skill in positive thinking

[whim]

i've been working on being more posiitve like seeing the positives in sitautions and spinning the negatives into positives. but i realize it has made me more ignorant to the negatives, and i'm trying more now to see and take the negatives for what they are, and not beating up myself for those negatives, but trying to be kind to myself for them in addition to being positive. just wondering if anyone has any comments on positive thinking, any exercises/drills, etc.

[YourHumbleNarrator]

Personally, I've abandoned positive thinking altogether. I haven't given myself to nihilism, either. What's commonly known as positive thinking is little more than self-lobotomization. It's unlikely that you're going to be happy all the time and if you are it'll wear on your sanity. (Or you'll get really, really bored.)

The point in positive thinking is to claim your power over your existence. That's what I'd suggest: a paradigm shift wherein you always acknowledge your power over your circumstances no matter how you feel. This in turn results in a much more optimistic outlook that isn't so prone to naivete.

The truth is that you don't become more positive by never thinking anything "bad," you do it by learning to navigate your inner landscape and accepting it for what it is. Acceptance is the precursor to change.

[Dreamline]

I don't apply the same value to negatives as I do to positives. So in essense, I see no value in valuing them. I'm not missing out by ignoring negatives. Or changing them into their positive counterparts. I have the power to do so. So, why not?

Yes, negatives exist for a purpose and that purpose isn't always immediately obvious. (In retrospect, it often is.) But I find they rarely lead me in directions that are healthy or efficient and often are red-herrings designed to confuse my path. In fact, I believe they are indulgences demanded by the remnants of my psyche that ruled me before my shift. Little ego bombs. Little tests of character.

I certainly don't berate or beat myself up for them when they do manage to slip in, though. If I can't determine where the gap is that let them slip in, I chalk it up to indigestion or a bad night's sleep and move on.

Jennifer

[Emaaki]

Okay. Well what u need to know is, do u want to b an upbeat person all the time? U obviously do, which is wonderful. Ok, u need 2 b careful, cos, u will always have negative emotions about something. Hmmm. Spinning everything into a positive is simply wonderful, but u also MUST pay attention to how u really feel about things too. If something isn't making u feel positive, trying 2 spin it into a positive in ur mind, isn't being true to you.

There is a danger with positive thinking, n that's that u can turn on urself cos u aren't always getting the positive feelings that u want from reframing things in ur mind.

Please, talk to a councellor over the phone b4 u go any further. Also, self help books etc, tell u 2 spin everything into a positive, but the negative emotions are also a big part of u, so u don't want to take them away either.

U don't have to make any mistakes, research the consequences b4 u take the action

[YourHumbleNarrator]

Originally Posted by Emaaki

U don't have to make any mistakes,

Yes you do. It's a natural part of the learning process. If you're not making mistakes, you're not making progress. The only way you can avoid making mistakes is to not to anything. And even that can be done wrong.

I'm not saying this to be down on anybody. I'm saying that if you struggle not to make any mistakes, you will paralyze yourself and stifle growth. If you prepare yourself to accept any errors you make and transform them into an empowering experience, you'll make fewer mistakes and you'll recover much more quickly when you do.

research the consequences b4 u take the action

No matter how much research you do, you can never know the full extent of the consequences until you take action. There is no substitute for personal experience, and no book or teacher is 100% infallible.

[Emaaki]

No, u can't know the consequences to the full extent of 100% but u don't always need 2 make mistakes to find out the answers, there are so many experienced people out there. Having an idea of what might happen is good. Why make stupid mistakes when the answers r already out there? I shouldn't have said we don't need 2 make mistakes at all, because of course we do, but there is alot of help out there too. Ok, mabye It boils down to, we never have to b alone in our decisions, there is always somoene we can talk to first.

[Dreamline]

Yes you do. It's a natural part of the learning process. If you're not making mistakes, you're not making progress. The only way you can avoid making mistakes is to not to anything. And even that can be done wrong.

That only happens if you believe in mistakes. If you are adept at seeing the positive in everything, there are actually no such things as mistakes.

In my opinion, they are overrated as a concept. Better to just use them as the learning tool they are and cast off the negative aspects of them.

Mistake believer: Oh crap. This sucks. I can't belive I f'd up this badly. I should have _____. Jonesy told me this would happen. I should have been more careful. Dammit. Now I have to ______ to make this better.

Positive spinner: Hmmm. That was an interesting but unexpected result. Now I have to ______ to make this better.


See? Same overall conclusion. Much less BS getting to that point.

Jennifer

[Dreamline]

Spinning everything into a positive is simply wonderful, but u also MUST pay attention to how u really feel about things too. If something isn't making u feel positive, trying 2 spin it into a positive in ur mind, isn't being true to you.

This can be a trapping, limiting belief. There are countless numbers of people that are extraordinarily true to themselves without having to acknowledge negativity. You aren't ignoring that something has happened. You aren't ignoring your feelings. You just don't vibrate "negative" anymore. Your feelings still acknowledge the experience or event as real. You just no longer recognize "negative."

I think so many people could benefit from trying this because it seems that so much of a person's overall negativity is really knee-jerk reactions that they have trained themselves to feel when "A" happens. Or I have to react this way when "B" happens.

