suffering from burn-out... but trapped

[funchy]

Has anyone here suffered from burn-out?

This is long, so I apologize in advance for writing a novel. Thanks in advance for letting me share my frustrations with you. I'm also overwhelmed in other aspects of my life with a father sick with cancer, my own health problems, busy with school, and just generally stretched too thin.


You've never met me, but believe me when I say that I am a giving person. I say "yes" too much even when I probably shouldn't. I care about everyone, especially those who cannot help themselves such as kids, elderly, or animals. I give money and time, to the point where I'm sometimes broke myself.

A few years ago my friend and I founded a non-profit which helps animals and animal owners (like a shelter). Things were going pretty well for awhile. I finally found my passion in life, and I was so happy!

BTW, I am not paid anything to do this. It is 100% volunteer based, and on months money is tight, I'd pay bills out of my own pocket.

As time went on, I got a little hurt sometimes but the negativity in people, but I tried not to let it bother me. People LOVE to complain but nobody wanted to lift a finger to help. They wanted the charity to do things their way but they didn't want to take over that job. One lady got halfway through planning a huge fund-raising ball, but then decided it was too much work and just walked away. I got discouraged when people came to me saying they really wanted to help, and then they didn't show up for their volunteer job. It got harder to run events when I started to see a pattern on how unreliable people are. And even worse, then people would complain "why wasn't your charity at such-and-such expo. It would've been such a great place for the animals." Duh. If you had helped, maybe the org could've been there.

Last summer my good friend/co-founder/partner stopped taking her medications. She is severely mentally ill, but she was very functional with meds and regular therapy. As time went on, her behavior became odd. She stopped coming to meetings reliably. She "forgot" to do very important things for the org she promised to do. She started getting more controlling, and she insisted we need a newsletter and only she could do it. She wanted convenient answers for the animals, even if it meant they're likely to end up at dealers, bad auctions, or worse. I said no. By last winter the friction started building up. Rather than tell me she wanted a break, not she was "forgetting" to come to board meeting and we'd call her and she'd "forget" to pick up the phone or check voice mails. Before the winter was over, she and I had it out. Her behavior was bizarre. She wanted to control all the animals, but when I asked how we could do X or how we'd afford X, she said "money isn't my thing, it's yours". The org couldn't do what she kept demanding and she finally quit without notice, and has not spoken to me since.

In the weeks following, one of our other Directors quits without notice. She was good friends with the woman who got mad at everyone, so although she didn't want to "take sides" she never spoke up when person#1 was trash-talking the charity. She also just had a baby, so she was understandably busy.

I've been scrambling to do the work of these two people. The mentally ill one (let's call her MI), had made a boatload of promises to other people in the name of the charity. It wasn't until MI quit, that I realized how deep a hole she dug for us. She signed us up for speaking engagements or to take in animals. People were mad and disappointed at the charity. I had no idea she was doing all these things behind my back.

Then the recession got worse. I lost my own job, so I can't donate. The credit crunch hit, so even with no defaults, the charity's credit line went to 30%. Donations dropped to a trickle. So now we have no funds, a shelter full of animals, I'm down a bunch of people, and the phone won't stop ringing -- "we can't afford to keep our animal. Will you take him?"

Heartbreaking were the owners who treat their animals like objects. "He needs X treated and is probably suffering and I have other expenses, so will you take him?" One was a nasty woman who got a discount on animals from a dealer if she took an abused, neglected, unneutered, difficult male in with the bunch. She did, then promptly called us to take him or pay to have him put down for her. She could afford to do it herself, but she chose not to.

Add to that animal control in my area is having some issues and is under criminal investigation themselves for abuse, shooting peoples' pets in their yards, etc. But AC is the only one who can legally help us get starved or beaten animals away from disinterested owners. And AC can also make our life miserable if they don't like us. All the animal groups in the area keep their distance. Nobody wants to be the next one in the crosshairs.

So I am caring for many animals at my home that do not belong to me. Half of them are here because of promises MI made. My funding is cut and credit line is unaffordable. Volunteers are so flaky. The reliable donors are losing their own jobs, so funding is down to a trickle. We can't even get someone to do our web site.

I can't take a break because nobody else is here to take over returning phone calls or feeding the animals. I haven't had a real vacation in over 3 years.

