she is married!

[shamous11]

ok so she is married but getting a divorice.. we have been dating for a month or so now and she also has another boyfriend.. her husband is army and so is the other boyfriend i am air force.. my question is how do i get rid of this other guy.. from what i know he can be a sweet guy but im always hearing about how he makes her cry and how she is always up set.. its one thing when i hear it from her but im now hearing it from her friends.. she even says im better with her kids than he is... anyone have any ideas on how to get rid of him? and i know its a f***** up situation..

[freddy]

Make yourself less available. That will make her choose you or him. I wonder why you want to get yourself in this love triangle. Wait till the divoice is final. One other thought, call the ex. And report the other army guy to him. Maybe he knows him. Your problem solved. Kinda

[aggie]

sounds like this chick has a thing for men in uniform...tread lightly...

it looks like she enjoys a full playing field...make sure she is really ready for a one on one.

i would also start to look at her sense of responsibility...she hasn't even divorced daddy and is already exposing her children to other father figures...

sorry dude, i'm a woman and this one sounds like a player.

[Abitofzen]

Originally Posted by shamous11

and i know its a f***** up situation..

You've really answered your own question here.

If you are looking for something serious, I encourage you to find your way out of this one... just walk away.

If she starts acting like she's serious about you, you might re-consider, but not until then.

Re-read Aggie's post.

I used to think that if I was just a great guy, then any woman who got to know me would be very attracted to me... it didn't quite work out that way

Most women say they are looking for a great guy, but I encourage you to pay more attention to behaviors than statements. What's her behavior telling you?

I've been in similar situations myself... and I've learned some hard lessons.

Godspeed, Brother.

keep smiling,

Ben

[ns123]

Originally Posted by shamous11

my question is how do i get rid of this other guy..

When I read your question, I thought it very ironic. If it were me, I'd get rid of her.

I second aggie's post.

[kimberleee]

If you REALLY care about this woman, then you need to let her make her own decisions.

If she cares about you... then you will be her choice.

Although... it's plain to everyone here... that she really DOESN'T care... about any of you.

[shamous11]

all very good pionts.. but im sure as most of us know sometimes it can be very hard to just walk away.. she tries to hide feelings.. i guess to mask the "hurt" if something were to happen.. but i see it in her eyes and in little looks she gives me and that she doesnt know that i notice.. what i get from that is that she might be falling for me.. but i dont know how to know for sure? females are very confusing.. i have actualy met her husband (didnt know it at the time) the last time i was in iraq. (he is still there btw)


i mean she even has dinner ready for me when i get home and cooks me breakfast before work.. she has me hooked.. but its weird a little because in talking to her friends she didnt even do this for her husband..

[dirtyhive]

Dude, if she has legit feelings for you, but doesn't make it clear or take any overt steps toward exlusivity, and you walk, it is HER PROBLEM if she ends up upset. It is not your job to protect her from herself. She's a grown woman.

Flip the situation. Imagine you're seeing multiple women, and there's one you like more than the others, but you never actually say so or stop dating the other girls. Suddenly the one you liked gets tired of you and walks. You're gutted, right? But you know you have YOURSELF to blame.

Don't play games. Don't fall over yourself for her attention, or to 'get rid of competitors'. Sit back and see what she does. You're saying that you think she likes you, but if she's still seeing Schmucky O'Schmuck as well, she can't like you all that much.

[carenkh]

Originally Posted by shamous11

i have actualy met her husband (didnt know it at the time) the last time i was in iraq. (he is still there btw)


i mean she even has dinner ready for me when i get home and cooks me breakfast before work.. she has me hooked.. but its weird a little because in talking to her friends she didnt even do this for her husband..

You are not so special that she won't end up treating you just as she's treating her husband. It doesn't read like she has any integrity at all. Read Aggie's post again.

It doesn't matter if she likes you. Why do you want to be with her?

[MmeIntentional]

Originally Posted by carenkh

It doesn't matter if she likes you. Why do you want to be with her?

Apart from the cooking etc. find out why you really want be with someone like this. I think it's Ok if you want an open relationship with her but you don't like sharing, so I think it's best if you walk away to be honest.

Have you not spoken to her about these other men? She will not do anything about it I don't think because you are already accepting the situation.

She doesn't sound worth fighting over, sorry.

[Abitofzen]

Originally Posted by shamous11

all very good pionts.. but im sure as most of us know sometimes it can be very hard to just walk away.. she tries to hide feelings.. i guess to mask the "hurt" if something were to happen.. but i see it in her eyes and in little looks she gives me and that she doesnt know that i notice.. what i get from that is that she might be falling for me.. but i dont know how to know for sure? females are very confusing.. i have actualy met her husband (didnt know it at the time) the last time i was in iraq. (he is still there btw)


i mean she even has dinner ready for me when i get home and cooks me breakfast before work.. she has me hooked.. but its weird a little because in talking to her friends she didnt even do this for her husband..

