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01-23-2007, 05:53 AM
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 Smiling naturally I'd like some advice on improving my ability to smile naturally, whenever I want to. I imagine myself spending my day smiling at everyone I meet, regardless of what has happened to me that day. Of course that's an unrealistic expectation of all day every day, but aside from the extreme scenarios I believe such an attitude is possible on most days. In the past year or so my self-confidence and self-esteem has improved to the point where most of the time I consider myself content, and find it much easier to feel happiness than I did in the past. Yet I find it difficult to express my positive frame of mind through even a simple smile, unless something happens to trigger that smile. I find it difficult to, for example, smile when my photo is being taken, or smile at a stranger unless they smile at me first. This creates a challenging situation when I interact with someone and it's obvious that we're both slightly uncomfortable, even if there's no reason for feeling that way. I do what I can to eliminate that discomfort however a simple, honest smile would surely be the most effective. Yet when I meet with friends, and these days even with people I haven't met before, other than possibly a moment or two of discomfort, I'm generally quite free with the smiles. It's just that I don't consciously bring them forth, and I'd like to be able to do so. I've started using my meditation practice to visualise instances when I've naturally smiled, to try to become more consciously of, and familiar with the emotion involved, as well as the physical feelings, but I would like to know if anyone has any other suggestions.      |
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01-23-2007, 11:37 AM
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 Hi Mark! I've done EFT with a guy who had learnt as a child not to smile. He found it easier to smile after we did it (there's more to go with him) We did a simple round on: "even though I leant not to smile"... You could try EFT on: Even though I can't consciously smile, I love and accept myself completely. There's a beginner's guide to EFT on my homepage. joy to you (and smiles) Hazel
__________________ Learn EFT and change your life today! http://www.reallygoodideas.com.au hazelb@reallygoodideas.com.au |
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01-23-2007, 01:25 PM
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| I don't know where you are from so this may not apply to you. Growing up in the states I was taught to smile at all times. You smile when you meet people, you smile for pictures, smile here smile there. If you smile = good, nice girl, If you don't = bad, unfriendly girl. After moving to Switzerland I noticed people don't smile that much. At first, I thought this was because they are colder or more distanced I was used. After a while though, I noticed people are just being honest about how they feel at the moment. Now, after having lived here a while, I don't feel obligated to smile for everything and everyone. Several months ago results of a survey were published where they found the Swiss to be one of the happiest, most content populations on the planet. Anyway, if I look at early pictures of me my mouth was always in a wide smile, but my eyes were basically dead. Now, I am not always smiling (sometimes I do :-), but my eyes are very much alive.
__________________ I love to grow. |
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01-23-2007, 02:35 PM
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| Mark, To a degree it sounds as if you're just not used to smiling, so you don't. You've grown up to not be expressive, which was learning - just not conscious learning. Could you smile a bit more each day? Also self talk will help, "I've a great smile" - try saying that without a smile, even if it's just a cheeky grin  Quote:
Congratulations on building up your self esteem and confidence! Michelle, I know what you mean. I was in Milan last year and saw everyone walking around with their shoulder's back, back straight and head up. You know, the signs of confidence apparently. But wakling is just another learned behaviour, so everyone there walks like that. It was no guarantee that Milanese people were all perfectly confident. Lots of love, Colm
__________________ The quickest and easiest way to succeed is to avoid the quick and easy thing to do. www.colmoreilly.com - True, Lasting, Inner Confidence www.superiorlifestyles.ie - One on One Coaching for Social Confidence |
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01-23-2007, 03:49 PM
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| ISn't smiling supposed to be self-fulfilling as well - the more you smile - the happier you get? anyway Mark Lapierre..... How about an 'nlp' techinique- think of happy times or watch a really funny movie and use some body signal connect the smile with say, touching your thumb and index finger...than imagine 1 or two specific instances in your regular day to day interactions where you'll automatically smile - by triggering it?? just a thought. Colm OReilly:: Probably there's other things people are trying to convey - 'cool' 'sophisticated' people don't smile.. on the other hand.... I remember something abuot portraits & photos and how only until recently did people smile for them - on the timeline of history we might look pretty nutty! |
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01-23-2007, 04:49 PM
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| I rarely smile at random people...that's just nonsense to me. I've tried it and no it doesn't increase my happiness, it doesn't instill some fake confidence in me. I'll smile only if I know you well enough....or the only time I smile is when there's something funny. |
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01-23-2007, 04:59 PM
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The Happiness Project: Smile, smile, smile. As obvious as it seems, studies do show that I’ll be perceived as more friendly if I spend more time with a smile on my face during a conversation (it also helps to have an expressive face, to nod, to lean forward, to have a warm tone). Bob Sutton: Smiling Makes You Happy Smiling Makes You Happy Gretchen over at The Happiness Project had a lovely and thoughtful post yesterday called smile, smile, smile. She ended the post by saying: 'And apart from its effect on my dealings with other people, smiling makes me feel happier. Actions trigger feelings, so by going through the motions of feeling happier, I change my mood. Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”' |
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01-23-2007, 08:53 PM
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| Heya, I find that sometimes the barrier to smiling is that you are afraid to smile alone because you might look stupid or out of place - could that be an issue? To smile I just remember a funny joke, or something I really like and let it shine out! I also remember that I am much more attracted to men that smile - so I try to do the same (it's much easier than dieting!).
