On being right

[TeeZee]

I just had a few things happen today that got me thinking about how I need to be "right". The first thing that happened when I was in a store and the manager was in the back and shouting back and forth with the cashier which was really annoying. Then something else happened and the manager comes out and is really rude to a few people who had brought him something. I chose to get involved and we ended up loudly cursing at each other.

A few hours later in another store, I was overcharged and waited patiently for 15 minutes for the staff to figure out what to do. Eventually I got my refund, but again chose to get the manager on the phone to explain how screwed up they are.

In both of these situations I could have left before the hassles started, but somehow I figured that I was the "right" one who had to show these "wrong" people how to do things. I foolishly let my peace of mind be ruined by some strange desire to tell people what to do. I was actually kind of lucky because the guy in the first store was HUGE and could have easily punched me in the face while ejecting me from his store. The gun violence in this city is growing, and I see how the need to be "right' in other situations has horrible consequences.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

Read Steve's post on dealing with closed minded people. To summarise, basically when you believe you're right and others are wrong, you are fooling yourself!

It's a great exercise you to practice acceptance of others and their foibles. What was it inside you that meant you could you not wait while they processed your refund? That's the exercise for you! What did that situation remind you of from your past? There's an awful lot you can learn about yourself from these situations. Maybe these situations are occurring for you so you can learn from them

Right vs wrong is a duality and most dualities are actually just 2 sides of the same coin. It's the coin that counts!

Joy to you
Hazel

[RT Wolf]

I think RGI covered the good stuff. You might consider reading Crucial Conversations. It's about dealing with conversations in which emotions are high, stakes are high (not necessary) and opinions differ. This has to be one of the more practical books on communication I've ever read and it has been really, really helpful to me for dealing with those sorta situations that you described in your first post.

[renie408]

Oh boy. Have I had to deal with this. I have always fought with and through my need to be RIGHT. I think I have finally figured out that it is sometimes better to be SMART.

I am not a traditional Christian, but the Bible says, "Let your life be your witness." My mother says, "You catch more bees with honey than with vinegar." Michael Jackson says, "Start with the man in the mirror." A lot of people more enlightened that I am say, "If you want the world to be filled with joy, spread joy."

You can't change the manager or the cashier. You can only change you. Sometimes people have reasons for their behavior that are not readily apparent to you. If you just love everybody, no matter how they are acting at that moment, it leaves both of you feeling better.