Negativity defines me

[Intothedreaming]

I feel naturally inclined to always focus on the negatives, like it is who I truly am. It doesn't feel like a lie, instead it adds a strange sense of fullness to my life.

There is a forum that has a thread titled "Pessimistic Passage of the day" that I look forward to reading because I feel intrinsically connected to ideas of dread and bleakness. When I come across a negative, self-defeating quote or statement, I always feel more inclined to read it and ponder it. When faced with a positive comment, I usually avoid it and pass it off as "cheesy" or unhelpful and find it hard to trust those "happier" words.

Something of note is that I've been diagnosed with depression, among a few other things, and cannot remember a time I have not felt a natural
inclination to negativity and distrust. Any idea how to get out of this, how to not feel defined by my depression and negativity?

[Holistic Star]

This might sound flippant, but it's a very important question:

Do you want to change?

[Plato]

Imagine a version of you in a parallel reality who is defined by positivity.

What does this person look like? What do they do? How do they sound?
How do they hold themselves? How do they breathe?

Feel your own breathing getting slower
and deeper, and more relaxed.

And begin writing a list of all the great things about the YOU in the parallel reality.

Stand up and jump around and say YES like you f*cking mean it. Keep doing it until you begin to believe it. What you say enough you'll eventually believe.

[Otenka]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

This might sound flippant, but it's a very important question:

Do you want to change?

That's a very important question indeed. If you somehow can feel good by reading something that boasts negativism and if you are very ceptical regarding cheesy and happy messages (I for one kinda feels the same thing but not at all throughly) I can offer two ways of helping yourself:

Do you want to change? I mean.. REALLY? Why not accepting yourself as who you are, hapiness can be found in strange roads, maybe even counter-intuitive. And maybe it's in accepting who you really are that you might not feel so depressed after all. If you spend energy fighting yourself, it's only natural if you feel drained.

If you feel happy messages, cheesy, unhelpfull, and hard to trust, why not spend the next couple of days forcing yourself to analysize in those same lens those negative messages you look forward for reading. I've heard some cynical views that just makes me go "AWW C'MON, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE OVERREATING" (or underreating or under-valueing...) or something like that. Some pessismitic messages I've read are pretty cheesy, in my opinion of course, too.

My approach is in accepting who you are and taking advantage in the things you do best to help yourself. (In this case, analysing in a critical and skeptical perspective what you read)

Just because some (popular) ways to be happy look very bright and colourfull doesn't mean EVERY HUMAN BEING has to see things in that perspective in order to achieve personal hapinness. Although if you chose a different path it's only fair to develop a sense of open-mindness and respect for other people's (bright happy happy) way to be happy.

[WordKeeper]

There was a time that I could have written part of your post. Most of my life the negative definitely felt "natural" for me. But I was determined to push out of that. There are times that I still find myself drawn to the negative like a moth to the fire and it feels good to get down and dirty in the gossipy negative talk or the bite back action after a slight but all of that works against me and I know that.

I chose to consciously work against the negative. I refuse to stay in that place even when I luxuriate in a moment of deep muck. I make a personal effort to move out and the biggest surprise to me - it is very, very difficult. I won't give up. The rewards are worth it.

[nhaasch]

Imagine a version of you in a parallel reality who is defined by positivity.

Beautiful Plato. That is the best advice I would give too. Behold the power of imagination.

[newsbone]

Originally Posted by nhaasch

Beautiful Plato. That is the best advice I would give too. Behold the power of imagination.

I may add ' Behold the power of positive imagination'

[Intothedreaming]

Originally Posted by WordKeeper

I chose to consciously work against the negative. I refuse to stay in that place even when I luxuriate in a moment of deep muck. I make a personal effort to move out and the biggest surprise to me - it is very, very difficult. I won't give up. The rewards are worth it.

I am happy to say that I am doing just that. I am pushing forward and trying to dig myself out of this way of thinking. I want to change, and will spend my lifetime doing so if it takes that long, because I realize I will never feel fully alive if I don't shed this skin.

I recently picked up "The Power of Now", have been listening to Steve's Podcasts, and have been running headlong into the area of personal development.

I suppose I just wanted to know if anyone else has ever felt the same, and had any advice.

Thanks, everyone, for the replies.

[themaster]

Originally Posted by Plato

Imagine a version of you in a parallel reality who is defined by positivity.

What does this person look like? What do they do? How do they sound?
How do they hold themselves? How do they breathe?

Feel your own breathing getting slower
and deeper, and more relaxed.

And begin writing a list of all the great things about the YOU in the parallel reality.

