Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums

WordKeeper · 06-07-2009, 04:36 PM

The past two days brought some of my struggles and my here-to-fore unconscious responses to the light.

Yesterday I took my young son to camp where he will be for three weeks. He is an only child whose father died when he was an infant consequently we have a very close relationship. This is the longest we have even been apart.

In preparing for his departure I found myself stymied in the preparation. I got stuck and could not move forward. The basic task of preparing his clothes and gathering camping gear was difficult to get underway. It actually was not because I will miss him - which I will - but it goes back to a much older and more pervasive childhood issue/wounding, a constand, relentless criticism that was greatly exaggerated around travel - a voice that unconsciously guides much of my actions, inactions, and reactions. In fact it is the reactions where most of the poison does its damage.

The voices that once were external have become totally internalized but they are silent, repressed into the unconscious only occassionally emerging into the subconscious where I see and hear my fathers voice full of criticisms, scolding and recriminations.

Thursday night as the silent voices rendered me stuck - unable to collect the clothes, pull out the truck, gather the gear - I finally was able to clear a space and recognize what was holding me back, to name it as voices, not my own and to talk back to those voices, renouncing their message. BUT the most significant AND most difficult was to address those voices with compassion and strength rather than as a victim. And that in a nutshell is the key - to move out of a victim, powerless, voiceless response.

It is surprisingly difficult. It ought to be easy and once done easy to continue - it is not.

On Saturday - another opportunity to develop emotional mastery presented itself. We arrived at the camp 5 1/2 hours away. There are several boys from our home town there. As I was checking my son in I walked past one family from our town and the father spoke but the mother turned away. I didn't think anything of it until a little later when I went to my son's cabin and asked if there were any other boys from our town in his cabin. The counselor said there had been but his parents had moved him to the cabin next door. It was the family whose mother had turned her head.

I found myself beside her one more time and turned to speak. Again she turned away. Against the 2nd agreement of Toltec wisdom as itterated by Don Miguel Ruiz, I took offense. But I spent considerable time releasing that offense and imaging that mother as cloaked in love and imminating a loving aura. When I do this I feel a sense of enlargement of my own heart. It is a powerful and fulfilling feeling. Unfortunately it does not take permenant hold but is a pocess that must be oft repeated - even today. But it is a powerful process that will pull me through to a place where I will flourish. It is a process that I can apply to my long list of resentments and hurt feelings that have amassed over the years. It gives me hope.

Holistic Star · 06-07-2009, 09:20 PM

Hey Wordkeeper,

It's not easy, is it, when we feel hurt and upset. Whether those hurts are from long ago in the past, or very recent. I see you working so hard on your personal development, in releasing and understanding your emotions.

I know what you mean about it being ongoing. You think you've got it all, them some pesky little aspect pops up to challenge you! But problems are what make us grow. When someone has hurt me, the last thing I want to do is send them love! But it does feel better when you do, doesn't it!

I'm pleased you have hope. There's always hope.

WordKeeper · 06-07-2009, 09:40 PM

Holistic Star - thank you verymuch for your post. I dug deep to work on this and I dug deep to post it. It made a real difference to connect with someone about this - Thank you.

Holistic Star · 06-07-2009, 10:50 PM

My pleasure

I love how these boards allow us to connect with each other even from the other side of the world.

Sending you lots of love.

ChrisN · 06-07-2009, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

My pleasure

I love how these boards allow us to connect with each other even from the other side of the world.

Sending you lots of love.

yay

True though, im in australia connecting with people in the us, uk, etc.

WordKeeper · 06-08-2009, 01:21 AM

And - you - Chris N - connect so well through you wonderfully elevated energy and balanced being. You add to everything you touch.

06-07-2009, 04:36 PM	#1 (permalink)
WordKeeper Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 814	Mastering my Emotions The past two days brought some of my struggles and my here-to-fore unconscious responses to the light. Yesterday I took my young son to camp where he will be for three weeks. He is an only child whose father died when he was an infant consequently we have a very close relationship. This is the longest we have even been apart. In preparing for his departure I found myself stymied in the preparation. I got stuck and could not move forward. The basic task of preparing his clothes and gathering camping gear was difficult to get underway. It actually was not because I will miss him - which I will - but it goes back to a much older and more pervasive childhood issue/wounding, a constand, relentless criticism that was greatly exaggerated around travel - a voice that unconsciously guides much of my actions, inactions, and reactions. In fact it is the reactions where most of the poison does its damage. The voices that once were external have become totally internalized but they are silent, repressed into the unconscious only occassionally emerging into the subconscious where I see and hear my fathers voice full of criticisms, scolding and recriminations. Thursday night as the silent voices rendered me stuck - unable to collect the clothes, pull out the truck, gather the gear - I finally was able to clear a space and recognize what was holding me back, to name it as voices, not my own and to talk back to those voices, renouncing their message. BUT the most significant AND most difficult was to address those voices with compassion and strength rather than as a victim. And that in a nutshell is the key - to move out of a victim, powerless, voiceless response. It is surprisingly difficult. It ought to be easy and once done easy to continue - it is not. On Saturday - another opportunity to develop emotional mastery presented itself. We arrived at the camp 5 1/2 hours away. There are several boys from our home town there. As I was checking my son in I walked past one family from our town and the father spoke but the mother turned away. I didn't think anything of it until a little later when I went to my son's cabin and asked if there were any other boys from our town in his cabin. The counselor said there had been but his parents had moved him to the cabin next door. It was the family whose mother had turned her head. I found myself beside her one more time and turned to speak. Again she turned away. Against the 2nd agreement of Toltec wisdom as itterated by Don Miguel Ruiz, I took offense. But I spent considerable time releasing that offense and imaging that mother as cloaked in love and imminating a loving aura. When I do this I feel a sense of enlargement of my own heart. It is a powerful and fulfilling feeling. Unfortunately it does not take permenant hold but is a pocess that must be oft repeated - even today. But it is a powerful process that will pull me through to a place where I will flourish. It is a process that I can apply to my long list of resentments and hurt feelings that have amassed over the years. It gives me hope.

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06-07-2009, 09:20 PM	#2 (permalink)
Holistic Star Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,611	Hey Wordkeeper, It's not easy, is it, when we feel hurt and upset. Whether those hurts are from long ago in the past, or very recent. I see you working so hard on your personal development, in releasing and understanding your emotions. I know what you mean about it being ongoing. You think you've got it all, them some pesky little aspect pops up to challenge you! But problems are what make us grow. When someone has hurt me, the last thing I want to do is send them love! But it does feel better when you do, doesn't it! I'm pleased you have hope. There's always hope.

06-07-2009, 09:40 PM	#3 (permalink)
WordKeeper Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 814	Holistic Star - thank you verymuch for your post. I dug deep to work on this and I dug deep to post it. It made a real difference to connect with someone about this - Thank you.

06-07-2009, 10:50 PM	#4 (permalink)
Holistic Star Family Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,611	My pleasure I love how these boards allow us to connect with each other even from the other side of the world. Sending you lots of love.

06-08-2009, 01:21 AM	#6 (permalink)
WordKeeper Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 814	And - you - Chris N - connect so well through you wonderfully elevated energy and balanced being. You add to everything you touch.

Personal Development for Smart PeopleTM Forums

Personal Development for Smart People^TM Forums