having fun- without alcohol...

[loveandfear]

I've just finished university and i've realised how totally dependent i am on alcohol in my social life, in that my only if not main way of having fun is from going out and getting drunk with my friends. I've realised reading a lot of material on this site that of course those 'friendships' i have are more to do with drinking alcohol and i fear these 'friends' are rather drinking partners... and now im looking to embark on a new life where i dont involve alcohol in my social life.....but its incredibly scary and already just into the first day just chatting to 'friends' im realising avoiding alcohol or drunken situations is going to be so hard.....and i dont have many social activites to do that dont involve getting drunk....

basically ive got to rediscover how to have fun without booze....

do people have ideas...

much love.

[CoolBee]

If you want a 'hand' to get over the first few months - tell them you're on some sort of meds that you can't mix with alchohol, or offer to be the car driver if you have a car and use one to get around - make out it's necessity not desire to quit that's driving you.

Depending who you are with, and depending on your usual tipple, maybe get an alcohol-free beer or wine, or get orange juice and say its vodka and orange. Just to get you through. Of course, this means when others are buying you drinks you need to be very careful - so either you have to get more rounds in and make sure when it's not your round you make some excuse for a non-alcoholic drink - or make some excuse altogether as to could you please be allowed just to get your own drinks all night - maybe you're a bit short of cash or whatever - as you don't want your friends to be obliged to buy you drinks.

Be warned that more people than you realise will take it as a PERSONAL INSULT if you don't want to drink alcohol. Been there, done that.

I cut down a lot in my 30s, then about 4-5 years ago was forced to give up completely because I developed a serious allergy to it and the tiniest teaspoon would make me very unwell.

There are things you may discover if you are working - those who don't attend the Thursday night or Friday night binge drinking sessions in Corporate Britain and are not of some obvious religious group who don't drink are deemed 'not team players' and this attitude will pervade a lot of your dealings.

Living here in Cairo helps because while it is allowed to drink alcohol, most people don't, there is no alcohol present at most social functions and you have to go out of your way to buy it - there are a few shops scattered around, but not many.

You will probably find yourself withdrawing from certain people - things that seem hilariously funny when you are drunk are suddenly just boring and peurile when you are the only sober person in the group!

However, you will also find that if the group are having excellent, genuine fun, then you will be right in there with them, and people will assume you've 'had a couple' because you are in the same 'high' emotional frame as the rest of the group.

[StacyT]

loveandfear,
I commend you for recognizing your current situation and having the desire to change it into a healthier one - you've already made the first step!

My personal recommendation is to seek adventure! When I decided that there was more to life than drinking with friends, I started planning adventurous trips: zip-lining in the white mountains, dog sledding in Canada, hiking, etc.

These are activities that are FUN and require you to be SOBER. They also make for better stories than those drunken college nights filled with useless 'drama'.

And remember: it's ok to find new friends who value living life full-out. And maybe some of your friends who currently drink will want to join you on your new adventures.

Best of luck to you!

[aggie]

i drink socially...but i don't consider getting drunk and doing social activities something that can really be done...the getting drunk IS the activity. i think if people cannot differentiate the two...they are binge drinkers or bordering on alcoholism.

you would have to try find a balance and surround yourself with like minded people...trying to keep up the same social group and pretend or lie about what you are drinking seems ridiculous.

if there is no balance possible you may just need to accept that and abstain.

[pjhaggerty]

I view getting drunk as many people's way of releasing themselves from inhibitions. If you are un-selfconscious enough then you can have just as much fun sober as drunk people do drunk. Focus on releasing your insecurities and you won't feel the need to drink to relax

[garentee]

I have been cutting drinking out for a while now..although I am a bit older I have been amazed how supportive even my drinking buddies have been... I find drinking to be a waste of time though I still do enjoy a beer or two on the weekends...You will feel so much better ... I quit for three months this winter and it made me realize how little I actually need it...and want it..

[bluedragon]

When I don't drink regularly, I stop feeling the need to drink. This happens after only 2 days of not drinking. Even if I am with people, it's hard for me to decide to drink, and if I do, I only drink a little. But if I drink constantly, then it just feel wrong not to drink. So maybe after you reduce drinking to only half a drink a day, for example, you may notice that it becomes a lot easier.

I also noticed that some people take it as a personal insult if you don't want to drink. I'd say go ahead and "insult" them. Why would you care if someone is bothered by the fact that you don't want to damage your health?

[Dreamline]

I would suggest clubs and activities that center around being physical. Hiking, camping, rock climbing, travel, biking, hanging at the coffee shop instead of the bar, cooking clubs/classes, going to movies, volunteering, Big Brother/Big Sister.....books clubs.


Jennifer

[Aleksander Krstic]

Originally Posted by StacyT

And remember: it's ok to find new friends who value living life full-out. And maybe some of your friends who currently drink will want to join you on your new adventures.

Best of luck to you!

qft, i first thought I wouldn't have any advice, but this is some really good feedback

[Beuford]

If the only thing that is stopping you is being social, and without that you could personally stop straight away, then I think you should just avoid drinking alcohol in social situations. Your friends may be a little disappointed at first, but they are your friends right? Personally I think it is weird how most people think they have to start drinking alcohol when they are of legal age. But that's just social conditioning, you can just choose to accept it or if you think its a bad thing, refuse it. Remember it is in your control. If my friends forced me to drink, even after I clearly show I don't want to, I would not be too happy, and I'd probably create some distance and only hang out with them when they aren't drinking. Hope this helps at all.

