no one can save me...i must bathe in my misery, always.

[lightthecandle]

no one could save me. not my parents. not my doctors, not my therapists. and. certainly not MYSELF. i've always have been a screw-up and always will be a screw-up.

[jamesbiz]

yep you will. you will always be a screw up.

'Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right'

[Angela]

That's a rough one, and I'm sorry you're feeling so badly!

Now, what are you going to choose to do about it?

[Inspirations]

hi lightthecandle,

Interesting how your nic reflects what you seek.

When you are sick of this drama game, you will be ready to live its opposite - just depends how long you want to sit in it first..

[Ecce Homo]

Originally Posted by Inspirations

When you are sick of this drama game, you will be ready to live its opposite...

I agree. When you are ready LTC, the teacher will appear, who will look uncannily like you...

Here's hoping you feel better soon!

[ricky]

Try making a list of everything you are grateful for. If you can't think of anything then ask yourself if someone had a gun to your head and asked you to create this list what would you write on it?
Start doing this every single night. Keep doing it for at least 10+ minutes. Don't think too much just keep on writing.
If this doesn't do much to change your vibration, then start doing it in the morning as well.
Once I was doing this every single hour, not writing but thinking about all the good things that happened in the past hour.
Start appreciating every single thing in your life.
E.g. your dvd/divx player - It's such an amazing player, I got such a good deal, I am actually quite proud of the way I negotiated with the person at Best Buy, I still remember the way he was surprised to see me negotiating, I got him to throw in a hdmi wire along with it, I can't believe how good I am when doing research about things that I want, instead of just buying whatever's popular I actually found the best one for the price, it's such a good player and plays everything pretty much, it saves me soo much time and space and dvds, it's so thin as well that it can fit pretty much anywhere... and so on...
The whole point of this exercise is that it'll raise your vibration and you'll get out of your negative state. And that's what you want to do. More often you do this, more this positive state will start to become your dominant vibration and before you know it you'll be feeling more positive more of the time.
I'm sure you can pick many things in your life. Keep going in detail like my example of the dvd player.
Best of luck

[ABdude]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

no one could save me. not my parents. not my doctors, not my therapists. and. certainly not MYSELF. i've always have been a screw-up and always will be a screw-up.

"Your wish is my command," so sayith the universe

If you continue to believe that you are a constant screw-up then that is exactly what you will always be.

[Kaybee]

If you think you are a screw up you always will be. You need to work on how you see yourself. I'm sure there are positive qualities you can highlight and focus on as you work on seeing yourself in a new light. Know this.....the only way you can change your perception about yourself is if you want to. Until you are at that point....no doctor or anyone else will be able to help.

Kim
Self Improvement and Motivation
Fuel My Motivation

[jamesbiz]

so is this going to just be another pity party or do you actually have a question? Or is there something you want help with? You don't even tell us what problems you have. This is just whining and this is a forum for the personal development for smart people. I don't mean to sound like the ******* here, but it's just that negative threads like this with no sign of wanting help just brings down everyone else, and I'm pretty sure it's against the rules that Steve set for this board.

[Erin Pavlina]

LightTheCandle: You're not the first person who has posted something like this. Experience has shown us that this will go one of two ways.

In the first case, you are not actually seeking improvement and merely want to express your misery and even wallow in it. That would violate our Pity Party rules and you'll get banned. We don't want people wasting their time and energy trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You'd probably agree that that's counter productive for everyone right?

In the second case, you actually want help and are ready to listen and take action. If this is true, you will get help here, but you must be open to hearing something that at first doesn't make sense. When someone is sad, they can't usually jump right to reason or joy or love. Sometimes fear, anger and pride need to happen first. So if you truly want help, explain your situation more clearly and demonstrate that you are ready to listen to wise counsel from people who are at a higher vibration than you are at the moment.

Or see a counselor.

To everyone responding in this thread, wait for LTC to demonstrate a willingness to raise her vibration before posting again. We've all been through these threads before. I appreciate how eager peopel are to help others. Speaks well of you all. But let's see where LTC would like to go first.

[jamesbiz]

Originally Posted by Erin Pavlina

LightTheCandle: You're not the first person who has posted something like this. Experience has shown us that this will go one of two ways.

