How do I get over this?

[Muzzinho]

Hello everyone.

So here is the deal. I have been growing up in London England since the age of 10 and now 21 years old. The past 3 years have been bad since I begun to get really apathetic about life. Last year I realized that I had to do something to change my life. At 18 I went to university and stopped 6 months into it. Then again a different university and stopped 2 months into it. I realized that I was going nowhere in life and decided to head off to Japan (where I am now) to work as a volunteer and `find myself`. I wanted to develop my character and independence. Since I just became way too dependant on others and I got into a spiral of conflicting thoughts throughout my mind. My mind was not clear at all. What should I study, should I work, and so on?

In any case it has now come to the end of my volunteer trip and I have learned much about myself and I feel like I can make positive changes　in my life, but I have one hurdle which still haunts me. I feel shame,guilt and inferiority because of my lack of education. For example I cannot be fully honest with people about my situation because it sounds ridiculous that someone does 2 different degrees and flunks out! It sounds silly but I actually feel a strong,　palpable sense of fear everytime someone asks about my education and so I lie! I can`t be completely honest about it! It has pervaded all parts of my life. For example I want to really get into a relationship, but everytime I try to initiate, I run mental movies in my mind about how people will react about my education and the fear takes me over. My heart almost stops beating! But I am confident with people, I consider myself very social. So there is a girl who I liked at the place where I volunteer and I really want to talk with her but I start thinking about the future and how I am not educated and how life will be difficult for those who are uneducated and so on.That is it right there in nutshell, the future is holding me back. I guess I fell `not worthy`, to be with someone.

There is one girl at the my work place that I really want to date, but as soon as I want to initiate a conversation, I start running mental movies about the future and just stop right there, I left her a letter explaining my thoughts, but this education thing is really haunting me. I am relinqiushing denial slowly but surely and living more courageously, but just this is still holding me back from complete honesty and stunting my social confidence!!

I know that it is a long question, I apologise but I would love your input and help guys, as usual.

[CJAnyasor]

Well the first thing you should do is be more certain about where your heading in life. Where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Do you know who you want to be right now?

As for your education dilemma, get an education. Judging from your post, you don't really seem to have many prospects. If you expand on that, maybe we can help you a bit more.

[pushbutton]

Hang on a moment! Who says you are uneducated? YOU DO!

But wait! I can tell you honestly I have a degree, an associate diploma, and numerous certificates.

They are all well and good and I don't regret having done them. But did I learn a lot from them? No!

I have what is currently a long-distance relationship with a girl who lives in the Philippines, and I have so far been there three times. My visits to the Philippines have only been very short (a few weeks at a time) BUT, I can honestly tell you that I have received a far bigger and better education simply from my short visits to that country than I did in all the years I spent at college and university. That may sound like an exaggeration but trust me it's not!

Now your situation is a bit different of course, and you have spent time in Japan, which is different to the Philippines in many ways.

However you were not just there for a few weeks but for a considerably longer time by the sound of it, and you weren't just on holiday you were volunteering.

I don't know what sort of volunteer work you were doing, but any kind of volunteer work can be highly educational, even if you did it in your own country (and I know because I've done 10 or more years of it).

If you feel like a confident person, I don't know why you're so worried about people asking you about your education. Nobody ever asks me about mine!

In fact even when I go for interviews for jobs for which qualifications are required and I have them, nobody has ever asked me anything about those qualifications! Once or twice I actually took my certificates along in a folder to show potential employers, in case they wanted proof of my education, but they never looked at them!

As for social situations, why would people be all that bothered about your education?

Take it from someone who knows:
1. There's so much more to life than formal education
and 2. You do not necessarily need to have any formal qualifications to get on in life and do well.

If you really, honestly WANT to study, then make a plan to make that happen. If you don't, then stop worrying about it and focus on other things!

[Karlil]

Hi Muzzinho,
From what i read, i can tell you put education as something of a must have. Then why don't you get one now? What is holding you back?

I agree with CJAnyaser, it is important to start planning for your future now. Time waits no men.

While i don't really agree with you on education as a must have, i have a degree btw, i certainly can see where you come from with this one.

People with skills can make lots of money too. It doesn't necessarily come from education. Besides, office job is tedius, the pay suck and the pay rise takes a long long time to come.

If you are worried bout your age going into college now, or you are not interested in education at all, try look for some skills too learn that can make you money.

Im talking bout being a hairstylist, writer, personal trainer and so on. People don't normally ask for qualifications when mingling outside. That would be rude. They normally ask, what do you work as?

Cheers mate,
Karlil

[Muzzinho]

Thank you guys for all your support. It has been helpful. I do think that I am over emphasizing on education and people outside aren`t always interested in educational background. As well as this, I think that I should make plans of where I want to be in life so I am more clear headed.