Conflict with Everyone Lately

[Lantana]

I've been going through a rough time lately and don't really understand what is going on. It seems that increasingly in the past couple of months, I am experiencing way too much interpersonal conflict with many of the people that I encounter. The environment is feeling hostile pretty much everywhere I go - work, out shopping, dealing with contractors, you name it. People seem so quick to anger and things reach flashpoint quickly at times. As a result I'm tense and anxious all the time and getting to the point of just trying to avoid people. Work is going thru a re-org and everyone is scared trying to politically maneuver themselves to a "safe place", so there's quick tempers and people afraid for their jobs and arguments are everywhere. I really wish I could change jobs to a more peaceful and cooperative environment. But there's not a great availability of jobs right now, so I feel pretty trapped there.

I have a nosy neighbor that I can't get to leave me alone and can't step out of my house without her chasing me down asking personal questions, prying into my business - even if I ignore her, people out in public feel rude and impolite to each other, especially on the road. Where I live it's been over 100 degrees now for over 60 days in a row - which isn't helping people's mood.

I don't know, it seems whichever way I turn, I can't keep the peace around me and it's turning me into a real B. Last night I finally took some Xanex and was able to calm down. I purposely try so hard to keep conversations positive and peaceful - but it just seems to happen anyway.

I don't know if it's me and all this built up stress or is the world a much more hostile place lately? Meditation techniques that use to help really don't much anymore. I wish I could just hibernate in my house for a month to just get a grip again.

Does anyone else feel the tension out there, and how do you deal with it?

[Angela]

I strongly recommend you do Byron Katie's The Work directly on your OP. It will give you a very helpful new perspective!

[Dreamline]

Could be Mars, the master of conflict. My traffic experiences are always troublesome when he's peeking in on us. Work is always more tense. My patients always more testing.

I just remember that I am not what is happening around me. It may also help to vary your routine and seek out experiences that balance your bad ones. My art museum is free and right down the road from my job. I just pop in, look at the gift shop, walk around the exhibits, feel the Big Picture of humanity that the exibits represent. It makes the pettiness of life fade. (They have perfect air in art museums to keep the pieces from degrading. Always so fresh and calming.)

When the world seems to be making an effort to get in your face, you have to work a little harder to stay sane. That's all.

But I do not discount the miracle of Xanax either.

Jennifer

[Inspirations]

Originally Posted by Lantana

I've been going through a rough time lately and don't really understand what is going on. It seems that increasingly in the past couple of months, I am experiencing way too much interpersonal conflict with many of the people that I encounter. The environment is feeling hostile pretty much everywhere I go - work, out shopping, dealing with contractors, you name it. People seem so quick to anger and things reach flashpoint quickly at times. As a result I'm tense and anxious all the time and getting to the point of just trying to avoid people. Work is going thru a re-org and everyone is scared trying to politically maneuver themselves to a "safe place", so there's quick tempers and people afraid for their jobs and arguments are everywhere. I really wish I could change jobs to a more peaceful and cooperative environment. But there's not a great availability of jobs right now, so I feel pretty trapped there.

I have a nosy neighbor that I can't get to leave me alone and can't step out of my house without her chasing me down asking personal questions, prying into my business - even if I ignore her, people out in public feel rude and impolite to each other, especially on the road. Where I live it's been over 100 degrees now for over 60 days in a row - which isn't helping people's mood.

I don't know, it seems whichever way I turn, I can't keep the peace around me and it's turning me into a real B. Last night I finally took some Xanex and was able to calm down. I purposely try so hard to keep conversations positive and peaceful - but it just seems to happen anyway.

I don't know if it's me and all this built up stress or is the world a much more hostile place lately? Meditation techniques that use to help really don't much anymore. I wish I could just hibernate in my house for a month to just get a grip again.

Does anyone else feel the tension out there, and how do you deal with it?

hi Lantana,

You are certainly pushing yourself to find answers. Cool!!

Everything that is happening "out there" is a reflection of "in you".

You are stirring everything up to push yourself to discover more about life as the only means of escaping these unpleasant situations..

