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| Emotional Mastery Emotional intelligence, addiction and recovery, grieving, loss, fear, anger, guilt, resentment, frustration, anxiety, depression, happiness, joy, love, kindness, forgiveness, self-acceptance, confidence, escaping the pit of despair, EFT |
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08-11-2009, 04:32 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 2
 |  can't speak up
Trying to put it simple, I am a woman in her 30s with 3 kids and I've been married for 8 years. My mom is a demanding, controllong, but loving in her own way person. She and my dad split when I was 5 and he has always been more concerned about his own problems than anyone else's. I was in an abusive relationship with my teenage daughters father for about 2 years. a few years later I met what I thought was a great guy. he was not physically abusive, but emotionally. I left him after 5 years of miserable marriage, learning to tiptoe around him ans walk on eggshells so not to upset him. then, I met back up with my now husband. we had been together in the past and found that our feelings for each other were still strong. we married and have seen constant problems with my family, my health, financial. etc. the problem now is we have been fighting for years off/on because I cannot sit down with him and express my feelings. if we have an argument, I cannot explain my side, I just sit there and cry. he's angry because he says that I think of him as abusive like my ex's and I don't. he says that I never talk about 'us' I just really have no clue how to start that conversation. I really love him and we have a 3 yr old together. I don't want him to leave but he says he can't be in a marriage anymore if his wife cannot talk to him. does anyone have any ideas? thank you for reading! |
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08-11-2009, 08:43 PM
| #2 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 315
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08-12-2009, 01:53 AM
| #4 (permalink) |
| Senior Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 211
| find a way to make it easy
The best way to start is to relax, accept, and come to a place of peace with your own feelings. Most people aren't willing to do this, though, so there are many ways to make talking about them easier. Practice. Think of the smallest, easiest bit of emotion you would like to express, and practice by writing it down, telling a pet, or explaining it to a friend. Breathe deeply and evenly as you do this. Then visualize the process of explaining it to him a few times. Then go back and give it another shot. This will make things much easier.  Combining the breathwork with EFT will make it easier still. keep smiling, Ben Last edited by Abitofzen; 08-12-2009 at 01:59 AM. |
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08-12-2009, 02:42 AM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3
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You don't have to speak with any particular goal in mind. Just say what you are feeling. If you are feeling confused then speak so. Don't try to conform to any pattern - that at this point you have to say this. Just start speaking from your heart, and I am sure he will understand you. It has been always my problem that I wasn't able to express my feeling toward my parents. I was very terse with them.They always figured me as cold blooded. Then I realised that other people can only know what we feel by what we talk. I hope this helps. |
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08-13-2009, 04:05 PM
| #6 (permalink) |
| Junior Member Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 2
| thank you
I would like to just be able to express my feelings but I am so out of touch with my own feelings. I can't talk to my parents either because they always hijack the conversations and make it all about their problems and feelings. thanks for the suggestions! |
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08-13-2009, 04:27 PM
| #7 (permalink) | |
| Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 315
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08-13-2009, 05:16 PM
| #8 (permalink) |
| Banned Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 84
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just do what i do... get angry at the other person for being so annoying and then just tell him wtf your thinking about the subject. lol... or if you want to not act like an arrogant young man then you need to accept the truth of your situation and your feelings to yourself completely. once you do that just sit down with him and tell him. if you have to cry then just cry and tell him. am i missing something? |
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08-13-2009, 08:26 PM
| #9 (permalink) |
| Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,611
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hey 2nice, then what you need to do is get in touch with your feelings first. Expressing them to others can come later. have you tried journalling, where you just write and write it all out (without editing it) it's a very good way to start to connect with your inner truth. HS x |
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