My girlfriend might have cancer

[Jowee]

Hi everyone!

I'm 16 years old, not old heh? I know it might be too young to write a blog on self-improvement but anyway... If you get to it you'll be able to read my past and how I got into self-development. I was at a point where I was so confidant in life and myself, I had a lot of projects, a new girlfriend, my life was wonderful, I finally had LAO results and believed in it...until the day she told me her doctor thought she probably have lung cancer.

Now that's a BIG shock, I really can't understand what's happening, I think positive everywhere but I just can't understand where it comes from, why her, what should I think, knowing it's not 100% sure she is sick...did I attract that?

I tried to stay positive and not worry until we know for sure but it's simply too hard, I keep thinking about her possible death and how I would react if the tests were positives. I know it'll bring nothing good to me but I can't hold it! My dream is broken, I don't know what to think of LAO now and I second-guess everything I worked hard to accept...

It'll make one month we're together on the 17th of May, we love each other a lot, even if it's only been a little bit of time...

She takes it bizarrely, sometimes she just doesn't care, she's sure she'll be fine and sometimes she is depressed.

Now I need advice, tips or suggestions to hold a positive mind, I want to be with her if we have to be going thought anything, but not as a depressed boyfriend, I want to make her smile, make her forget it.

Thanks for reading this... I realize my text isn't really coherent but I'm confused.

[ChrisN]

16 isn't too young, I think age has nothing to do with determining the ability to change and assist people. Try to keep your thoughts and your girlfriends thoughts positive and love her no matter what happens, when something hugh like cancer occurs - people need to know the people they love will be there to support them.

Your site has some work to do to get traffic going but I am sure you can make it successful in time, good luck

[Jowee]

Thanks for taking your time, and yeah I know my site is really basic, I didn't start writing.

[ChrisN]

No problems, all sites start out basic.

I would recommend adding rss functions if you haven't and also visiting MyBlogLog.com and registering in different communities. It can help you track visitors and boost traffic.

Good luck

[WordKeeper]

I am so sorry to hear about your girlfriend. Of course it is difficult to stay positive in the face of such a traumatic possibility but I have a suggestion. I hope you get many suggestions so that one or two might strike you as just what you need to help keep focused positively through this very difficult time.

But first I want to suggest that your girlfriends changing response sounds very normal. She is facing the possibility of a difficult illness. Part of her reaction may be a coping skill that allows her to block out the trauma of illness.

While it is difficult to stay positive and when your thoughts go to cancer find a mental activity to occupy your mind and keep it from sliding into the depths. My suggestion is to use your mind positively for her. Use those times when your mind thinks about cancer and its consequences to imagine a healing light in her lungs. Watch it (in your mind's eye) move around providing healing energy through out the lobe. Keep this up until you feel a place of comfort in your heart. You can do this over and over and it will have two positive effects: it will keep you lifted on a higher energy vibration which in turn will help lift her level and it can focus healing in her lungs.

You are so capable. you are moving into an experience that is so difficult for anyone but especially for a person your age who is just on the edge of adult life. You will be able to handle it and you will learn much but the lessons and the experience will not be easy. I hope you find the support and encouragement you need and deserve - for you and your girlfriend.

[Dharma]

Originally Posted by Jowee

Now I need advice, tips or suggestions to hold a positive mind, I want to be with her if we have to be going thought anything, but not as a depressed boyfriend, I want to make her smile, make her forget it.

You need to chill and stay in the moment. Read Stillness Speaks by Tolle. Practice being present with her and with yourself. Fell what you're feeling and stop denying anything with this positive attitude crap. You both expressing how you feel in the moment would be a plus. Expression is a powerful transformational technique. One catch, you gotta be honest with the expression. Pretending to be happy when you feel downright scared = unconsciousness.

[ChrisN]

Originally Posted by Dharma

You need to chill and stay in the moment. Read Stillness Speaks by Tolle. Practice being present with her and with yourself. Fell what you're feeling and stop denying anything with this positive attitude crap. You both expressing how you feel in the moment would be a plus. Expression is a powerful transformational technique. One catch, you gotta be honest with the expression. Pretending to be happy when you feel downright scared = unconsciousness.