In the first case, you are not actually seeking improvement and merely want to express your misery and even wallow in it. That would violate our Pity Party rules and you'll get banned. We don't want people wasting their time and energy trying to help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You'd probably agree that that's counter productive for everyone right?

In the second case, you actually want help and are ready to listen and take action. If this is true, you will get help here, but you must be open to hearing something that at first doesn't make sense. When someone is sad, they can't usually jump right to reason or joy or love. Sometimes fear, anger and pride need to happen first. So if you truly want help, explain your situation more clearly and demonstrate that you are ready to listen to wise counsel from people who are at a higher vibration than you are at the moment.

Or see a counselor.

To everyone responding in this thread, wait for LTC to demonstrate a willingness to raise her vibration before posting again. We've all been through these threads before. I appreciate how eager peopel are to help others. Speaks well of you all. But let's see where LTC would like to go first.

thank you Erin, lol now I feel like less of a jerk for what I've said in this thread.


To many people are jumping to help a person who isn't even asking for help

[Plays With Life]

Welll .. asking for help or not, I just have to point out that there's a Bach flower remedy for this exact situation:

Gorse

Very great hopelessness, they have given up belief that more can be done for them. Under persuasion or to please others they may try different treatments, at the same time assuring those around that there is so little hope of relief.

[Tanemon]

I suffered from a lot of misery. I had to unload a lot of inner junk, unravel a lot of tangled threads. These were things on the emotional, mental, and habit-pattern levels. For me, the bulk of this unloading happened in one swoop. I'll explain.

I learned meditation, and I practiced daily meditation for many years. That gave me a quieting of mental chatter (under most circumstances) and a restful place inside myself - a sense of refreshment whenever I practiced it. But I had continued to deal with the inner junk and the emotional walls I unconsciously used to defend myself.

Nine years ago I broke my leg and, while in a cast and mending, I decided to take a course and an "attunement" in Reiki. It's a spiritual energy and a method for developing one's healing abilities. Consciously, I did this for my leg, but it resulted in several other benefits: The attunement itself immediately and unexpectedly cleared away a huge amount of those emotional traces that had remained inside me since my childhood and adolescence. It got rid of the old muddy background of sadness, frustration, and fear that I had never been able to completely remove.

So then, after my attunement, both the pain/fear and the walls I had made just dissolved. My overall mood improved and my confidence too. And also, about twice as many people as before acted like they really liked me.

My path continues on, but without the notable tendency to feel so sensitive to hurts and without the tendency to depression.

[James81]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

certainly not MYSELF.

Considering you're the ONLY one who can save yourself, you've certainly just dug yourself a giant gaping hole with that statement, haven't you?

You've set the solution to your problems, the one thing that will save you, as the last possible resort.

Set sail for fail until you realize this much. Until you do, wallow in that misery like a pig wallows in the mud, slopping around in it's own ♥♥♥♥.

[KazeCraven]

bathe in misery... hmmm.

[lightthecandle]

i want change. i need to change myself. but i've tried everything. EVERYTHING. nothing works. that is why i keep coming back, not to complain, but for someone to say something, perhaps, and it will change my life and i will become a new person. I so desperately want things to change . i don't want to hate myself every minute of every day like i do....and feel like i'm not even good enough to be looked at , or anything. i hate feeling like crap...and yet i can't change...that IS the problem.

i fantasize...CONSTANTLY...about how sucessful i wish i was in all my areas of life...and i come back to reality..and it sucks, and i want to just run away or sleep all day....not sure what else there is left to try to change.

[seeker5]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

i want change. i need to change myself. but i've tried everything. EVERYTHING. nothing works. that is why i keep coming back, not to complain, but for someone to say something, perhaps, and it will change my life and i will become a new person. I so desperately want things to change . i don't want to hate myself every minute of every day like i do....and feel like i'm not even good enough to be looked at , or anything. i hate feeling like crap...and yet i can't change...that IS the problem.

i fantasize...CONSTANTLY...about how sucessful i wish i was in all my areas of life...and i come back to reality..and it sucks, and i want to just run away or sleep all day....not sure what else there is left to try to change.

Lightthecandle, are you sure you tried everything? Why don't you list them out and we can see what you've tried, and maybe we can suggest to you other ways that you haven't considered or thought of yet. That is, if you seriously do want to change.