I know I can't save them all, but this isn't about saving them all. It's about saving a few and doing it right. But I've been disappointed so many times in no-shows, no-calls, and broken promises. Emotionally I can't even consider planning an event because I know it's going to fall apart, and I'll end up working everyone's shift and working to exhaustion. without events we can't do fundraisers.

Add to that the people looking at the animals are often flaky, too. They make appointments and don't show. They try to get us to hold an animal for them, but then they never call back. They don't want to invest the least bit of money and time into the animals. Most also want young and completely problem-free (and of course they want no adoption fee, free delivery, you name it)

I'm also disheartened that the other similar charities in my region not only don't cooperate, some of them are run by people in it for the wrong reasons. One of them is basically a dealer for animals, scaring people into paying marked-up prices or the animal will die by Monday. We can't compete when we have someone like that flooding the market <1 hour's drive away. The "big" charity in my state that does get all the funding is quietly promoting dealers, sports, and other uses for the animals that anyone in their right mind considers cruel. They won't admit to it. The truth is starting to leak out, but it's sad to see donation money going to someone who uses it for their own political lobbying goals, not to help someone in need. I know of a few org admins fixing up their own property with donation money. A few are breeding animals on the side, and some are even breeding their charity's rescued animals to make money. I can't lie, I can't be sneaky.... so I just can't compete with these other "shelters" and "rescues".

Last night I was supposed to take a good friend out for his 40th birthday. Instead, I was picking up one of the org's animals that a local woman was fostering. The animal control guy (remember we have a crazy animal control) had decided he was going to seize everything she owned. I got there and nobody looked to be starving to death, and the one I picked up had actually gained weight. I have nowhere to put the animal, so I guess I keep him here. Nobody else wants this particular animal. Even know our shelter is no-kill he may need to be put down because he's hard to handle (dangerous to most). And I have to be the one to order his destruction and to tell inform her he was put down.

The community wants there to be charities in their area to help them in time of need, but my community apparently does not want to support it.

I can't even take a short break to recharge because right now there is NOBODY to look after the charity and its animals. Other animal charities in my region are all facing the same problem: they're full due to lack of funding and increased demand. I can't even give the animals away if I wanted to. If I have some of them euthanized, it breaks my heart to know they died because absolutely nobody cared.

I got into this job to SAVE animals' lives and make the word a better place, not put animals down. Now I am unemployed, alone in this, and overwhelmed.

Thank you for listening.

[nhaasch]

ooophhf.

My heart goes out to you and your story. I have not had this kind of burn out and I do have sympathy for you and others that are going through it.

For some reason I feel as if advice would be inappropriate. I think it has to do with the clarity of your story.

Blessings. May you find peace.

[drakecatz]

This was stunning to read. The only thing that came to mind is possibly calling Best Friends in Utah and seeing if they have any advice for you. You do sound like a very caring person, but lose the mentally ill person for good. I was married to a bipolar and he is my one true regret in life! They will cause you nothing but trouble!...And if you are burned out, Allow yourself to leave this work if thats what you want to do. You've done more than most of us. Do what makes you happy.

[themaster]

Okay.. let me get the gist of your story..

Once upon a time.. you were happy running a animal shelter.. and now you’re not..

The obvious thing you should have done was quit.. when you were not.. just like many of your co-workers/founders whatever did..

I'm going to ask you questions that is askew with your beliefs.. but I'm going to ask anyway..

Do you care more for your animals then yourself?
If so, why?
Do you not think that nature, the universe has some way of taking care of these animals without you?
And why do you define that these animals NEED you.. in a action way to survive?
And what's wrong with them not surviving??

Your story is the equivalent story to any human on this planet.. throwing up their hands and saying.. I'll take action.. I'll go into politics.. and change the laws to make us safe! In your case it sounds like your learning.. that action has really no result only experience.. and that your heart is NO longer in it.. so why do you continue to insist you do it?? is it not a indicator to you that all these people left.. that you should leave? (I understand that idea of not wanting to be a quitter.. but if you are not happy and I assume your are not then what is the point.. if you are happy then understand that you will be supported and don't give up but understand it's possible to have a false fear based happiness in some cases..)

I have honestly not read your entire statement.. but I can read subtle clues inside your own statement.. you don't want to be doing this anymore.. so stop.. allow yourself to release yourself from your self imposed prison.. and remember to always choose for the SELF first and others second (even animals) your animals will understand!