Don't forget about the emotions of sadness and grief because they will build up and eventually make you explode... You need to aknowledge them but also make sure you are positive at the same time. Being depressed isn't the key but hiding your sadness isn't a solution either. It may be a good idea to talk to a parent about it, parents are there for a reason you know ^_^

[Holistic Star]

I really feel for you.

My H had a similar experience when he was 18 and his girlfriend was given 6 months to live from a brain tumour. Like Wordkeeper suggested they both used positive visualisation along with the medical treatment to keep their spirits up and stay focused and positive.

The visualisation they used was Pacman (you probaby won't remember this!) going round gobbling up all the tumour cells and getting stronger. They made time to do this for a few minutes twice a day and are both convinced it helped with her recovery.

Make sure that while you are looking after your girlfriend, you also look after yourself. So don't neglect exercise or eating well through worry. Like Chris and Dharma say, be honest about your emotions and talk about how you feel to those close to you. don't bottle it up. In fact you might find it useful to write about what you feel on your blog, what you are learning as a way of expressing your feelings.

[ar81]

Make her laugh as much as you can.

Laughter has an effect, reducing levels in the production of cortisol and adrenaline (stress hormones) and it also helps the production of NK (natural killer) cells from the immune system that attacks cancer cells.

It is what comes out from the research at University of Lomalinda in California. Certainly it must be combined with medical treatment. Make her watch comedies, make her laugh a lot. There is no room for sadness. Her sadness or yours could kill her.

I have seen a friend dying of cancer. Not nice. So if I was you, I would allow no room for grief and sadness, because you have a mission of making laugh.

There was also a book of a woman in US who survived cancer. I will try to find her name.

[ChrisN]

Originally Posted by ar81

Make her laugh as much as you can.

Laughter has an effect, reducing levels in the production of cortisol and adrenaline (stress hormones) and it also helps the production of NK (natural killer) cells from the immune system that attacks cancer cells.

It is what comes out from the research at University of Lomalinda in California. Certainly it must be combined with medical treatment. Make her watch comedies, make her laugh a lot. There is no room for sadness. Her sadness or yours could kill her.

I have seen a friend dying of cancer. Not nice. So if I was you, I would allow no room for grief and sadness, because you have a mission of making laugh.

There was also a book of a woman in US who survived cancer. I will try to find her name.

Parts of this I disagree with unfortunately, your on the right track but not allowing for grief and sadness is not a good idea. You need to share your grief and talk about because holding it in will only make things worse, trust me.

It may even convince your partner your too scared to show your sadness in front of them which could be interpreted badly.

[bluedragon]

Originally Posted by Holistic Star

My H had a similar experience when he was 18 and his girlfriend was given 6 months to live from a brain tumour. Like Wordkeeper suggested they both used positive visualisation along with the medical treatment to keep their spirits up and stay focused and positive.

The visualisation they used was Pacman (you probaby won't remember this!) going round gobbling up all the tumour cells and getting stronger. They made time to do this for a few minutes twice a day and are both convinced it helped with her recovery.

Visualization is very powerful. As is Qigong and other energy healing techniques. One should change all of his negative habits and start living a healthy life in order to overcome a grave illness - diet, meditation, adequate sleep - everything.

Also watch out, for in Chinese medicine, lungs are associated with depression when in poor health and courage and optimism when healthy. Therefore promoting positivity will have the direct positive effect on the lungs - no matter the physical condition.

[marinik]

I lived through 2 cancers and only needed people to understand what I wanted from them. And I wanted to go on and not be in a "patient" philosophy all the time, and just wanted them to listen to what I said and not to their minds going on and on and on..... I hated the looks, the sad gazes and the so called sorrow of the ones left behind when I die! So I ignored them and went on with my business being well and healthy and sure I would win!

Sorry for this coming out like this but this is the one subject I can't be very precise or coherent about.

So my advice is to ask her what she expects from you. And just be IT! Be what she needs you to be. Nothing more nothing less! Love her the way she needs to be loved and not the way you think you should, or someone says you should or what a book says or Hollywood or..... And it is not only now but when she is declared cancer free too! Always love people the way they need you to love them and ask the same for yourself!

Love m

[Holistic Star]

That's a great post Marinik. I didn't know you'd lived through 2 cancers.
I agree with you about asking the gf how she wants to be treated.

I have an ongoing illness (nothing as serious as that and fortunately am getting better). But some days I just want to have a rant about it and other I just want to forget about it and have fun. My H is from the 'no negatives allowed' school, but some days I really do need to acknowledge the negative feelings just for a little while, and then I can go back to being positive. However I don't want to dwell there too long.

