Stake in the Ground

[straysweeper]

When I was working, I always had a couple of stakes in the ground. I knew when I had to work, and a paycheck would be there every Friday. I also, knew how much of that I could do whatever I wanted to with. So, even while my personal relationships, my physical body, and my spirit weren't all where I wanted them to be. I had something to hold my life together through work.

Another one would have to be the balance between my time to think, and my time of just doing. I had time and place to be by myself. As an natural introvert this is very important. I have also learned of the refueling nature relationships can have on me, as well as the draining aspect, thus leading to the need for more solitude.

Since losing my job over a year ago, and being chaotically assocaited with my brother on and off for the next year. I the web of things I want to change. To find my purpose (I have felt close to it several times, only to be eluded), in life as well as all the other mundane tasks.

Without such stakes in the ground, my desire for the things I want wane. Other peoples demands on me feel more important and yet draining at the same time. I lack the things that reguvenate me, and also judge myself for doing the things that are detractive or destructive.

There are moments between where I feel my mind mostly focusing on what I'm doing wrong, what I 'all' that I see I need to be done to make things better, and the 'release' I feel when I focus elsewhere.

My mind has been circling around purpose, meaning, character, health, value, career, talents, skills, finances, tools, psychology (emotions and thoughts), philosophy and relationships. I notice a difference between what I believe a purpose to be, and the meaning it will give, or that resides in and around it.

I believe Emotional Mastery, Character, and Effectiveness are all combined as much they are extensions of Truth Love and Power. And I'm currently weak in all areas, mostly the desire and willing to think and act for myself. As well as avoiding the pain I feel.

Power is where I need the most work, which which to create a stake in the ground to use as my foundation of life's repair.