As far as the world in turmoil, its the perfect time to do a stock take of our lives...from the inside out...and begin again...

So, are you ready to create a brand new opposite life for yourself?

Greene's Release will show you the way. The workbook has an excellent section on the outside world, and takes you through the steps to resolve every issue you have with the outside world.

[Lantana]

Yes, Inspirations - I kinda was formulating the same feeling that what is happening out there is a reflection of what is happening inside. Like a mirror. So thanks for see that - I'll start giving that a lot of thought because I think that is probably the case. I started a new job three months ago that has just been a sh**-storm from day one. I've been really unhappy there and felt utterly trapped. Funny that soon the world began to feel like a very hostile place. I think I began to get very short-tempered and irritable which has drawn exactly that back to me. I have to remember the law of attraction and rethink my position on this job and life in general. So thanks for the reflection.

(altho i still think the magic of xanex has it's place when all else fails!)

[Chap]

Originally Posted by Lantana

I've been going through a rough time lately and don't really understand what is going on. It seems that increasingly in the past couple of months, I am experiencing way too much interpersonal conflict with many of the people that I encounter. The environment is feeling hostile pretty much everywhere I go - work, out shopping, dealing with contractors, you name it. People seem so quick to anger and things reach flashpoint quickly at times. As a result I'm tense and anxious all the time and getting to the point of just trying to avoid people. Work is going thru a re-org and everyone is scared trying to politically maneuver themselves to a "safe place", so there's quick tempers and people afraid for their jobs and arguments are everywhere. I really wish I could change jobs to a more peaceful and cooperative environment. But there's not a great availability of jobs right now, so I feel pretty trapped there.

I have a nosy neighbor that I can't get to leave me alone and can't step out of my house without her chasing me down asking personal questions, prying into my business - even if I ignore her, people out in public feel rude and impolite to each other, especially on the road. Where I live it's been over 100 degrees now for over 60 days in a row - which isn't helping people's mood.

I don't know, it seems whichever way I turn, I can't keep the peace around me and it's turning me into a real B. Last night I finally took some Xanex and was able to calm down. I purposely try so hard to keep conversations positive and peaceful - but it just seems to happen anyway.

I don't know if it's me and all this built up stress or is the world a much more hostile place lately? Meditation techniques that use to help really don't much anymore. I wish I could just hibernate in my house for a month to just get a grip again.

Does anyone else feel the tension out there, and how do you deal with it?

Do you live near any peaceful areas? If so I suggest you take a long walk, a good 3 hours ought to do it (alt. you can do this through the city at night / early morning). Remember that people seldom act against you, and even if they do so, nothing is personal. Try, being a little more helpful with others at work, there is a likely chance that you are already a good compromiser, but ask them to explain their suggestions and try to understand their perspective. Sometimes when we go out of our way to empathise, then good can prevail, at othertimes it is best to focus on your goal.

[BloomVerse]

Lantana, my experience has been that interpersonal conflict is usually a result of harbored resistance inside. Check to see if there is resistance inside you. It can show up as a feeling of being on guard, or on the defense, or just plain tense feelings.

Letting go of the resistance can create huge changes around you. I definitely recommend it.

Best!

[Talkofthatown919]

We all have times were it seems as if nothing is going our way. When that happens you have to stay positive. Remember that it is building your character to be of something greater than you could've imagine. What i would first recommend you doing is to start saying what you are grateful for each day. Then i would recommend you reading, or listing to self improvement material each day. You have to remember Lantana that you are getting what you expect.

[Mark4Change]

Hi the problem is that you believe that you are running into conflict and this does a no of things

1) You start to notice any slight thing that might be conflict even if its not there (you look for it!). Further verifying your belief.
2) You assume the body language and expect people to react to you in this way. People are vert sensitive to body language and energy and will always react in the way you expect them too.

I suggest being aware of this negative belief and your general mood more often and just tell yourself to let it go and accept the presnt moment as it is. Go round the world with more of a detached involvement. You are getting your ego too involved in things!