Stand up and jump around and say YES like you f*cking mean it. Keep doing it until you begin to believe it. What you say enough you'll eventually believe.

Absolutely f*cking ridiculous and true all at the same time

I love it, Bravo..

[Plato]

Originally Posted by Intothedreaming

I want to change, and will spend my lifetime doing so if it takes that long, because I realize I will never feel fully alive if I don't shed this skin.

Change is lifelong, of course. But becoming positive is EASY.

It takes 30 seconds AT MOST.

It's a simple thing, but probably the single most important life skill there is !!!

How much money do you think you've missed out on from not being in a peak state on a daily basis?

How many relationships have fallen apart or not even happened because you didn't bother to put yourself into a strong, positive state?

How much emotional pain have you put yourself through for no good reason??!!!

Stop tolerating these negative emotional states!!

It's easy!

3 STEPS:

1) Ask the right questions:

Your mind is like a search engine. Enter a search term and YOU WILL GET ANSWERS. The questions you ask determine what you think about, so take care to ask the right ones!

- How can I make the most of today?
- If I was grateful about something in my life, what would that be?
- What makes me feel good?
- What can I do right now to make my world a better place?
- What is the best thing about me?

When you're meeting somebody new, you could try:

- What is the most important thing to this person?
- How great a friendship could we form over the next 5 years?
- I wonder what this girl will sound like when she orgasms (a personal favourite -- don't worry about it)
- How can I make this conversation fun and entertaining, and make everybody here feel good and involved?

Do NOT ask

- What's wrong with me?
- Why do things like this always happen to me?
- Gees, why can't I do this?
- Is it really worth making the effort?
- Can I really be bothered?

If you ask these questions you will get answers and you won't like it one bit!! You already know that though.

Eckhart Tolle himself couldn't ask those negative questions without feeling horrible!!


2) Change Your Physiology

Your body leads your emotions. Smile like you mean it, and you will begin to feel happy. Get your chin up, breath deeply, and hold yourself with power and you will feel powerful. Jump around and shout YES!!! and you will be filled with energy.

It sounds dumb but try it. Do you watch sports? Look at the routines the athletes go through to get themselves into a peak state. They jump around, they get motivated, they clap their hands... they spit all over the place if it's baseball. It gets them focused and positive and in state.

Most important: remember to breathe. It's the single most important thing to do.

3) Have Compelling Reasons to Take Action

Take time to come up with really really really compelling reasons for why you want to take action. You cannot do too much of this one.

You must have good reasons, and you must refresh them regularly, otherwise you will stagnate. Like you are right now!

And what better motivation to feel good on purpose than to avoid feeling the way you have been. Good God, are you really going to put up with feeling crappy when you don't have to? C'mon. Pull yourself together.

ACTION STEPS

Print out a list of questions that produce the kind of answers you want to think about, and read them when you wake up in the morning. It's not that hard. Get in the habit of starting the day with positivity.

Then do your physiology. Get yourself into an action state.

Then go over your goals and motivation for achieving what you want.

You will feel amazing.

[Plato]

Originally Posted by themaster

Absolutely f*cking ridiculous and true all at the same time

I love it, Bravo..

Feel ridiculous... but a bit like God too. Fair trade, eh masterful one!

[Intothedreaming]

Originally Posted by Plato

Print out a list of questions that produce the kind of answers you want to think about, and read them when you wake up in the morning. It's not that hard. Get in the habit of starting the day with positivity.

Then do your physiology. Get yourself into an action state.

Then go over your goals and motivation for achieving what you want.

You will feel amazing.

Wow, thank you for the wealth of advice. I will definitely re-read your post a few times and work out a plan of action.

[cinnabar]

Smile like you mean it, and you will begin to feel happy. Get your chin up, breath deeply, and hold yourself with power and you will feel powerful. Jump around and shout YES!!! and you will be filled with energy.

I did this, just now, and immediately burst into song... shaking my hips, throwing my hands in the air, to "I feel good" by James Brown!

Incredible advice here, Plato!

[Simcha]

WOW - what a storehouse of great info in this thread - how awesome..

The only thing I wanted to add is a recommendation for Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth". He has a description of the Pain Body that I think you may find really interesting and may be able to relate to.

I know that I can

[MartinP]

Just to follow up on Simcha's point about New Earth. I agree. It is hard for me to admit, but when I am feeling low, and sorry for myself, there is a part of me that really enjoys it. There is also a part of me that thinks, by feeling down that I will get what I want.

Its perverse and incorrect, but its there nonetheless