Regret

[sarahsarahsarah11]

Hello Everyone,

I've been having issues with friendships, and I've found that I'm afraid of moving forward because of fear of regret.

It's my last year of college, and I know this may sound incredibly weird, but I'm afraid that I'll become so happy and realize that it was so easy, and then sit there and regret that I haven't been like this 24/7 and that I didn't take advantage of the opportunities at creating certain beautiful memories here while I've been here at college.

I'm not like this all the time, but when I am, it grips me and I feel upset. If I feel like everything's okay and I have no regret, I will then see something that makes me think, aw man, I missed out on that or I could have been doing that...

I guess... I feel like I'll be joyful and then think that life is completely joyful, and then God will betray me and take that joy away from me...

I'm afraid that I'll live a life that I thought I enjoyed, and then someone will present some experience to me and say, "hey, why didn't you enjoy this? Why didn't you do this? This is what life is made of!" and I'll feel regretful that I didn't do that or I didn't enjoy that. Family members and friends have done that before, and then I would feel regret that I didn't do that, or I didn't enjoy that.

I realize that was long, so I'm very grateful if you read it and can offer me some advice. I'm really having a hard time moving past regret...

[Angela]

The Power of Now was written just for you.

[Gary]

I'm afraid that I'll live a life that I thought I enjoyed, and then someone will present some experience to me and say, "hey, why didn't you enjoy this? Why didn't you do this? This is what life is made of!" and I'll feel regretful that I didn't do that or I didn't enjoy that.

If you try to do the right thing, or even try to figure out what the right thing will be in the future your mind will go in circles. It’s not a valid solution path.

There are a couple ways to go here. For the short term consider what your life will be like if you continue to live according to your fears.

Fear (of regret) is immobilizing you so you don’t make any choices. As you live by the choices that fear makes, your happiness and joy diminishes. Each time you act, or don’t act based on that fear you are empowering and strengthening the emotions of fear you live in.

Looking at things this way might give you enough motivation to get out of a present moment rut.

In the larger scheme of things the question isn’t about making the right choice or wrong choice that you will regret later. The larger question is will you let the judgmental voice in your head make that decision for you? Will you let the voice in your head condemn you?

You are also working from a paradigm that happiness and joy is based on something external. Our emotions such as happiness and joy are emotions we create. We’ve just been conditioned to create them as reactions to the interpretations of the voice in our head about external events. Because of this it appears that external events determine our happiness.

Living by this paradigm you end up trying to control external events because you don’t know how not to believe the voice in your head or change your interpretations in your mind. In this case it looks like trying predict what the “right” thing is an a future you haven’t lived yet.

Change these two elements of the voice in your head, and the interpretations in your mind and you will never feel regret again. There is a program on my website in how to do this.

Changing the interpretations and core beliefs in the mind is the long term solution.

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by Angela

The Power of Now was written just for you.

Yes, read it or get the CDs.


Also, remember that as you move through life your awareness will change. You'll evolve. Focusing on the past is a surefire way to get nowhere fast. There is no "I should have known better..." You use the awareness you have at the time and resist judging your whole past as being wrong when your awareness changes.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

All good answers,

All we can ever do at any point in time is our best. All we can ever expect of ourselves, is our best in the circumstances with our level of knowledge, experience etc.

In fearing your future regrets, (or worse still, other people's suggestions for your regret) you are causing them. So stop worrying about it, and do what you want to do best now.

Go on, do it!!

Much joy to you right now!!

Hazel

[Liara Covert]

Dear sarahsarahsarah11,

I agree that the previous postings offer useful information.
You might also read stories in Stephen Covey's "Everyday Greatness."

It's neat that as you learn to stop dwelling on "what if or if only," then you'll come to realize these word choices actually hold you back. Instead, I would encourage you to try to use the words "Next time" so you feel more like you are in charge of the future. It's not in our power to change the past.

Best wishes!

"Cease trying to work everything out with your minds. It will get you nowhere. Live by intuition and inspiration and let your whole life be Revelation." -Eileen Caddy