__________________ Personal Development at www.ch.aoti.ca |
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01-23-2007, 10:18 PM
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 Steve |
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01-24-2007, 12:49 AM
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A smile can brighten someone's day. And though I wouldn't recommend randomly smiling at everybody on the bus like a creep, what about when you go order a coffee or a sandwich somewhere? Cashiers spend 8 hours a day where their entire world consists of the people who walk up to the counter and interact with them. I make it a point not only to smile, but also to genuinely ask how their day has gone, and listen and respond to whatever conversation that sparks. Not only does it brighten their day, but you usually get better service, too. Why? Because you're treating them like a human being, not like an extension of the register. A smile can say thank you. A smile can say I'm sorry. A smile can say you're happy. A smile can say that you're in a good mood and you're not about to bite someone's head off. It's an extremely valuable tool. Of course, a smile can also mean that you're confused, or even unhappy. But that's a different topic. One thing I've noticed is that people who are self-conscious about their teeth sometimes don't smile, or do that closed-lipped smile that looks really forced. If that's something that you feel as well, maybe it would be worthwhile to go to the store and get those tooth-brightening strips like Crest White Strips, or even look into braces (they have invisible ones now). I love smiling because people have told me it's one of my more attractive features. That's something that makes me smile -- both because I get embarrassed, and because I start to believe them and start to feel attractive when I smile. I smile a lot. Maybe it would help to look in a mirror and make goofy faces at yourself. Once you see a genuine smile on yourself, you'll want to keep it on hand because it's an attractive accessory!On a similar note, I also use exclamation points a lot when I'm writing e-mails and forum posts! It's like a non-graphical smiley that apparently makes me sound "bubbly." On a non-similar note... I found my first wrinkles today (I'm 24). They're smile lines! Now to go get a better moisturizer...
__________________ ~ Elaine. |
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01-24-2007, 01:00 AM
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| I just had a wacky idea. You could get a part-time job where smiling is part of the job description. i.e., As a barista or waiter, where your tips depend on how friendly you are. That way, you not only get lots of practice, you also get tangible feedback on how successful you've been! If food service isn't appealing, I'm sure there are other things you could try. Jobs that you get commission for. Or, tips and commission aside, other jobs practically require a smile, like mall photographers -- they have to be friendly and smile to get the kids being photographed to smile. Or what if you took a comedy or improv class? (Though part of being funny is NOT laughing when funny stuff is happening, it would still prime you for finding comedy in everyday situations.) You could even volunteer as a hospital clown. I don't know if that helps, but they always say that total immersion is a great way to learn a new language. And smiling is a big part of communication.
__________________ ~ Elaine. |
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01-24-2007, 01:18 AM
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01-24-2007, 02:42 AM
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| Thanks for all your advice folks Hazel: I'll give that a shot. Though I'm curious; could the phrase spoken be worded in a way that's agreeable with the Law of Attraction? Michelle: I wasn't taught to smile, nor not to smile, it's just the result of my environment. I don't believe Australian culture teaches people to smile or not, though we do foster an attitude which encourages smiling without obligation. And I agree about smiling with your eyes; that's what I think of as a natural smile. Colm: Nail, head, hit. More than being used to not smiling, as indestructible and Elaine mentioned below, I used to feel self-conscious when I smiled (significant underbite, braces) so I'd try to stop myself from smiling. I stopped doing that around 5 years ago, but it seems the inhibition still lingers slightly. As for benefiting from the belief, the benefit lies in not setting myself up for failure due to unrealistic expectations. If I set the goal post too far in the distance, I'll be dissuaded from working towards it. However as you said, smiling a bit more each day is achievable, and as I'm able to do that more often, I can move that goal post steadily to eventually reach what now seems unrealistic. Dor: Right, tying a physical trigger to a memory linked to an emotion? That sounds like it could easily be added to something else I'm already doing, so sure, I'll see if it helps. Thanks. LifeFirst: Why is it nonsense? And why would you want to instill 'fake' confidence? If smiling doesn't increase your happiness could it be because your attitude towards smiling is one which places limits on smiling? indestructible: That used to be an issue, and is undoubtedly one of the remaining subconscious issues. Heh, and cute girls who smile make me melt  Stevie B & StarFish: Do you have any advice on how to get those triggers to work repeatedly? Some of the previous suggestions will no doubt help with that, but as it stands I smile naturally in response to a thought only if that thought comes to me unprompted. If I actively try to remember something that previously made me smile, it doesn't work... Elaine: Spot on. My jaw now looks fine, and my braces are gone, but somewhere the imprint remains. I try to interact with service people in a friendly manner and soon I'll be initiating that with a smile. Hehehe, I could volunteer as a hospital clown. I'm already working in one anyway (but I'm not going too. Scary!  ). Great ideas, and they sure would be "jumping in the deep end" for me. I'll start with smiling while I'm giving a speech when I join Toastmasters.Angela: Ha! Isn't it amazing how different cultures treat something so universal so differently? Thankfully in Australia the worst I'm likely to get is someone thinking I'm hitting on them (and that may just be exactly what I want them to think)  |
