Self-distrust

[dulaney0330]

I have noticed this problem for a while and I would really like some advice.

I have a really difficult time trusting me...my judgment and decisions.

For example, I recently want to find another psychologist because I feel I need to express my negative emotions. However, I think, "

Maybe you want to see a psychologist so you stay in a perpetual state of problems. Maybe you dont need to see one and you fear making your own judgment calls on your emotional issues."

Another example is choosing my last name. I recently got married and my husband wants me to take his and I feel controlled by him and i don't want to submit to him. Its a control issue for me and I don't want him to win. If I change my name I think

"You gave into a patriarchal system and you have lost some of your identity."

but if I dont give in I think, "This is because of control and you know it. You are scared of this sign of dedication and commitment and it overwhelms you. Is this really a good reason not to change your name?"

I am scared that I am constantly making a wrong decision...even at the grocery store. I worry I will choose the less healthy bread or butter and I have to analyze all nutritional value. And even when I do make a decision I almost always feel like I made the wrong one.

It's like my mind won't let me rest. I am in a constant state of self-condemnation and worry.

I really am at a loss of insight here. Part of it could be that I never felt confidence in myself from childhood.

How does one overcome self-distrust? How can I learn to trust my own judgment and thoughts/feelings (since I have denied them for so long)?

[Abitofzen]

The short answer is "Study the quote in your signature"

For a bit more insight, it is useful to recognize that all these internal 'parts' or 'voices' have a positive intent for you.

To help mitigate their effects, you can simply use some deep relaxation, deep breathing, and/or meditation.

Then seek an 'intuition' or 'gut instinct'... and follow through. The voices might pop up again, but just accept them and let them go as you continue to follow through on whatever your 'intuition' has told you. You can use this on anything from picking bread to deciding on the last name issue.

Try it for a month and see how far you've come!

keep smiling,

Ben

[ar81]

Why do you feel fear of making it all wrong?
Why do you let other people to dominate your perception?
Could it be that you avoid to take the wheel and drive your life across the road yourself, so you let other people to drive your life?

Why do you fear so much to retake control of your own destiny?
When you decide to take the wheel, you will be unstoppable, and you will be able to do great many things, and of course, you will make some natural mistakes that take place while you learn.

But the overall path will be determined by you, and your achievements will be yours.

The problem of letting others to drive your life is that they may take a path you did not want for your life, and you may feel you wasted all that time later.

You are not controlling your life because you are just not taking the wheel, like the wheel of a car. Grab it, it is yours. Now learn to drive the car, dare yourself to drive your life.

The solution to your problem is not to let the wheel loose or moved by others. You are the driver, you must drive, or it may go down the cliff.

You are in command of your life, the wheel of the car, even if you decide to accept it or not. The good news is that your life depends on you. The bad news is that only you can do it, only you can live your own life.

[ssandra]

When I was younger I had a similar problem. I was (and am i guess) very easily influenced by other people. It got to the point where I didn't know which was my own opinion, or something other (stronger) people told me...

What I do now, is whenever I think something, have an opinion, I ask myself "who says so?" If the answer is, they, society, mom, dad, husband, etc. it is not my own feeling.

If i get back (usually a very indignant) "I say so!" I know it is my own opinion.

You can go even further, and ask yourself, ok. Why do I say so?

This first step lets you see what the difference is between your own opinions and those of others.

Whatever your opinion is, do not dismiss it. Even if the reason for it seem silly to outsiders. It is your opinion. Accept that.

After, you can decide if this is the opinion you want to change or keep. But first accept it as it is.

[dulaney0330]

thanks for all the replies thus far. I appreciate you all taking the time to respond to my post. I have thought through each post and I am digesting the advice ! thanks again.

[Grindin]

not really sure how i can help you out here other then to tell you what goes through my mind when i make a decision...

for example : when i go to the grocery store and am walking through the meat isle I think about the kind of meal i want to eat (usually first thing that comes to mind) and then look at that meat, compare value to see if it's worth the cost, and then put it in the cart. end though. completely over. just stop thinking about it competely because it doesn't even matter.

i mean, at the end of the day life is just a game to be played and enjoyed. you make decisions and live out the results. try and choose wisely but once you decide own your decision.

all i got for you