So the husband's in Iraq.

Does he know about the divorce?

And you're right... it's never easy to walk away when you are emotionally involved... so let me tell you a story about a friend of mine.

We're both in the Army, and he meets this girl, she's got a baby, but she's lots of fun, and they hit it off really well. So she tells him she's married, but she's getting a divorce, she just has to wait for her husband to get back from Kuwait to finalize it.

A couple of months go by. They get real tight. Even her friends are cool... my friend comes over with lots of cool drinking stories. My friend watches her kid for her from time to time, treats him like his own son... and turns out to be pretty decent dad (which was a bit of a surprise for me... but that's neither here nor there ). She tells my friend that not only are they getting a divorce, but she has told her husband about her new man, and he's upset, but he understands. My friend is talking about getting a place together with this girl. I'm starting to think this girl and my friend are going to be together permanently.

I was wrong.

A month later her husband gets home, and suddenly my friend can't get ahold of her, she won't return his calls, and her husband clearly hasn't moved out. My friend finally manages to get ahold of one of her friends, who apparently liked him a lot, because she spilled the whole story.

The husband never knew (to this day he still doesn't know, or he doesn't let on). He came home, and by all outside appearances, he still had the great relationship he had to leave behind waiting for him.

My friend was simply cut off.

I wish I had seen it coming. She was a sweet girl... she was really pretty (which shouldn't matter... but it does, doesn't it)... and she told him she loved him.

I don't know if my friend ever talked to her, again. I suspect he did... but he really didn't want to talk about it anymore.

This kind of stuff happens in the armed forces all the time.

Women (and men) who are left in the states while their loved ones are abroad usually find distractions to deal with the fear of that loved one never coming home.

This is the way it is.

My question to you...

Are you comfortable with being a distraction?

I know I'm not there, and I don't know this situation intimately... but I would encourage you to mentally step out of yourself... let go of those feelings for just a moment... and see this situation from the point of view of those who have responded to your post here.

Benjamin Franklin might describe this as "an ounce of prevention..."

keep smiling,

Ben

[garentee]

Until she is divorced... let it be. Do not go making a mess where no mess needs to be made.. if she does not divorce you will have saved yourself a lot of time and trouble. Respect her path. and yours....

[akoma]

Originally Posted by shamous11

ok so she is married but getting a divorice.. we have been dating for a month or so now and she also has another boyfriend.. her husband is army and so is the other boyfriend i am air force.. my question is how do i get rid of this other guy.. from what i know he can be a sweet guy but im always hearing about how he makes her cry and how she is always up set.. its one thing when i hear it from her but im now hearing it from her friends.. she even says im better with her kids than he is... anyone have any ideas on how to get rid of him? and i know its a f***** up situation..

There are several red flags that you failed to recognize with this woman.

1. This woman is currently married and is in the process of getting divorce. One this you can count on for sure is that she still have feelings for her ex husband to be. It could be that they may end up reconciling. Legally, her husband is still her partner.

2. She has child who may or may not happened to be her husband's child. Why bother getting yourself involve with someone who already has a child with another man, unless of course the father of the child is deceased. No matter how much she may proclaim to love you ( down the road), you will ALWAYS be 2nd in her life. Her child WILL always be #1.

3. This girl or woman who is STILL LEGALLY married, has yet ANOTHER boyfriend besides, you and her husband. Now get a life, son. If it is your hope to get seriously involve with this woman, I suggest you get a life. Though Love for you but it has to be done.

4. Last but not the least, you have only been only been dating her for a month. A month is not enough time to "date" someone and find it difficult breaking up with him or her. Such a stage is formally termed courtship. This is the stage where each partner puts up "best behavior."

[ar81]

Originally Posted by shamous11

ok so she is married but getting a divorice.. we have been dating for a month or so now and she also has another boyfriend.. her husband is army and so is the other boyfriend i am air force.. my question is how do i get rid of this other guy.. from what i know he can be a sweet guy but im always hearing about how he makes her cry and how she is always up set.. its one thing when i hear it from her but im now hearing it from her friends.. she even says im better with her kids than he is... anyone have any ideas on how to get rid of him? and i know its a f***** up situation..

If I was you I would leave her.
If someone has the poor ethics to have 2 boyfirends while she is still married, there is a high chance that you will be in the position of the husband later, if you "suceed" in continuing the relationship.

And I use quotes because the quota of suffering will increase in time. Now you have only a preview of what could come.

Unless you enojy suffering, I would advise you to break with her and find yourself a girl who is worthy of what you have to offer.

You do not hire the finest cook to feed pigs.
Leave the pig, and find yourself a worthy girl.

You may excuse my harsh language, but lack of ethics is HUGE problem that could bring you lots of suffering and waste of life.