[Stressless]

You have a choice of looking through a lens of darkness or a lens of light. The lens of darkness will reflect more darkness and the lens of light will reflect light.

Here’s the thing - what do you want in life?. Just forget about all your difficulties for a moment.

If you could have anything in the world right now what would it be? What would it look like? What would it feel like? What would I sound like?

[z1freeride]

What is the change you want? Remember, Emotion = desire + fulfillment. If you want to be superman, then fulfillment is hard and then emotion will be in the negative. Try creating more realistic desires.

[MacFly]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

i want change. i need to change myself. but i've tried everything. EVERYTHING. nothing works. that is why i keep coming back, not to complain, but for someone to say something, perhaps, and it will change my life and i will become a new person.

as long as you have the "Nothing Works" Filter between your eyes and the world, that will filter out every help and will translate all the good things into bad things.

you have to understand it.

I know it feels bad, I know how painful it is, trust me. But be honest, and admit to yourself that there is at least a 10% of your pain that feels good. Deep down, you kinda like to just be in it and feel sorry for yourself. I know it sounds sick but this is how our mind works sometimes.

[yoopersmith]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

i want change. i need to change myself. but i've tried everything. EVERYTHING. nothing works. that is why i keep coming back, not to complain, but for someone to say something, perhaps, and it will change my life and i will become a new person. I so desperately want things to change . i don't want to hate myself every minute of every day like i do....and feel like i'm not even good enough to be looked at , or anything. i hate feeling like crap...and yet i can't change...that IS the problem.

i fantasize...CONSTANTLY...about how sucessful i wish i was in all my areas of life...and i come back to reality..and it sucks, and i want to just run away or sleep all day....not sure what else there is left to try to change.

I was where you are now when I was in my 20's. I had deceided that earth life was far to silly.

I would cry all the time whenever I was alone.

For me, it was amazing when I looked back over that period in my life where so many people that loved me showed up to help drag me out of the "pit of despair"

After a while, I just decided not to care about any of my problems...which solved the immediate depression issue and did bring me out of the danger zone, but I still had more work do to years later...

My opinion is that you really do need help...I needed help to get out of that pit to start seeing things differently.

Posting on this forum is a good first step, that means you realize you need help.

You might ask for help from people in your life as well.

Just know that LOTS of people have been where you are and survived to tell the tale and learned how to turn it around and succeed in life.

Hang in there!

[dancer]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

i want change. i need to change myself. but i've tried everything. EVERYTHING. nothing works. that is why i keep coming back, not to complain, but for someone to say something, perhaps, and it will change my life and i will become a new person. I so desperately want things to change . i don't want to hate myself every minute of every day like i do....and feel like i'm not even good enough to be looked at , or anything. i hate feeling like crap...and yet i can't change...that IS the problem.

i fantasize...CONSTANTLY...about how sucessful i wish i was in all my areas of life...and i come back to reality..and it sucks, and i want to just run away or sleep all day....not sure what else there is left to try to change.

Hi Lightcandle,

I am sorry you feel so stuck.

It is positive you are fantasizing about what you would like your life to become, however it will require more than just thinking about it. Get out of your head. Take action.

What action can you take? What do you enjoy doing? What are you good at? Seek a mentor, someone successful, someone whom you admire. Is there someone here on the forums?

Take a stroll/hike/walk in the woods and observe, without thinking. Watch the sunrise or the sunset, without thinking. Listen to music that moves and inspires you. Dance. Is there someone in your life whom you could help? Why not help them? Try out a sport. Do art.

At some time, many of us get stuck. Other people can support you, but they are not responsible for your life or what you make of it. That's your job and telling yourself you can't, is a cop out. Stop copping out and take responsibility.

Life really is what you think it is and you have all the power to change it. I believe in you.

Love
Dancer

[Plays With Life]

Do you know anything you can do to make yourself feel good? Or do you not have anything?

[brendannz]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

i want change. i need to change myself. but i've tried everything. EVERYTHING. nothing works. that is why i keep coming back, not to complain, but for someone to say something, perhaps, and it will change my life and i will become a new person. I so desperately want things to change . i don't want to hate myself every minute of every day like i do....and feel like i'm not even good enough to be looked at , or anything. i hate feeling like crap...and yet i can't change...that IS the problem.

i fantasize...CONSTANTLY...about how sucessful i wish i was in all my areas of life...and i come back to reality..and it sucks, and i want to just run away or sleep all day....not sure what else there is left to try to change.