So yes cheer her up as much as you can, but do allow her to express how she honestly feels. Some days she will be angry, disappointed, dispondent etc. Acknowledge those feelings if they come up, and gently lead her back to positive focus and using visualisations. Negative emotions if expressed healthly without judgement are a lot better out than bottled up.

[Jowee]

Hello everybody.

First, I want to thank all of you that took some of your time to write a response, I understand I haven't responded to you in the moment and my excuse is I was working a lot on myself and my girlfriend.

Now we're good, I mean, we're still waiting for the results of her medical tests, but our attitude is great. We took a night to talk it out and express what were our feelings and then decided to stay positive... No matter what. After that night we told each other not to talk about cancer anymore until we get news from the doctor.

The big thing that helped me was talking about it with her, and really let everything go, and I mean everything! By doing so I was able to let go of all the negative emotions I had and move forward, make us smile.

See, it helped a lot, we don't even consider her as "a possible victim of cancer", it's just not in our head. And the most important part, we love each other so much... I think this experience just tied us even tighter

Thanks again to everybody, writing about it was of good help!


Ps: If anybody wants to talk about their similar experience, please contact me I'd like to speak with you.

[cheropride]

Ya know I had to go back read that you were 16! Because it so evident that you have alot of wisdom, and so beyond your years, I know many adults that could learn alot from you!!

Keep up the great attitude, and stay positive, I pray the results come back good!

I was watching the Dog Whisper a couple of days ago, and on there they had a girl that was 17 and just got over cancer and was in remission. She said that really struck me, she said that as crazy as it may sound, cancer had made her a very positive person... very strong statement for such a young lady... She accredited her positive attitude for helping over come her cancer... And her outlook on life in general is something very special indeed!

So either way stay positive, and I think it is great that your girlfriend has man (yes I say a man - cuz you walk the walk of a true man!) like you... You will be such a blessing to her, she to you!!!

God Bless you both! And again, I pray for a great outcome!

[ChrisN]

Originally Posted by cheropride

Ya know I had to go back read that you were 16! Because it so evident that you have alot of wisdom, and so beyond your years, I know many adults that could learn alot from you!!

Keep up the great attitude, and stay positive, I pray the results come back good!

God Bless you both! And again, I pray for a great outcome!

I agree, there are people double your age that could learning a lot from you. How are you feeling at the moment?

[Jowee]

Thanks for your kind words!
I always thought I wasn't born the right age, I mean, I ask myself so much deeper questions than people my age, I don't care about video games or scooters and gadgets like that.

You guys get me motivated to get my blog going
I can see the headline of the blog: "Get your life handled with a 16 years old man"

We are feeling great thank you ChrisN, it's actually her birthday this week, we'll make a great feast because she's turning 16. We're having fun all the time and we don't care about cancer, is that simple word going to change our whole life, NO!

Life is great, I just forgot to remember...

[Daffy Duck]

I'm sorry to hear this.

Just one thing I want to add: No, you did not "attract" and give cancer to your girlfriend. Don't fool yourself into a guilt trip.

[Jowee]

Originally Posted by Daffy Duck

I'm sorry to hear this.

Just one thing I want to add: No, you did not "attract" and give cancer to your girlfriend. Don't fool yourself into a guilt trip.

Good advice, I must admit I felt like that the few first days, but that's definitely not the way to think.

[ImtrouncingU]

If your girlfriend has cancer now, she had it before she met you. So you don't need to worry about bringing it in. Maybe you guys are together now because you are the SPECIFIC person she needs to get through this tough time in her life.

Best wishes and I hope everything works out for both of you.

[ChrisN]

Originally Posted by Jowee

Thanks for your kind words!
I always thought I wasn't born the right age, I mean, I ask myself so much deeper questions than people my age, I don't care about video games or scooters and gadgets like that.

You guys get me motivated to get my blog going
I can see the headline of the blog: "Get your life handled with a 16 years old man"

We are feeling great thank you ChrisN, it's actually her birthday this week, we'll make a great feast because she's turning 16. We're having fun all the time and we don't care about cancer, is that simple word going to change our whole life, NO!

Life is great, I just forgot to remember...

Happy Birthday to her

Best of luck!