Coping with heartache

[Cassie]

Hi everyone,

I broke up with my bf tonight and it hurts a lot Our one-year anniversary would have been on Monday. I still love him very much, but I can no longer deal with some of his destructive behavior because it is hurting me so much. It has started to deteriorate my self-esteem. I realize I can't control his actions, but I can make the conscious choice to walk away and try to put the pieces of my heart together again.

I'm trying to find ways to properly deal with this breakup in a positive manner. If anyone can offer any advice how to get through these next numbing days, it would be deeply appreciated.

[ReallyGoodIdeas]

A girlfriend told me that this book was useful for her when she brok up with her boyfriend. The follow-on from He's just not that into you.

It WILL pass, and yes you HAVE made the right decision.

Hazel

[Gordon]

Originally Posted by Cassie

Hi everyone,

I broke up with my bf tonight and it hurts a lot Our one-year anniversary would have been on Monday. I still love him very much, but I can no longer deal with some of his destructive behavior because it is hurting me so much. It has started to deteriorate my self-esteem. I realize I can't control his actions, but I can make the conscious choice to walk away and try to put the pieces of my heart together again.

I'm trying to find ways to properly deal with this breakup in a positive manner. If anyone can offer any advice how to get through these next numbing days, it would be deeply appreciated.

Painful though it is, it did only happen tonight. Although it raw and emotional, eventually you will see the honesty of what was happening and how his self-destructive behaviour was really effecting you. Now you are starting to be strong, but he has held you in his power for nearly a year.

You are a strong whole person, keep telling yourself that. And of course have a good cry and post your thoughts here....you'll get the proper encouragement you need.

G....(Been there, done it, worn the T shirt!!)

[C33]

you should congratulate yourself for distancing yourself from someone whose behavior is destructive.

It is only a matter of time before this kind of behavior impacts negatively the persons around, and you did well to honor yourself and step back.

Last time my heart was broken by someone who was, in so many ways, perfect for me, I read the 1 page a day He s not really that into you book. Funny that someone mentioned it. I also read a book that has some very good points, even though, you don t have to agree to everything it says:"Opening our Hearts to Men" by Susan Jeffers

In that situation, I like to dive into the silliest, most mind-numbing, fluffy comedies I can find and a box of chocolates!

Good luck!

[da1prophet]

I feel for you that's for sure...I went through what you're experiencing when my wife of ten years told me out of the blue that she wanted a divorce and later found out that she had been cheating on me for the last year of our marriage. Up until that point we had been very happily married or so I thought...

Honestly, in retrospect I don't know *how* I got through it. I may have made the mistake of making too many life changes at once. I moved to a new town, and basically started from scratch. My dogs helped, as did keeping busy. I worked more, exercised more, walked my dogs more, or whatever. Not only did it have the advantage of being beneficial to me, but it helps a lot to stay busy and productive.

The first few months were the hardest, obviously, but before long I started making new friends and putting together my own life. Not sure what stage your relationship was at, but something that was really hard for me was getting over "thinking for two" by default and focusing on my own goals.

Steve's site helps too....in any case, I wish you well....

[Cron]

I wish I had some advice to offer. You are going to hurt, badly, for a while, but it will eventually end and it sounds like you made a positive move.

Good luck to you Cassie

[indestructible]

First of all, I would like to congratulate you from being strong enough to walk away from someone like that! Way to go!

I have been there too (and stayed too long), and even though he was "destructive" and you had to leave... there were reasons why you were with him in the first place so you have to mourn them. So - you may feel terrible for the next few days, but just remember it will pass!

In the meantime, the movie suggestion above works and so does talking to friends into the night... journalling and exercising helps a lot too.

Time heals all wounds and you will get over him... and around the corner there will be someone who will build up your self-esteem instead of deteriorating it. Good luck and stay strong!

[elainevdw]

Call your friends, have them pick you up and take you out for a good game of Dance Dance Revolution! That's what I did when I got dumped. (I was too upset to drive myself...)

But seriously, keep yourself busy with friends and/or family so that you don't have so much time to feel lonely. Do something fun and active, where you can stare out into space if you have to, but you can jump right back in when you shake yourself out of the daze.

Your feelings will probably be in a tizzy, and I always find writing about it to help. Writing it down will not only help you work through the emotions, but will solidify in your mind that this was the right thing to do.

After a week or two, when it's not so raw, indulge in some sappy movies, too. It's nice to feel fake pain over a fictional breakup in lieu of real pain over your own.

Hugs to you -- it's painful, but you're strong enough to do the right thing for yourself.

[summerwine]

I was once on a destructive pattern with an ex girlfriend and to be totally honest. You did the right thing. The only way I started to realise I was the problem was when I was dumped! I learnt from that.

Now you feel your missing something in your life and it needs replacing! There are lots of hobbies out there, sports teams, musical instruments and friends are what I go to to fill a gap in my life. Its great therapy and with time it gets alot easier. Its very important you get into your head that you are moving on and not thinking about the whole scenario.

Its get easier after that! Stick in there!

[eduard]

the best thing you can do is to stay with your friends

[Cassie]

Thanks everyone for the empowering advice. It helps so much to read the supportive words. I wish he wasn't such a butthead. I'm trying to just take it day by day right now because I'm still hurting so much.

~ heart still aching ~

[phaedra]

I just broke up with my NON-boyfriend today. (long story there) Let me just say that I also "broke-up" with him every month for the last 4 months.

Sometimes we slip back. Do not beat yourself up if you do. Stay as strong and positive as you can - because this is YOUR life, YOUR reality.

Friends and family are a definite plus! Good Luck to you.