Maybe you need to start loving yourself. Only you can live your life

[Indiana]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

i want change. i need to change myself. but i've tried everything. EVERYTHING. nothing works. that is why i keep coming back, not to complain, but for someone to say something, perhaps, and it will change my life and i will become a new person. I so desperately want things to change . i don't want to hate myself every minute of every day like i do....and feel like i'm not even good enough to be looked at , or anything. i hate feeling like crap...and yet i can't change...that IS the problem.

i fantasize...CONSTANTLY...about how sucessful i wish i was in all my areas of life...and i come back to reality..and it sucks, and i want to just run away or sleep all day....not sure what else there is left to try to change.

This reminds me of something that F Scott Fitzgerald wrote once in an essay about alcoholism and depression. He writes that people under the spell of either alcohol or depression (like it sounds like you are) exist in a kind of dream, waking occasionally to deal with necessities that life throws at them and then retreating to the dream, hoping that some "material or spiritual bonanza" will arrive to save them.

Whether you're hoping for a lottery win to pay your debts or a moment of spiritual revelation to solve your problems, you have to realise that although these things do happen sometimes to people - and often to people who don't even need them in the first place - they are like lightning strikes and you can't rely on them to hit you.

'Things' won't change no matter how desperately you want them to; you'll change things when you make a decision to do so. YOU make change happen. That's all.

You have talked about your problems vaguely; can you be bold enough to name them and start to look for specific answers? Saying you've tried 'everything' just means you've tried everything you can think of right now... but at your fingertips you have a huge community of people who might be able to think of any number of things you haven't tried yet.

[I PLAY COMPUTER GAMES]

Welcome to my world light the candle. Here's yer membership card and now Frederico the Groundskeeper will give you a tour of the facilities

[ttt]

I have an idea for a thing to try Emotions Influence the Posture (read the whole text) I have also read in a book that if you stand upright and keep a forced smile on your face for a couple of minutes, the smile becomes genuine and then positive thoughts start going through your mind. I have tried it several times and i it worked, except when i didn't manage to smile all the time. If you try this please tell me how it worked Also i can't imagine a person walking around with a great posture all the time and leading a miserable life... it seems impossible one more link: Get Happy with Good Posture :: Oceanic Time Warner Cable's AroundHawaii.com

[Karlil]

If you cant change, then don't. that is not what you need anyway.

Instead, try goals.

Get a clear defined goal and a plan. Then all you need is lots of actions.

If there is anything wrong with you, its that you let your emotions make all your choices for you. Also, you have been hitting the wrong bush.

What bush you ask?

It is the "you are not in control bush"

Try focus on things you can control instead.

How long you plan for your misery to persist btw? Sooner or later you would need to wake up, why not now?

Its hard only because you think its hard. it wont work only because you believe it wont work. think about it

[this is fun]

Originally Posted by lightthecandle

for someone to say something, perhaps, and it will change my life and i will become a new person.

What someone says can only nudge you to take some steps, but you have to keep working at it and find your inner motivation. If you expect to just wake up one morning and become a new person, well then I'd like to be a new person every day Although there's some truth in that, every day you change

I see you are going through a rough period, and many have given you excellent pieces of advice, choose one and do it. take the first steps.

What I'm about to say may go against that 'what you resist persist' and you attract more of it but anyway, in my student days I was also going through a similar period, hurting and wanting and trying to change, a vicious circle. And then I said to myself, okay I give up, I'll just wallow in it, I'll exaggerate it, and every single problem I would blow out of proportion, make it seem worse than I really thought it was. I kept doing that for two weeks. After a while it just felt ridiculous and I got bored with feeling like that. Then I slowly started to take baby steps and change.
Just do something.

[pushbutton]

I'm pretty sure most people feel that way at some point in their life, but maybe a healthier way to look at it is that it's not YOU that's a screw up, nor is it necessarily any other particular person in your life (although it might be of course), but it's LIFE itself that can sometimes be screwed up.

However if you decide that you personally are NOT a screw up, then you are in a much better position to deal with the **** that life throws at you in a much more positive way and make the best of things.

Unfortunately only YOU can decide that.