unasked for advice

[john deere green]

I seem to have a nack for people coming to be with a problem of x and me being able to see that y is the root cause. I try to explain that they really should work on y and that x will take care of its self. This never seems to go very well. These people are not ready to deal with y and think I am being mean and intrusive by suggesting that y is really the problem and are angry that I can't and won't help them with x. I know this is because they are just not ready yet. I usually can sense that they don't want to hear about y, but I just can't seem to help myself. If I had a problem with y and didn't see it and i asked someone about x I would want someone to tell me. No matter how painful the initial reaction is, I would rather know and deal with it that continue on not knowing.

I just wanted to know if other people experience similar situations and how they deal with them.

Thanks!

[spirit4711]

you don't want our unasked advice then?

I used to do that a lot too. I've learned since that asking if they want my advice works much better. If not, I'll keep my big mouth shut.

[marinik]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

you don't want our unasked advice then?

I used to do that a lot too. I've learned since that asking if they want my advice works much better. If not, I'll keep my big mouth shut.

Yup, Spirit right on the nail!!!

JDG people just want to hear themselves talk... or they just want to get it of their chests... ask them if they want your opinion before you offer it. I am a certified life coach and I try to give as little "advice" as I can. Only when a client is very determined to hear what I think and I would do in his/her shoes... and we have a long and good working relationship I say my thoughts out loud. Here on the other hand I can vent and say what I think

[spirit4711]

Originally Posted by marinik

...Here on the other hand I can vent and say what I think

I've noticed

[marinik]

Originally Posted by spirit4711

I've noticed

You will explain this on "that" thread!!!!

[Abitofzen]

Yes... I have to agree with the suggestions given here.

In my early years of personal development, I alienated a lot of friends by telling them what I perceived their challenges to be.

It's always easier to see it in other people!

Now, I only offer suggestions to those who ask... and it appears I can keep my friends this way...

One other thing I'll add... much of what we see in others is a reflection of what is within us.

It took me a while to learn that one... the quicker we pick that bit of wisdom up, the faster we can get ahead of the game.

keep smiling,

Ben

[Lenevia]

Maybe the next time someone asks you for advice, address x but show them how y can be the real source of the problem.

I find people are more receptive to y after I've talked a little about x and how nothing can be done about x until you resolve y.

I think the thing is people don't think you were listening to them if you jump straight to a conclusion they never saw before. They want to know you were listening to their story (you can even repeat some things they said to show them you heard them).

This is all hypothetical since there's no problem at hand but if they still don't listen, perhaps spend some time and talk about x until they reach your conclusion on their own.