of us. You are not alone. Watch the Steve Jobs speech and keep your faith. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[Grindin]

embrace death. you must learn to let go of your fear of it. it's a part of our life. that cannot ever be changed. without death we would have no life.

[Michelle]

Our culture tells us death is all around bad. It is a scary, frightening experience which must be avoided at all costs. We even give it to people as punishment.

Dealing with death in a positive way means confronting these beliefs and replacing them with new, more empowering ones. Ones I particularly like:

There is no death, only reemergence into one's pure positive state.
Death is graduation from the school of earth.
Death means I get to go home and see all my friends again.
Death is a fun adventure.
In dying I become all I am again and that feels good.
In dying I fully feel my connection to source and all that is - I am one.