No, you actually don't.

Jennifer

[Angela]

Agreed. There is no failure, only feedback. The more skilled you become at recognizing the neutrality of what happens, and your responsibility in creating meaning out of it that works well, the more powerful you become at moving in your desired direction.

How do you build that skill? I think the most important step is moving towards a perspective of 100% responsibility -- being at cause for the meanings you make and the results you get. Make a commitment to yourself, and keep your word.

That can be a challenge! Let's say the feedback you get is: you get fired, or you break your leg. From an ordinary perspective, those things are BAD. They are examples of your rotten luck; they are things that happen TO you. Life would be so great if it weren't for all those awful people out there, like your ex-boss. From a 100%R perspective, you don't have to necessarily dance around thinking you're the happiest person on the planet (that happens later, when you reach a level of mastery ); refusing to acknowledge pain is a good way NOT to get the feedback, and that would be dumb. In a 100%R perspective, you would take a look at who you were being that had you get fired or break your leg, what conscious and unconscious choices you made that got you there, and what choices you could consciously make Now that are likely to work well for you. What could you let go of, and what could you take on?

I got fired once, and I went back to my ex-boss the next day and told him that he was going to have a hell of a time finding a replacement, and I was willing to fill in as a consultant (at a greatly increased rate) while he searched for someone. He was pretty surprised by my chutzpah. I ended up working for him as a contractor for a couple of years, being paid twice as much as when I had been an employee, until I moved to another country.

Getting fired was a WONDERFUL thing!

[YourHumbleNarrator]

Originally Posted by Dreamline

That only happens if you believe in mistakes. If you are adept at seeing the positive in everything, there are actually no such things as mistakes.

There's no real disagreement between us, it's just a matter of semantics. I use the word mistake but I look at it as part of the feedback loop, similar to what Angela is talking about.

To clarify on what I'm saying: the sooner you accept the feedback loop, the easier it will be to make progress and empower yourself. Fear of making mistakes is really fear of the feedback loop. You can't empower yourself when you're scared to death of being wrong.

[Dreamline]

Yes, the fear of making mistakes is so paralyzing. But when you see that negativity doesn't have to enter into the process, it can be so freeing. I went to a steak and sushi place last night and we and another couple ended up spending way too much and eating way too much and drinking way too much. The old me would rehash our stupidity at not paying attention to the prices and worrying about where I would get the money now to pay some bill.

But automatically, when I saw that number on the check, I smiled. Because it became instantly obvious to me what the positives were.

One positive is that the couple we went with is headed by a wife who has a brutal poverty mentality about some things. (Good thing! She brought coupons to the restaurant that took $50 off the horrible bill!) but she can be very weird about spending money. So it gave me the chance, later, when we were at their home, to take her aside and smile about the money and tell her that we should forget about that silly bill and just remember what a good time we had.

The other thing was, it was obvious to even my husband, who has eyes bigger than his stomach, that that was too much food for one person. So next time we go out, it will be easier to suggest we share a plate, no matter what restaurant we go to.

Jennifer

[ar81]

Originally Posted by whim

i've been working on being more posiitve like seeing the positives in sitautions and spinning the negatives into positives. but i realize it has made me more ignorant to the negatives, and i'm trying more now to see and take the negatives for what they are, and not beating up myself for those negatives, but trying to be kind to myself for them in addition to being positive. just wondering if anyone has any comments on positive thinking, any exercises/drills, etc.

So you are becoming positive?
You are getting ionized...

[Dreamline]

That was funny.

Jennifer

[ar81]

Originally Posted by Dreamline

That was funny.

Jennifer

No, not funny at all. If he is ionized and he happens to pass nearly a negatively charged object, he might get the air ionized and he might be struck by a discharge that would look like a lightning.

Or he could be hit by a lightning if he walks in the open, for being too positive.

Also, if he is ionized, he could be manipulated by a magnetic politician that would make him spin around the lines of his magnetic field.

Also, if he gets to be trapped and used by a VASIMR engine, he could be used as propellant to the next trip to Mars as he would be launched by a magnetic device at incredible speeds out of the exhaust.

All these strong accelerations could make him age slower than the rest of us according to Einstein's special relativity theory, so he could be young while we age, and if we age and nobody is here, he might feel lonely without us!!

Darn... I think I am getting crazy positivism too.. I better care about not to be ionized.

[Chap]

Originally Posted by whim

i've been working on being more posiitve like seeing the positives in sitautions and spinning the negatives into positives. but i realize it has made me more ignorant to the negatives, and i'm trying more now to see and take the negatives for what they are, and not beating up myself for those negatives, but trying to be kind to myself for them in addition to being positive. just wondering if anyone has any comments on positive thinking, any exercises/drills, etc.

I think the misconception concerning positive thinking is that one must always be inanely happy, that is simply bi-polarism. It is more establishing the habit of finding good in a situation, and not merely optimism. Some would call it stoiscm, I would consider it as pragmatic stoisicm since whilst many things are outwith ones control, the interpretation of the situation is; so when possible why not seek the opportunities.