[Lantana]

Thanks everyone for your responses. They feel accurate, I just need some time to think it over, let it soak in and make some direct connections to the specific things happening right now. It's been a rough patch for quite some time, and it could be possible that I've learned to expect things to continue to be crummy, probably overly-sensitive to imagined or real slights, and taking everything very personally. I'll re-read The Four Agreements, especially the agreement about not taking anything personally. I think a certain amount of detachment is due here, at least until I can engage in a more balanced fashion.

Since everything feels very "out of control", I will just let it go, and exert the one area of control that I DO have right now - get started on a weightloss goal that I had completely abondoned during this period of stress. Now THAT - I can control and I think that effort will go a long way in rebuilding a sense of confidence and power.

Thanks all - Blessings!

[intj123]

I had this very same problem and it also involved my job, I quit the job and the feelings stayed for months afterwards, it was only until very recently (less than a week ago) that I "let go of the resistance/hostility" and I must say, it felt blissful, and my body just kind of did a spontaneous healing on itself, I just physically and mentally feel like I'm a few years younger all of a sudden it's amazing, I also practice martial arts and my focus, speed, and coordination increased dramatically.

[Zoomorphic]

Hi, I totally understand because Im also going through the same thing, Like everyone, is against me. I just started work for the past 10 months, and i must say it was the worst experience ever. So much office politics n that i was involved unknowingly coz talk too much about myself. Now i regretted the whole experience. Work does have huge impact in my life n that i wasnt able to let go of not thinking about work and every little things my colleagues said.

I also took XANAX 4 months ago to help me sleep. I totally understand what u are going through, because im in the same boat. I feel like nobody likes me and that there's something wrong with my personality that somehow I cant get along with people.

I feel for u and would appreciate for some more feedback. i dont know how to act or behave anymore around people. I m afraid to be myself and that i feel that being myself its hard to fit into the group. Now, i m acting unatural around people and its killing me. I dont know what to do anymore. ;( Today, i really feel like ending my life. I stop feeling happy. Just plain n boring. and hostile and so on. Life is tough n its no fun n games. People are mean

[Lantana]

Zoo - i understand how you feel about your work environment. I've had a lot of jobs, been in many different environments and i can tell you that it can be drastically different. many jobs, i felt part of the group, no problems, just a very good fit for me. i had people to go to lunch with when i wanted and it was such a peaceful, positive experience. then again, i've been in work cultures that are positively toxic to the core. couldn't make a friend, ate lunch alone everyday, trying to work with others was a nightmare. no one was glad of your achievements, lots of jealousy and gossip. let me tell you, IT'S NOT YOU. it's the fit. the job i have now falls in the latter category of just not a nice place to spend my days. it's only because i've had the other kind of experiences that I KNOW it's not me. still, it doesn't cheer me to be in this environment day after day. i've had to develop a very thick skin here and not let what people say or think about me affect my attitude. the book, The Four Agreements really help me see the way to operate in a hostile environment. You may get something from it to, so i recommend reading it.

it's terrible when you feel like you don't fit in and it can do terrible things to your personal life as well. for me, i'm going to ride this out until better days come along. i have a job and just moved into a promotion. they put out the announcement to my group and not one person sent a congratulatory email. i kind of figured this would happen. so i was prepared and just refused to let it bother me. it's not personal. and anyones ill feelings and disdain at a fellow workers achievement in NOT about me. It's about them. so i work on fixing my own attitude and not let it bother me - as much as i'm able. i'm only human after all!

you have to work on how you process what comes at you, not at changing anyone's attitude or a work environment's culture. I have plenty of evidence that i CAN work with people in healthy productive environment, so I just write this one off as just a clunker experience and will try to make the best of it. it's a lesson and challenge that I needed to learn and i'm doing my best. I bet you are too! just don't take anything personally and be the best person you can be. it'll work out if you will! hang in there. you're not alone.

[ar81]

So you are mistreated and underpaid...
learn to manage your emotions, and then look for a job where they treat you well, and pay you a nice wage.
Sounds idealistic? Nope. Life gives you what you need.
So if you do not like this course, try to learn quickly to move to the next nicest lesson.