[Inscient]

I gave up alcohol some time ago. I was never a big drinker, I drunk no more than two pints of beer whenever I was at the pub. People look at me like I am nuts whenever I tell them I don't drink.

I have always viewed getting drunk as a form of escapism, in many cases it is masking some other problems.

[andersonx]

There are what I call "Secondary benefits" of drinking alcohol. Although its damaging to the body and stops you from growing in some ways, you still must have had some sort of benefit from it, to have wanted to do it.

Trying to stop drinking will be hard unless you find another way to replace the secondary benefits.

What are the usual secondary benefits?
connecting with people?
Having fun?
Letting go?
Release from inhibitions?
Confidence?
Relaxation?
Connecting with people in a fun way?

Work out what the secondary benefits are, then use your imagination to think of ways to get the secondary benefits without drinking.

I joined a meditation class for relaxation, I do yoga which helps me release the stresses and negative emotions of the week, I go on dinner dates with girls instead of trying to meet people in bars/clubs, I suggest fun non-drinking activities to my buddies like quad biking, going to horse racing, paintballing, I also go to the spa over the weekends for healthy relaxation and cleansing.

I also miss the "wildness" that drunken nights used to yield, so I now get my thrills from very careful gambling in the casino occasionally. I'm a very good poker player, so this actually supplements my income by a few hundred a month.

I also try to insert fulfilling activities into my schedule on friday and saturday (which would usually be drinking nights). So I book myself into helping out at charities, or dinner with my family or suchlike so that I have a good reason to turn down going out drinking with my buddies.

This way its not about quitting alcohol, its about finding a better and more fulfilling way of live, which is a positive goal to work towards.

[loveandfear]

Thankyou so much for all your interesting quotes, since im just still getting used to the forum its great to have all you guys/girls love and support so i appreciate that.

I think my plan of action is as follows, im going to not drink at all for 30 days, depending on how that goes I may extend it to 3 months like you did garantee.

From there im going to seriously consider giving it up alltogether because my problem is that im an all or nothing person, i struggle to find that middle ground, i find moderation in a lot of things hard to achieve, which is frustrating since i truley believe in the saying most things are good moderation. If i had one drink it would cause me to want to have 5 and by that point id be on the spirits and then thats the night gone...

it is completely a social dependency, like you said andersonx, it is all about the apparant positive aspects of alcohol such as relaxing, social lubricator, laughing having fun. But i really like your idea of seeking out new and interesting ways of achieving those feelings without doing those things so thankyou for that inspiration. it is also great in that it would provide excuses to drinking friends for not being able to go out...

im going to make a concerted effort to find like-minded friends who aren't interested in drinking....maybe like some of the people on this forum! people not afraid to talk about interesting things and ideas and to explore experiences and learning, that would be ideal,

i think aggie you are right in a way, that if i am in this position of needing alcohol to maintain and have friendships then it is bordering on a dependency issue and perhaps alcoholism...but i never drink if there aren't people around so i dont know what to make of that...

finally i really like the idea of seeking adventure, more physical activities sound great so i look forward to more of that- cycling at the moment.

thankyou very much,

loveandfear

[FknTmo]

loveandfear,

I used to go out to bars and clubs simply to "pick up women".

I honestly don't like drinking too much, and I generally don't like those environments, besides the fact that they offer a fun social environment.

I eventually decided that I could still be social without the alcohol and drinking.

Its fun to go out and chat up people without drinking. If you start with it, and you do it enough, you'll probably have this revelation: that you "felt drunk" some night, but you're certain that you didn't really drink.

This is you having fun, losing your sense of "I care what people around me see and think" that you get when you're drunk. The only difference is that you're able to do it without dropping your reaction time. e.g. you can have fun and still think and react quickly, too.

Awesomeness.

--Tom

[LOVE4LIFE]

ONE WORD..... MARIJUANA! haha

[blossom]

This is a great post, and I've found it supportive even though I don't really drink. I live in a town where EVERYONE gets wasted regularly, and that's the norm, and if you don't follow the "consensus reality"then you are deemed 'boring'...so , I think that you can expect that your drinking buddies will not be too happy about your decision, as you are no longer validating their lifestyle and lack of health and all the oppinions and attitudes that surrounds being a social drinker in society, and the esteem it grants you in the eyes of others...but I think you will also start to notice, the more you do hang out with your buddies and NOT drink, how incredibly NOT interesting they all are, though they claim the ones who don't drink are the boring ones.
After having taken drugs and alcohol for a few years, and losing my desire for all of it and working towards better health and more energy, I really found 'reality'to be the biggest trip of them all...and so , as someone else said, if you enter it with an attitude of it being a new adventure in itself...you will naturally move away from all these other people who may or may not follow suit at some point, and find people who fit in with your new reality.
I personally LOVE mountain bike riding, and it gives me a true adrenaline rush without costing me a cent (though I do need ambulance cover, just in case...which costs!) I will let myself have a cocktail or two once in a while, just to enjoy it, and occasionally ...VERY occasionally get drunk just to remember what it was like back in the day...but it never makes me want to take it up again as a lifestyle. It's a great feeling when you have control over something like that, and it has no control over you!

[David Cain]

Hi loveandfear,

I'm currently on day 5 of a no-drugs month. Recordrustle is actually doing the same thing, the thread is here:

30 Day Trial- No Alcohol

I'm still not sure what it is going to me like socially. My closest friends are real heavy drinkers, and I wonder how much fun I'll have completely sober. I'll let you know what happens.