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01-24-2007, 08:16 AM
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| Walking on streets, I quite often "stumble" on a funny thought and start smiling on my own. And I always try to stop it because I think other people don't really like it and think I'm goofy(well, I am anyway so it shouldn't matter so much : )I don't wear a ear-to-ear grin but just a little "you're welcome" smile, trying to stay in borders of good taste/cultural difference. Actually I started being more smiley only lately. I read eveywhere that kids are entusiastic and fun, can't say the same about me, I was very serious kid.  Being fun even wasn't that hard but being genuinely entusiastic(or more showing it out) was a big thing for me. Not many "wow"s or "yay"s or "woohooo"s from me, and most of them were forced anyway...Quote:
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01-24-2007, 08:21 AM
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01-24-2007, 08:31 AM
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| A smile is universally understood language. No matter where you go, or whatever the language people of that place speak, everyone in all countries and cultures understands and responds to a Smile. If you happen to visit a country like Russia, and run into people who don't speak English (or your native language), what you'll do? You could always first smile and create a connection with the other person. When we are walking down the lane, and see a stranger, a smile can cause them to feel better-about us, our world, our day. A smile is infectious. Positive. And it makes people curious in many ways. Last but not least... a smile is Attractive if you use it openly and often. Mann:-)
__________________ M a n n Money is Energy! Last edited by Mann : 01-24-2007 at 08:33 AM. Reason: added my smile! |
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01-24-2007, 11:48 AM
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| Hey Mark, You could try EFT with the LoA type statement, EFT works on problems, but can intensify the effect of affirmations. You could definitely do it on the lingering embarrrassment of having braces (I remember when I had braces it sometimes hurt if I smiled too quickly!). Usually my theory on EFT and LoA is that you use EFT to get rid of the blocks to the intention. The tail enders on an affirmation. So it works well on problems. But i have tried it on positive statements with no ill effects. Give me a call if you want to try it with a friend! Joy to you Hazel
__________________ Learn EFT and change your life today! http://www.reallygoodideas.com.au hazelb@reallygoodideas.com.au |
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01-24-2007, 01:56 PM
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| The only way to your dilemma is to practice, practice until smiling comes naturally. Yes, emotions do play a major role in it, but just practicing makes it much easier to do. Looking into a mirror is a good starting point. Just smile at yourself in the mirror a few times a day - it might be ridiculous, but you'll get used to smiling and it'll come naturally. Another (bolder) option, is smiling at other people. Most people respond to a smile with a smile. The pleasant response will encourage you to smile more and before you know it, you're a natural smiler. I know, it worked for me. There was a time in my life that I didn't smile much now I smile all the time...in fact I'm smiling right now. |
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01-24-2007, 03:11 PM
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| I don't think is any way to smile 100% naturally unless you really are happy. A perceptive person will easily detect forced smiles. Its written everywhere in the body language. This is where the awkwardness comes from. I personally hate forcing smiles and all the pictures of me doing it end up looking terrible. People are constantly trying to put up facades and present themselves in a favorable way. I'm inclined to admire people show their genuine emotions, even if it means not being constantly cheery.
__________________ Pick the Brain An Analytical Approach to Self Improvement www.pickthebrain.com If you love Steve's blog, I think you'll love mine too. I have a different style, but we both share a passion for honest, intelligent writing and continuous improvement. Take a minute to check it out! |
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01-24-2007, 03:24 PM
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Steve |
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01-24-2007, 08:40 PM
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| Angela, thanks for the cultural aspect! I've only ever spent extended time in Japan, and having the typical tall, blonde, blue-eyed Dutch physique, people expected me to be weird anyway, since I was so obviously foreign. Although on a side note, I recall that if you went to a Japanese McDonald's, they used to have "Smile" on the menu for 0 yen. I wonder if they still do that? I noticed that Japanese folks tend to smile a lot when they're confused or uncomfortable, too.Mark, I had another crazy idea for you! I read in one of the links posted here that as much as saying the letter "E" over and over can induce the well-being of a smile. Why don't you start ending sentences with the "E" sound and adding a smile? Example: Oh really? I see! Don't you just love cheese? Or, since you work in a hospital: You sure recovered quickly! Don't forget to take your vitamin B! LOL. Re: Toastmasters -- I wasn't aware you were a member! I was thinking about suggesting doing a humorous speech, and asking for feedback on how friendly your speech is, specifically with facial expressions and smiling.
__________________ ~ Elaine. |