learned behaviour and functioning with accepting disagreement

[amixa]

so i've been unhappy about some things in life due to learned behaviour from my parents: one thing I just realized has been that when no one around me agrees with me (I mean the people you surround yourself with) it really upsets me especially when they could be open to seeing your view but prefer to brush it off.
I realize this is something my parents do but are not open to other people's opinions either. the difference with me is that I actually am open to other people's opinion and listen to others advice.

But now that I've learned that its a learned behaviour... how does someone function without getting depressed that 'no one listens to me'?
And not put your whole value on other people's decision not to agree with your ideals, beliefs and such.

And to what degree is it healthy to surround yourself with people who disagree with you on many levels.. or few levels..?
thanks

[Vlad Moskovski]

Hi Amixa,

Sounds like you are having a hard time and really struggling with this issue. I think that any behavior we learn, we can unlearn. I also find that there is a positive intention and benefit to anything we do. Can you think of anything positive that you get out of this particular behavior?

You also mention that "no one listens to me", is that REALLY TRUE? I bet if you were to think about it, there are plenty of times when people do listen to you. Like right now for example

My suggestion is to sit down and think of all the great times when people did listen to you, and keep them in your memory and when you feel down about this topic, just recall those memories. You may find that people listen to you more often than you think, you might just not be noticing it.

Cheers.
Vlad

[Abitofzen]

Hey Amixa,

I've had this exact same experience...

Primarily with my parents, but with friends & co-workers as well

I find this works well...

Take "you" out of it...

Because it really isn't about you... if they spend their time with you, they must see some value in it... but that doesn't mean they are going to appreciate (or even understand) every message you deliver.

I always feel accepted... people might not understand my message or my communication... but their response is never about me.

And I always enjoy spending time with people who have different points of view... and occasionally I'm not ready to completely let go of my attachment to my point of view, so it can be uncomfortable... but I think it is a very valuable experience to bounce your beliefs and ideas off friendly people who see things differently.

To practice this, I like using EFT... but relaxation with deep breathing works great as well.

Spend some time questioning your own ideas and beliefs while relaxing and breathing deeply... it will allow you to powerfully change your perspective



On the other hand, I would avoid people who make emotional attacks about differences in ideas/beliefs (E.G. "That's a stupid idea!" with an angry/insulting tone)....

Love yourself enough, and others will have a hard time doing anything else!

keep smiling,

Ben